


World Citizens

by SleazyJeezy



Series: World Citizens [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama, Eventual Smut, Human Experimentation, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Molestation, Slow Build, Titans, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 22:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 91,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1486378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleazyJeezy/pseuds/SleazyJeezy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is having a hard time on his latest expedition, when he encounters a problem he never imagined. He finds a strange man outside of the walls, wandering freely with only his horse. When he decides to take the man back inside the walls with him, things get complicated.</p><p>POV alternates regularly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chance Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance meeting outside of the walls.... ?

**Chance Meeting**

_Levi_

 

I awake at the usual time. I slowly open my hazy eyes and suck in the moist air. It’s still dark in my small room, the sun hardly peeking above the horizon. The ever noisy birds outside are quiet, and even the kitchens have yet to fire up their ovens; another night gone with little sleep to show for it.  


The bed creaks noisily as I stand reluctantly, resigned to my fate. Before I have even properly yawned or stretched, I reach down to my bed to complete the first duty of the morning. I neatly fold the corners of my sheets and decorate the tops with my wrinkle-free blanket. Perfection. I shake the sleep from my limbs and try to ignore the feeling of age in my bones.  


Sighing, I make my way to the mirror hanging above the small writing desk. I straighten my hair to its usual parting, grunting at the bags under my eyes. The room is adorned by only this desk and the bed, with one small nightstand beside it. I feel a bit claustrophobic, and it always smells musty despite my thorough cleanings. I impatiently await the day we return to our previous headquarters, where the rooms are larger and some even have a private washroom attached. This thought brings me back to focus.  


_Being late isn’t exactly a problem when you never sleep in…_ I think with great annoyance. Despite that, I decide to start anyway. It was going to be a long day.  


The best thing about awakening before anyone else was the solitary use of the showers. Never would I need to deal with the pains of group bathing, constantly avoiding touching anything or anyone for fear of their filth. I had my own corner that I personally cleaned and inspected every morning before stepping under the water. I found the solitude relaxing as the hardly-warm water ran over me. I allowed myself a pleased sigh, and a small smirk, while no one was around to witness it. The soap provided to us is weak, with almost no scent. I always lather twice, once never feeling clean enough for even a normal person’s tastes. While the water runs over my newly awakened muscles, I stretch just enough to feel the ache and get my blood running. The water begins to run cold.  


I towel off thoroughly; the thought of walking around in a damp uniform bringing back my scowl. The many straps and buckles that once took so long to adorn are now like a second skin. It takes me only a few minutes before I am staring at a perfectly uniformed soldier in the misty, shabby mirror. I straighten my cravat and exit the showers just as the loud footsteps of dirty subordinates reach the hall.  


“Heichou! Beat us again, did you!?” a wiry boy no more than seventeen with a shaved head calls after me. His friends laugh as they all stomp into the showers. The hall is wide and echoes the ruckus easily, but the boys don’t seem to give it any thought.  


I ignore them pointedly and head to the mess hall at the other end of the first floor.  


-  


I manage a few minutes of silence during breakfast before the slow trickle of people turns into a flood of conversations and clacking silverware. A few brave souls sit at my table and attempt conversation. Some inquire how I slept, or how I liked this morning’s ‘slop’. Giving my usual nonchalance an edgy undertone helps to contain the group at my table to a bearable rumble, and I make it through the notions without too much effort.  


_Why must I listen to this drabble? Does no one else take the day of an expedition seriously!? Damn brats._   


Swiftly ignoring conversation and successfully finishing my tea, I clean my tray and hands respectively. I steel my resolve and adorn my best scowl as I walk back down the hall and up the stairs to meet with my Commander. His room is on the third floor of the building, that being the topmost and final floor. The other rooms on this floor were occupied by nothing more than dusty furniture and other household goods not currently needed by The Regiment. Erwin had requested a room on the top floor, but swiftly denied any others the use of the rest. He seemed to enjoy his privacy lately, and I didn’t question him. Those of us bearing higher ranks received rooms on the second floor, which were smaller than the third floor but allowed us the privacy that a first floor bunker would not. I don’t particularly mind sharing space with others, as long as they are clean; however the chance to avoid conversation would be slim in such a situation. A small part of me is reminded not to take my small and shabby room for granted too often.  


The sounds of my footsteps bounce from the walls and I come to a stop just outside the only dusted door. I give pause, and then rap dully on the wood.   


As it swings open, the tall frame of my commander fills the void. His blonde hair and blue eyes shine from within the darkened room. “Levi! Have a seat.” He says sternly, but maintains a cheery face, acting as if he couldn’t hear me approaching in the quiet hall.  


I promptly avoid the seat he is gesturing at and instead prop myself against the wall, allowing a fine view of the table in the center of the room. Erwin just smirks and ignores my intolerance.  


“Where is everyone?” I ask, not really interested in their whereabouts but wanting to get this lousy briefing over with.  


He doesn’t look away from the papers on the table; meticulously tracing pathways over the map. “Hange is on cleaning duty for that stint the other evening. I’m not sure where Ness is, most likely in the stables. I didn’t bother to call any others. Not important. Today’s formation will revolve around two groups.” He gestures to the map and his latest sketch of formations. I allow myself to step closer and inspect it.  


There are two larger groups consisting of five sub groups, each spread in a pointed ark much like birds in flight. I smirk inwardly at his artistic depiction.  


Erwin continues, “You will command the right flank; I will take the left, along with Hange. We will proceed in two groups for easy maneuvering. Smoke flares will be used to maintain proper course. Our mission today is merely reconnaissance and survival. We will observe the Titans in an environment undisturbed by humans. When we are spotted we are to use evasive tactics only. If a situation arises in which the enemy must be engaged, do so with care. I want you with your squad at all times if you can help it, but in the case that you must separate, designate a new leader. In your case, I would recommend Ness. Let’s make this a success. Understood?”  


I was surprised with this tactic. He seemed more cautious than usual. I can only grunt my agreement as we part ways.  


-  


As the bell tolls loudly throughout Shiganshina, I feel my horse walking idly beneath me. I hate the smell of horses, and no matter how often I tend to mine, she always smells of the stable she dwells from. Despite that, I enjoy the animals otherwise. In the few moments I get of peace, I catch myself feeding her sugar cubes and allowing her to lick the grains off of my fingers.  


Hange’s voice snaps me out of my reverie. “What kind of Titans do you think we can study today!? What sort of faces would they make if I greet them…. THE EXCITEMENT IS TOO MUCH!” Hange’s face is contorted in a perverse pleasure, and I think I spot some blood from under their scrunched nose. Suddenly, Hange throws two slender arms with large hands into the air, and almost falls backwards off of the horse; long hair flying in front of thick glasses. “WOAHAHAHAHA!!”  


“I am surprised your obnoxious voice doesn’t chase them all away as soon as we leave the gate.” I mutter under my breath. Unfortunately, I am heard regardless and receive a teasing smile from Hange beside me.  


Erwin’s voice is heard over the crowd.  


“LISTEN UP! Today, we will succeed! Let us reach out to Humanity’s first victory! FORWARD!”  


The troops charge through the gate as soon as it has opened enough to fit us. The sound of hooves and nervous chatter fill my ears as we split into respective groups according to formation. I give a silent nod to Erwin in thanks for taking Hange into his group, and lead my own squad towards the right, Ness sticking close to my right. Recalling the map from the morning, we are to head South-West in an arc towards a known group of tall buildings within a scattered forest, and then we are to circle around and head back. The ruins of over 100 years ago still stand, and serve as adequate leverage for 3D maneuvering. The landmark ruin town is still many miles away, but it doesn't take long to get into the rhythm of our formation. We stay parallel with Erwin’s group, maintaining a distance of one klick.  


Things are progressing smoothly; we travel for about 10 minutes while successfully avoiding many Titans. I take note of a few Titans we pass, idling away peacefully. They peek around rocks and trees, and even into buildings long empty, looking for humans to devour. _Worthless creatures._ The distance between the two flanks grows greater as we split to move around what was once a small village. At that moment, a soldier on the very right of me, some 10 yards away, fires a red flare. This means a Titan is closing in. _Fast._  


I send the soldier nearest me towards the flare, instructing him to assist with the defeat of the Titan. I refuse to lose a single soldier while trying to ‘avoid’ a Titan headed straight to our center. I can see the Titan in my peripherals, but command the remaining troops onward. Hopefully, the small group and the messenger I sent can handle it.  


I hear another thunderous clack, and see that a red flare has again been fired, this time from Erwin’s flank, miles to the left. The moment of distraction causes me to drift in that direction for a time, until my group has almost combined with the group immediate left of us. When they spot me, they shoot a wary glance towards us.  


“Ignore all flares but those on our side. We cannot split up any further than we are. Concentrate only on the Titans and observe. If they engage, do your best to avoid. Fire flares only in the event that a fight is unavoidable.” I have to raise my voice higher than I like, but they nod in agreement and yell a solid, “Understood!”  


As I drift back into position, I take note that the group from the right has yet to return from their confrontation. Minutes have passed. _Shit._  


I instruct the others to continue onward without me, that I will rejoin them once I have confirmed the situation. Slowing my horse, I arch out of formation and head backwards a ways. I find the remains of the Titan, defeated, along with 3 soldiers and a horse; all stuck bloodily to the ground as if crushed. I curse inwardly, and pray the fourth soldier, my messenger from before, made it away safely and not into the bowels of the beast. The steam is suffocating and I turn my head in an attempt to find cleaner air.  


Something catches my eye in the distance towards the West. It looks to be one of the horses, but it is unusually far out. I ignore the instinct to leave it and return to my garrison; instead, choosing to pursue it. Something doesn't feel right to me. As I gain speed, thankful for once that my small stature allows me to move faster, I notice something that almost causes me to stop cold in my tracks. _Almost._  


_There is someone RIDING that horse….._ _Is it the messenger?_ I strain my eyes as best I can and desperately try to catch up. When I catch a better glimpse, I begin to call out and then stop myself midway. _That can’t be! They appear to be wearing a cloak, but it bears no insignia…. This cannot be the missing messenger._  


Immediately, I am struck with a nervous agitation that I have not felt in years.. _Who is this person? Are they friend, or foe?_  


All I can hear are my own confused thoughts and the thump of my horse’s hooves in the dirt. The wind whips at my face, and I can already feel the dust sticking to the sweat of my brow. I duck lower on my horse and urge her to go faster, already approaching her limit.  


As I close in behind the horse, it occurs to me that the rider must not notice me. I still have a distance to cover, but my eyesight does not fail me now. The cloak does in fact bear an insignia, but it is so worn and faded on the brown cloth that there would be no way to know what it is. The cloak is much longer than our standard military issue ones, and the color is definitely off. I am riding towards the sun, which now falls to the West as the afternoon moves on. I brace my eyes from the brightness, and spot the horse better. It is dappled, displaying brown and white spots on the rear. Dappled horses are a rare sight for the military, as most of the colored horses have been bred out in the past hundred years. Almost all horses are now solid brown or black. Even Erwin had to fight hard and scheme a great deal to acquire his trademark white horse. _Fucking knight in shining armor, isn’t he?_  


The rider and horse are quickly approaching a coming group of trees, and I begin to worry that I will lose them. I won’t risk losing track of my own garrison, now a few miles behind me. Against my better instincts, I call out.  


“OI! STOP NOW BEFORE I HAVE TO KILL YOU.”                    


A moment passes where it seems the rider hasn't heard me or is ignoring me. I keep my pace and inhale a new breath; ready to scream again. I see the distant head turn, blatant shock written all over their face. _It_ IS _a man, but indeed not the messenger._ He pulls his horse to a quick stop, and turns it so that he can look my way. Much to my embarrassment, _I wasn't thinking he would actually fucking stop what the hell OH SHI-_  


I collide right into him, our horses crying out and tumbling. I feel the ground come up to meet me with a painful shock to my rib cage; I am vaguely aware of the other man’s body next to me. The loud collision of our bodies in the dirt is accompanied by a great billow of dust and debris. There’s a great thunderbolt of pain in my side as I sit up, coughing and waving away the sand. I don’t have time to worry about being filthy, and I've never minded an injury. My head turns from side to side, searching for the man; before I know what is happening, I feel a pair of arms wrap tightly around my throat and squeeze.  


The breath in my throat is immediately caught, and I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks in an instant.  


I am trapped.  


_And not breathing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy this first chapter! I had previously uploaded this chapter and it was much smaller. I have since revised and I hope it is much better now. As always, feedback welcome!


	2. Cooperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and the stranger have an awkward stand-off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have revised this chapter a bit now, and hope everyone enjoys!  
> My proof-reader pointed out something to me that I will mention here just in case anyone else had the same thought – I mention in Chapter 1 that Levi allows his horse to lick his hands. I understand that many will argue this, that Levi wouldn’t stand such a thing. Please bear with me as Levi is seen doing this exact thing in both the anime and manga. I am trying not to stray in my character personalities, so please, if you feel that at any point something is ‘off’, please let me know so that I can better write this story!   
> Thanks for everything!

**Cooperation**

 

_Levi_

  
I throw my hands up to the arms around my neck and desperately pull at them. I catch little bits of air in between movements and I am vaguely aware of the stranger yelling something. My body is being wracked back and forth until finally I give under his weight and fall to the earth beneath him. The body heat is just as suffocating as the arms around me, and I feel faint. His grip loosens but doesn’t leave my shoulders, and as I regain my breath my eyes come into hazy recognition.

  
I am staring directly into bright green eyes, and as I look down my eyes are met with a wide smile _. The bastard is smiling._ It is only then that I focus in on him, and realize he has been speaking this entire time. My ears feel as if they are full water. The look on my face is surely blank, and after a moment the man goes silent, his expression full of concern.

  
He waves a hand in front of my face, finally lifting off of me and kneeling beside me. “Hellloooo!? Are you alright? I am so sorry!” He almost looks like he’s going to cry, so I pull myself together and sit up. My ears begin to feel normal again as my breath returns, and the sounds around me begin growing louder until I can hear.

  
With a grunt, I finally speak. “What the fuck? You scared me; I thought I was going to die!”

  
“Please forgive me! I am just so _happy_! I can’t believe I have finally found you. I mean I have been looking for so LONG, and I was beginning to lose _hope._ I mean, _obvio-_ “ He cuts himself off and stares at me intently. “Are you alright?”

  
“…………….What the fuck are you talking about? Who are you?” I am so stunned by the strange man that I can’t put together any serious thoughts. A moment ago I was sure he was trying to _kill_ me, and now he is apologizing.

  
He sits back on his ankles and rubs a hand through his long, wavy hair. With a sigh that seemed much overdue, he smiled softly and began speaking quietly. “My name is Michael. I have been alone out here for over 3 years. I’ve dreamed of the day that I would find another human being, and when I heard a voice calling behind me I was _sure_ that I had finally lost it. It wouldn’t be the first time I thought I heard voices…. but here you are! You’re real and solid and _beautiful_!”

_  
Beautiful!? No one has ever said anything like that to me before. What is his deal!?_

  
He stammers for a moment before continuing, “I mean- well, just seeing another person is so overwhelming…. I didn’t mean to embrace you and scare you. Please forgive me, sir!”

  
I blinked a few good times and took a silent moment to gather my thoughts. Was this guy fucking with me?

  
“You have been out here _ALONE_ for _THREE YEARS?”_ I ask skeptically.

  
“Yes.” He states plainly. “At least, I think. I’ve no idea what fucking day it is anymore.” The tone in his voice has become lighter, and he seems to be talking more to himself than to me.

  
My face has no doubt returned to an angry scowl, but he seems unfazed. He continues to gawk at me shamelessly, and a real tear falls down his cheek. Startled, I stand and offer him a hand. He takes it immediately, but doesn’t move his gaze from it’s current sweep of my body.

  
“I thought you were trying to choke me. I am not accustomed to being over taken and caught off guard. Consider yourself lucky, _I_ could have _killed_ you.” I approach my horse tentatively. She has regained her footing but is still spooked. I run my hands along her nose and offer her a treat.

  
The stranger dusts off his ratty clothes ( _a lot of good it does, he’s fucking filthy_ ) and moves to calm his own horse. His face has turned thoughtfully melancholy, and I can’t help but stare a moment while he is preoccupied. His hair is dark and hangs low around his shoulders limply, a small headband wraps around his forehead. I can tell his hair hasn’t been cared for in a long while, although his face is smooth as if he shaves regularly. He has a smooth look with rounded features, and surprisingly only stands an inch or two taller than me. It isn’t every day I meet another person as short as I am, let alone another man. His body is thin, most likely from poor nutrition, but has a thin layer of muscle remaining. I am uncertain how to feel about his attire. He carries two very old fashioned swords at his sides, the leather belt holding both them and his pants up is almost worn down. The pants and shirt are both looking threadbare, and I wonder how he hasn’t frozen to death in the night. The aforementioned cloak is ratty and torn at the edges, but somehow seems in much better shape than his other belongings. I note that his boots look very similar to my own, and tense.

  
Drawing a sword slowly, I approach him. “Your shoes…” A million new thoughts are surfacing. _He could still be an enemy. Perhaps that was all an act before._

  
He looks mortified, and holds his hands up in surrender. “I…. p- please, I haven’t done anything!”

  
“Where did you get those boots?” I hold my sword to his thin throat, just close enough to make him catch his breath. I feel only slight hesitation. I don’t usually see anyone as an enemy without first seeing proof of treachery. Regardless, something isn’t adding up with him, and that leaves me on edge.

  
“Please, lower your sword. I swear to you that I have harmed no human in my life. I found these boots in the forest about a month ago. Before then, I had lost my shoes to time. I was moving barefoot and… when I found them I couldn’t take it any longer… I removed them from a long-dead corpse. I had no other choice.” His eyes were looking directly into mine; the green was piercing. He looked truly mournful, so I decided to give him a little credit. Looking at the state of his remaining clothing, it was easy to believe that his shoes would have been unsuitable. I lowered my sword but did not sheath it.

  
The realization of time passed hits me, and I make a snap decision. I need to rejoin my troops immediately, but I cannot just ignore this situation. “I need you to come with me.”

  
“Come with you? Where?!” His startled expression is even more frantic than when my sword was on his throat. _I don’t get this guy._

  
I have to think quickly. The sun is lowering in the sky and I know more time has passed than I had thought. For all I know, my squad has failed without me. I must convince him. “I am going to take you inside the walls; under military custody, where you will be safe. Right now my fellow soldiers are fighting and possibly dying without me. I need to return to them. If you come with me, no one needs to suffer any longer, and you won’t have to be alone.”

  
The man, Michael, takes a long moment to swallow and wipe the sweat from his brow. _God, he’s gross._ “I…. I can’t. I want to join you, but you have to understand. I have my reasons for choosing solitude. Becoming involved with people again could have serious consequences for me. I have to know that I can trust you, and anyone who would know about me. Please understand. There are those who would want my existence and knowledge kept quiet. They would have me killed. I cannot simply walk among your people discretely, either.” His voice is growing higher in an awkward pitch, coming out in a squeak towards the end. He looks lost, and hurt. I can tell that he doesn’t want to separate, but cannot bring himself to blindly follow.

  
“I understand.” I sheath my sword and in it’s place I extend my hand towards him, taking a step forward. The wind blows subtly, refreshing the mood somewhat. He remains hesitant, so I continue.

  
“You can do whatever the fuck you want, really.” I shrug, my hand hanging in the air casually. “But if I leave you here knowing that you could help people to _survive_ , I would never forgive myself. You have lived among the Titans, humanity’s greatest enemy, for _years_ , and _SURVIVED_. I have a plan to get you inside the walls. You don’t have to tell anyone anything if you don’t want to, but I can tell that you could use some decent food.” _And a damn good shower, at that._

  
He watches me for a moment, before closing his eyes and breathing deeply into the fresh gusts of wind. “Alright. I will trust you, soldier.”

  
As he reaches for my hand, I manage to ignore the dirt and sweat, instead feeling a surge of something I haven’t felt in a _long_ time. _Hope._

  
“Call me Levi.”

  
-

  
It takes about 5 minutes to return to the spot where my comrades lay dead. There is a large, dark spot over the earth near them, and in the center is the messenger I had sent. _That answers that question._ His corpse is charred and slightly flattened.

  
“What… is this?” Michael looks heartbroken at the sight of the bodies.

  
“ _That_ would be a tragic fool, who succeeded in slaying his target, but not in escaping its final blow. What a waste.”

  
He only makes a sad, disapproving sound in the back of his throat, looking away. It doesn’t make things better. As his eyes lay over the other three bodies, he begins to look pale. Resigning himself to looking at his feet, he quietly asks me, “What now?”

  
While he is spacing out, I make myself busy over one of the lesser-damaged corpses. A boy who once went by the name Darris, I recall. Michael approaches me tentatively and I hand him the boy’s gear. “What’s this for!?” He lifts the various belts up to examine in the fading light.

  
“Put them on. You are now a member of the Survey Corps.”

  
“The Survey Corps?”

  
I can’t fathom how he doesn’t even know these basic things, but knowing our time is limited makes me move past it. I chuckle inwardly at as he slips on the pants and shirt, both too big for his small frame. It isn’t every day I get to witness another person struggle as I have.

  
“Correct.” I finally answer him. “You are a member of my squad, whom I have just rescued from your earlier fight with this Titan. You’ll need to fake an injury to explain why we took so long. I’ll leave the judgment up to you. Now hurry, we’d better get going.”

  
He looks at me, deeply confused as he attempts to figure out what belts go _where_ , and I am briefly reminded of my trainee days. I motion for him to remove his cloak again and I guide the belts over his body. I don’t understand why, but I find my fingers lingering over the belts near his hips and then again at the buckle along his chest. _What am I thinking?_ As I scold myself internally, I realize that he has frozen in place, holding his breath.

  
I am instantly on alert, pulling away and glancing at our surroundings. “What is it?”

  
He looks at me as if he has just awoken, and after a moment just shakes his head. “I’m sorry… it has been a very long time since I’ve been so close to another person… you’re very warm”

  
His cheeks blush and I feel my own face heating as I come to understand his implications. I turn away and begin mounting my horse, leaving him to finish dressing. _Damn brats are everywhere._

  
I hear him mount his own horse and bring myself to glance at him. His cheeks are still a light pink, but his face has gone serious and he gestures for me to lead the way with only the twitch of his chin. With the position of the sun, I estimate it is around five o’clock, and realize that we have little time to rendezvous. I kick my heels into my steed and we trot at top speed towards a newly launched red flare in the far distance.

_  
Things are getting interesting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All feedback welcome! I recommend reading the mini-chapter that takes place from Michael's POV after this chapter. [Found here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149).


	3. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The duo are off to a rocky start when attempting to reunite with the squad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to read those first two chapters from Michael's perspective, [click here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/3279728)!

**The Fight**

 

_Levi_

 

As we approach the signal flares nearest our location, a foul stench fills the air around us. I begin to break a sweat, full of anticipation. Attempting to remain optimistic, I ensure myself that my comrades will be alright. An additional worry scratches at the back of my mind. _Will they be suspicious of us?_

 

I hear Michael grunt to his horse, and the loud rumble of hooves increases as he moves faster, coming up beside me.

 

“Titans.” He states the word plainly, leaving it to the wind as if their appearance doesn’t matter to him one way or another. His indifferent face is surprising to me, as it perfectly mirrors my own. It is such a contrast to my earlier impression of him, that I am caught off guard when I realize he is now directing the blank stare towards me.

 

“You okay, there, Levi?”

 

I blink a couple of times, realizing I had been staring, before gathering my composure. The aforementioned Titan is still a distance to our right, and with a quick glance I gather it to be a 3 meter class. It runs slowly and leans to the right, causing it to run crooked. _Imbecile._

 

“Ignore it. Press forward.”

He gives a quick nod and we concentrate on reaching our goal. The thin fragments of smoke from a flare is above us now, and we find only the hoof prints of horses in it’s shadow. I allow myself a moment of relief and hope; that no more men have suffered today. As we continue onward along the trail left by those before us, the strange smell from before grows heavier. My nostrils recoil but I cannot afford to hold my breath, knowing already that there is no escape from the stench. Michael has an intense look beside me, made of concentration and worry. I raise one eyebrow at him, but before I can ask what he is thinking, he speaks.

 

“I have smelled this scent before. It’s been a long time, but I am almost certain…..” He lets his voice fade, and I do not press further. He doesn’t seem to be in a talking mood, which suits me just fine.

 

His horse is slowing; unaccustomed, I imagine, to carrying heavier loads like our 3D maneuver gear. I can only hope that Michael himself isn’t also slowed by it’s presence, as we had no time for instruction. When I told him as much, back at the sight of that battle, he simply sighed and removed his own worn-out swords from his belt. They rest now atop the horse, wrapped in his old cloak so that neither item is recognizable. Just another supply horse cut loose from a carriage for emergency use. I wonder how he would fare in a battle, and am briefly angry with myself for putting him in danger for my own selfish reasons. Still, he obeyed without question, and so I push my guilt to the back of my mind for later. Right now, we needed to find the source of these hoof prints.

 

“Levi!” Michael’s voice sounds suddenly panicked, sharply contrasted to his tone not minutes ago. I trace my eyes over his features and follow his line of sight straight ahead, where a Titan is visible. It has pin straight hair, hanging down to it’s shoulders in filthy brown clumps. It hasn’t spotted us yet, but I notice the reason soon enough. The Titan is crouched low over a quivering figure. With one hand, it stuffs a screaming soldier into it’s gaping maw with little effort; the other hand already reaching for the figure on the ground.

 

“Shit!” I spit out the word with as much malice as I posses, and pick up speed. Michael is right behind me, urging his slower horse to keep up.

 

He pats her head and softens his expression for a moment. “We can handle this, girl. Just a little farther, now.”

 

I raise myself up onto my horse’s back, balancing as she trots onwards; my swords are drawn as I focus my gaze. _Target sighted_ , I think with a smirk. The Titan is lifting the second soldier, whom I now make out to be a woman, to it’s now empty grin. She struggles, but I can see as I close the distance between us that she has already accepted her defeat. I hear a frustrated groan from Michael behind me and the rustle of his gear and uniform as he adjusts. Most likely, he is also in a battle stance. _I wish I had a glance to spare backwards._ I hate myself for thinking of such a thing at a time like this.

 

Now just a few feet away, I hook myself onto a nearby tree and leap from my horse, which immediately changes direction to avoid danger. The Titan has spotted me now, and as I swing up and behind it, it turns at the waist. It is motioning as if to swat a fly, using the hand that clutches the woman tightly. I shake off my reflex to attack the arm, fearful of harming her, and instead use the force of the large fist to push myself in a backwards arc towards the tree. As I balance myself along the trunk, I see the Titan stumble a step, and swing an arm downward towards the ground.

 

My heart stills a moment as I see that it is Michael the Titan is aiming for, and my breath catches low in my lungs with an uncomfortable ache. My eyes catch the flash of reflecting metal as Michael gracefully leaps from his horse, landing directly onto the arm of the 15 meter Titan. I cannot deny that I am impressed, though I find I am not completely surprised. For any human to survive among Titans for an hour, let alone the three years he claims, they would have to be extraordinary. He runs atop the arm as if it’s just another plot of earth to pass by; though his movements seem a little jarred by the heavy equipment that slides over each thigh.

 

I leap from my perch at the tree and propel myself onward, aiming again for the Titan. Michael has made it to the crook halfway up Titan’s arm, and I take the moment to look into his eyes. Almost imperceptibly, he glances towards the clenched fist now heading towards me.I nod my understanding and release a burst of air from my side, rolling my body into a mid-air spin. Michael has already begun advancing once again towards the ultimate goal; the Titan’s neck.

 

Only a second has gone by, and the giant fist is now only a few feet from me, coming directly towards my head. I complete my spin, pushing myself just far enough to the side that it grazes me. A few strands of hair from my forehead are sent upwards with the force, and I take no time to notice how easily that could have been my own head in the air. Once again, I use the force of the punch to maneuver myself into position beside the great wrist, and slice cleanly through it. Simultaneously, I hear the distinct sound of flesh hitting the ground behind me. As I fall from the air beside the loose hand, I grab the woman from a steaming palm and swing us safely to a nearby tree. When my balance is regained, I drop to the earth at the base of the trunk and sink down; the woman resting halfway in my lap.

 

The Titan has fallen to the ground, shrouded in a familiar white mist. The air is hot and heavy, and my nose is forced to remember the stench from minutes ago that I had hoped to forget. The wind is subtle, and over it’s whistling I hear heavy footsteps come to rest beside me. Michael slumps down, mimicking my position, and leans his shoulder against my own. I am too exhausted to shrug him away, and instead choose to ignore it completely.

 

“Poor girl.” Michael’s voice is calm and collected, but his features plainly show sorrow and remorse. “I thought we would make it.”

 

I wonder briefly what he means, when I realize on my own. This entire time, the woman hasn’t made a move or spoken. Focusing my eyes over her body in my lap proves difficult, but somewhere in my mind I register her limp frame. There’s a large amount of blood coming from her mouth and nose, and yet even more from her gaping eyes. I quickly look away, unable to meet her gaze. _Damnit. Too late! Shit!_

 

Michael isn’t looking at her, but at me. His brow creases and I meet his gaze evenly. I tightly hold my practiced visage and stare directly into his eyes. There is unsteadiness in my voice that I hope he doesn’t notice. “Let’s move on.” Shifting out from under her, I lay her peacefully under the shade of the tree and whistle for my horse. With just our two horses, we cannot bring the body along.

 

As the horse approaches, I pat her nose to calm her and begin stroking her mane. I reach to mount the horse, and hear a voice behind me.

“You-….” There’s a tremble in his voice that grabs my attention, and I turn to meet his gaze again; replacing my foot firmly on the ground.

 

_He looks angry._

 

“You’re… you don’t even _care?_ We could have saved her, and we failed! You’re just going to _move on_ without another word and forget about her!? _Her sacrifice as a soldier meant nothing to you?”_ His rage is apparent, and his two clenched fists shake violently as he approaches me. The bright green eyes I only recently admired have now darkened, the pupils having grown small and sharp. I’m staring again, and to him it most likely just looks like my usual calm expression. That is when I realize why he is suddenly angry, and I open my mouth to comment.

 

“Oi, it isn’t-“ I am instantly cut off by the force of his punch, so fast that even I could not react. I stumble, my back thumping into my horse. He doesn’t move for many moments, but his eyes remain locked on my own. I take the hesitation as an opportunity. “It isn’t like that. We don’t have time for this sort of thing. If we don’t move quickly-“

 

He cuts me off again, this time with a thunderous voice I never thought could exist in his small frame. “ _What?_ If we don’t move quickly, then _what?_ You’ll suddenly remember what it’s like to _feel something?_ To fucking _care!?_ ” His words cut deeply but I’m positive it doesn’t show on my face. _That’s the problem. It just doesn’t show._ Too many times today have I been stunned into silence. I take a step forward, and my face grows intense as I prepare to speak.

 

“If we don’t move quickly, more will die.”

 

The softening of his face is almost unnoticeable, and it only lasts for a moment. Again, faster than I expect, his hands are flying towards me. This time, I can tell that his rage is dying out and his heart isn’t in it as he shoves my shoulders back into my horse again. The horse seems not to mind, as impassive as ever. My eyes are still shut from the impact, and I feel his hands twist into the fabric of my shirt collar. When I finally peek at him, keeping myself as calm as possible, he is only inches from my face. Michael’s eyes are watering slightly, and his ragged breath is hot against my cheeks. The look he gives me is as pleading as his trembling voice when he finally speaks; almost too quiet to hear. “ _Bullshit._ ” It almost sounds like a question. The one word is laced with so many meanings, and I sigh inwardly at the lack of answers I can provide him with.

 

I have finally had enough of this dance. “I _do_ care. Of _fucking course_ I care! But it’s not like I can afford to stop and grieve this death when even more could be dying right this second. Do whatever you like, but I am going ahead.” I shake his hands free and climb atop my horse, ignoring the pain in his eyes and in my own bruised cheek.

 

I gallop away from his listless form, and urge myself not to look back.

 

The wind is cooler now, and I welcome it. The thin layer of sweat over my skin is suddenly refreshing, opposed to repulsing. The stench that permeates the air is subsiding, and I am able to focus again on finding my fellow Scouts. I am vaguely aware of a horse following me at a distance, but am now too irritated to care. The last flare remnants are fading from the sky, and I worry that there is no one left to continue firing them. With little choice left, I fire one of my own flares, hesitant to waste them. The black smoke lifts high around me, and I slow my horse while awaiting a response. I hear Michael’s horse catch up and then slow to match my own pace. Although he remains a few feet behind me, I can tell that he does not want to separate. A worrying amount of time passes, and I fear that the darkening sky is keeping my flare from being spotted. A few more moments pass by, and still there is no answer. For the first time since Michael’s outburst, I make eye contact.

 

His eyes have gone cold and lifeless, and he just watches me passively. _Now who looks like they couldn’t care less._ I let that comment rest in my mind, and instead focus on keeping my voice even. “It can’t be helped, let’s return to the wall on our own.”

 

He gives a silent nod and motions for me to lead the way once again. My horse beats a sure path northwards, and I can only hope that Erwin and any others are already back at Shiganshina. I refuse to imagine what became of the Scouting Legion during my excursion. A thick guilt creeps into my veins, and a cold shiver runs through me. I press onward relentlessly, with Michael at my heels; our fight now forgotten.

 

We travel for another 10 or so minutes in relative quiet. The sun has finally set, and we have since only seen one Titan active enough to give chase. In the dark, it is dangerous; but we use it to our advantage and slip away easily. Michael now moves to travel beside me again, and I feel a small relief at the gesture of forgiveness. He is tense, but I can see that he isn’t as bothered by the lack of light as I am. I allow him to pull ahead a few paces and lead the way, giving him only cardinal directions to abide by. I catch glimpses of buildings and hilled landscapes in the faint moonlight, and find myself anxious.

 

“I am unaccustomed to this… not knowing where I am.” I say it passively, tentatively testing the waters of a new conversation.

 

“I can manage, for the most part. I do most of my travelling at night, after all! You can count on me, Levi.” I stare unabashedly at the back of his head. His voice sounds lighter, almost back to the quirky personality I met hours ago. I sigh quietly with relief. _Count on you, as you are counting on me…._

 

Our attention is immediately overtaken by an all-too-familiar thunderous crack. _A flare? At night? But we can’t see a thing…!_

 

 _“Michael!_ Can you tell from which direction that sound came? I need you to lead me there.”

 

He turns his head just enough for me to glimpse the side of his face, a cheeky smirk greets me. “You got it, _heichou!”_ His heels dig into his horse and he speeds up, I roll my eyes as noticeably as I can and follow him into the darkness ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried really hard to make this chapter longer. Although it is longer, it's still not as long as I would like. My goal is to get at least one chapter out a week, and hopefully each one will be longer until I get them to a good length.  
> Thanks to those who've taken the time to read!


	4. Silent Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Michael's strange circumstances are revealed; the men share a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much longer than the others, but I will warn you now that it is mostly dialogue. It had to happen sometime, folks! If you are tuning in for this update, I’ll inform you that I have recently updated my previous chapters. I added a bit more content but really there isn’t anything major to note. Feel free to re-read if you care. If you’re a new reader, continue on, sailor.
> 
> P.S. I've recently made myself a Tumblr, so I'm hella new to it; but I am tracking #world citizens for this story and it's updates. Feel free to check it out! <http://sleazyjeezy.tumblr.com/>

**Silent Night**

 

_Michael_

  
  
I quickly lead us through the dark. The quiet of the night is interrupted only by the sound of hooves on the ground; all of the Titans now inactive. The moon provides me with enough light to navigate, but detecting obstacles or enemies remains difficult. We move slowly.

  
  
Years of idling through darkness… I wonder if I will miss it? The thought of being enclosed by walls once again terrifies me. Can I handle each new trial life throws at me? Will I lose myself?

  
  
I am lost deep in my own thoughts. I forget for a moment that Levi is behind me; depending on me to get him to our latest goal. I try to concentrate on the task at hand.

  
  
It has been a few minutes since we heard the sound of the flare, and although I am certain we are headed in the right direction, I begin to worry. It is possible that I have passed the destination altogether and we are now moving away from the flare’s origin. I try not to let my nerves into my voice as I turn and address Levi.

  
  
“Judging by the distance of the sound, we should be close. I can’t direct us any further without the possibility of getting totally lost.” I have brought my horse to a slow stop, and Levi does the same. I make out his dark silhouette shuffling a bit atop his horse. I hear a few clicks and the sound of metal clashing.

  
  
He stalls his movements and looks up, presumably toward me. “Cover your ears.” I obey immediately as the small gun in his hand lights up for a moment, and a loud bang ensues. This time, we don’t have to wait in silence for a response. We hear one almost immediately. A responding bang comes from only a short distance ahead.  
  
  
  
_Good. I didn’t pass it. Levi was counting on me and I pulled through…_ I suddenly scares me how deeply I want his approval.

  
  
We keep our horses at a walking pace, so that we may hear any alerting noises in the night. After a quiet minute, I sense the atmosphere change just a bit. The air seems unsettled, and I begin to smell smoke. Levi, who has been rather quiet since the sun set, finally speaks.  
  
  
  
“There must be someone here.” His horse idles past mine as we walk up an overgrown pathway; presumably once a road. There are many old building around us, mostly reduced to just remains of walls and support beams. One of the more intact buildings ahead has a slight glow emitting from an empty window frame; we approach with quiet anticipation. Levi comes to a stop suddenly, and I see why as I come up beside him.

  
  
A man. The silhouette of a tall and muscled man stands in a deteriorated doorway, the gaping hole no longer holding an actual door. The light from the fire inside shines on his back, but from the front his features are hidden in the dark. He speaks when we draw near.

  
  
“Heichou! You made it!” The man heaves a great sigh and extends his arms outwards in a welcoming gesture, and steps aside to reveal the doorway. “You’ve brought someone. Good. We need more men if we are going to make it back alive.”

  
  
Without losing composure, Levi speaks evenly and plainly. “I separated from the group to assist with a Titan. I was a little late, though. Only Michael here made it out alive; not unharmed, though.” I am surprised by his readiness to lie, and the ease with which he does. We tie our horses with the others to the left of the building and make our way inside. I remind myself to limp a little with my right foot; Levi sneaks me an approving and thankful look.

  
  
The building is large, and seems to have once been a sort of loft. I see a staircase leading upwards, but the top floor appears empty. There are four soldiers sitting atop musty piles of hay around a fire, carefully tucked into a corner. We join them immediately and I allow myself to fall into a vacant hay pile, feigning injury but honestly exhausted. I see Levi glance about the room, and his face is twisted and displeased. With an unpleasant grunt, he sits atop a pile across from my own; the fire separating us. The smell of the old hay and dust is overpowering, so I train my nose onto the smell of the fire. No one has spoken for a long time, as we all stare into the bright flames, mesmerized. When Levi finally speaks, I realize the others were waiting on him the entire time. They jump to attention at the sound of his voice. _He must really be important…_ I remind myself to treat him accordingly in their company.

  
  
“What the fuck happened out there?” He has a hand on his forehead, and his eyes have gotten scary with frustration. It’s hard to tell, but I think he’s hiding his own exhaustion.

  
  
The soldier to the Captain’s left speaks first. “Sir. After you left the right flank we continued onward as planned. As we rounded the village to reunite with Erwin, we met only with Titans. After a long and rough battle, we made it through to his squad. We began our retreat towards the wall, and of course met more fucking Titans not minutes later. It was brutal. I can’t tell you how many we lost. We thought you were gone as well, sir. Never been happier to have been wrong. Anyways, during that fight we were scattered. The few of us here were left behind, it seems. We made camp here in the hopes of making it back to the wall tomorrow, after some rest. We thought the sound of the flares would help and stragglers find us; thank heavens that worked at least.” After his story, the man takes a long breath and runs a hand through his dirty blond hair.  
  
  
  
“It’s my own fault, sir. I was injured and have caused these guys some trouble while taking care of me. I’m sorry.” Another soldier speaks up, this time to my own left. I take a moment to look him over and see a bloody bandage wrapped around his midsection. He must have had a pretty close encounter; it looks as though he was almost bitten through. I cringe a bit, but Levi keeps his usual composure. No one says anything again for a long while, but slow banter comes and goes into the night until eventually they settle into sleep upon their hay piles, warmed by the fire and consoled by the quiet of the night.

  
  
I rest in my own spot for a long while before I get to my feet. My mind is racing and I feel far too anxious to sleep. Maintaining my limp in case anyone is watching, I make my way up the old staircase. It is dark on the second floor, and it smells even worse than down below. There’s a large hole in the ceiling and wall on the other side of the loft’s top level, and I sit with my legs dangling down the side of the building. The night air is cold, but it refreshes my senses and so I close my eyes in the moonlight. If there weren’t Titans lingering out in the darkness, I would even feel tempted to wander through the night carefree. The thought makes me smirk, but it is a bittersweet feeling that I quickly scowl at instead.

  
  
After another while, I hear movement downstairs and shuffling feet as someone ascends the stairs and approaches behind me. I don’t need to turn around or even open my eyes. I know it’s him.

  
  
“Levi.” The name is a whisper, partly due to the soldiers sleeping below, and partly because of the tightness in my chest.

  
  
His footsteps halt beside me, and he pauses momentarily before quietly lowering himself down next to me. He lets one foot hang down, but keeps the other on the floor; his right knee pulled up near his chin. The image of him in the moonlight is breathtaking, and before I stare too long my eyes manage to pull away and watch the moon in the sky.  
  
  
We sit for about a minute in silence. Tonight hasn’t brought any feelings of levity, and talking takes more energy than any of us can really spare. Regardless, something in the Captain’s presence has shifted and I can sense that the time has come. Without looking my way, he speaks lowly in his usual sultry voice. “You should get some sleep before tomorrow.” He pauses to see if I will respond, but I stay silent. “If not, I thought we could use this time to speak privately; since we’re not in immediate danger.” He goes quiet again, and I can’t tell if he wants a response or just normally uses few words. I decide to speak up.  
  
  
  
“I don’t usually sleep at night. I’ve never exactly had anyone around to stand guard. Really, there’s just too much on my mind. Just last night I was almost convinced I was the only human left within 100 miles of this place. Now I have met you, and you tell me there’s an entire civilization here somewhere. I am just trying to process it all.”  
  
  
Levi glances my way, but I don’t meet his eyes. My hands have busied themselves twisting a few pieces of hay around in my lap, and I pretend to be really interested in the pointless task. “Just tell me, what were you doing out here alone?” He urges me onward with a glare. I swallow the tight ball in my throat and prepare myself.

  
  
“I’ll try not to bore you to death, because it’s a rather long story…. “ I discard the crumbled hay and wipe the leftover dust off of my fingertips. Unsure of what to do with my hands, I interlace my fingers and rest them in my lap. “I am from a place much like what I imagine your home to be. Years ago, we came under attack very suddenly by a large group of Titans. This was unheard of to my people. We had never left our walls as you people have, and the Titans had definitely never made it _inside._ We lived sheltered lives within the high barriers. My people were not warriors; they were farmers and craftsmen. We only knew of Titans through shared knowledge; the schools taught the basics and most people just accepted that life would always be that way. Stay in the walls if you want to live. I was a soldier when the battles started, but not anything like you. We were a military only used to control the people and oversee business deals. Bodyguards for the rich and tax collectors to the poor. I wasn’t proud of my role, but that was the way things were.”  
  
  
  
Levi stirs beside me; lowering his raised knee down so that both legs dangle and his hands rest on either side of his hips, supporting his weight as he reclines. His knee touches my own, and rests there. His gaze is distant, but when my voice stops he glances sideways at me in a gesture for me to continue. I mirror him, reclining myself and looking towards the sky as I prepare to go on; keeping my voice low and dull so it doesn’t carry any farther than necessary in the empty space.  
  
  
  
“When the people started screaming and became scattered in the streets, we knew instantly that something big was happening. Nothing could have prepared us for it. We were ignorant. After a few minutes of frantically directing the citizens, I finally made out that the Titans had appeared. I’m ashamed to admit it, but my first action was cowardly. I ran straight home to my uncle and pleaded with him to run away with me. He refused, even as I tugged his arms and tried to lift him forcibly. He smacked me so hard I saw stars, and that told me right away that something crazy was happening. It was unlike him. His face was calm, and grave. We actually sat down, then, at our little table in the kitchen. Ken, my uncle, said he had important things to tell me. He grabbed my hands and held them; looking me straight in the eyes and refusing to let me move or look away.” My voice was breaking as I spoke about Uncle Ken. I had spent years burying these emotions in my solitude, and when resurfaced they felt fresh and painful in my chest. I took a breath.  
  
  
  
“You don’t have to tell me all of that.” Levi sounded indifferent, but the look on his face was smooth and his eyes were soft in the blue moonlight. He was trying to give me an out, but I knew I had to keep going.  
  
  
  
“ I do, really. My uncle’s last moments were significant for all of us. You see, what he told me that day is the reason I am here with you now. It blew my mind, Levi. He started talking about the Titans, saying things I had never heard. School never mentioned the things he was telling me. He said, ‘Misha, my boy, listen. You need to take your swords from your room, go get Trill, and run. Get out of these walls before nightfall, and don’t you come back. If you have to fight, never forget a Titan’s weakness, alright? You slice ‘em _real_ deep in the neck – right there; use both swords and you carve out a big Titan steak. They drop just like flies. Just like that!’“ I snap my fingers the same way Ken had, before realizing the noise I was making. I clear my throat, feeling a bit embarrassed. “He was acting like everything was fine, as if it was a normal fuckin’ day. I asked him what the hell he was saying and tried to resist, but he just kept tightening his hands on mine and I can still remember how badly it hurt. Then, we heard the footsteps. The house was shaking lightly at first, but it got worse. Uncle Ken started talking really fast, and began pushing me towards my room for my stuff; saying, ‘Get your swords! Your swords! They won’t break, I made them real strong. You get out of here and you go find the rest of us, boy.’ I was seriously confused, but he just didn’t stop talking so I had no choice but to listen. I grabbed up my swords and a small bag of clothes as he just went on. ‘You’ve got to find the other people, and you tell them what’s happened here. Help them! Don’t let the same things repeat!’  
  
  
  
“As he pushed me towards the front door, my whole kitchen came down just a few feet away. That was when I saw my first Titan. I watched it crouch there, right by my dirty kitchen sink; and it just reached in and grabbed for my uncle like it’d been there just for him. Even as it pulled him away, he pushed me into the door and just kept talking like nothing else mattered. I’ll never forget it, Levi!” My knees have curled up to my chest and I can’t keep my hands away from my burning eyes. _I have to tell him. I have to finish the story! That’s why I’m here!_

  
  
“Before the Titan crunched down on his head, he spoke and never took his eyes away from my own. ‘I love you, Misha. I know you’ll fix what we’ve done. You’ll make it right!’ but no matter how much I think about that day, Levi, I don’t know _what_ I’m supposed to fix. He just said to find people, and I’ve found you so _now fucking what, Ken!?_ I got to watch him die just like that, and you know what? I _did_ run, I ran like a fucking _loser_ all the way to the stables. _”_ I’m letting my emotions spill out and my shaking voice is getting louder. I stop and try to take a deep breath. I feel a warm hand on my cold shoulder, and when I meet Levi’s gaze he actually looks _sad_. Maybe it’s pity; but whatever it is, it’s enough. I close the distance between us and bury my forehead into his shoulder.  
  
  
  
He doesn’t say anything, and I’m glad because I really don’t think I would know what to do. The air up here is freezing, but I am a sweaty mess. The heat of my emotions and the tears on my cheeks is suffocating; I keep gasping for air like an injured child. Levi’s hand has slipped from my shoulder to my back, and his palm between my shoulder blades is an island of calm amidst my turbulent body. After a minute or two, my shaking relaxes under his touch; as if his one hand could protect me from the world outside of it. My skin cools off now that I am calm, and I shiver from the remaining sweat on my brow. I listen to his breathing and feel his chest move under my forehead, and try to match my own to his. It works, and finally I feel composed enough to look up and meet his eyes.  
  
  
  
“I… I’m so sorry, Levi. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” I can’t find any further words and there is a long and awkward pause between us. Levi’s hand hasn’t left my back, however, and I melt into the feeling. My head presses to his shoulder once again, and this time I allow my cheek to settle against him rather than just my forehead. Our sides are brushing against one another gently, which provides newly welcomed warmth.

  
  
His smooth voice feels as if it is over taking my body through just our simple touch; my ear placed gently over the muscle of his chest is acting like an amplifier. I hang onto every word. “Don’t apologize. Sounds like you’ve handled a lot. Staying alive through all of that is impressive. Fuck, even I would probably die after a few straight days out here.” His words weren’t particularly sweet, but his gentle touch and soft voice definitely were.  
  
  
  
“Surviving, huh? Sometimes I don’t know if that’s what I was doing.” I scoff at myself, and I think Levi’s mouth twitches in what could have been a smile. “There was something else from that day that bothered me, though.” I am calm now, and my voice is finally even as I try to continue. Levi waits patiently.  
  
  
  
“After I freed Trill, my horse, from the stables… I could only think of my uncle’s last words. So I did what he said. I made my way straight for the front gates of my town; the westernmost point of the outer wall. I saw so many people dead or dying that day. Half of the baker lady’s torso was laying _underneath_ a huge pile of her bread. Sometimes I still have nightmares that I am eating loaves buttered with blood…. Anyway; as I approached the plaza near the gates, signs of people and Titans lessened. There were no bodies anywhere. When we got to the gates, I was expecting to have to dismount and wind the gate lever myself to open it. I didn’t. The gate was _wide open_. There was no break in the wall, no crack or crumbling stones. The gate was just _fucking open._ I rode through at top speed, and made sure not to stop until all of the Titans were behind me. I still feel like a coward, but now I know there was nothing I could have done. None of us knew how to fight. Our military issued weapons were often just decorative. My own swords were given to me by Uncle Ken; he was a blacksmith. From what I could tell a few days later, after some reconnaissance, there were no survivors. All of the gates of the four outer cities were wide open; my people were killed in a day because they never bothered to defend themselves. I’m ashamed when I see you soldiers. It’s admirable, what you’re doing.”  
  
  
  
I’ve finally said my piece; all important facts and many random ones laid out for Levi to see. I feel vulnerable and nervous, awaiting some form of judgment or scorn from the man. He just shifts his legs slightly, but never pulls away from me. After a few moments of listening to the distant insects chirp, he finally speaks. “Thank you for telling me so willingly.”  
  
  
  
At that, I am surprised. I pull my head away so that I can look at him face to face. He moves his hand then and I instantly miss it; the spot where it had been now feels cold and vacant. I stumble my words a bit before managing, “I don’t know what to do or say, really. A part of me is terrified that I only trust you and am telling you because you are the first person I have seen since then. I want nothing more than to believe in you and not be hurt. However, even if we only just met…. I have seen your kindness with my own eyes. I’m sorry about my outburst before, and that I hit you. Please, forgive me.” I can’t meet his gaze any longer, and I look to my feet in shame.

  
  
The normally serious expression actually softens, and he _smiles_! Without looking at me he says with a low voice, “Don’t worry about it. It was refreshing, really.”  
  
  
  
I laugh to myself, and then find my breath heaving as I yawn. Levi notices and begins to stir as if to stand. “We should probably get some sleep. We’ve been up here a long time.” Before he can get up, I grab his wrist and lower him back down. I stare intently into his eyes, as close as I dare get; feeling the warmth of his breath but not touching him. His eyes stare blankly into mine; unreadable, and he makes a questioning sound in the back of his throat.  
  
  
  
I take a deep breath, and though my voice is shaky, I blurt out, “Can I trust you, Levi?” I am sure my eyes are pleading with him. _Please, I can’t be betrayed by the first person I meet. I need your help!_  
  
  
  
His eyes are stones; serious and unflinching. “Absolutely.”  
  
  
  
I let go of the breath I had been holding, and before I know what I am doing I hug him tightly around the neck. “ _Thank you._ ” I whisper it into his ear and my mind is whispering it over and over. _Thank you thank you thankyou._

  
  
My impulses are raging today, and I have no control over myself. Resigning myself to this is easy with Levi in my arms. As I pull away from him I allow my lips to brush his cheek and stop for the smallest second at the soft corner of his lips. His eyes are wide and he freezes in place. By the time he is moving to stand, I am already across the room and descending the staircase. The sleep I get that night on the hay stack is incredible.


	5. Confined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Michael finally make it back to the safety of the walls, but neither feel very relieved.

**Confined**

  
  
_Levi_  
  
  
  
I awaken just a few short hours later to the sound of voices and shuffling feet. In my sleepy haze, I barely recall the events of last night. My back aches when I sit forward on the hay pile, and there’s a definite crook in my neck when I scan my eyes around the room. It takes a few blinks for everything to focus. The soldiers are all moving about the room in the dim light, gathering their belongings up and peeking through windows on lookout.

  
  
The soldier who gave me the briefing last night walks over quietly to pour water from a canteen over the fire. When I look at the glowing embers as they fade and smoke, my eyes to finally focus and I begin to really feel  awake. “Captain. Sleep well? We’re almost ready to set out, but we should have another few minutes to eat if you’re up for it.” He tosses me a small burlap sack of emergency rations and I don’t hesitate to open it up. As I bite into a thick piece of dried beef, I begin to recall the previous night. The memory brings with it the feeling of the cool night air and the sound of insects chirping in the night. _Michael! That shithead….!_ Before the flush reaches my cheeks, I realize I don’t see him around and stand quickly. The soldiers are a bit startled at my sudden movement but quickly go back to eating. Glancing upstairs doesn’t yield me any answers, but as I turn towards the entrance of the loft my worries are quickly dissipating.  
  
  
  
His silhouette is visible in the beginnings of daylight outside, and the glow around his smile when his eyes meet mine stops me in the doorway. “Good morning.” The words are simple, yet his face is ecstatic. I am grateful that the others are still inside and can’t see it. A smile just for me.  
  
  
  
“Hey. Been up long?” I don’t move from my spot, instead opting to watch his calloused hands trail through the mane of his horse’s neck. My throat tightens again at the memory of last night; his rough hands were so gently wrapped around me….

  
  
A firm hand claps down on my shoulder and pulls me out of my reverie. “Are you kidding? He was the first one up! He got the rest of us up and moving in no time. Said you should get your rest, though, and we couldn’t argue. You certainly looked tired; no offense.” He pushes past me and towards his own horse and before I can give him a proper glare the others are all moving out as well. I take the cue; shoving the rest of my breakfast into my mouth and climbing my own horse. We move quickly as the sun comes over the horizon. At this rate, we should make a decent distance before the Titans begin moving again. The men fall into a formation and leave me in the lead. I’d be slightly annoyed if it weren’t for Michael pulling forward and taking position at my right flank. He shoots me a cocky grin, and the fire in his eyes tells me that he’s ready to take on anything.

 

-

 

Two hours later, we made our way into the gates of Shiganshina with two less men in our number. When the first Titans spotted us moving through the fields, we were forced to spur our horses forward at top speed. The injured soldier’s ribs couldn’t take the rough movement and he quickly buckled to the pain; falling off of his horse. His nearest comrade attempted a rescue but was quickly swallowed whole alongside him. The five us that remained had little choice but to keep moving with no time to mourn.  
  
  
  
As we walked through the streets, the response was even worse than usual. The citizens had gathered at the news that the gates were opening again so soon. They watched us with mixed gazes, and I didn’t meet a single one of them. Word had yet to reach Erwin and the others, and so there was no welcome party upon our arrival. We simply walked our horses into the stables and went into the temporary headquarters, avoiding the few slack-jawed stares that did notice us. Before drawing too much attention, I quietly directed Michael to the barracks and told him to meet with me in the evening. After leaving him with brief directions to my quarters, I climbed the stairs exhaustedly to Erwin’s room. It was easy to notice how relieved he was at my well being; but the man can hardly show me his softer side and so nonchalantly waved me on while mumbling about _rest_ and _relaxation_ and other _things I don’t know how to do._  
  
  
  
Now, it’s finally evening time and I sit at the desk in my quarters. I’ve been attempting to write up my personal report of the expedition since dinner, but my mind won’t focus and my hands are uncharacteristically shaky. I crumple the paper I’ve just completed; the hand writing that adorns it is far from my usual standards. Sighing, I reach to start over on a fresh sheet and hear a light tap at the door. Relieved at the distraction, I lightly walk to the door and open it.

 

Michael stands in the hallway; his body is tense and rigid as he aims a curt nod my way. I notice immediately that he is clean and well-groomed, and his clothing appears to be newly laundered. I take in the sight, grateful that I won’t have to worry about him dirtying my room. “Sir. You wanted to see me, Corporal?” He glances nervously around and I stand aside to allow him in before he can draw any more attention.

 

“Could you be any weirder, Michael?” I rub a hand through my hair and sit back at the desk.

 

He has stopped right inside the closed door without coming any further into the room. “How weird would you like? I have ‘hasn’t-seen-another-human-being-in-three-years’ weird, and ‘prefers-talking-to-horses’ weird. I can also alternate between the two at will.”

 

I’m speechless for a moment when I look back at him. It’s the first time he’s done anything jokingly that I have seen, and the boyish grin he has on his face is priceless. I feel myself relaxing a bit for the first time today, and so I motion to a spare chair in the corner. He gets the hint and pulls it up beside the desk. I finally manage a reply as he settles in. “Well, look who’s fucking funny.” The smirk that had been fading from his face came back in full swing, and I found the corners of my mouth twitching upwards in what _might_ resemble a smile. I do my best to squash it down, and busy myself pouring a cup of tea. “Would you like a cup? It’s gone cold in the hours I’ve spent sitting here at this shitty desk, but it’s good quality.”

 

His eyebrows rise a bit but he shifts back in the chair and waves his hands in front of him. “No, thank you. I actually have my own drink, if you don’t mind.” As he says this, his left hand slips into his pocket reveals a flask. He holds it up for me to see and gives it a light shake, as if to ask.

 

“I don’t particularly care what you drink, but I honestly didn’t peg you the type.” I sip my cold tea and spare a glare at the teapot. _Traitor._

Michael’s eyes darken and become half lidded, but the ghost of a smile remains on his lips. His fingers nimbly remove the top and he takes a swig. I try to ignore my impulse to watch the knot at his throat bob when he swallows it down. He sets the flask on the desk gently and sighs. “I’m not the type, really. One of the guys in the mess hall had it earlier and I got a bit curious. When I asked for a swig he gave me the damn thing and pulled a second from his jacket!” He laughs a bit at the thought, and twirls a finger around the metal still sitting on the desktop. “I couldn’t believe it, really. It tastes like home.” His face is growing more serious the longer he goes on, and a part of me worries he may begin crying all over my paperwork.

 

I let the silence linger a moment while I make a choice. Swiftly before I can take it back, I grab the flask and bring the cool metal top to my lips. The liquid makes my tongue tingle as I let it fill my mouth, and I swallow it all in one shot. The tingle follows it down into my stomach, leaving behind a warm burn. I let it settle and sit the flask back down with a defining thud. Michael’s eyes are wide as he watches me, obviously taken back by my actions. I give him a moment to think on it before breaking his thoughts with my voice, now rough from the alcohol. “Wow. Your home must taste like day-old _shit.”_

His hands are in his lap, and twitch slightly when I speak. As soon as he has registered the words, however, his head flies back into the chair and one of those slender hands covers his eyes dramatically. _He’s losing his shit!_ His laughter is hearty and loud, and this time I _know_ he’s going to cry all over my paperwork but I’m happier knowing it’s from joy. “Oh, my- pppfffttt HAHAHA oh damn….” It’s obvious he doesn’t even know what to say, and he stops trying when his arms wrap around his ribcage; _literally_ holding him together. I sit stiffly with one leg crossed over the other, and sip my tea patiently to diminish the flavor of the alcohol. My teacup hides the small smirk on my lips, and I train my eyes straight ahead to keep from laughing along.

 

After a minute or two of this, he straightens up and wipes the corners of his eyes. His black hair has fallen into his face, obscuring most of his expression. “That was… perfect. Ahhh I haven’t laughed like that in so long!” He says as he caps the flask and places it back in his pocket. I dab my lips with a cloth and avoid his gaze.

 

“It really wasn’t that funny, you know.”

 

“Maybe, but coming from _you,_ it was golden.” He points at me as if that gets his meaning across, and I think the look on my face must be pure _death_.

 

“What is that supposed to mean, shithead? I’m damn funny when I want to be.”

 

Suddenly aware of the situation, he sits up straight and clears his throat meaningfully. “Yes, sir. Absolutely. I apologize.” His face is serious but it doesn’t hide the sound of amusement in his voice. My eyes don’t meet his, and instead I return to the paper in front of me. Still blank.

 

“Oh, come on. You’re not really upset, are you? I’m really sorry, I just _really_ needed that laugh today.” His jolly tone has returned, causing a part of me to soften. A slender arm rests on the edge of the desk, and he watches me as I write in silence for a while. Despite the utterly boring atmosphere, his face remains light-hearted with a smirk. The bright green of his eyes captures my attention in the candlelight and I become unaware of time passing as I stare at them.

 

_Despite everything you’ve told me, I still have no idea who you are, Michael. The strangest part is that I actually want to know… and despite our conversations thus far, I can’t even form a real opinion of you. There’s something….different._

I snap out of my reverie in an instant when I realize that he has been meeting my gaze this entire time. My cheeks would surely be flushed if I were capable of blushing. I blink a few times and go back to my work without a word. Much to my relief, he doesn’t say anything about the odd exchange and instead watches me quietly a while longer.

 

As the night drags onwards his soft eyes begin to droop in the candlelight, and I see him stifle a yawn just as I finish the final line of my report. I sign the bottom in my usual flourish and set down my pen. Looking over, Michael’s eyes have closed completely and his breathing is the steady rhythm of a deep sleep. I watch him like that for a few minutes, admiring the dip of his eyelashes over his cheeks and the pout of his lips. His hair is no longer tied behind his head, and instead hangs and brushes at his shoulders. The faint smell of soap lingers in the air around him. _I wonder how hard he had to scrub to get that clean… He looks immaculate compared to earlier._ When I’m confident that the image has been engrained into my mind, I wake him with a gentle nudge in the shoulder.

 

The breath huffs out of him in an amusing half-snort as he sits up and looks around, his face showing confusion and shock. “Was I-…. Was I just fucking _sleeping!?”_ He straightens abruptly, and almost tips the fragile chair in the process. A knee knocks into the desk and the teacup topples; fortunately emptied some time ago.

 

Meeting his stare with my own, I answer impassively, “Yes.” After a long moment he sits back in his seat, but his face still holds a flabbergasted look. “What’s the big deal? It’s fine, really. I’ve just finished my report so we can get to our discussion. That is, if you’re going to be able to pay attention.” I notice his head shaking back and forth as I speak and so end it there, and await his reply.

 

“No, that’s fine- it’s just that… Well, to put it simply I don’t usually drift off like that. It was just startling for me. My apologies. What did you want to talk about?” Michael stretches his thin limbs and spreads his legs out under the desk in a relaxed way I find myself envying.

 

“I have to let you in on my plan at some point, right? I’ll need you to keep an open mind here.” I clear the report and other papers off of the desk and store them in a drawer for safe keeping. I allow myself to let the veil slide a bit; I move across the room and sit on the edge of my bed and remove my heavy boots. I loosen my cravat and remove the belts from across my chest. It’s been too long since I felt comfortable around another person. I’d like to blame this feeling on the fact that Michael doesn’t know anything about me and he won’t have some hero complex to overcome by seeing me in a humanized state. At least, I deeply hope not.

 

“I think I can manage that, but you’re making me nervous over here.” Forest green eyes watch me as I move, and if he is nervous his even expression does not show it.

 

“You have five days, during which you will stay here with the Scouting Legion as one of our own. When that time ends, you are going enlist into the military formally as a trainee. The process takes three years, and then you’ll be able to come back to the Scouting Legion as a true member.” I stare at him with my expressionless mask, calmly awaiting his reaction.

 

He takes a long moment, sighing and stretching his limbs again. His voice is even but I can hear something within it that actually makes me worry. “You want me… to join your military… and just act like everything’s normal for _three years?_ ” He says it slowly, tasting each word as he says it. Then, he shakes his head and looks at me incredulously. “And you want me to _keep an open mind about this_ …. !? No fucking way, man. Oh, I meant; _No fucking way, SIR._ ” His voice loses it’s calm and raises in pitch. I expect a physical outburst much like during our last ‘disagreement’, but his feet are planted firmly in place and his eyes are watching me intently. The best I can do, I suppose, is be straight-forward.

 

“What did you plan to do when you found us, exactly? Did you plan to just swoop in, drop some info down, and ride off into the sunset? Where exactly would you go, Michael? Back to your shitty home to live among the Titans again? Really, I honestly thought you’d _want_ to live here with humans, considering everything.” The anger rising in my voice is apparent, but I match his unwillingness to move and the steady stare he’s been shooting at me. There’s a sudden change however in his demeanor, and my mood is interrupted.

 

“I-… I actually hadn’t thought that far ahead, I guess. Damn.” His honest answer makes my lip twitch and I am dumbfounded. _I can’t figure this guy out. Is he an idiot or what?_

 

“Are you serious right now?” My eyes are wide and disbelieving.

 

He gives a small shrug, and his eyebrows are knitting together. “Yeah. I mean, I’ve never been much of a liar. It was hard enough getting through today. Do you know how many weird looks I got when I asked where the showers were!? Luckily some folks took pity on me and helped me out. They probably think I hit my head too hard. Truthfully, I wanted nothing more than to find the people my uncle told me about. I guess I was so focused on that thought that I hadn’t considered my next move.” He gets up from his seat and begins pacing slowly, keeping his footsteps quiet in the night. I spot a look of deep concentration on his face every time he walks the few steps my way, and I lose it whenever he turns to walk the few steps back. Finally, he stops mid-stride on his way towards me and just looks at me. “I think that I am afraid, sir. I think that a part of me has actually come to enjoy living my life freely outside of a cage. I didn’t have to worry about people. Loving them, or losing them; impressing or disappointing them. I just had to worry about myself and Trill. I got to see things that most people don’t even know about; at least not where I came from…” He trails off and sighs.

 

I bring my right leg down to the floor and swing my left over it’s knee, exchanging the two for comfort. His eyes continue to impress me, and I knit my own eyebrows unconsciously as I watch him. I’m overcome with the urge to say _anything_ in an effort to relieve his anxiety. I think about his words for a moment and scratch at my chin thoughtfully. “I actually… get it.” I am surprised at my own words and can see he feels the same. “I mean, being able to live freely like that… who would want to become a caged animal? The whole situation makes me sick, but it is what it is. I can’t let you go back to that, not until the Titans have been eliminated.”

 

His expression looks pained and he takes a few deep breaths. The green eyes look black in the darkness, but there is a distinct shine in them that tells me they are filling with water. The silence of the night is disrupted by his footsteps; the newly polished boots tapping on the wood as he closes the small distance between us. For the second night in a row he is inches from me, and my heart beats faster in anticipation. Michael’s hand is warm when it roughly grasps my own. My arm is yanked forward and I feel his fingers pressing against each of mine as he flattens my palm against the muscles of his chest. Like a whisper, his heart beat matches mine and thumps against the skin of my palm. I hold my breath and wait for him to speak or move.

 

“It won’t stop, sir. Ever since I met you yesterday.” For a moment I am expecting a confession, and I panic inside. _What would I do?_ Then, I see his expression in the darkness. His eyes are shut tightly as if in pain, and the water that had filled his eyes now spills down his cheeks. “I am terrified. Terrified of _people._ More afraid than I have ever been, even when facing the Titans for the first time years ago. It _hurt_ when I saw the walls today, and even more when that huge gate closed behind me. I can’t explain it, but I know it’s fear.” My palm springs up when his hand drops to his side but my fingers stay there over his heart, feeling the whisper under his skin. The coarse fabric of his jacket tickles my fingertips as he falls to his knees, and before I know it my hand is touching nothing but cold and empty air. It hovers there for a moment and all I can hear are Michael’s deep breaths and muffled sobs. Uncertain what to do, my hand falls to my lap and I hang my head.

 

“You…. You’re afraid? I know. I seriously _get it._ I meant it when I say that. You don’t want to let anyone close again because you’ll lose them. You’re afraid to love and afraid to lose. Everyone is.” I sigh into the dark, and somewhere my mind is aware that the candle is burning low. “But… you can count on me, Michael. I’m going to spend this week preparing you for a new life here. You’d damn sure better appreciate it. You don’t know this yet, but I’ve got a nickname here.” He glances up through his long hair and wipes a few tears off of his cheeks. _Now I have his attention._ “I’ve never been especially fond of it, but they call me _Humanity’s Strongest Soldier._ That means, Michael, that you can put some faith in me. I won’t be dying any time soon. You can bet that, after three years, you will return here as a real soldier. Then, I’ll be here waiting.”

 

He is quiet for a long time before standing and wiping his face a final time. The sniffling has stopped and his eyes meet mine defiantly. The normally light, almost childish voice is shaky and deep when he says, “Alright. You’re on. Thank you, sir.” He gives a small bow and turns towards the door. “If that’s all for this evening, I really must be going. I’m sure it’s past midnight by now.” I watch him take a few trembling steps.

 

“Wait.” I stand and move across the room, stopping beside him. “Before anything else, you need to at least act like a proper soldier.” He is standing up straight at attention, so without moving his torso I firmly grab his hands and form them into fists. I bring the left one behind his back and press it into his spine. _Keep it there._ This time I am a bit gentler as I bring his right fist to rest over his heart. I hold it there with both hands, and stare pointedly at him. “This fist will fight for your fellows, and the heart beneath it will one day stop for them as well. Do well to remember that as a soldier. Always call me sir or Corporal around others; when we are alone, I don’t mind if you call me Levi. Since you’re not really a soldier, it’s a bit awkward for us to be so formal all the damn time.” With a final and firm grip, I press his fist into his heart once more and let go. I take a step back and make a show of looking him over before giving an approving nod.

 

He smirks and relaxes visibly. “Thank you, Levi.” I walk past him and back towards the bed, stopping at the nightstand to grab a change of clothing before plopping back down to loosen the straps on my legs. The sound of his footsteps stop again and I look up to see him at the door. His long black hair softly sways when his head turns towards me. His face looks red from crying. “Levi… can I ask you a favor?” I nod slowly and he continues. “If I may call you Levi, then I would like it very much if you also called me informally… so please, call me Misha when we are alone.”

 

The name sounds strange to me, and something about it makes me feel nervous. Regardless, if it gets him to relax a little I will agree. I’m sure if he has another emotional outburst I am going to go insane. With the straps from my lower half gone, I’m now wearing only my uniform pants and shirt. I begin unbuttoning the top buttons of my shirt and just nod again towards Michael. “Sure, Misha. Have a good night.”

 

His face is still very red as he swallows noticeably and leaves the room, a little quicker than necessary. I fall asleep with the candle still it, and when the morning comes the faint scent of smoke lingers in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments appreciated!  
> The day-to-day narration will be less consistent from here on out as to not be too boring.


	6. Counting Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The days are ticking down, and Michael can't decide how he feels about the events to come. A new friend appears and shakes him to his core.

**Counting Down**

 

_Michael_

 

I sit in the mess hall. It’s large and loud with chatter, the many soldiers around me telling stories of home and happier places. I wonder inwardly if I will have a happy place again. Underneath the scent of fresh bread ( _which makes me sick and I can’t bring myself to eat)_ , potatoes, and beef, lies the smell of aged wood and cleaning solutions. I poke at the potatoes tentatively before deciding I should eat _something_. As I take a few small bites, a tray clatters down across from me and I hear a chair scrape across the wooden floorboards. “No appetite, huh? Can’t blame you. You came in yesterday with _Heichou_ , right?” When I look up to see the face of the person speaking, I meet a pair of large, sky-blue eyes set into a very boyish face. _He can’t be more than eighteen!_

 

When he’s settled into his chair, he tears into a bread roll enthusiastically. I hear the soft sound of the crust tearing apart and all I can see in the space between dough pieces is a spray of fresh blood; it drips heavily down his chin and onto his tray with a small _plop_ _plip plop_. I can’t stop the panicked look on my face, but I quickly hold my breath and close my eyes.

 

_Five Four Three Two One_

When I open them, the boy is staring at me with his mouth hanging open. There’s a chunk of bread still between his lips, but no blood in sight. I shake my head a few times to recover and just nod in response to his earlier question.

 

He hesitates a moment before returning to his food, and doesn’t seem shy about speaking with a full mouth. “I’ve never heard anything like that. Survivors showing up after the fact, you know. People were making a pretty big commotion about it since word finally got around. I’m Kip, by the way!” He extends a messy hand my way and swallows his most recent mouthful of food. I shake it reluctantly, wiping my hand off under the table where he can’t see.

 

“Michael.” Is all I can manage. I’ve finished with my meat and potatoes by the time he says anything else.

 

As I stand to clear my tray, he stops me. “You gonna eat that? Better not let anyone see you wasting food.” He points to the roll of bread I’ve been ignoring and smiles as I move the tray within his reach. Kip gladly takes the bread and has it eaten before I make it even a few steps away. After I’ve cleaned up, I rejoin him at the table for lack of anything better to do. After a minute or two, he finishes and does the same. “So, Michael, where are you headed next? They’ve got me on laundry duty, of all things.” He makes a show of shivering in disgust, and runs a hand through his black hair.

 

“Um… I’m not sure. Maybe I should go and ask the Corporal…” My eyes wander over the mess hall in search of Levi’s small frame, but I don’t see him.

 

“Are you serious!? Don’t tell me you guys are friends. No one gets close to him, we’re all too afraid he’ll rip our throats out or something.” His wide eyes are inches from my own as he leans over the table exaggeratedly. _Where does he get this energy from? I’m exhausted already._ I’ve been feeling irritable all morning, but if Kip has noticed he doesn’t care. His comments about Levi seem rude to me, and I’m almost angry until I remember that Levi _did_ try to kill me at one point…

 

“He’s not that bad. We aren’t friends, but we spoke a bit during the expedition… “ His head is already nodding along, and he sits back in his chair. I hope he hasn’t noticed my cheeks heating up.

 

“Yeah, that makes sense. You guys were out there alone at some point, right? That’s incredible. I remember the first time I saw heichou take down a Titan. I bet you felt pretty safe by his side, am I right!?” He chuckles.

 

“I suppose. I was injured during a fight and about to die; he saved me. It was impressive, alright. He didn’t even flinch when Titans came his way. Thanks to him, I’m on the road to recovery.” I’ve been limping around for a while, but today I’m going easy on the acting. Better to make it seem like I’m healing quickly, than to fake the injury any longer. Hopefully my story will back up any suspicions. I was never good at lying, and now I’m not even sure I’m good at _speaking_. Regardless, he nods along and seems content to carry the conversation along on his own.

 

The conversations around us have thinned out along with the people, and we decide to take our leave. Without any clear morning instructions, I decide to follow Kip. He thanks me for the help and shows me to the launderette; a small storage room full of bins and washboards. We take the bins and make rounds throughout the halls, collecting dirty uniforms and unmentionables. With a washboard under one arm and a full bin of clothes (tucked into an empty bin underneath it) balanced on my hip, I follow Kip outside and to the washing area. We fill the empty bins using one of the many wells found around the compound and scrub away. The sun is directly overhead when we finish, and hang them along a line to dry.

 

-

 

Later that evening, I meet Levi again in his room. He begins running me through the basic things about their community, and then the Titans. All of the information is rattled off at an even but unrelenting pace and Levi makes it clear that he expects me to keep up without question. I do, as it seems most things coincide with my own teachings as a child. We end the meeting after two hours or so and I make my way to the barracks.

 

In the darkness of the hallway candlelight flickers, every moving shadow takes the shape of a screaming friend. When I enter my section, the two long rows of beds look ominous. Each footstep I take echoes loudly and each echo calls out to the corpses around me. When one rolls to look at me, the eyes are hollow and bloody; the images are so strong that I can almost smell decay in the air. I have to train my eyes on my cot in the very back of the room as I walk.

_One empty bed. One coffin ready. Just for me._

 

That night, I sit with my knees pulled tightly against my chest. I watch each soldier as they sleep deeply, reminding myself that the sound of breathing means they are _alive._

 

_One day down._

 

-

 

The following day comes and goes without incident. It turns out that I was in fact meant to attend to the laundry after all, and so I accompany Kip again after breakfast with him and a friend. He carries our conversation happily. That evening, Levi delves deeper into the details of the hierarchy and the Wall worshipers. He seems more distant than our first two nights together, and I have to work to keep myself impassive. The only times I can see clearly are those times that he is near. I’ve never had to blink away the waking nightmares; his skull crushed, or limbs burned black, no bloody mouthfuls of bread.

 

That night, I sit atop my cot once again. After a long while, once I am sure that my comrades have all fallen to sleep, I make my way back out of the barracks. _I’ll have to attribute my recent irritability to exhaustion. I really need some air._ Being on the first floor has its perks. I have little trouble slipping outside unnoticed. When a cool breeze hits my face, I gladly suck it deep into my lungs. It burns, and I begin to feel alive for the first time in days.

 

As reluctant as I am, I settle neatly into the idea of this new world. Starting life over begins to feel possible with each new day. These thoughts leave an aching in my heart. I remind myself not to forget my reasons for being here.

 

I drag my feet along the pebbled pathway towards the stables. It takes me a moment to find the match sticks and candles, but soon the small light illuminates the wooden walls and cobwebs. Careful not to walk too fast, fearful of staring into darkness any longer; but my fears dissipate when Trill comes into sight. She’s standing idly and I feel my heart sink at the thought of her loneliness. In this world, my best friend is a _horse_. We’ve had only one another, and now we are both trying desperately to fit into a place that isn’t ours.

 

She’s smaller than the other horses, and not as fast. Although Levi explained to me that their horses were bred to be this way, I never thought much of it until now; seeing her in this stall meant for larger creatures truly leaves Trill looking feeble in comparison. I pet her gently and coax her downwards, until she is laid across the floor. Leaving the candle to flicker on the wooden stall door, I lay my back against her broad side and relax. I watch the shadows dance on the walls and speak to Trill in a low, soft voice. I tell her about my day, and about Kip and Levi. When I look to her face, her eyes are closed and she must be sleeping. I lay my head back and concentrate on the sounds of the night. The smell of hay and horse shit doesn’t even register, because all I want now is sleep; which I find that night for the first time in days.

 

_Two days down._

 

I awake as soon as my mind registers light in the sky. I stand and allow Trill to do the same, bid her goodbye and quickly walk back to the barracks. A few soldiers are awake and moving, and though they give me some very suspicious glances, I avoid their gazes and give no comment.

 

After a much needed shower, I tend to my stomach in the mess hall. The second day was hell on my insides; my stomach not accustomed to being well fed and my ass not accustomed to so much time on the shitter. Now, however, things seem to be normalizing; so I eat to my heart’s content and toss my daily bread to Kip while he chats with the same friend from yesterday.

 

“Tell me, _Kippa,_ how’s it been scrubbin’ my dirty underwear every day? I bet you just _love_ it.” The boy, no older than Kip, digs an elbow into his rib. Kip responds by stealing his bread and shoving him half way out of his seat.

 

“It’s fine until I get to _yours_. Tell me, did your mom ever get around to potty training?” They struggle amongst themselves.

 

I meet the boy’s eyes for the first time, and hesitate a moment before speaking. _I don’t even know this guy’s name, even though he’s sat here two days in a row…_ I regroup my thoughts and clear my throat. “Did you… say _Kippa?_ ” My eyes widen and I look at Kip, whose face has gone a distinct shade of pink.

 

“It- it’s my name… Kippa Koch. But you’d better call me Kip, damnit.” He looks down for a moment, seemingly embarrassed as the boy beside him laughs loudly. Kip reaches over and flips the boy’s tray over, scattering food across the table and floor. I can’t help but laugh at the scene along with everyone as Kip and I stand to clear our trays and the boy picks his ruined food off of the floor.

 

I shoot a sympathetic look backwards, and when Kip sees me he says, “Don’t mind it. John and I go way back. We used to mess with each other much worse than that; he’ll be fine. He’ll probably get me back later when I’m sleeping.” He smiles and shrugs, and as we make our way to the launderette per our usual routine, he glances at me a few too many times to be subtle. I finally shoot him a questioning look when we stand outside in the sun. After pouring a bucket of clean water into his wash bin he speaks. “I’ve been hanging around you for three days now, and not only have I never seen you speak to anyone else but you’ve definitely never laughed like that. I was starting to get worried!” He wrings out a white t-shirt and hangs it on the line to dry.

 

My hands halt in place atop the scrubbing board, and I look into Kip’s eyes. I feel like it’s the first time I’ve _really_ looked at him. His blue eyes are lively, and his boyish features and black hair make me think of a young Levi. _If Levi were a foot taller…_ It’s as if this was Levi, years ago. Before a rough life got a hold on his dreams; the strain of battle and responsibility drained the color in his eyes, replacing it instead with dark circles underneath their soft skin. It occurs to me that may be the only reason I’ve allowed Kip to cling to me the way I have, despite a need to be discrete. We are watching each other for a moment until I go back to work while I reply.

 

“I see. It’s true; I’ve been out of sorts. My apologies.”

 

He returns to work beside me and nods his head. “No need to be sorry! I’m just glad you can smile, after all. It suits you.” His cheeks are a bit pink as he shoots me a sideways glance, and quickly looks back to the sock in his palms.

 

“Thanks? I guess I’ve just been a bit out of it since the other day.”

 

“Yeah, I bet. No worries.”

 

His boyish grin is pointed at the wash bin, but I catch him glancing my way a few more times during work. My mind wonders to Levi, wondering what he does during the day and how he sleeps at night. I try not to think of him when I look at Kip, whose hair is parted similarly and hangs over his forehead in the same spots. When we part ways that afternoon, I feel bittersweet.

 

I take the late afternoon as time to myself. I jog around the large buildings that make up our headquarters, stopping every lap to do some strength work. By the time I feel the right amount of burn in my muscles, the mess hall bells are ringing for dinner time. The food is cold when I get to it, but it feels good in my stomach. I drink a little too much tea. Kip finds me again at the end of my meal and asks if I will go for a walk with him later. I agree to meet him, but don’t tell him about my meeting with Levi beforehand.

 

-

 

Hours later and I sit at the desk in Levi’s room, once again. He sits in his own chair a few feet away, not in front of the desk but nearby so that he can easily point to various things atop the desk. This book depicting Rose, Maria, and Sina. That chart explaining the ratio of recruits who enter each branch of the military every year. These sheets of notes hand written just for me by Levi. I focus on the neat sway of his handwriting; which letters are elaborately scribed and which merely scribbled. I see the tension in his muscles and the hurried flicker of his thoughts in each line of text. I hang onto the curves of his cursive L’s and S’s as if I will fall to my death when the sentence has ended. When I peel my eyes away they cling onto Levi himself, who fails to notice and continues his lecture. I watch the knot in his throat sway with his spoken words, as enticing as the written ones. When the lips I’ve been watching turn my way I jump awkwardly into awareness.

 

“You okay? Getting all of this?” His grey eyes are black in the candlelight, yet still mesmerize me. In this intimate atmosphere, night after night, I fight my desire to brush my lips over his again. At first I waved the feeling off; surely it was only the overwhelming emotion of finding a friend after so long. After being together with all of the other soldiers over the last few days, it had become apparent that was not the case. In the morning showers, I would intentionally let my eyes wander over both men and women alike; neither of which sparking anything within me. Although I’d always been privy to men, I had been desensitized through my own military service back home. Therefore, just sitting beside an attractive man shouldn’t have this effect on me. I shift slightly in my seat so that I am facing away from Levi, and concentrate on the paper again.

 

 _Could I be less obvious, please?_ “Yeah, I got it. Just a little tired, I guess. Please continue.” I swallow a knot in my throat and wait to hear his smooth voice in my ears.

 

When he speaks, I jump again; the sound coming from right beside my ear. I turn my head to see that he is standing and leaning over my shoulder. How had I not noticed him moving? “Forget it. Go get some rest.” The hand on the back of the chair is brushing against me, and although he doesn’t seem to notice it is enough to light sparks along my spine. He clears the papers and books from the desk and organizes them neatly. His hand is gone too soon. I can’t tell if his words are calm or if perhaps he is upset with me, so I bow my head in apology before shutting his door behind me.

 

I walk back downstairs and head outside to the courtyard. There is a gravel path that leads through it and around the complex, with the occasional wooden bench for weary soldiers to rest on. I pass under a stone archway and into the courtyard; more decorative than practical and a little too showy for my taste. There’s a bench a little past it, and I sit there to wait for Kip in the moonlight. Time passes quickly; my mind is overtaken by the memories of Levi’s voice in my ear.

 

“Hey! You’re here already! I thought you had something to do so I waited around a little bit. Sorry if you were here long.” He jogs up casually and stands beside me, his usual grin illuminated by the moon. I stand and motion for him to lead the way.

 

“I finished early, but don’t worry about it. I wasn’t waiting long at all.” Truth is, I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here.

 

We walk along the path without conversation, and it isn’t until we’ve made one lap around the entire place that Kip speaks. The cool night air and quiet atmosphere have put me in better spirits, so I listen more attentively than I have all day. Kip seems to notice and smiles, going on about his day and how John seems to have gotten revenge at dinner; spitting in his potatoes and pouring tea all over the rest. His jovial laughter is infectious, and so another lap goes by in good spirits. I have little to say, as the only other person I speak to is Levi whom I can’t mention. We make it another half a lap when Kip motions for a bench and we sit. From here, the back of the Shinganshina temporary Headquarters can be seen. Green fields surround most of the complex, and so the only shrubbery and trees are spread around the building to make it look desirable. This back end, however, seems to be neglected. The trees are sparse and unkempt, and even the graveled path has lost most of said gravel. There’s a silence between us as we both look over the area in the darkness. I wait for Kip to start the conversation, as usual.

 

“Thanks for joining me out here. Sometimes I can’t sleep and so I do a few laps. Lately I’ve been doing more and more, so I thought it’d be nice to have some company.” He looks serious suddenly, and is looking at his feet. I don’t respond in words, because I can’t really read his mood. Instead I do something I haven’t done with Kip before. _I touch him_. It may not seem like much, but Levi is the only person I have brought myself to initiate contact with. The horrid images I often see when looking at others are enough to keep me away. Somehow though, I have been seeing Kip more clearly lately. When my hand comes to rest on his shoulder, he looks visibly surprised. For a moment I consider retracting it, worried that I have done something wrong.

 

He reaches a hand of his own up and lays it over mine, stopping any thoughts of moving. It’s warm and clammy. He looks into my eyes and I begin to feel a bit nervous. _What is this sudden change in atmosphere?_ Kip must register the question in my eyes.

 

“On the expedition… I didn’t do anything. Totally useless. I was so damn afraid of the Titans… I didn’t even remember to fire signal flares! I just rode in the safe zone until things were settled. I feel terrible, especially knowing you were even out there fighting and got injured.” His hand squeezes mine gently, but his eyes remain on his feet, brows knitted.

 

That feeling. The feeling of fear and uselessness. I know it so well that it hurts. The very thing that haunts my every moment. My chest tightens with the memory of my own desperate escape from the Titans. _I want to comfort him but I can’t even hold myself together._ I take a moment to gather my thoughts, and tighten my grip on his shoulder.

 

“You’re alive.”

 

“Yeah. Great.”

 

“It _is_ great, Kip. You’re alive now, so get stronger. _Keep_ living and eventually throw in some _Titan killing_ here and there, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for Soldier. That’s all we do, really. We just survive until next time.” I shrug my shoulders.

 

His hand falls from mine and down into his lap. “I guess, but I can’t help but feel like I should have at least died _trying_ , like so many others. I lived because I’m a coward, not because I’m strong.”

 

“Yeah. You did. You are.” He looks at me like I’ve just killed him myself, a dagger in his back. “But so am I. I did the same thing the first time I saw a Titan. I just ran, and I left some people to die. Then, I got a little stronger. I fought back when I could and ran when I couldn’t. That doesn’t change anything, I’m still a coward. But now I can do something, even if it’s small, and I’m alive to get stronger.”

 

Kip seems to relax his shoulders, and I give him a pat on the back before moving my hand to the back of the bench behind him. We look at the stars for a time. The wind is subtle and just strong enough to sway the sweat-tinged hair on my forehead. I hear the sound of clothing rustling and feel the old wooden bench shake with movement; Kip’s leg is pressed against my own. The heat from it spreads into my own lower half, and as I turn a startled look his way I feel moist lips against my own. I’m stunned, unable to respond at first, but his tongue dances over my flesh and begs entrance. The image from this morning, a young Levi in the prime of life, convinces me to comply. I rest my hand between his shoulder blades, and tilt my head slightly as his tongue slides into my parted mouth. We kiss heatedly, and I feel my body responding in ways I haven’t felt in _years._ He has a hand digging tightly into my waist, and one is playing with the loose hair of my ponytail. The sensations are too much, and I plead with my body not to give me away so easily. How long has it been? How low am I to kiss Kip while thinking of Levi? _Who’s the coward, here?_

 

I feel his hand slip from my waist and move down to my belt. For a moment, I don’t even consider stopping him, but when the tension around my hips releases as the buckle comes free I quickly come to my senses. A hand stops his, and the kiss is broken. His blue eyes are a perfect Levi-silver in the moonlight. It kills me. He’s pleading, and I hesitate.

 

“Please…” His whisper tickles my lips and it takes all of my willpower to tighten my grip on his wrist and move his hand away. “I’m sorry, I-“ He cuts himself off and looks away, embarrassed.

 

“Don’t apologize, it’s alright. I enjoyed it… but I can’t do this.” I release his wrist and slide to the end of the bench, putting distance between us.

 

“Is it because we haven’t known each other long? I understand that! Please, give me a chance. Get to know me!” He smiles weakly, and it’s admittedly adorable. I sigh tiredly, because surely I’m too old for his childlike spirit.

 

“Sure. Let’s be friends, to start…” I have to hide my face so he doesn’t see my shame. I feel overwhelmingly guilty imagining his reaction when I ‘disappear’ from Headquarters. He’s shaken visibly when he stands to leave. Kip offers me a parting bow of apology and walks quickly back down the path.

 

I opt not to go inside again, and instead head straight to Trill in the stables. It takes a while to fall asleep again, as I replay all of the moments I’ve shared with Kip so far. My heart feels heavy when I drift into sleep.

 

Three days down. _Two to go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the companion piece for this chapter from Levi's POV [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/3751741)!


	7. Field Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi essentially kidnaps Michael and takes him into town.

**Field Trip**

 

_Levi_

Michael and I had been riding for two hours before a distinctly animalistic growl came from his stomach beside me. We had been riding in silence; Michael avoided my eyes so obviously that it only served to worsen my mood. The sound of his hunger was the first to break it. I motioned a hand to the left and we idly stepped off of the road, where we then dismounted our horses under the shade of a tree.

 

We now sit there in the cool shadows, quietly eating the breakfast I brought along. My eyebrow twitches at my own irritation; Michael has yet to look my way or say anything. He offered only a nod in my general direction when presented with the sack containing his meal. I watch him from the corner of my eye while eating, and find myself shocked to finally see him put down his food and turn my way. I turn my head to meet his gaze; suddenly strong and resolute.

 

After a moment, he clears his throat and speaks. “Levi.” He hesitates, and the strength is already fading from his demeanor. “Sir. Um… are you going to tell me what we’re doing out here?” His eyebrows have knit themselves together, and his green eyes have diverted their gaze towards the road. I watch as his long fingers weave themselves together in his lap, and the memory of them brushing over the back of another man burns in my chest. This pulls out my anger again, and I ignore his question as a form of punishment. He takes the hint and continues eating.

 

After we’ve finished, we continue our journey. It takes another half an hour to reach the town as we continue at our slow pace. Although he never questioned my choice to walk the horses, I could see his confusion. _How could I admit my reasons?_ A journey that would take less than an hour at a full gallop now took us over two; which gave me time to plot out my plans for the day.

 

The truth was, in fact, I had no idea. In my frustration and exhaustion the night before, I had decided to take Michael away from the compound and _that friend_ of his. I pulled him out of bed before anyone had awoken and even now, the sun had only been up a short while. Aside from one task to tend to, the rest of the day was unplanned. I wonder idly how Erwin will react to the short note I left under his door.

 

_Going into town. Taking an assistant along.  
Don’t miss me too much._

 

I didn’t bother signing it. He would know it was from me.

 

As we passed various shops and stalls along the streets an idea occurs to me. “This way.” I finally speak, and steer the horse to the left into a small alley. A few turns later and we’ve arrived to a wider alley that’s a little cleaner, where we tie our horses to the posts outside and walk into the shop entrance tucked there in the dark. Michael’s eyes widen in the dim light and I suppress a smirk. _Why do I enjoy his look of surprise?_ The various mannequins around the shop smell of pine, overlaid with dust and age. The clothing and fabrics atop them, however, are fresh and vibrant. An old man emerges from a back room at the sound of the entry bell.

 

“Captain Levi! How good it is to see you again. What can this humble man do for you so early in the morning? You know I’m not open yet.” He smiles a wide grin towards me, even knowing I’ll never return it.

 

“Aren’t you, though, old man?” I trace my fingers over a silky soft cravat on the table nearest me.

 

He chuckles and inclines his head towards Michael. “For the Captain and his friend, we are always open. Looking for a new cravat today?”

 

“No. I’m here for him.” I slap a hand onto Michael’s back; forcing him forward into view for the shop owner’s aging eyes. Without word, the old man nods and pulls Michael to the corner; shoving him atop the raised platform surrounded by mirrors. His face is priceless.

 

“Wait! What? Levi- what the fuck is this!?” The old man is instantly at work; measuring his arms, shoulders, chest, and waist. When the man spreads Michael’s legs a bit farther apart and shoves his measuring tape a little _too high_ , Michael’s voice squeaks and his breathe hitches. I think I see actual _fear_ in his eyes. I can’t stop the actual smile that forms on my face, whether it’s from amusement or the sweet feeling of vengeance. When his olive colored eyes see me, his face stiffens and I can see a cold sweat forming. _He looks terrified!_

 

“Levi… why… are you _smiling_?” His voice is shaking and I can see him shifting awkwardly in an attempt to escape the old man.

 

“You look terrified.”

 

“ _You_ look terri _fying_.”

 

My smile disappears in an instant, replaced by the hard line of my sealed lips. He backpedals immediately. “I mean- just- no. I didn’t mean that! I mean- you never smile! And all morning you have been angry and hostile and so when you smiled I just thought- oh god, I’m sorry.” He hides his pink face in his hands, now content to stay still, hidden behind the tailor.

 

“Just what makes you think I’ve been _angry_ and _hostile_?” I raise an eyebrow and tilt my head to the side to illustrate my point; he hasn’t shaken me.

 

“Um. Well. You barely spoke a word to me and won’t look at me.” The man has finished his measurements and allows Michael to step down from the platform. We watch as he quietly walks back behind a curtain into the room at the back of the shop; which he had emerged from upon our arrival. Michael is now standing a few feet in front of me, awaiting a reply. When I finally bring myself to make eye contact again, I can see worry in his expression. I stand awkwardly, with little idea what to do with my own face.

 

“I could say the same for you.” I settle on a look of indifference. “Forget it. I just had a rough night.”

 

Before we can continue, the old man emerges with his arms full of clothing. He shoves them into Michael’s chest until his thin arms come up to take them. “Alright! These should fit you perfectly. Let’s try them on, yeah?” I watch as Michael is shoved back onto the platform and disappears behind a heavy curtain; drawn by the old man. He sits behind the counter nearby and motions to an empty chair nearby for myself.

 

A minute or two passes in silence; only the sound of fabric rustling from behind the cloth blockade can be heard. I notice a few figures passing outside through the foggy windows facing the street. They appear as shadowy apparitions in the early morning light, and the movements cause the sunlight to dance around the musty shop; falling over various shirt stands and accessory racks. The calm atmosphere lulls me and I slip into thoughts I’ve avoided all night and into the morning.

 

When I first met Michael, I admit I was intrigued. A human strong and cunning enough to survive among Titans for _years_ … but as I’ve grown to know him more and more, it just doesn’t make sense. One moment he is utterly foolish, and the next aloof. Even when laughing I can see hurt behind his eyes. For reasons beyond me, he shuts down with little to indicate _why_. And through all of these strange behaviors, I am unable to see the strong fighter I glimpsed just _once_ , when we took down a Titan together. He has been nothing more than a mystery to me, drawing me closer only to bring forth new questions. _Did I like Michael?_ The single thought that bounces through my mind consistently. Our first night together, staring at the stars in that musty loft. I was less than pleased to be stuck in such a place, and listening to his sad story didn’t top my list of entertaining things to do. Regardless, I remember hanging onto every word. In normal circumstances, I’d tell him to “suck it up”, or “tell it to someone who cares”. With Michael, I wanted to know more, and so I comforted him as a way to gather information.

 

Our second night was light-hearted if you don’t count his anger towards my plan of action. I had parted with him that evening thinking we could work to get closer. Each night after brought us together again, but nothing new seemed to surface. Michael began looking more and more distracted, and kept distant. The small glances he _did_ send my way didn’t go unnoticed, and something about his shy gazes drew me in. Without any reason, I had grown to like his strange personality and sweet looks. His face was boyish while still hinting at his adulthood; a seasoned man with soft eyes and full lips. He stood only an inch or two taller than me, but his lack of defined muscle made him appear slender and feminine. It wasn’t my usual type, yet my skin still lingered near his given the chance.

 

My hand tingles at the thought; remembering the night before when I brushed his spine, alone in my room. He had been too distracted to notice, again. Uneasiness stirs within me. He must have been thinking ahead to the rest of his night; his time with me wasn’t important. In the darkness of the night, seeking warmth in the arms and kiss of someone el-

 

“I’m done. I guess.” His tentative voice cuts through my reverie. A small gasp escapes me when I look up to see him standing there, surrounded by mirrors. _There are four immaculately dressed Michaels standing right in front of me…!_ I stare into his eyes, trying hard to keep my gaze trained there. When he averts his line of sight to the old man in the chair, I seize the opportunity to take in the sight.

 

He’s wearing a white button-down dress shirt; the collar is crisp and standing up against the flesh of his neck. His tan has faded in his days spent indoors, but just enough lingers that the contrast is perfect between his skin and the shirt. My eyes trail down, following each button until they disappear underneath a pair of black slacks; held tightly against his hips with a dark brown leather belt. Each piece of clothing hugs him gently in all of the right places, and I’ve never had this kind of trouble averting my gaze. When I finally meet Michael’s eyes again, he is blushing.

 

“Uh… why am I wearing this, exactly?” He looks from me to the tailor, and then back to me.

 

“Don’t look at me, I just do what the Captain asks. He’s my best customer!” The man does a good job of dodging the blame.

 

I stand and approach the platform that serves as the perfect metaphor for the pedestal I seem to have placed Michael upon. “You’re going to need better clothing for your _trip_ next week.” Michael nods imperceptibly. “These fit well, old man. Good job. Get us two more shirts in different colors, and some pants to go with them. Let’s also say… one more belt, and two pairs of shoes. One dress and one casual.” The man nods and glances at the bear feet peeking from underneath Michael’s pants; then begins working his way through the shop. I motion Michael down from the work station and wave a hand towards the rest of the shop. “Find yourself some plain shirts and casual pants, as well.”

 

“Are you certain? This is a lot of stuff…” He surveys the many shelves of folded garments with a nervous look.

 

I sigh loudly, and run a tired hand through my hair. “Just do it.”

 

After fetching everything I requested, the tailor tallies up the total and I slip him a little extra as a tip for helping out before business hours. Now back in his uniform and carrying the large package containing our purchase, Michael gives a deep bow and thanks the man earnestly. I help tie the bundle to his horse’s back and we continue on.

 

“Thank you, Levi… truly. I must admit this was the last thing I would have expected after being forced from my bed this morning.”

 

“Don’t mention it. _Really._ ” I shoot him a quick smirk, showing that my mood has improved. “That’s not why I brought you here; though it needed to be done anyway.” We move through the now-busy streets, dodging carriages and rowdy children; ignoring their gazes as well. After walking though the busiest section of town, we come to the emptier streets of downtown. There are no more street stalls, and the children in the street are no longer playing energetically; rather, they sit in the shade of their shabby houses looking hungry. Though I’ve come here many times, I can never shake the ugly feelings in the pit of my stomach as I remember a childhood spent on the streets of the Underground. We dip into another small alley and weave our way through the shanties until I find the familiar house I’ve been looking for.

 

“We’re here.” I stop suddenly and jump down off of the horse. I walk inside before Michael has even had the chance to dismount.

 

“Oi! Redden!” I call into the quiet room and await a reply. “I know you’re here.”

 

Michael comes in behind me; bowing his head until he notices no one is around. “Where are-“

 

“Eeeyyyy, there he is! Been a while!” A slender woman who stands a foot taller than me walks excitedly down a flight of stairs. She sweeps her blonde hair back over her shoulder and smiles at me before moving past and right up to Michael. “Heeeyy, you didn’t tell me he was so _cute_! Just look at that face!” She’s got his cheeks in a tight hold before I can move to stop her, and the pain on his face is palpable.

 

“You think _that’s_ cute?” _He is._ “Knock it off, you filthy wench.” She just laughs and releases him; placing her hand instead on his shoulder.

“Hi there, Michael, I’m Elise Redden. Nice to meet you. Levi’s told me about you. The mysterious friend in need of _help._ ” She turns to walk back across the room, and Michael comes up beside me with wide, questioning eyes.

 

“Oh yeah. He needs _lots_ of help, alright. Let’s get this over with.” I grab his elbow and lead him over to the table near the kitchen where she sits. When I push him into a chair he winces; and I instantly regret how rough I was.

 

Redden pulls some items from a drawer and sits beside him. I watch as her nimble fingers open a jar of ink and paint a small coat onto a smooth, square stone. She reaches for his hand and he flinches; retracting it quickly and looking to me, as if for permission. “Uh- I don’t-…. I’m not really comfortable with… with touching. Can you just tell me what to do?” I try to hide my bewildered face, but he isn’t looking anymore. _Doesn’t like to be touched? What about all those times he touched me… or_ that _guy?_ A small bubble of anger resurfaces. _Maybe it’s actually that he doesn’t touch women, but he’s being polite…_

 

“That’s fine, hunny, just press each of your fingers into the ink here and then press them into the boxes on that paper there. Make sure you keep it steady, we need those prints to be clear and clean.” When I hear her say ‘hunny’, I’m reminded of our days in the UG. We were both young then, and she was just a tag along in my gang. She used to call everyone hunny back then, even me despite my misgivings. When I eventually joined the Survey Corps I lost track of them all, but found Redden here purely by coincidence. Turns out some _do_ make it out of there. She’s been making her living as an informant and go-between; choosing to go only by Redden these days rather than the sweet and innocent name of Elise. It fit her better, as she was never either of those things.

 

He nods and complies easily, then gratefully accepts a cloth from her to wipe his hands off. After he is clean and the ink is dry, she has him fill in some of the lines on the paperwork. I note that he is apparently left-handed.

 

“You’ve got some funny handwriting, boy.” She leans over his shoulder and snatches the paper up. It occurs to me that in our lessons, I never considered his ability to write or if his written language would coincide the same way our spoken language did. _Shit._ Before she can focus on it, I’ve stolen the paper from her as well and I study it. Though the pen strokes are certainly stylized differently, only a few letters appear unrecognizable to me. The style of his writing can just be attributed to strange handwriting, as Redden has assumed. Those strange characters, however, would need to change.

 

“Not just that, but your spelling is terrible.” I place the paper in front of him again, and lean over him. I dip the pen into the ink and begin to cross out a word here and there. “This word here should look like this. If you write this letter like _this_ it won’t be as easily mistaken for something else.” My chest brushes his shoulder blades, and he doesn’t move away at all. I let my breath fall over his neck and ear as I speak; though he flinches slightly, again he doesn’t recoil. _So it is just women?_ I hope he is catching on to my lesson and paying attention. When I finish, he nods his head and takes the pen from my hand; his fingers brush over mine gently.He continues writing, and what I can see from my position behind him looks correct.

 

“Sorry, ma’am. I’m mostly self-taught so I still get some things wrong.” He plays bashful well, and she seems convinced.

 

“No worries, hun. You write better than half of the trash out here, anyway.” She looks over the document and nods approvingly before placing it to the side and handing Michael another. He systematically fills out each paper, stopping occasionally to glance at me for guidance. When we’ve finished, an entire fake history has been documented for him, beginning with a forged birth certificate and ending with his military enrollment papers. Redden gathers the papers together and taps against the table top to align them, then sticks them in a large envelope and hands them to him. “Congratulations, Michael. You’ve been rewritten.” He smiles sheepishly and accepts them.

 

We don’t hang around; instead giving brief goodbyes. When we make it back into the busier parts of town, it’s lunchtime. I stop at a stall carrying portable meat pies and pastries, buy two of each, and we move on. As we exit town and return to the countryside, the sun is hot overhead. We stop underneath the same tree from the morning to eat our lunches and cool off.

 

“Thank you again, Levi. For everything. Not just today, but every day; you’ve taken me in and spent both time and money on me. I’ve been a burden. I wish there was a way for me to repay your kindness.” He stares at the food in his hands. _Kindness._ I scoff at the thought; unaccustomed to anyone associating the word with myself. His attention is directed at me again as he asks, “What? Something I said?”

 

“I don’t think anyone’s ever thanked me so much before, and I’ve definitely never been called kind.”

 

“They’re full of shit then. You’ve been nothing but kind to me. Even in the moments when we’ve disagreed, it’s been due to my own thick-headedness. I’ve caused you trouble.”

 

“Oi, don’t get any ideas. I’m doing this for my own sake. You’ve brought irreplaceable information to me that I will use as soon as the opportunity arises. Not to mention your value as a soldier. I’ll use that as well.” I’ve finished my lunch and occupy myself by watching the sky; concentrating on a few birds soaring freely by.

 

After a moment of quiet, Michael speaks in a low, soft voice. “Use me as you will.” The phrase holds a weight that I’m not ready to consider. We sit and watch the birds. “It’s pretty amazing how they fly, isn’t it? Even outside the walls where I was free, I envied them. Rarely do they have to worry about the turmoil happening below them. They are above it all.” His smooth voice has lulled calm into me, and I feel content to stay in this spot beneath the tree for as long as I can. The feeling doesn’t last long, however, as good feelings rarely do for me. The questions lurking in the back of my mind are fighting to come out.

 

“Mich-…” I stop myself and reconsider. I want his answer, and so I should speak carefully. “Misha… you’ve seemed distant these last few days. Something on your mind?”

 

He is visibly surprised at my question, and I can’t blame him. After a moment of consideration, he answers. “I guess… you could say I don’t sleep well. You’d think that would be normal considering how I’ve been living, but…. Since coming here it has been difficult.”

 

“Is that all? Just a lack of sleep?” I try to lighten the mood with a joking tone, but his face remains serious.

 

“I guess… I’m anxious about leaving. I’m just beginning to feel adjusted with everyone at headquarters… and now I will have to leave and make new connections all over again.”

 

A heat rises inside me; a shadow of irritation. “Speaking of connections… you don’t like to be touched? Since when? You had no problem clinging to me, or that new friend of yours…” I turn my face away so he can’t try to read my expression.

 

“You mean Kip? Not really. He’s a good guy, I guess, but I don’t really know him very well. I just mean the change in routine will be a bit annoying. As for you, Levi…. That’s different…”

 

I only heard the first half of his reply, and speak before I have to hear anything more. “Well enough to kiss him.” _Shit. I said it. Fuck!_ I stand and busy myself with my horse. “We should go; we’ve been out longer than planned.” I feel a hand on my elbow and the force behind it when I’m spun around is surprising. Michael is staring down into my eyes with a pained expression, obviously confused. I perfect my indifferent mask. “What?”

 

“How-… were you _following_ me?” He looks betrayed and I swear again for ever saying anything.

 

“How was I supposed to know you’d interrupt my walk with a sight like _that_. I was enjoying the peace and quiet until I noticed you two lovebirds. Hope you had a fun night.” I shake his hand off and mount my horse. Before I can kick my heels in and run away, he grabs the reigns to stop us.

 

“You didn’t see everything, I take it.” He isn’t looking my way and that suits me just fine.

 

“Like hell I’d stick around and _watch_ ; sorry, but that’s not my thing.”

 

“He kissed me… and for a moment I kissed back. But I stopped him; I didn’t want that to happen. I had a weak moment, but it’s not like that. In fact, after turning him down like that he probably won’t want anything to do with me again.” A pressure in my chest is relieved, and I hadn’t realized how much it had still been bothering me. Regardless, there was no reason for me to be upset.

 

“Why should I care? Do what you like. Either way, you’re leaving after tomorrow. So make your peace and move on or whatever.” That’s right, he was leaving. No matter what feelings I had, I wouldn’t see him again for three years at least. That was assuming we both lived until then, even.

 

He nods, looking forlorn, and releases my horse. We gallop the remaining distance to Headquarters in silence.

 

After returning, I carry Michael’s things in to avoid strange glances; stowing them in the compartment near his bed while the others had cleaning duties. Inside the trunk lay only his old folded cloak and two swords; the relics of his past. I’m careful not to disturb them. Afterwards, I enjoy a shower and retreat to my room for the evening. I pass Erwin in the hall and he grants me an acknowledging nod and a smirk. The way he always looks so smug and composed irks me, and I spend the next hour in a sour mood. Despite spending the day together, Michael arrives on time for his nightly lecture.

 

I have him copy paragraphs from a handbook containing military operations, as well as take notes when I speak. Both to teach him the subject as well as to straighten out the small differences in our alphabets. When he’s filled a page, I can see the improvement between the first paragraph and the last. His handwriting has adapted quickly and he seems to recall which letters should be substituted. There’s only one issue to note; the presence of an extra character at the end of some sentences on the parts that he wrote from listening.

 

“What is this?” I point to the symbol hanging off of the end of his last sentence.

 

“Oh… I’m sorry; I hadn’t even realized I was doing that. This may be harder than I thought… “He begins erasing the symbols one after the other. “It’s used to indicate the importance of the sentence. Sort of like a marker to say, ‘this is really important so never forget it’; we used it during note taking in school so I kind of did it without thinking…”

 

I begin to understand what he means. “Why not just underline it?”

 

“Underline it? Is that what your people do? That just sounds sloppy and time consuming. A simple symbol is much easier and neater.” He has a point, but I scowl at him as though I’ve taken offense.

 

“Whatever.” He chuckles; apparently seeing through me. We continue on until the usual time, and slowly run out of things to review. “Well, I really don’t have anything left to teach you. You’ve memorized everything expertly. You won’t need to come up tomorrow; this is your final lesson.” _I don’t know if I could handle seeing you on your last night, after all._

 

“Expertly, huh? Praise from the almighty Captain!”

 

“Don’t be a little shit, Michael.” He winces at the use of his proper name but I wave it off. For the first time in a few days, I pull up the spare chair and sit beside Michael at the desk. He slips a hand into his jacket pocket and withdraws the familiar flask.

 

“In that case… a drink?” My eyebrow rises in amusement but I nod my head. _Why the hell not._ He takes a large swig and passes it to me.

 

I stare at the rim of the flask for the second time. All that comes to mind are the various bacteria undoubtedly crawling over it, and although I’ve pressed my lips to it before I cannot ignore it this time to do the same. Michael looks questioningly at the teacup I pull over from the corner of the desk, and chuckles when I pour in the liquor. I bring the cool edge of the cup to my lips and sip the bitter liquid. Trying to divert his attention elsewhere, I address Michael. “I’m taking you off of laundry duty for tomorrow. It’s your last day, so use that time however you like; just don’t use it doing chores. If anyone questions you, just tell them that the Captain gave the order.”

 

“Is this because of Kip?” His voice is quiet, but lighthearted and airy. I feel myself loosening up the slightest bit, as well, and manage the closest thing to an honest answer as I can.

 

“Partly.” I shrug and try to feign interest in the plain walls of the room. “I just don’t like him. If he forced himself on you, you should be relieved.” There was a long silence; Michael neither confirming nor denying the situation. When he speaks again, it’s a bare whisper and he sounds nervous.

 

“Even though… this is the final lesson…” he stops and clears his throat, but doesn’t continue. I look at him and incline my head with a _go on_. “Uh. Could I still come by tomorrow evening? Before I leave?” A small discomfort presses at my chest. I definitely wanted to avoid that. Yet, when he asks me with his own voice my heart does a very unfamiliar flip.

 

“Sure. I’ll be here as always.” I finish off the last of my liquor and tip my cup towards Michael, who refills it obligingly before lifting it into the air between us.

 

“To new beginnings. Thank you, Levi.” I reluctantly follow suit, clinking my cup gently to the metal, and we drink. When we run out of liquor, it’s well into the night. Our words are sluggish, but otherwise, we remain unimpaired. Michael leaves quietly but I don’t get up from the desk. Instead, I find myself lost in his handwriting on the papers scattered in front of me; thinking about the three years ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is the last day until Michael ships off to training. If you hadn't guessed, there will be a sort of time skip here. Hope you all enjoy and bear with it!
> 
> Also, this chapter came to 4,999 words so OF COURSE I had to add a word in somewhere to make it 5k....... ^^'


	8. Keepsakes and Keepsafes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's last day with Levi before entering the military.

**Keepsakes and Keepsafes**

 

_Michael_

Morning comes and I eat my breakfast slowly, taking in the faces of those around me. Memorizing them and their places here in the mess hall gives me a sense of goodbye. When my eyes sweep over the room a second time, they stop at the sight of Kip walking through the open doors from the hallway. He’s talking happily with his friend John. He catches my gaze and immediately looks away. I watch them walk across the large room and take a place in line; not trying to hide my staring. _There’s no one to impress, anyway._

 

After a moment I return to the food atop my tray and finish all but the bread as usual. Kip and John brush past me and sit a few tables away. I’ve finished eating and have cleaned up before I look to Kip again. Walking past them and without looking, I toss my bread roll onto his tray; making my way outside to the stables immediately after.

 

-

 

Saying goodbye to Trill was almost the hardest part of my day. When I first stepped into the stables, she greeted me excitedly and warmly. Being confined to such a small space is hard for her; the muscles in her strong legs already stiff and awkward. I brushed her thoroughly and cleaned her small area as best as I could. I’d tried not to think about this moment for too long. Now that it was here, I found tears in my eyes.

 

“Levi will take care of you, girl. You’ll be better off here than outside the walls. Think of this as a rest! You’ll eat every day and have plenty of water…” My comforting words were helping only myself. I left her after a short time with a bittersweet feeling in my chest.

 

I now make my way to the small area where the laundry is washed. Kip and John are there. The atmosphere changes noticeably when they hear my footsteps in the grass and look my way. It’s quiet after they’ve stopped chatting; their hands each paused over a garment in their wash bins.

 

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Kip’s voice is cold as he looks back to his work.

 

I assume he’s referring to our daily duties. “I’ve finished my work. I thought I’d come and see if you needed any help over here.” My lips twitch up in an awkward smirk. _I come in peace?_ Kip glances at me and then to John before nodding his head.

 

We work in silence for a while. Kip and John hand me their newly washed items and I ring them out before hanging them to dry. Systematically we make our way through the majority of the piles. An hour has passed and John stands awkwardly. “I’m not feeling so hot. My hands are too wrinkled to continue on! I don’t know how you do this every day, man. I’m gonna take a break.” He dries his hands on his apron and starts to walk away. “Take over for me, Michael?”

 

I recall Levi telling me not to spend today doing chores… but with no better option, I kneel down at the bin beside Kip and start scrubbing. He doesn’t acknowledge me for a while and so my mind wanders. _Did he not mean it when he said we should remain friends? Have I hurt him too much? Is it even worth the effort… I’ll be gone tomorrow, anyway._

 

“Kip… are you… angry with me?” The words come out much more meekly than I intended; I worry he hasn’t heard me. He sighs heavily and drops a white shirt into the wash with a splash. There is obvious hurt in his eyes when he finally looks at me.

 

“I’m not angry at you…” One of his muscular arms lifts up to wipe sweat from his wrinkled brows. “I’m angry at _me,_ Michael. I never should have…. done that.” He finishes his thought quietly; wary of anyone within earshot.

 

“Don’t be angry. It’s really alright. As I said before… it’s not like I minded it…” My cheeks are heating up as I say it, but I’ve resolved to make my feelings clear. “It wouldn’t be fair to you, however. I should tell you properly that… there’s someone else that I like.”

 

The hurt in his eyes has dissipated, but there are clear signs of lingering pain in the tense lines around them. “I see.” He nods roughly and returns to work on the shirt in his wash bin. “I think… that actually makes me feel better. Somehow.” I don’t really get what he means, but I take it positively and continue with my own task. The mood is finally lighter and as the next hour passes we finish the remaining piles of laundry with small talk. The sun is directly above us in the sky and I can feel the burn on my skin indicating I’ve been here for too long. Luckily, the lunch bell rings.

 

Kip invites me to eat with him and John. I accept with indifference but in reality I am pleased to know things will be alright. We get seated and begin eating; thankfully there’s no bread this time.

 

“Soooo does anyone wanna tell me why you two spent the morning ignoring each other?” John gives us both a playful and questioning gaze. Kip’s eyes meet mine and we both turn away awkwardly.

 

“We just had a disagreement, is all. It’s fine now.” Kip shoves his friend’s shoulder and tries to change the subject. “Hey! When do you guys think the next expedition will be? I’ve seen Erwin and the others looking pretty shady lately.”

 

“No way it’ll be so soon! We still have people recovering! Not to mention next week is when the new recruits show up. I’m sure they’ll be waiting until our numbers are back up, yeah?”

 

John’s mention of the new recruits brings back my sour thoughts. Tomorrow I’ll be somewhere completely different, doing some entrance ceremony. All so I can saunter back here in three years like a _real_ soldier. Not the joke of a soldier I passed for back then….

 

“Well, whenever it is… I’m gonna do better next time! No more of this bullshit cowardice…” His eyes are determined, and he’s managed to contain the shake in his voice. Really, I feel proud.

 

“Ehhh!? So then, you’ll be earning yourself a cool nickname some time, huh?” John digs an elbow into Kip and looks across the table to me with a sly grin. “Something like… Kip the Grip! ‘Cause you’re so strong?” Kip gives him the most amusing glare I’ve ever seen and shakes his head tiredly. “Awww, no? Then how about….” He trails off in deep thought and Kip looks grateful for the moment of silence. I can’t help but ruin his relief with a little suggestion…

 

“Kippa-“ I start, but hesitate. _It’s embarrassing…_ Despite my time with the boys, I’ve rarely joked around with them. I’m unsure how they will react but feel the words on my tongue and force them out. “ _Kippa the Rippa!”_ I hear a faint echo and the surrounding tables go quiet and look our way.

 

 _Shit! Too loud!_ My smile instantly turns to a grimace and I look to Kip; training my face to say ‘I’m sorry’ as best I can. His cheeks start to turn red again and I watch John’s face change from confusion to realization.

 

“It’s PERFECT! Kippa the RIPPA!” The boy practically leaps from his seat in excitement and laughs; hooking arms around Kip’s neck and ruffling his hair like a child.

 

Though he glares at me angrily, I see a small twitch resembling a smile on Kip’s pink lips. With that, I can’t help but laugh myself. I give a big, goofy grin to Kip; hoping he takes it as a farewell gift. The tables around us are laughing through their confusion, but eventually calm down and forget about us. Kip remains grumpy throughout lunch. When I part with them afterwards, my chest feels lighter and I can happily say Kip will be just fine.

 

 _Take care of each other._ I let my feet carry me to my bed in the barracks, where I fall into the mattress for a while; listening to the silence and clearing my mind. _That’s right. I have things to do._

 

The old trunk at the end of the bunk bed creaks when I open the lid. I’ve been fortunate so far; my bunkmate doesn’t appear to have any extra belongings to store here. My swords and cloak have remained undisturbed, and the new clothes from Levi are still folded immaculately. I haven’t brought myself to move them. The symmetry of the folds and crisp, deliberate edges are each a reminder of Levi’s quirks. I hadn’t expected him to fold them for me when he brought them here, but each was obviously cared for and gently placed within the trunk for me to find. Underneath the stack of clothing I find the original cloth sack that held them, and so I busy myself filling it. After carefully placing all but two items in the bag, I close up the ends and place it back into the trunk.

 

Now, seeing Levi would be the _real_ hardest part of my day.

 

-

 

_Levi_

 

I spent the day in my room. I opted out of both breakfast and lunch before giving in to my angry stomach and fetching dinner; which I then brought to my room to enjoy. The day passed idly as I finalized paperwork for Erwin and plans for Michael. Keeping busy in the quiet room was somehow therapeutic. I didn’t need to think about the events happening tonight.

 

 _Why had I agreed to see him again?_ As I sit here staring down at the warm meal atop my desk, only conflicting emotions fill me. I’ve spent the day hiding from Michael; hiding from these thoughts. Now that night has come I find them catching up to me. My paperwork is done and preparations are complete. In the dead of night tonight my underground contacts will sneak Michael away and take him from my protection. I work my way through the meal slowly; each bite representing a new emotion or thought I wish to swallow and never see again. I am pulled from my brooding when Michael’s usual knock hits the door. I push my dinner tray back until it hits the wall and rise to let Michael in.

 

As he steps through the threshold my breath catches, and it’s a feeling my body is growing accustomed to with him. Rather than appearing in his usual attire, the standard uniform; he’s wearing the white shirt and black pants from our outing yesterday. The soft fabric of the pants hugs his hips perfectly; guiding my eyes down his legs, to his feet, and back up again.  The skin of his collarbones peeks out of his dress shirt. He’s left the top buttons undone in a messy way that I both hate and adore. Michael looks like a freshly painted canvas; gifted only to me.

 

I allow my eyes to settle on his and notice a flush in his cheeks. _He saw me… staring at him._ He inclines his head in a small greeting and closes the door behind him before taking a few steps into the room. I can’t stop the awkward shifting of my legs as I try to remain casual. _Did I upset him? Does he care?_

 

After clearing his throat quietly, he addresses me for the first time today. “Good evening, Levi.” His voice is smooth, and somehow intimate in the way he coos my name. There’s a calm happiness in his eyes that I hadn’t expected to see. What _had_ I expected? “Thank you for having me here tonight.” He is watching me closely and suddenly I am nervous. _Seriously. What had I expected?_

 

In an attempt to shift the mood I motion to the teakettle atop the desk, resting beside my forgotten dinner tray. He nods and thanks me as I pour us both a cup. The smell of the relaxing blend brings my mind back to order and so I allow my attention to settle on Michael again; this time on his hands. He extends a familiar bundle towards me and I automatically reach out to take it.

 

The two swords clank together as my arms dip under their weight. The cloth of the cloak slides around the metal and leather loosely. “I know it may be a bother, but… would you keep them safe for me? They’re all I have left from my home, yet I can’t take them with me.” His voice drops to a low whisper towards the end of his sentence and I finally see behind his mask. He’s hurting after all.

 

“Sure. I’ll keep them safe and hidden.” I shift the swords to my left hand and extend my right towards Michael. He takes it firmly and shakes to seal the deal. His warm hand has softened after days without battle. When he pulls away, my own hand feels chilled and lost. As I place the bundle underneath my bed for temporary hiding, Michael sits in the chair at the desk and sips the tea I poured for him.

 

“Thanks, Levi. I know you’re probably tired of hearing that, but…” he trails off and lets the sentence linger in the air.  I pull up my usual seat and relax. We sit in content silence for a time and my mind wanders once again to all of the things I cannot say. As if I’ve ever been able to express myself. When my teacup empties I look towards Michael. His long hair is swept back in it’s usual place; tied tightly with his old bandana. An idea comes to mind.

 

“Oi.” He turns a surprised look my way and I continue. “What about that hair? I assumed it was long because you had no way to cut it. Don’t tell me you actually _like_ it that way?” I curse myself for ruining what was meant to be a normal question with an insult.

 

Luckily, Michael doesn’t seem fazed. “I hate it, actually. I’m pretty adverse to hair in general. Fortunately I don’t have much facial hair to worry about, but there was never anything I could do about this.” He points to the top of his head as if to make a statement. “I’ve always kept it short when I could.”

 

I stand and stretch before walking over to my small nightstand, where I extract a pair of scissors from underneath my piles of paperwork. “I’ll cut it for you. Stand up.” I expect him to give some reaction, but he merely nods and stands as I’ve asked. I walk over to the desk and shove it a few feet over; effectively blocking the door but opening up the area where it once was. The mirror that usually hangs above the desk is now easily accessible and so I replace Michael’s chair in front of it. “Sit.” Again, he complies without a word while reaching his hand back and untying his hair. I watch his reflection in the mirror as the long strands of hair fall down around his chin and neck. A few longer pieces brush the smooth skin of his collarbones. The top of his white dress shirt is clearly going to be a problem. In fact, I have nothing to protect him from falling hair; so the _whole_ shirt is a problem. I’m hesitant now. My earlier commands were simple enough, but would he finally react to this one? How will _I_ react to it? “Take off your shirt.”

 

He jumps noticeably in his seat and his reflection is a perfect shade of rose-pink. I watch as he swallows a large breath; his Adam’s Apple dipping slightly as his hands trail down his chest, button by button. With each new piece of flesh revealed I feel the blood rushing in my veins. He folds his shirt neatly and places it atop the desk nearby.

 

The first time my fingertips slip into his soft hair, he shivers. I move slowly and meticulously, savoring the closeness. His shoulders are tense when my fingers graze them, collecting sections of hair to trim. Whenever my eyes peek at the mirror to check my work from the front, his gaze is trained on me intently; leaving me unfamiliarly nervous. Once all the perimeter of his hair has been trimmed to an appropriate length, I allow my hands to wander the smooth flesh of his neck; brushing aside the long, loose strands that have fallen there. In the moments I slip and show a bit of want towards Michael, he never shies away from me.

 

_He rejected Kip… would he reject me?_

 

My fingers are still lingering over his shoulders. I glance at the mirror again to see that he is still watching me, and his eyes are dark and hooded; casting a shadow over his blushed cheeks. The confidence that usually fills me has been fading, but the look in his eyes brings it back in startling stride. I make a choice. My touch trails down to each of his collarbones and I rest my palms firmly on either side of his neck. Our eyes never disconnect in the mirror as I trace small circles around his nape with my thumbs. His flesh is hot and inviting when he leans into the touch; telling me with certainty that this is alright. He won’t push me back like he did with Kip.

 

There’s a tightness in my chest that I can’t begin to explain, and when I see his lips part with a pleasurable sigh the tightness travels southward and into my hips. I lean down and bring my lips to his ear; hovering there as my mind races with the many possibilities.

 

_What am I doing? I shouldn’t be thinking about things like this…_

 

Even as the thought rushes through me, a more prominent and instinctual urge overcomes it. My right hand slides up from his collar and under his chin; guiding him to turn his head. For the first time our eyes disconnect from the mirror and reconnect here in the real world; merely inches apart as we pause to absorb the closeness. Even after coming this far, a doubtful thought tugs at me and I hesitate just a moment too long; it’s almost uncomfortable. Just when I’m about to hate myself for it, Michael’s body shifts fractionally and his lips are on mine; a hand grasping my own that still remains on his shoulder. He’s gentle and shaky as if afraid I might run.

 

_I won’t run. I can’t run, now._

 

When I respond by pressing firmly into his kiss, he seems reassured; confidently sucking at my lips with more power than before. There’s passion in the way he moves and the small moans that escape him when we briefly part. As we come together again I slide my tongue over his lip and he welcomes me hungrily; moving his tongue in rhythm with my own. He allows me full control when I gently tug at his hair, tilting his head for a more favorable angle. There’s warmth spreading throughout my entire being and I know it won’t be fading any time soon.

 

When I’m certain that I’ve lost my mind to a needy haze, I pull away gently and open my eyes. He’s returning my look with a needy expression that shakes me to my core and I want to- _need_ to have him, but my sense gets the better of me. I pull farther away with heavy breath and study his face carefully _. I’ll memorize every bit before saying goodbye._

 

We don’t say anything further and instead I return to his haircut. Whenever my eyes meet his again in the mirror, I try to keep a smile from my mouth upon noticing his expression. Michael’s face is laughable; a smug smile plays on his lips while his cheeks remain blushed. It shows his youth perfectly and reminds me of the sides of him that only I get to see. With the haircut completed, Michael stands and inspects himself before brushing the stray hair from his chest and clothing. I quickly begin clearing the hair from the floor and Michael wastes no time putting the furniture back in place. When we have run out of tasks to busy ourselves with we are left in an awkward silence. Michael now stands at the desk, leaning against it for support while I stand uncertainly a few feet in front of him. His eyes aren’t meeting mine but his playful smirk still tugs at his lips.

 

“How much time… do we have?” His voice is quiet and quivering. Knowing now that I won’t be pushed away, I move closer. He’s replaced his shirt but left it unbuttoned; a trail of smooth skin leads my gaze down his chest to the small trail of hair at his navel. I’m only inches away when I stop and raise a hand to brush his cheek soothingly.

 

“An hour, maybe less…” His hand reaches up to hold mine still against his cheek.

 

“I kissed Kip because he reminded me of you, somehow.” The sudden topic change shocks me and I pull my hand away. “And I stopped kissing him because he _isn’t you_.” Michael closes the remaining distance between us and wraps his arms around me. I don’t return the gesture; embracing people isn’t really my thing. He doesn’t seem discouraged, however, and simply holds me like that for a long and content moment. In just the short time since Michael entered my room this evening, I’ve been nothing like myself. The array of unfamiliar emotions I feel when he speaks again follows right along the same path. “I’m sorry, Levi.”

 

The words are hot in my ear and my head spins. I’ve no frame of reference for how to act; having never experienced these things before. For lack of creativity, I simply nuzzle my nose into the crook of his neck and allow him to tighten his hold on me.

 

We spend the remaining time sitting closely atop my bed; Michael holds my hand and tells me quiet stories of his home. With each small memory I feel a stronger sense of unease. I can almost feel the swords from under my bed, begging to come out and be cared for. When the time comes for him to sneak outside, he squeezes my hand and places a simple, gentle kiss on my lips. I return the motion and add a few pecks of my own. “Goodbye for now, Levi.”

 

“I’ll see you in three years, Misha.” _Count on it._

 

He leaves my room quietly, with a painful expression and a hanging head. I’m sure it’s apparent that I don’t sleep that night; or many after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that this chapter took so much longer than the others to post! I had a lot going on that was keeping me occupied. Even when I finally sat down to write it, it took me 4x as long as usual! This chapter was difficult for me to write, but I hope that you all still enjoy it. As always, concrit welcome <3 I don't know if I've mentioned this previously but I do have a tumblr where I occasionally remember to post about WC stuff (I'm new to it and so I often forget) but feel free to follow me [here](http://sleazyjeezy.tumblr.com/); where I track 'fic: world citizens' and 'world citizens' and maybe others idefk.


	9. Training and Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael suffers through three years of training. Will he emerge a better man?

**Training and Graduation**

 

_Michael_

 

I stand with heavy feet placed meticulously atop the wooden platform. My back is so straight that it hurts, and the muscles in my arms are shaky from my ongoing salute. The man in front of the podium is droning on and on while the audience members yawn and shift uncomfortably in their seats. With a glance to each side of me, I see my fellow soldiers with the same irritated face. _This_ is what we have waited three long years for? I sigh inwardly and let my mind take me elsewhere.

 

-

 

The first year of training was the hardest. After leaving Levi's side my nightmares only grew worse. I spent every day in a tired daze, pushing my body to it's limits and ignoring the strange visions that plagued me. My bunk-mate, Stevens, was kind enough to let me rest to the last second every morning before dragging me to the showers. There must be something about me that radiates gay despite my equal interest in women, because it didn't take long to notice a few of the other men eyeing me each morning. I kept to myself and stayed cold to almost everyone; trying to say Not Available.

 

Regardless, the large and looming halls of the training grounds became cold and lonely when you had too much time to think. Being alone for years outside of the walls had changed me in a dark way. I had felt that darkness fading while near Levi and Kip, but each passing day away from them was bringing it back. This time I was bringing that loneliness willingly, which only served to irritate me. I handled my self-loathing in the small gym, located in the basement of my building. It was simple and secluded; designed to provide a space for those over-achievers who wanted work in their off-hours. Luckily for me there were few of those types here, and I was usually alone.

 

One evening, months into my run as a trainee, I had a particularly rough work out. That day we were taught how to balance with our new 3D Maneuvering Gear, and my entire body was in pain. Regardless, I didn't feel like it was enough. I wanted to push my body until I couldn't stand or even think. I didn't want to remember Levi anymore. I didn't want anymore bloody visions of my Uncle Ken. When I was dead-tired, I could sleep dreamlessly.

 

I pushed my body to it's breaking point before stumbling into the showers. The water was ice cold any time of the day but an hour in the morning. The ice felt like needles on the bare skin of my back. I suppose that last painful sensation was what I was looking for, because it was then that the tears finally came. I lowered myself onto the filthy floor and cried under the ice-rain. The warmth of my tears was stolen away as soon as they hit my cold skin, but I didn't move. That pitiful self didn't deserve warmth.

 

After that night, I felt like a new person. When I would retreat to the gym immediately after meals, it was not to avoid anyone or anything. I had a purpose. I was going to face the darkness within me.

 

-

 

After the second year began, it became easier to see who was there to work and who was there to look good. The top ten of my squad at the time were all those born with talent and no brains. Each strong or agile, some cunning; all reaching towards the top only to hide within the safety of the Capital. That wasn't me. I continued my individual training when I had the time, and even started making friends.

 

After some time, and a lot of effort, I managed to channel my negatives into something worthwhile. I became the third-best in my class at hand-to-hand combat. Through this, I got to know a few good people who really helped me improve. Mealtime became a little lighter with the addition of friendly banter, and I found myself waking up before my bunk-mate a few times. Before I realized it, my obscene visions were fading to once-a-day occurrences. Eventually, they stopped. This didn't mean I ever forgot my tragedies; or the task given me by my uncle. What it meant was that it no longer controlled me from deep within.

 

There were so many things I wanted to tell Levi. I wrote letter after letter only to tear them up and burn them. I couldn't jeopardize everything he had risked in sending me here. I would emerge from my training as a soldier of the Survey Corps and tell him those things in person.

 

-

 

I'm torn from my reverie by the sound of dull applause. The speech-giving man bows humbly and shuffles off stage after a brief salute towards my line of soldiers. We stand in a perfectly spaced row of ten; in order from the lowest rank to the highest. Standing on the old stage gives me a feeling of swelling pride and I focus my eyes into the large crowd in the hopes of spotting the one face I want to see.

 

Before I can find anyone familiar, we are ushered off the stage and join the crowd below as other audience members now ascend to the stage in our place. Of them, I spot a recognizable form; Erwin Smith's bright and well-kept blonde hair. We stand uncomfortably once again as more and more exaggerated speeches pour down from the podium.

 

-

 

When our third year began, it was like I was a new person. I could laugh and joke openly again. My new-found personality began attracting glances from my shower-mates again; no longer scared away by my dark aura. Although I thought of Levi every day, three years was a very long time. I began returning the heated gaze of another solider near my age. He was well-built and a few inches taller than me, with wild hair the color of chestnuts.

 

One night, he came to me in the gym with a devilish gleam in his eye. He stood perched in the doorway as I hung upsidedown from an iron bar, doing crunches and counting aloud. I could see his playful grin widen as he watched me. When he ran his toungue lightly over his lips, I could almost feel it graze over the sweaty skin of my abdomen. I made sure not to look away as I continued my count. Before I could finish saying 'one hundred', he was already striding towards me; his shirt forgotten on the floor.

 

We each filled ourselves on the flavor of the other; daring to lose our senses in lust for just one moment. His tongue was as lively as his personality and greedily begged for me to come. I returned the favor eagerly before retreating to the upper levels and showering. We repeated the scene a few times over the course of the year. It was never serious and we never went any further than that. During one of our few conversations, I learned that he would join the Garrison. I decided to sever our ties before I started feeling attached. Afterall, neither my goal or my heart had ever wavered; I was returning to Levi in only a few months.

 

As graduation neared our new ranks would be posted every week. I climbed ever slowly into the top ten. It was on the day of posting that I overheard some soldiers talking. Survey Corps is on thin ice. Desperate. Fuck-ups. They were losing soldiers faster than they could gain them, and with nothing to show for it.

 

The news hit hard. I had always assumed that with a man like Levi among them, they would succeed no matter what. That was the belief that his presence had given me. I was naive. I would wish every day that Levi and Kip and everyone else were alright.

 

-

 

As Erwin's speech came to a close I was forced to see the reality of it all again. A large wave of graduates walked away immediately, and then slowly the number of people leaving lessened every minute. Until eventually, only about twenty of us remained. For all of the soldiers lost every time they left the walls, they were getting only twenty new ones this year. My eyes stung but there was a stern resolve behind them. I gave my best salute alongside the others and proudly stood as a member of the Survey Corps.

 

Hours later, we are all briefed and have gathered our belongings. We are given horses and ride together until late in the evening. I look around me to the troops accompanying Erwin and my eyes are searching again for that face. I don't see him. Levi isn't here. My mind is racing through all of the possibilities. The rumors and stories about the Corps' most recent missions; the rising death toll and the many soldiers deemed MIA. I feel a cold sweat on my back and my chest feels heavy. The swaying horse suddenly makes my stomach sick. _Where are you, Levi?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had this chapter written and then totally re-wrote the whole thing because it was super dark and angsty and just pitiful. I like some angst here and there, but MAN Idk what I was thinking there. Hope this pleases, though. My writing is clearly rusty after all this time :


	10. Shitty Poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Levi have less-than-a-reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being such a butthead and not just giving people what they want.
> 
> BUT LEVI'S SWAGGER THO.

**Shitty Poetry**

 

_Michael_

 

The hard metal of the shovel handle blisters my hands even through my thin gloves. My nose is full of the all-too-familiar stench of horse shit and hay, mixing with the smell of my own sweat. As I pile another shovel full of crap into my wheelbarrow I am overcome with the spirit of a poet.

 

 _“Horse shit is shitty._  
_This shitty shit is bullshit._  
_This so fucking sucks.”_

 

A hand slaps me across my back and a tinge of embarrassment washes over me when I realize I said it aloud. “It’s not s’bad, man. Almost there.” My newly assigned chore partner has a smirk on his face, but returns to diligently shoveling.

 

I look around the stable for what must have been the millionth time, hoping that Trill’s familiar figure would appear. I feel like the dumbass who constantly checks the foodstores in hopes something new has appeared in the last ten minutes. Constantly disappointed and left wondering what became of my long-time best friend. After another glance, _one-million-and-one_ , I give up and sigh at my shovel.

 

I return to reciting shit poetry until we get to move on; this time in my head.

 

-

 

After scrubbing myself over a solid four times to get the stench out, I detour to my belongings and change to a fresh uniform. Although I’ve received plenty of mocking whispers from others, I have diligently kept up my hygiene habits over the years. Almost pitifully, I find myself hopeful that Levi will praise me when we finally meet again.

 

Walking through the familiar wooden halls again after all this time leaves a bittersweet taste on my tongue. It was only for a week, but that week was full of so many important moments for me.

 

_I used to walk those stairs every evening, heart in my throat, eager to meet with Levi. These halls bore witness to our late night rendezvous, and heard our quiet whispers in his chamber…_

 

I couldn’t get enough of those painful memories. Painful now, because even though days had passed since coming back to this place, I had yet to meet Levi again. I caught no one speaking of him, and dared not ask and risk anyone asking questions. We weren’t supposed to know one another.

 

This walk down memory lane had taken me right to what was once Levi’s door. From the looks of it now, he no longer stayed there. The place meant to hold a simple nameplate was left empty and held a distinct layer of dust. As my fingers traced over the smooth metal that once held the name _CPL LEVI_ , my mind was caught adrift on a memory.

 

_-_

 

_That first night, walking up the stairs to Levi’s room, was probably the most afraid I’ve ever been. Forget Titans! I was so nervous I had even brought booze to calm my nerves. Despite that, he had ignored what must have been an uncomfortable sharing of germs for the sake of a bad joke. He’d done that for me._

 

_That night, I allowed myself to show all of my emotions to Levi. Instead of scorning me, he gave me words to live by for all of these years._

 

 _“I’ve never been especially fond of it, but they call me_ _Humanity’s Strongest Soldier._ _That means, Michael, that you can put some faith in me. I won’t be dying any time soon. You can bet that, after three years, you will return here as a real soldier. Then, I’ll be here waiting.”_

-

 

I can practically hear his voice echoing those words on the other side of the abandoned door. My nose is so close to the wood surface that I smell the dust and lingering mold of old trees.

 

 _Where the hell are you, then, Humanity’s Strongest Disappointment?_ The thought is harsh even in my own head and I am glad I’m not able to say it to his face. Regret looms over me but has little time to set in before I hear the distinct sound of a throat clearing behind me.

 

With a start, I turn roughly and almost fall back into the door.

 

“Daydreaming of the day your name is on that door, soldier?”

 

I gulp hard and try not to sound too shaken when I reply. “S-sort of, Sir. Gets kind of cramped down in the barracks, after a while.” I give my best smirk and resist the urge to wipe the obvious sweat from my brow. The tall, looming blonde figure takes a quiet step towards me while looking thoughtfully at the door.

 

“I still remember the first time I got promoted to my own room. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. Do I finally read a book in peace and quiet? Or do I rub one out behind the first locked door I’ve had access to in years?” He laughs airily and looks at me expectantly.

 

“S-sir! I- uh…” Fucking. Speechless.

 

“Lighten up a little, recruit.” He pats me on the shoulder and steps back to lean against the wall. It doesn’t help to relax me. I stand stiffly at full attention, although shaky on my feet. “We’ve got a few of these rooms available now. Work hard and you just might get some privileges here. Corporal Levi was the last to use this one, so at least we know it’s clean, right?”

 

I stop myself before responding lightly, and remind myself again that _I don’t know anyone named Levi._ “Corporal Levi, sir?”

 

“Oh, right. Your group only just got here. He’s been away for a while, but you’ll see what I’m talking about soon enough. Anyway, you’d better move on to the mess hall before the food runs out, eh?” He gives a small wave and continues down the hall to the set of stairs that take him to the top floor, where his room resides.

 

_Goddamn Erwin Smith just joked to me about masturbation. What has happened to this place?_

 

I blink a few times and walk stiffly away, praying he didn’t recognize me or become suspicious. After all of my little detours, I hardly noticed how time had passed to the point of almost missing lunch. At the realization, my stomach starts an alarm that feels a lot like it’s somehow punching itself.

 

My feet carry me to the mess hall with more gusto than I feel I possess. The place has only a small trickle of people moving about the line and finding seats. I step up to the line and grab a tray; filling it with as much food as I can get away with. Out of either nostalgia or habit, I take a seat at the table I once shared with Kip and his pals, as I have every day since returning. It’s distinctly older, with new scratches and unidentified stains. The old, faded remnants of Kip’s chicken scratch peek out from under some fresher graffiti. “ _Kippa the Rippa”_ had been not-so-cleverly changed to “ _Kippa the Dippa”_. I pray it’s not alluding to any new habits he acquired after my leave.

 

The recruits from my training squad who chose the Scouting Legion weren’t particularly close. Those that did mingle seemed to keep their distance from me, which was just fine for my purposes. I watch a few of them clearing trays and chatting quietly as they empty the room. After a few minutes, I am alone with only the remaining food on my plate and the sound of clattering from within the kitchen. The staff must already be cleaning up and preparing for dinner. I eat the already cold food slowly; not feeling a particular sense of haste.

 

Even after my food has gone, my body doesn’t move. I can’t take my eyes off of the old table. It’s been the same every day since returning. How I long to speak with Levi and learn what’s become of him, Kip, and Trill. A part of me feels silly for hanging onto so much despite trying to live a life disconnected from society. My nail scrapes at a crusted over glob along the surface, but I am broken from my reverie by the sounds of footsteps and laughter.

 

Not wanting to look like a complete weirdo, I stand and make as if I was just cleaning up the table tops with an old cloth I had used as a napkin. As the rambunctious figures enter the hall, I glance up to give a polite nod before standing slack-jawed and stone-still in place.

 

Levi enters amidst a group of people I have never seen. They all surround him, jovially pushing one another about and ruffling hair. The air of victory is about them; all of them but Levi. He’s as beautiful and handsome as I have always remembered, but I’m confused when I see that his eyes are now level with my chin. I had thought we were the same height. His muscular build is the same from what I can glance around his cloak, and the darkness circling his eyes tells me he still doesn’t rest well.

 

My heart is beating out of my chest, and I can almost feel tears in my eyes as they step ever closer; hardly noticing me in their celebrations. Remembering my place, but unable to stay quiet, I strike my best salute as he passes not two feet in front of me on his way to the food line.

 

“Corporal Levi, sir!” My boots clack loudly, and the level in my voice easily matches his companions’. Still, he continues to stare straight ahead as he walks, and calmly begins filling a tray. His comrades notice me and give me a sympathetic look, but none offer much until a petite girl with fair hair gives me a small pat on the back.

 

“Don’t worry about it. He’s like that with everyone!” She smiles a sweet smile and moves to follow the others in line.

 

 _Not with me_ , I think to myself. A moment passes before I release my salute. Levi has already sat at a table across the way. His face is unreadable and cold, with no hint of recognition for me. His companions give me sideways glances and looks of sad understanding, save for one older man wearing the same cravat and distinct scorn as Levi. With a broken heart, I clear away my trash and retreat to the training room. If there was one thing I was good at, it was drowning my emotions in the pain of a good workout.

 

-

 

After my best effort at incapacitating myself through push-ups, I shower and collapse into bed. I forgo supper and even skip my evening duties. Sleep eludes me as usual, but I lay instead in a fog of promises:

 

My promise to Uncle Ken.

 

Levi’s promise to me.

 

The unspoken promises I _thought_ we exchanged in our kiss.


	11. Effort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is having a seriously shitty time. And just when things are looking up for a small moment... more shit. Sorry.

**Effort**

_Michael_

Days go by with little happening to note. I was given no more chances to see or speak with Levi. It seems that he and his newly appointed squad were out on a _hush-hush_ kind of mission for a while. The day they returned in time for a late lunch was the first and last day I had seen him.

 

I’m still quite uncertain just what had unfolded there in the mess hall. Had Levi not recognized me? I had kept my hair short, but wore it very differently. I’m much more muscular now; being well fed made the current me into a heavy contrast from three years ago. The uniforms were a tad different, as well. Hell, even my face looks more like that of an adult now, which is strange to me as I’ve been an adult for some time now.

 

Maybe Levi had just plain ignored me, however. Was he no longer interested? Had the three years apart made him realize that I was just another man, who happened to be from a far-away place? Perhaps he had actually found me too forward. Maybe he caught on to my unstable psyche and wanted out. _But I’m better now! I haven’t had a vision in months!_

 

Wracking my brain over it was doing me no good. My squad mates were getting irritated during our daily sparring and chores; chastising me and even, dare I say it, bullying me. Not that I ever cared. Their remarks and insults roll off of my shoulders and into the horse shit of the stables when compared to Levi’s rejection.

 

_Was I rejected!?_

 

There I go again.

 

In need of distraction, I resort to the usual affair.

 

-

 

The training room has the familiar stench of old sweat and leather. A few of the wooden contraptions creak when I put my weight down atop them, but each station feels so familiar to me now.

 

The few other folks hanging around back away a bit when they see my intensity. I can tell they are mostly there to talk shit where the higher ranks won’t hear them.

 

“You’re Michael, innit?” I recognize the man speaking to me to be the same who helped me muck the stables before. I give him a passive nod as I lift the heavy weights over my head and back down to my sides, over and over. “I hear you come down ‘ere er’y day. That true?”

 

“I come when I have the spare time, yeah.” I let out a huff of air as I set the weights down and take a few steps to the iron bar mounted on the near wall.

 

“Well me an’ the guys ‘ere are wonderin’…. Why you put all that effort in? You can’t punch them Titans to death.” He gives a smarmy grin and elbows his mate in the ribs, who returns the gesture.

 

A woman stands to his other side and wears the same grin. “Yeah. Or do you maybe plan on hitting the rest of us sometime?”

 

 _I am so not in the mood for this shit right now._ I glare at their faces, now upside down from my current position, and count out a few more reps until my abdominals are satisfied with the burn. When finished, I gracefully fall, flip, and land solidly on my feet before turning to them. “Yeah, if you plan on giving me a reason to.” I keep my eyes level and cool while wiping the sweat from my neck and toweling out my hair. Just because I smell like sweat doesn’t mean I need to be bathed in it.

 

“Nah, man. Nuttin’ like that. Some of us just think maybe yer try’na show us up, is all.”

 

I chuckle at that stereotypical thought pattern. “You ever think maybe I just like working out?” Something in me is feeling dark again, and if these guys push it, it _will_ spill out.

 

“No one _likes_ working out, man.” Dumbass #2 states matter-of-factly.

 

“Well. I do.” I have an eyebrow raised and I _swear_ that eyebrow totally says, “ _Shut the fuck up and leave it alone.”_ He doesn’t seem to read it that way.

 

Dumbass #1 speaks up again, with the woman at his side nodding along. “Look, mate, we just think it’d be cool if you di’nt show up for awhile, tha’s all. Y’know, give the rest of us some time ‘t play catch up, yeah?” He says it friendly enough, but his body language is all threatening.

 

_Let me guess. You just want this space to fuck off all day and fondle your girlfriend there. Then where would I let off all of my steam? Oh, that’s right. I’d let it all out in the form of a foot in your ass, you cocky sonofabitch._

 

“You’re more than welcome to ‘play catch up’ any time. I’m surely not in your way here.” With a final telepathic threat, I toss my towel right into his ugly face. _I hope it fucking reeks._

 

He slowly pulls the towel down, revealing a very red, very angry scowl. _Guess it worked._

 

There’s a long pause where his buddies look shocked and he himself looks at a loss for words. They quickly find him however, as he begins to take long strides towards me.

 

“You cocky little shi-!” He stops in his tracks, the final _mystery_ word hanging in the air. His eyes are lost somewhere behind me. In only a moment, his face totally changes and he motions to his friends before they all immediately walk past me and out of the entryway. I hear their thundering footsteps as they ascend the stairs right outside the training room in a hurry.

 

Curious to whatever changed their minds, I turn just in time to see Levi removing various straps from his uniform while sitting atop a cushioned bench. He doesn’t look my way, if he even notices I am present. We are now alone. I watch in shock for the second time as he moves about his tasks with no signs of acknowledging me. He slowly strips his shirt and meticulously folds it before setting it carefully to the side. The pure white shirt perfectly accentuates the pale skin beneath, and I have to blink a few times before I can peel my eyes away. As I do, I swear I catch Levi looking away from my own bare chest. I can’t help but lower my eyes at him in aggravation.

 

“ _Oh, come ON!”_ I say a little too loudly as I cross my arms over my chest and shift my weight to one foot. “You can’t seriously be _ignoring_ me. You clearly know I am here. Hellooo?” I perk an eyebrow at him, but get not the slightest response. “Wow.” I sigh, dumbfounded.

 

Finally, he looks directly into my eyes with a stone-cold face, and speaks in an equally cold voice. “Can I help you, soldier?”

 

_HolyshitIwanttosmackyousohard!!_

 

All I manage is an open-mouthed, exasperated _huh!?_

 

_Real smooth, Michael._

 

“If you’re not going to exercise, leave. I prefer to do this alone.”

 

_Oh, hell no._

 

Without a word, I turn back to the iron bar and swing my legs back up. I resume my previous count and make my goal double the usual. _This is my territory, short stack._

 

Levi performs his warm-up elegantly. With every stretch I can see his muscles contort and bend right back into shape. _10 out of 10. Would watch again._ I don’t try to hide my staring, hoping to make him as uncomfortable as he is clearly trying to make me. When my count has finished, I swing down again and begin stretching my legs.

 

This strange ritual of uncomfortable exchanges goes on until Levi eventually deems he is finished and begins to redress. By this time, I am back at the iron bar, this time doing pull-ups. I say nothing as he walks to the entryway and stops. He takes a moment and I realize he may be ready to say something, so I drop to the floor and wait without moving.

 

“Do you seriously do this every day?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why?” He sounds genuinely confused and serious, and I stifle a chuckle.

 

“If I don’t, I won’t be able to keep my promises.”

 

He takes in my words silently before continuing up the stairs and out of my sight.

 

 _This was certainly the most interesting and eventful training session I have ever had._ Despite not making any real progress with Levi, I felt better. Whether from the extra-long workout, or the _ridiculously invigorating_ eyeful of working Levi muscle, I just don’t know.

 

-

 

As I gather my things and make my way to the showers, I am acutely aware of the lingering arousal tickling my inner belly. Seeing Levi in a state of undress, with just enough sweat to glisten his skin….

 

It was enough to drive a man insane. _Hell, even the straight ones._

 

The showers are empty, as usual this time of day. Most who use the training room don’t bother to shower after every use, and opt instead to wait for the hot water in the mornings. I’m more than grateful for this, for when I strip my pants and step under the icy water, it does little to calm the sturdily erect member bobbing under the stream. I rest my hands on the shower wall and lean forward slightly; shielding the front of my body from the cold while I adjust. Looking down, all I see is the thin line of black hair leading my eyes away from my navel and down to my erection.

 

I stand there for a minute, and contemplate it. Although I am alone, and the showers usually stay empty in my daily visits here, I am not into getting caught in such a position. I will it to go down. I try to think of other things. The anger and confusion I’ve been feeling these past few weeks. The shitty people around me who all seem to dislike me for no reason. That shithead who almost made me beat his face inside out in the training room.

 

The training room. Levi. Levi training. Levi’s beautiful pecs and abs, moving with each count of an exercise…

 

 _Damn it!_ This was seriously not working. I place my hard cock beneath the cold water again, and all it does it numb the feeling a bit. I’m still quite at attention.

 

With a quick glance around, I work up the courage and run my hands down my chilled skin. It’s been a while since I gave in to these urges all on my own, and I decide to take my time with it. I imagine Levi’s hands are running gently over my collarbones, like that sweet time in the darkness of his room. They trail lightly over each nipple, a sweet tease of touch that is gone in an instant but affects me _deep down_.

 

I press my fingertips into my skin as they slide over my abdominals and down my hips, wrapping my waist and tickling at my thighs. I massage my hands over myself, touching everywhere but _there._ Focusing all of the pent-up energy in my body into one location: the delicious erection awaiting my attention. I pull my hands back up, sliding my fingers between my legs and grazing the sensitive skin of my sack. I allow one hand to massage gently as the other finally, _sweetly_ wraps around the base of my cock and squeezes tightly.

 

I can tell already that I won’t last long. My mind is racing through memories of Levi; fantasies of the things I would do to that glorious body if given the chance. I wanted to hear him moan my name the way the mere thought of him was making me at this very moment. I wanted to taste him. The thoughts alone are enough to push me to the edge. I slowly begin to pump up and down, dragging it out to the very tip before driving it back home with a firm thrust. The cold water doesn’t even register in my mind now; I’m too absorbed in my world.

 

I look down and can’t help but to admire my own hard length. I watch my hands play with myself and imagine Levi is behind me, snaking his arms around me and gently gripping me…

 

I’m right on the edge, and I feel the pressure building inside. But as I imagine those hands on me, I realize… I’m _not_ imagining it. There are two sets of hands now, and I am instantly on high alert as I swing around.

 

Dumbass #2 is standing behind me with a large smirk on his face. I can’t help but notice he is naked, and his own dick is pointing at me with fervor. When my eyes meet his, his face instantly fades to uncertainty and his hands go up in a surrendering motion.

 

“What. The. Fuck.” My erection is definitely gone, and every good thought I had managed to have today is _long_ gone. My face is absolutely that of murder.

 

“I- I just… I liked what I saw, man. Thought we could have some _fun._ ”

 

Honestly, I am so _done_ with men who think sex is just a game they can make people play whenever they feel like. _Can’t I catch a fucking break?_ “Are you fucking kidding me?” I step towards him with obvious malice on my mind.

 

He takes a daring step forward and is only inches away from me; jutting his face towards mine in what is meant to be a threatening stance. Considering our height difference, it would probably work if it was anyone else. “C’mon, Michael. Everyone here _knows_ you’re a faggoty little _whore_. You’ll play with any guy who gives you the right look, I hear.” His face says that he believes every word he is saying, and I can’t wait to make it eat shit.

 

“Where the hell did you hear something like that? Looks to me like _you’re_ the desperate one, coming up on dudes in the shower.”

 

“Your little graduate buddies haven’t stopped chatting to everyone about what you got up to during training. Sounded to us like you don’t mind a little PDA.” He emphasizes _PDA_ by grabbing a handful of my now-soft cock and giving it a squeeze.

 

_The moment has arrived._

 

As if the very Angels of Heaven ascended down behind me to assist in my swing, my fist hits his nose at the perfect, crunchy angle to send him flying backwards. _Blessed._ There’s a ridiculous amount of blood, and his screams are very hard to ignore as I rinse off and get dressed. I leave the shower running and watch it wash away pinkish swirls from the moldy tiles.

 

“Touch me again, and I will kill you. _Look_ at me again. I will kill you.”

 

As I leave the showers, his pitiful sobbing and cursing can be heard in an echo throughout the hall. Some people are beginning to gather, and when I hit the doors leading outside into fresh air, I hear someone yelling for a medic. I smile when the breeze hits my lungs and enjoy a relatively peaceful stroll around the compound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [AaahhhahahahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHah. Yeah. ](http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/0f/0f07601399887c6a4ebf9b9b8133ffa26abac7bef331e68c9df07904a61bebcc.jpg)


	12. Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi attends to various duties while fighting his inner demons. Michael is brought in for questioning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG CHAPTER IS LONG.  
> I tried to find a place to split this one up but I just didn't like it when I did. So here are 4,500 words from Levi, since it's been so long since we've gotten his POV.  
> This took a few days to write, considering the length in comparison to my usuals (around 1500 - 2500).  
> I also only proof-read this once, when I usually go through each chapter at least twice. So I apologize if there are any mistakes! Enjoy~

**Interrogation**

_Levi_

A heavy boot taps relentlessly at the floorboard as Erwin addresses the various high ranking soldiers in the room. His stern eyes settle on their owner and the sound stops abruptly. I huff amusedly at the nervous face before focusing my eyes again on the large paper Erwin’s attached to the wall of the meeting room. It’s full of various scribbles and detailed formation plans, just as always when a new expedition is announced.

 

It isn’t surprising, really. We always try to get the newbies into the field as soon as we are able, and although some are still recovering from the _last_ expedition months ago, we all agree that it is time. As I study the formation he’s chosen – a familiar, standard design, he proceeds in handing out individual folders to each of us.

 

“Here are my expectations for each of you during the preparation and execution of this mission. You will each be in charge of your own squads each day, from today until we leave. The new recruits will be sorted into squads this evening at the public announcement. Get to know them. I’ve met a few of them myself already; they’re promising.” His voice sounds amused and almost jovial despite the looming death toll that always accompanies an outing.

 

The boot has resumed tapping and the soldier next to the owner clears his throat in warning. After giving the man and his boots an amusing look of warning, Erwin turns again to the stack of papers in front of him and grabs a few select sheets. This time, he only hands these documents to the highest ranking; myself, Hanji, Mike, and Ness.

 

“You four, please remain here for further discussion. The rest of you are dismissed, unless anyone has anything to talk about.” Finally, he takes a seat and begins to settle down. The others file out slowly in a midst of mumbles and sighs, apparently without further comment for us.

 

When they’ve all gone, we look at Erwin expectantly. The room is quiet, and his positive mask has lifted to reveal a very frustrated and almost angry expression. Erwin pinches the ridge between his eyebrows and grunts; I suppose he’s gathering his thoughts.

 

“I… don’t even know where to begin.” He looks at us as if we should know what the hell is going on in his head, so he doesn’t have to say anything.

 

“Try with coherent words.” I spit with my usual tone.

 

He heaves a big sigh as Hanji chuckles, then motions for us to flip the cover page of our recently acquired packets over. We do so, and it reveals a document entitled “ **Medical Examination Results** ”.

 

I slap my hand lightly over the page and look Erwin dead in the eyes. “So you got crabs afterall, eh?” Hanji chuckles amusedly and Mike smirks without comment. My amusement is palpable.

 

“You’ll all be sorry to know that we have one less experienced soldier on the field thanks to one of our new recruits. According to the victim, a Mister Taylor, a new inductee named Michael Trillo is responsible for his hospitalization.”

 

My smirk instantly fades and my body goes rigid. The others notice my mood shift, and I see Erwin’s eyes narrow at me suspiciously. I do my best to resume a nonchalant demeanor while appearing to casually skim the Medical Report.

 

_Excessive force. Multiple cracks. Excessive blood loss. Patient taken to Surgery upon arrival. No resolution to report._

 

“The fuck…?” Mike whispers quietly.

 

Erwin’s voice is stone cold. “Indeed. Mr. Trillo caused enough damage with a single punch to gift Mr. Taylor with multiple surgeries. His nose will most likely never look the same, and certainly won’t work as well. I hear he also suffered a great deal of blood loss before the medics made it to him.”

 

“Where was he found?”

 

“It seems witnesses placed the two of them in the training room a little over an hour before the incident. Eventually they made contact in the public showers, where Mr. Taylor was found.”

 

Erwin notices my expression of concern before I can conceal it and I’m forced to speak up. “I also happened to see Michael in the training room yesterday.” _Because I deliberately went there despite the filth to see Michael-_ I shake the thought away. “There’s no photo of the victim, but I remember that as I was entering, Michael was having a heated _argument_ with a few other soldiers. When they saw me, they scrammed. Michael stayed and trained for at least another hour before leaving, so I know that they did not spend all of that time together.”

 

Erwin nods and notes down my account.

 

“There are no witnesses to the act, but multiple people witnessed Mr. Trillo leaving the showers after they responded to Mr. Taylor’s screams. It is our duty to Mr. Taylor and Mr. Trillo to sort out the situation and resolve it as quietly as possible. We will all meet with Mr. Trillo after lunch and begin questioning. Levi, I’d like you to fetch him when the time comes and bring him here to the meeting room. Do not give him any information before entering here, and do not allow him to speak with anyone else. Understood, everyone?”

 

With a resounding “Yes, sir!” we all rise and begin to exit in our own fog of sighs. Erwin’s smug eyes had rested on me a little _too_ long when he gave my final order. Now in an even worse mood, I return to my own room down the hall and collapse at my desk; my mind racing with this new development.

 

 _Why, Michael? Why jeopardize everything we have worked for? Something must have happened. Michael isn’t the type to be needlessly violent. Is he?_ It occurs to me that I never really _knew_ Michael to begin with. I certainly don’t know him _now._ There’s no doubt he’s changed in the years of training, and that person grew only farther from me. _Much too far_.

 

I close the door on those thoughts and get to work on my preparations for the upcoming expedition. After I’ve finalized and organized my paperwork, I stash some forms into a folder and leave to find my squad.

 

-

 

I find Petra and Auruo tending to the horses. Gunther and Erd are in the kitchens, diligently scrubbing the dishware. Each of them accepts the folder with a simple greeting and little small talk. I praise myself inwardly for my choices when the time had come to pick my squad. They each do their jobs well and I feel they best understand my philosophies. They will serve their purposes well when the time comes.

 

This process takes me a little under an hour, and when I’ve finished my rounds the lunch bell rings. Within the mess hall, the usual rambunctious sounds rattle my very bones. I’d take my lunch to my room if Erwin hadn’t recently scolded me for doing it so often.

 

“ _You’re a leader, Levi. You need to be present for your subordinates and set an example.”_

 

He’s a dick. I watch him at his own table, surrounded by flirtatious women and ass-kissing men all trying to get on the Commander’s good side. It’s enough to make me gag. Rather than watch that display, I concentrate on my food and the simple conversations of my squad mates without really contributing. When I find my eyes sweeping over the hall looking for that familiar patch of dark hair and emerald green eyes, I don’t find them. Undoubtedly, Michael is either in hiding or simply at a loss of appetite.

 

Regardless of his state, I must find him and bring him to the meeting room. My meal is finished and so I clean up and set out on a search.

 

-

 

My feet instinctively carry me to the usual places; the barracks, the training room, the showers, and even the hardly-used common room. When I don’t find him inside, I check the stables. Much to my dismay, he isn’t there, and I’ve gotten the smell of dirt and shit on me for nothing. I begin to walk the path that leads around the compound slowly, realizing that I don’t actually _want_ to find him. It’d be so much easier if I could continue to avoid him until I’ve settled things within my heart.

 

Before my mind can start to explore those thoughts I’ve tried hard to bottle, I spot Michael near the back of the buildings. He’s lain down in a spotty patch of dying grass, near the very bench I once witnessed him kissing another man, picking little blades out of the earth and letting them drift in the wind; only contributing to the spottiness around him. I stand a distance away, still along the path and out of his field of vision. My mind feels blank suddenly as I watch the wind carry his fine hair across his forehead. The white shirt he’s wearing isn’t his standard issue uniform, but is a similar button-down that hugs his pectorals perfectly as his chest moves slowly up and down. I watch this calm scene for many long moments without realizing my place, and am only jolted to reality when his arm reaches upwards and he covers his eyes. It is then that I see his chest moving irregularly, and I can hear the sharp intake of air even from my distance away.

 

_Is he crying?_

 

I feel a sting within my own chest but push it aside. Surely he isn’t feeling guilty over this. If he were to feel guilt, that would of course mean he did something wrong. I shake my head at myself and take a few steps towards him. When he doesn’t respond, I move even closer and gently clear my throat.

 

_“Ahem.”_

 

He jolts, but it's almost unnoticeable. After a moment he rises and wipes his eyes; still facing away from me. When he turns around, there’s no sign of emotion on his face. If I didn’t know better, I’d even say he couldn’t care less about the world moving around him.

 

“Yes, sir?” His voice is distant and lifeless. It upsets my stomach even more than when he’s angry or sad.

 

“Come with me, Michael.” I can see a small wince at the sound of his name, but he gives no other response before standing and walking towards me. He stops only afew feet away.

 

“Where are we going, sir?”

 

I don’t say anything, and instead turn and begin walking back towards the main building. He follows in silence; already well aware where we are headed.

 

-

 

“Mr. Trillo, correct?”

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Can I call you Michael?”

 

“Please do.” He stands behind the seat we’ve set for him, as if addressing the five of us on the other side of the table. Doesn’t he know it’s the other way around?

 

“Have a seat.” Erwin motions to the chair but Michael doesn’t move.

 

After a moment, he shifts uncomfortably. “Is it possible that I could stand, sir? I promise I won’t try to leave or anything.” He doesn’t look afraid of the questions to come; instead, he seems more nervous towards himself.

 

“I’d really prefer it if you sat, Michael. We’d like to meet eye-to-eye, here.” Erwin probably thinks he’s being clever. Reluctantly, Michael finally takes the seat and places himself in it almost gently. Without further ado, Erwin begins.

 

“According to our reports received late yesterday evening, you were seen leaving the showers just before Mr. Taylor was found there with a broken nose. Witnesses report hearing screams at the time. Do you deny your presence at the scene?”

 

“No, sir.” Michael’s face remains an impassive mask, but I catch him glancing over each of us. His gaze lingers longer when it passes me and I have to fight not to return it. This is business.

 

“Corporal Levi claims to have witnessed a confrontation between you and Mr. Taylor, as well as two others, not long before Mr. Taylor was found injured. Can you explain this?”

 

Michael nods silently and clears his throat. “I was just there to exercise, but Dumbasses Number One, Two, and Three decided I was in ‘the way’. Number One started telling me I was making them look bad, and tried to threaten me. I wasn’t going for it. He didn’t like that, and was preparing to have his lackeys come at me. That’s when Corporal Levi entered and they ran with their tails tucked in their asses. We didn’t fight.”

 

Although the other officers are a little shocked at Michael’s way of speaking to the Commander, Erwin doesn’t flinch. He only nods his head and considers the words. Hanji apparently can’t help but to speak up. “Dumbasses one-through-three?”

 

“That’s what I call them. I don’t know their names. I’d only met Dumbass Number One once before during morning chores, and the others I’d never even seen before.”

 

Hanji just nods thoughtfully with a grin while Erwin looks ready to move on.

 

“Regardless, this gives us reason to believe you had a motive for attacking Mr. Taylor. Would you like to respond to his accusation that you’ve attacked him without provocation?”

 

Michael almost laughs now, and I am again amazed at his ability to shift emotions so instantly. “Abso-fucking-lutely!” I can’t stop a smirk from coming to my face. “You bet your ass I punched his face in.” And just like that, the smirk was gone. Dead and buried.

 

“Care to elaborate?” Erwin somehow remains calm while the others are, again, holding back their surprise. I feel a hot bubble of anger building in my stomach.

 

“I hit him square in the nose, sir. I rinsed off the blood, got dressed, and went for a nice refreshing walk around the compound. It was a lovely day outside.” Michael pauses while the rest of us process. “However, sir, you are wrong to believe that I would ever harm someone without provocation.” His nimble fingers lace together on the tabletop as he watches Erwin with a calm and calculating face.

 

I can’t hold back my frustrations any longer. “So what the fuck happened? Get on with it, already. We’ve got shit to do, _Mr. Trillo._ ” The words are meant to sting him, but I am surprised again when he does the unexpected. Rather than looking at me with hurt, he actually _glares_ straight at me. The coldness in his eyes perfectly mirrors my own, causing an unsettling feeling within me.

 

Erwin shifts in his seat and his eyes flick between Michael and I. He clears his throat quietly to break down our glaring contest. I’m quite surprised at Hanji’s lack of chatter, and the other two in the room are expectedly useless.

 

“Go on, Michael.”

 

“Well, sir, let’s just say he found me _preoccupied_. I wasn’t aware of his presence and it seemed to me that he had intentionally snuck up behind me. When I questioned his intentions, he deliberately provoked me with name-calling and I took it upon myself to show him his place.”

 

“What exactly _is_ his place?” I spit in annoyance.

 

Erwin’s hand comes up to silence me but his eyes remain steadily on Michael. The room is silent for a moment but Michael decides to answer me.

 

“There are a few answers to that. On the ground, covered in his own blood; or just as far away from me as possible.”

 

Erwin’s calm mask is finally cracking and I can see that he is getting irritated. “We need your side of the story, Michael. We need to know exactly what happened and what was said. What do you mean that you were occupied, and what did he say to you?”

 

Michael takes a deep breath and lets it out in a quiet, tired sigh. He sits back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest before speaking. “Well, Commander, I was _rubbing one out_ , as you yourself like to put it.” Erwin’s face goes a little pale save for the pink spots that form on his cheeks. He adamantly refuses to meet our confused gazes. “He snuck up behind me. Put his hands on me. I turned around and pushed him off, and then I believe my exact words were, ‘What the fuck?’.”

 

The room is a little stiff, and I admit that my emotions have been on a ride today. My anger at Michael had moved to confusion, and now the anger was bubbling up towards this lowlife in the hospital bed. _He touched him… how? No! I don’t want to picture it._

 

“His response was something like, ‘I saw something fun.’ And then he proceeded to tell me that ‘everyone knows I’m a faggoty little whore who will play with anyone.’.”

 

My body feels numb. Is that why he is always alone despite having time to make friends? They all think he’s a _whore_? I think I’d go into a blind rage and do more than just smash this guy’s face in, if Michael hadn’t already put him down himself. Erwin addresses Michael again. “Well, Michael. _Are you_?” I look at the blonde with a slack jaw, and wider eyes than I’m sure I’ve ever shown anyone here.

 

“No, sir.” Michael sounds calm despite it all.

 

“Then why would he be under that impression?”

 

“He said that my fellow graduates have been spreading that rumor based on a short relationship I had with another trainee. That relationship was not serious, but it was committed. I never had relations with anyone else, and it ended almost a year ago. Oh, it was also at that point in the conversation that Dumbass Number Two grabbed me by the junk. That’s when I proceeded to turn his face inside out.”

 

I’m genuinely speechless. In all honestly, my reason for being angry with Michael was the very relationship he just mentioned. One of my informants had provided me regular updates on his activity. I was enraged and admittedly hurt when I heard that Michael had been involved with another man while away. The discomfort still nags my chest when I think about it. However, I had no idea that other’s were saying such things about him, or even attempting to approach him based on those rumors. My stomach is turning and I really need air. This meeting needs to be _over._ I’m angry at myself for being blind; angry at Dumbass for touching _my_ Michael; angry at Michael for his betrayal and his indifference. How can I care about him even after that?

 

I’m forced to concentrate on the meeting as Erwin concludes things. “I see. Michael, do you swear to us, the four commanding officers and I, Commander Erwin of the Survey Corps, that what you have told us today in this room is the truth as you experienced it?”

 

Michael stands and provides a perfect salute, just like the night I taught him while alone in my room. “Yes, sirs.”

 

“Thank you, Michael. We will review the information provided and you will be notified when a verdict has been reached. Please continue about your day normally.”

 

Michael nods silently and leaves without a word. I stand to make for the door as quickly as possible but a firm hand grasps my wrist and holds me in place. “ _What_ , Erwin!?” I spit with so much venom that they absolutely _must_ realize that Michael and I have some kind of connection. Erwin’s face remains calm but stern when he forces me back into my seat. We spend the next hour reviewing all information from all witnesses and come to a conclusion.

 

-

 

After dinner, Erwin and the officers now stand before the many soldiers of the Survey Corps, preparing to make the big announcement. We’ve taken everyone’s attention from their seats in the mess hall, although some are standing around and shuffling for a better view, since the hundreds of soldiers are rarely in one room at once.

 

“Today we would like to announce to you all the Survey Corp’s fifty-third expedition. It will take place a few days from now. You will each be briefed on the details by your squad leaders tomorrow.” I allow my thoughts to wander as Erwin gives all of the necessary information and ends it with a small pep talk. The soldiers don’t look particularly peppy.

 

The Commander begins sorting the new soldiers into groups. I get a few who aren’t worth mentioning. Michael is placed under Ness.

 

I notice Michael standing by the entryway, as if he entered last and is in a hurry to leave. When the arrangements are over and he’s allowed to do so, he slips out as quickly as he can and disappears around a corner. I watch as a tall, beefy man and his well-built female companion follow behind him. At first I think little of it, until I recall yesterday’s training room incident. _Aren’t those the other two Dumbasses!?_

 

 -

 

Without thinking much about what I’m doing, I’ve followed the trio outside. It looks like Michael is on his way to that grassy spot from earlier, still unaware of his stalkers. When they’ve gotten a decent distance from the main building, I take my place behind cover and listen as they call out to him.

 

“Oi, Trillo.” The woman yells.

 

Michael stops and turns to them. He doesn’t look particularly surprised, but rather he looks indifferent to the world. “What?”

 

“What you did to Tom isn’t right. Yet we get the feeling the higher ups ain’t gonna do shit.” She takes a few steps towards him and spits at the ground near his feet. He doesn’t move a muscle.

 

“Tha’s right. So we’re gonna do somethin’ _instead_.” The big guy has moved up beside the woman and they both stand menacingly. Still, Michael doesn’t move at all. “What? Givin’ us the silent treatment? You just gonna stand there an’ take it?”

 

“Yes.” Michael stares at them plainly without a care in the world.

 

 _What the hell is up with him?_ I can’t wrap my mind around his personality at all! _Damn it!_

 

My feet start moving forward just as the woman shoves Michael to the ground. As promised, he lays there in the grass and lets it happen. The woman has stomped Michael in the ribs in an instant, but I make it to them in time to catch the man’s fist with my own firm grasp, before it has a chance to come down atop the face I’ve grown attached to.

 

“I’d rather you didn’t damage my property, Dumbasses One and Two.” They look at me with shock and awe before stuttering out excuses and apologies. I begin bending the caught fist backwards as I step towards them both and over Michael’s prone form. “Until us _higher ups_ have come to a conclusion regarding your _twisted_ friend, Michael is under my protection. If I ever see either of you anywhere near him again, I’ll do more than send you packing.” I illustrate my point with a shove to the now bent wrist, and it makes an ugly popping sound as he tumbles backwards in pain. They are gone before I’ve completely turned around to face Michael.

 

He remains on the ground beneath my legs and stares up with the same distant look, seemingly unfazed by my appearance. I extend a hand to help him up, but he shakes his head gently and sighs.

 

“I’d like to be alone now, sir. Thank you for your protection, but I don’t need it.” His monotone voice is cracking, leading me to believe that something really has gotten to him.

 

“Seems to me like you do, considering you were about to _let_ them kick your ass.”

 

“I don’t _want_ to hurt anyone, Levi!” He sits up, causing me to tumble backwards with an embarrassing flop to the ground near his feet. _He finally called my name._ “I’d rather just take the beating I deserve and avoid any more trouble.” He’s avoiding eye contact but I can clearly see his mask is falling.

 

“What is _wrong_ with you today? Or any day, really. You’ve been acting strangely.” I let a bit of concern slip into my voice despite my lingering annoyance and anger with this… this _idiot._

 

Michael looks into my eyes at last, and he looks both hurt and angry. “What’s _wrong?_ Tell me what’s _right_ , Levi! I’ve spent the last three years thinking only of you and coming back here to serve a _purpose_ in this place. To feel like maybe I’ve found a home. Instead I come back and you ignore me, and shut me out! I get _molested_ by some disgusting asshole, and now I’m about to be punished for giving him what he deserved. On top of all of that, there’s an _expedition_ coming where I have to go _back out there_ to fight _those things!_ I’ll have to watch more people die just when I was getting better…” His hands cover his face, completely hiding it from my sight. What I can see in the moonlight is limited, but there are definitely wet spots now along his white shirt.

 

I allow Michael to breathe in the night air in silence, and take a few good lungfulls for myself. “I… am angry with you, Michael. That hasn’t changed. But I am also so, so much angrier with that _bastard_ who touched you. And those idiots from a few minutes ago. And Erwin!” I feel my composure slipping and regroup my thoughts. “I’ve always been angry at the way this world works… but, I could never be angry with you. Until I heard you were with someone else while you were away…”

 

Michael’s sniffling slows and he wipes his cheeks on his sleeves. He glances everywhere but at me, trying to focus. “I- I… okay. That’s alright, I understand. You have every right to be mad. I shouldn’t have done that. I gave in to things I hadn’t felt in a _long_ time, but that isn’t an excuse. I’m sorry.” His deep sighs tell me he’s sincere, but it isn’t enough.

 

“An apology isn’t going to fix anything. You don’t even need to apologize, really. It’s not like we’re dating or anything.” I stand and dust my pants off, and I can see the hurt on his face now. The cold atmosphere he’s exuded all day has dissipated. I want to tell him to get some rest, but I know he won’t.

 

“Levi…” His voice is a hoarse whisper that causes me to stop in my attempt to leave. I pause and await more, but nothing comes.

 

I leave Michael in the moonlit patch of grass, crying and shaking. It hurts to do so, but a petty part of me needs him to feel the pain he’s placed in my melting heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHY CAN'T THEY JUST HUG AND MAKE UP ALREADY.  
> It's killing me.  
> As a writer, I often feel like [this](http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/007/582/tumblr_lmputme3co1qa6q7k_large.png), but I can't just do that without letting the characters play their courses~ forgive me!
> 
> **Also, you may notice the expedition number finally puts this story in the timeline somewhere.  
> If Levi's squad joins up in 845, Michael is discovered in 846. He officially enters the Survey Corps in late 849, after Isla's Journal is discovered and during Eren's second year of training. This is important for reasons yet unknown :3


	13. The Fog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the expedition is here and Michael is not handling it well. Will his instability hurt the mission, or only himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to say, when it says _/25 chapters in the description, that isn't a solid number. 25 is just how many chapters I have mapped out so far. I could wrap this up in that time, but it could also go farther. Even though I have the chapters mapped, sometimes they come out shorter or longer than intended, thus causing the count to shift as I either combine or add some. So if you see that eventually it looks like I'm coming close to the 'end' but the story doesn't seem to be ending soon, that's why! As I piece things together and get a more accurate count I will keep it updated and let everyone know when I've decided on a definite end. <3

**The Fog**

 

_Michael_

 

I lie awake in bed, just like any other night. My bunk is on the top this time around, and I stare unblinking at the ceiling. Small bits of colors and strange dancing shapes flit through my vision; illusions brought on by the darkness. Sometimes I like to play a game where I follow a single blip around with my eyes until it fades, counting the seconds until eventually one of them leads me to sleep.

 

The sound of soft breathing and rustling fabric would be soothing to almost anyone else. To me, it sounds loud and grating in my ears. I cover them to drown out the noise. It works for a moment before the sounds seem to pierce through my palms; diving right back into my eardrums. I clamp down tighter and shut my eyes hard as if that will help. When I’m almost to the point of insanity over the penetrative orchestra of sleeping bodies, I begin to hum in a last desperate attempt.

 

I can almost fall asleep with the sounds now in the background, but as soon as I begin to drift, my humming stops and I’m awoken and in aural pain once again.Time passes but I can’t make sense of it. I feel like my body is floating and I have to hum louder to keep myself together.

 

My body jolts as I feel a hand on my shoulder. I am frozen in a strange place, somewhere outside of my mind. The hands at my ears come loose as I await the coming voices. I am met with only one.

 

“Cut it out, man. We’re all trying to sleep.” An annoyed tone belongs to a woman, and I turn in surprise. Aren’t I in my own barracks? Horror strikes me through the heart when I see that the woman has a bloody face. The hand on my shoulder is all bone, and I watch it recede slowly as she turns and climbs back into her coffin. The only sound now is that of my harsh, ragged breaths; jarring my chest in uneven heaves.

 

My eyes dart to and fro about the room, and I glimpse coffin after coffin before thick wooden walls grow around me. I attempt to hold them back, but my hands are too weak and my body too tired. My eyes sting with sweat and tears. A switch flips in my mind, and I lay back calmly to accept it. A heavy thud accompanies the wooden lid that swings into place, trapping me here in my grave. I am at peace.

 

-

 

“ _Dude! Wake up!”_

 

Oxygen finds my lungs just in time. It burns going down but feels _oh so good_. There’s a man shaking my shoulders, and even though my eyes are open he doesn’t stop. I try to form a words; any sentence to tell him to stop shaking me. I can’t find my voice. My body feels stiff and unresponsive to my still-hazy brain, and the words I mouth don’t carry any sound regardless of how hard I try. A painful sting shoots through my face as I am slapped, and it is then that I blink and cry out in a weak voice; like a newborn babe.

 

“Jeez, Trillo, you scared us all shitless. Wake the hell up and get dressed. We’ll all be late.” His eyes look sunken and restless. He wipes sweat from his brow before turning from me.

 

My mind can’t really understand what’s happening. Luckily, my body seems to run on auto-pilot as I slip on my uniform, buckle the various belts and lace the knee-high boots tightly. My lungs are still screaming for air even after I’ve made it to the mess hall, and I only manage a few small bites of food. I hardly notice the disappointed looks of the others as I toss half of my tray into the bin.

 

I am vaguely aware of the Commander standing at the entryway, speaking loudly to everyone as they respond with a solid _Yes, sir_ after each of his sentences. I think I mumble at the right times to not stand out.

 

The fog only begins to lift when we reach the bright outdoors. The extensive stables take a while to empty as everyone prepares their horses and carts, so I use that time to lean against an abandoned wall and focus my mind. Despite the sun coming up there is a chill in the air that helps me focus on the present.

 

 _Today is the day. I’ve got to shape up. Going outside. Going to fight Titans. Going to_ live.

 

I’m not completely convincing myself but I admittedly feel well enough to finally mount my own steed. It takes me a little longer to regroup with my squadron through the chaos. Trying to find a group full of specific horses in the middle of a _field_ of identical horses isn’t easy even for those with mental stability. My eyes look beseechingly to Levi as I pass near his squad, who remain bent in preparation over their gear. I am not met with any sign of recognition in his eyes.

 

Things have been going better than expected since the _shower incident_. At least with everyone but Levi. I was made to muck stables every day until the expedition, and indefinitely upon return. Alone. All two-hundred-plus of them. It was the perfect punishment; taking me enormous physical effort to replace the exercise I was missing in the gym, but sticking me with a stench I couldn’t scrape off for days. My hands still feel tender from the shoveling. The work took up all of my spare time on those days, so I didn’t have to worry about making small talk. The downside, however, was I had too much time to my own twisted head. The new expedition had loomed over me like a dark cloud. I couldn’t shake the ominous feeling it was giving me, and today’s beginning was only supporting my fears.

 

When the others had heard what had happened, they didn’t seem to believe it at first. I was treated even more harshly by those who thought I was only lying. After a few days, quite surprisingly, Mr. Tom Taylor appeared in the mess hall with a face full of bandages. I couldn’t stand the thought of sharing the space with him, and made my way to leave. Before I could get to the door I was stopped by him and his two perpetually angry friends. I was expecting another confrontation, but instead all three of them had lowered to their knees and bowed their heads. My aggressor announced his guilty actions to the mess hall, containing the majority of soldiers at the time as well as the officers and Commander Erwin himself. He apologized; his friends following suit for their wrongful threats, and they all left. I wouldn’t find out until later that Corporal Levi himself was watching them especially _close_ as they performed _._

 

I was dumbfounded; left blushing and speechless in the middle of the hall amidst the whispering onlookers. After a few long moments I had merely retreated to my barracks to hide before returning to work in the stables. I haven’t seen those three since. Those that witnessed the confession began spreading the word and before long, my fellow soldiers began to act warmly towards me. I even received a few apologies and comforting words; not that I wanted them. I remain the same introvert.

 

As I join my squad I am reminded again of my new welcome status they meet me with nods and pats on the back. A few inquire if I’m doing better than this morning, and I try to sound convincing when I answer yes, but my head swims with fog.

 

-

 

Almost two hours later, we wait in perfect formation before the great gates that lead out of the walls and into the vast lands I’ve tried forgetting. I watch the soldiers atop the wall scrambling the cannons and preparing to protect us. _They look so small up there._ I can’t help but compare them to the soaring birds I so envy; out of reach and looking down on the rest of us. I spare glances to Levi, positioned a few rows ahead of me. Boring into him with my eyes in the hopes that he will flinch, and receiving no such reaction. My thoughts are broken by a loud whistle, followed by the louder bell signaling the opening of the gates. As they creep open, I hold my breath and steel my nerves, wiping sweat from my brow to keep it from my eyes. Erwin’s voice calls high over the noise impressively.

 

_“Let the Fifty-third Expedition of the Survey Corps begin!”_

 

When we first leave the gates, our ranks are still tightly squeezed for a time. We slowly fan out into proper formation and begin to move smoothly. I watch sadly as Levi’s squadron moves farther away toward the East. My team is on the west flank, assigned to guarding the supply carts positioned a few meters into the formation near us. There’s one additional team on the other side of us, buffering us from the outskirts of formation and looming dangers. I can hear and see flares in various positions around the fields, and the soldiers on our left flank soon split off to fight battles of their own.

 

I ride evasively and stick to my supply cart guard duty. Despite my fears about this whole event, my mind is beginning to unclog more and more the farther we get from civilization. The familiar feel of a powerful horse carrying me through the deserted towns and fields; the air that isn’t tainted by industrialization and animal farms; it’s all relieving in an unexpected way. I begin to wonder what I was so worried about in the first place.

 

I take deep, intoxicating breaths whenever I can. In the distance I can see a large and dense forest, presumably the one depicted as our destination in the briefing. The closer we get to it, the foggier my mind grows once again. We enter into the dense trees and switch up our formation as instructed. We come to a halt near the center of the forest, and my squad takes up position around the supply soldiers as they begin unloading various items and setting them up in designated areas. We don’t know what exactly they’re doing or why; it isn’t information we needed to know. Our instructions are simple; guard the supply squad and equipment at all costs.

 

The dense trees begin making me claustrophobic. My horse sways lightly while idling, only causing my mind to recede slowly. I take in more air in an attempt to focus again, wondering why it’s stopped working. A familiar scent fills me and there’s a strange burn in the back of my nose.

 

My mind is swirling; a memory long repressed threatens to bubble. I hear whispers in the trees. A drop of sweat drips from my chin and lands with a loud splash atop my hand. _What am I doing here?_ Reality snaps back for a few moments when I hear the soldiers around me scrambling.

 

“Titan approaching from nine o’clock! Through the trees!” The sounds of hissing air and clanking equipment surround me as horses are left to the ground and my squad takes to the trees. The colors of the forest sway before my eyes as I try to focus my vision. When they settle on the Titan menace, the sight is suddenly as clear as day.

 

It stands at least ten meters tall, with a wide toothy frown and very short hair. The outline appears almost bold to my eyes as they immediately lock onto the threat. My body is in overdrive, as if every sense has awoken only now for the first time. My horse is pressing forward and my blades are drawn, gripped tightly in my hands; soreness forgotten. I hear the now-muffled sounds of my squad mates as they watch me approach from the ground. The closer I get to the giant, the further everything else gets from my mind. All there is, and all that will be, are Titans.

 

The air still tastes funny even after the beast lays slain at my feet. My eyes can’t focus on the faces of the soldiers that land around me. Their voices fall on deaf ears. My horse had run into the forest, but my feet still move slowly onward. All I think is _hunt_. All I smell is _prey_.  


“Inform the Commander. Something’s wrong.”

 

My muscles coil and strike forward; quick feet taking me away at my fastest pace. There’s movement behind me and the vibrating muffle of voices trying to stop me.

 

_You can’t stop me. I’ll kill them. I’ll kill them all._

 

The scent on the wind carries me straight to my next victim, and as I leap into their eager arms I feel intoxicated. The swaying colors bring forth things forgotten.

__

 

-

 

_Uncle Ken stands in front of me with his arms out wide; my broken form shaking in the dark corner._

 

_I can’t recall how long I’ve been chained here in this pitch-black room. When the large door first clicked open I thought it was simply Ken bringing me food as he did daily. I had stopped asking him why he was doing this to me months ago; instead I had surrendered myself to his will and accepted the meal and strange injections each day in obedient quiet._

 

_This time, however, he had brought friends. At least five other men had filed into the small space behind my Uncle, each with a sick smile on their faces as he began to list off my stats in a proud tone. I see their heads nod approvingly as he turns and a syringe is placed at my bruised veins and inserted. I scream from the burning liquid in my veins but they only look happier at my reaction. Uncle Ken gives me a look of sympathy before backing away and exiting out of the only door. I hear it click back into place and lock as the men move closer and closer with hungry hands._

 

_“His torso is good.”_

 

_“He’s strong. Young and durable.”_

 

_“He’ll do nicely.”_

 

 _I have to fight not to puke._ Fucking sickos. _Their hands on my skin are cold and rough. One of them grabs me by the jaw and forces me to look into his eyes. I smell his breath and feel the moist heat on my face. “Your uncle’s done a good job getting you ready. Just wait till you see what we have in store for you.” I notice the man is wearing a military uniform, adorned with higher ranking medals. My vision is swimming and my hearing is fading as another of the men steps up from behind the group._

 

_In the dark, it’s hard to make out his uniform as well but I think he’s only a soldier. “Sir, Mr. Moto has locked us in…” He seems nervous._

 

_“Don’t worry. He’s only locking the door to keep the boy from escaping.”_

 

_My body feels hot and burning as he begins to slip the restraints off of my wrists. I notice through the haze that my vision isn’t hindered by the darkness any longer; a few of the military men before me are appearing in more and more detail. Their bodies are outlined with a strange fog that attracts my senses. I begin to move closer with an instinct I’ve never felt before._

 

_“That-a-boy. Let’s get a good look at you.” The eager soldiers take in my frame while jotting notes down on a clipboard. My lungs are full and bursting with a strange air. I knock the clipboards from their hands before lunging atop them._

 

_A long time passes. I can’t recall what’s happened as I come to in a strange, steaming puddle. My breathing is heavy and my body is tired with physical exertion. One of the soldiers remains in the corner, shaking and crying. The door clicks and opens slowly as Uncle Ken peeks in. I am momentarily blinded by the light behind him, but I can see there is a wide smile on his lips._

 

_He rushes to me and scoops me into his arms, hugging me tightly. “Good job, Misha.” He pets my damp hair while my heartbeat returns to normal. “Good boy. You’ve done good.” I’m filled with elation as I slip into a deep sleep; my confusion falling from my mind._

 

-

 

My mind shuts down and my body takes over, just as it had done those many years ago.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear; Uncle Ken wasn't trying to sell Michael into some weird sex trade. It probably sounds like that. I'll expand on it more in the future.  
> I feel bad for Michael; he can never catch a break! But he will soon be rewarded for his hard efforts <3


	14. Wild Eyes; Wild Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi hears of Michael's strange actions and gives chase. When he finally tracks him down... the man has become a beast.

**Wild Eyes; Wild Heart**

 

_Levi_

The day had started out normally. I took my early morning shower in the sweet privacy of my own bathroom, courtesy of my new quarters on the third floor. Breakfast was simple and aside from Erwin’s cheerleading squad making a fuss, it was calm. My squad managed all preparations without incident and now here we were, trotting along outside of the walls once again.

 

It had become almost mundane to me now. The knowledge that many of those around may not come back alive hung in the back of my mind, untended. Worrying about the inevitable didn’t help a damn thing. I had easily dispatched the few Titans encountered by us on the East wing. Petra and Auruo stay close to me while the others pan out nearby. Our teamwork is on point and I’m actually in a rather good mood.

 

Killing Titans is always the perfect way to let off steam. However, the fun is over when we get to the Forest of Lars; our mission objective. Those of us lucky enough to be stationed on the outsides of the formation are to remain on the outskirts of the forest to distract and dispatch any nearing enemies. The second line of defense is the supply guards. If titans make it past both lines, the supply-men themselves must fight and hope to survive to complete their duties. I have no concern regarding the East wing as we protect it, but the other directions may have difficulty. Hanji’s group stayed North, accompanied by Erwin himself and a few of his trusted soldiers. Mike is in the South; trusted to pick up any slack of those lagging behind, and Ness has taken the Western wing with his troops. Ness is a capable man, but his underlings are usually the hard-headed bunch. Perhaps Erwin hopes his friendly ways will get them to cooperate. I worry about that wing the most.

 

_Definitely not because Michael is that way._

 

Gunther grunts painfully as he lands harshly against the trunk of a tree. “Keep your head up!” I hear Erd call to him with a smirk. Gunther smiles back and is instantly at the Titan’s feet, taking out the legs while Auruo sweeps over the fallen form to dispatch it. The light tapping of landing feet tells me that Petra has come to stand beside me in my tree.

 

“Captain Levi, sir. The second line soldiers behind us are stirring restlessly. Seems there’s a commotion happening within.” Her bright eyes are serious, but still emit a positive attitude. I respect that about her in these harsher times. I nod to the others and retreat back into the forest alone, travelling a few meters before catching a whispered conversation happening below.

 

“Just when we were all starting to trust that _suicidal newbie_.” A young man on horseback says lightly to two companions.

 

“Yeah, I’m not really surprised. The guys in his barracks all say he’s crazy.”

 

“How did he even make it in, then?”

 

“Doesn’t matter, man. Did you hear? He’s _crazy strong_!”

 

“No way. It’s his first time out. I bet he just ran off so no one would see him shit his pants.”

 

“The messenger told Drea that he had already killed two Titans _by himself_ before the first guy ran for help.”

 

“Help? Why bother running for help if he’s doing his _job_.”

 

“Dunno. All’s they said is, he was acting weird and wasn’t listening to anyone. He ran off on foot and they didn’t have the balls to go after him.”

 

“Damn. Doesn’t matter now; dude’s gotta be dead.”

 

My chest felt heavy; unable to fight the assumption that they were talking about a _certain someone_. I land in the middle of their small circle of horses, jolting them with surprise. “If there was a message, why didn’t anyone tell _the commanding officer_?” I say with malice and grind my teeth.

 

The soldier responds shakily, “You were in the middle of a fight, sir. N-now that you’re here, we’ll fill you in…”

 

Minutes later, I’ve called on my personal squad to keep things in order. I leave Erd in charge; telling the soldiers around to stick to the plan and follow Erd as if he were me. None of them question it as I mount my horse and take off through the center of the forest.

 

-

 

I pass by the various supply-men as they set up their stations cart by cart. It looks as if things are almost ready to move forward, and I curse to myself. We are running out of time and I know this distraction won’t be received well when news reaches Erwin. If it hasn’t already, that is.

 

The soldiers look at me questioningly, but don’t slow in their work. My horse leaps over an emptied cart and speeds along at the fastest pace it can manage in the dense forest. I can tell she’s getting tired of dodging trees just as we near the West edge of the forest and I see the guard squad scurrying around in frenzied circles. As I approach, one of them notices me and waves me over.

 

“Corporal Levi, sir! Have you heard the news?”

 

“I have. Where is Captain Ness?” I don’t dismount my horse, so he cranes his neck to look up at me.

 

“He’s gone after the soldier, sir. His name is Michael. We don’t know what happened, he was just spacing out until a Titan made it through the front line. I thought for sure he wasn’t going to be any help until he just started fighting like it was the end. We were all happy about it until he acted like we weren’t even there; then he just started running out of the forest into the open. He-“

 

I had heard enough. My horse raced by the squad and out of the forest. I had to stop numerous times to pick up the trail; Michael’s booted prints stood out in the dense sands, followed by the hooves of Ness’ horse.

 

I traveled after them for a minute or two before the figure of a soldier and horse came into view near a small abandoned village. Ness was cursing to himself, but as he heard me close in he grew quiet.

 

“Levi. I lost him. His trail leads through the village, but I can’t see where he exited. I think… he’s gone.” Ness looked hurt; never one to take the loss of life well. I didn't want to tell him that I believed Michael to be alive and get his hopes up. Instead, I asked him to move on.

 

“You can head back to the troops. I’ll search the village once more and join you if nothing comes up. If I find him, I’ll send a flare.” Ness nods hesitantly but climbs back atop his horse. “Also… if you can, check up on my side, will you?” He gives an understanding smile and rides away silently.

 

I pick up the trail and follow it through the village. It comes to an abrupt end at the entryway to an old house. I enter cautiously, waving at the dust particles that stir in the morning light. It’s quiet here, save for the howling winds. My boots land heavily over the floorboards as I search. When I get to the back of the house with no luck, I am forced to turn back. It isn’t until I see the floors from this new angle that I can see them – the light prints in the dust of the floor. How had we missed them? I follow them with my eyes and watch as they disappear behind a wall.

 

_What the…?_

 

I press lightly at the seams of the planks that make up the wall of the hallway, and they turn noisily to reveal a set of stairs. The stairway leads downwards into darkness and I can’t help but feel like someone is playing a prank on me. The wooden steps are sturdier than the rest of the house; meaning they are either newer or less traveled. Maybe both.

 

When I reach the bottom, I notice a very small window across the way. It’s the only source of light in the small basement, and the glass has been broken out of it. The floor is littered with old abandoned furniture, dilapidated medical equipment, and thickly rusted iron chains. A few papers across the floor look promising, but offer no explanation in any language I can understand. Michael’s prints show signs that he walked the room in confusing circles, before disappearing near the small window. It doesn't look as if he bothered to touch or move anything aside from the shattered glass. _Did he really fit through this small space?_

 

Rather than squeezing through the filthy thing myself, I retreat outside and circle the house until I uncover the window near the base of steps leading to a back porch. It’s been overgrown with yellowing grass and easily missed, but Michael’s footprints tell me he certainly used it as an exit.

 

After fetching my horse from the street, I am again on his trail. It doesn’t take long to catch up. When I get only a few minutes past the small village and through a few overgrown rice fields, the silhouette of a Titan grabs my attention.

 

I slow my horse and approach carefully. I watch as it stumbles along with disproportionate steps and swings pathetically at Michael, who flits about the legs effortlessly. I forget myself for a moment as I am caught in a memory; the first time we met. Out here in this very expanse, we had a fateful encounter. I recall dispatching that first Titan together; admiring his smooth agility and calm demeanor.

 

His demeanor was anything but calm this fight. His movements are even better than before, but his bloodlust is palpable. He doesn’t just kill the Titan, he maims it. Slicing at every inch and separating it into pieces before finally reaching the neck and finishing it before it can heal. I’m mere feet away now, and his back is to me as he stands amongst the hot steam. There’s no way that doesn’t hurt his skin, but if so there is no indication.

 

“Michael!” I call to him as I slide off of my horse. “What do you think you’re doing?!” My voice is booming and full of rage. I take a step forward but halt in my tracks as he turns towards me. There’s blood dripping from a gash in his forehead, and his eyes are glossy and unseeing. The lips I’ve so adored are twisted in a hungry smile, and his tongue flicks over them to taste the filth covering him. I can’t bring myself to move closer; the strange look in his eye too unfamiliar and bestial.

 

His horse is trotting casually nearby, and I curse our good animal training as it follows it’s master’s signaling hand and approaches. Michael’s gear has been discarded somewhere along the way, and he holds only his two blades; the black wires dangling loosely at his sides. _He can’t even aim for high ground like this!_ I’m so angry and dumbfounded that I can hardly react in time as he climbs atop and kicks his heels.

 

“ _MISHA!_ ” My voice sounds small and fragile even while screaming at him. _Damn it, damn it, damn it!!_

 

-

 

In the time it took me to track Michael down, Ness had apparently arrived back at the forest and decided to send a few soldiers my way. They approach me from behind as I watch Michael ride wildly towards more Titans.

 

“Corporal, sir, we’ve been instructed to aide you.” One of them says as I mount my horse again.

 

“How did you find me?”

 

“We were in the nearby village looking for you when we heard you yelling.” A small girl beside him says calmly.

 

I nod at them and turn back towards Michael’s direction. I kick in my heels and give chase with the new soldiers riding right behind me. With the lack of equipment to weigh him down, Michael is moving fast. He stops only to kill one Titan before moving to the next. It takes time to catch up to him again, and we remain close behind for a good while. I notice the other soldiers inching up beside me with awe in their eyes, looking speechless and confused at his effortless skills.

 

“Look at the way he jumps right at them. He has no fear.”

 

“Wait… he’s not even using his gear! Look!” The small girl points while gasping.

 

Their eyes grow even wider and I curse. _Shit. They’ve already seen too much_.

 

As we close in on him and his latest prey, my new companions move to surround him while he’s stationary. I wonder briefly if they’ve received orders from anyone else or are simply moving on their own. “Fall back! He’s not himself.” I allow them to file back beside me disappointedly. We’ve strayed too far from the forest now for flares, and I worry about the operation at hand. “We can’t stay here much longer.” I say without turning my head from Michael. With resolve, I speak loudly and confidently. “Michael. Can you hear me? You need to stop this. Come with me. Let’s go back!” _Home_ , I want to add, but stop myself in lieu of company. He turns my way just as earlier, but again doesn’t seem to be hearing me. He sniffs at the air with a curious expression.

 

_I can’t leave him out here. He doesn’t even have his precious swords… all because of me. If only I had forgiven him… why didn’t I-…_

 

I stop myself from thinking too much. It’s becoming obvious to me that Michael has much more going on inside his head than I ever realized, and I’m overcome with unfamiliar emotions. Pity? Sadness? Regret? No. Guilt. I am guilty of knowing little about him, and guilty of not trying harder to understand him.

 

I need to take care of him. Something inside me can’t sit by while Michael is near. Even if I am mad at him, I want to be mad where we are safe and alive.

 

I climb slowly off of my horse once again, and step towards him cautiously with my hands in the air. Michael has one ratty blade pointed towards me now, but doesn’t move an inch. _The tables have turned_ , I think, remembering our first encounter yet again. The soldiers behind me have tensed and come forward. Before they can dismount, I’ve turned my hand towards them in a motion to halt. They begrudgingly do so, but I can hear their frustrated sighs. “I need you all to return to the forest. We are too far out to send up flares, so the only way to get the message across is to ride there. Return and tell the others I will be there shortly.”

 

Confused at my certainty, the young woman speaks up. “Sir, we can’t just leave you alone. Let me go alone and-“

 

“No. When I approached him earlier he was not hostile. Now there are more people and he is on edge. I need you to leave him to me, understood? I can handle this alone, but the others need to know what’s happening here before they send more troops away from the front lines.”

 

I speak only the truth as I see it, but a small voice in the back of my mind knows that I just don’t want them to see Michael and I together. I can’t let them see how I look at him now; knowing something is so wrong.

 

They salute and quietly follow my orders. I hear the heavy hooves retreating into the distance. My arms are still up in surrender as I take more slow steps forward. Michael still hasn’t moved; his sword pointed perfectly at my heart and his breathing even.

 

“There are no more Titans here, Michael. It’s just us. It’s just _me_.” Honestly, I had hoped to see a glimmer of recognition in his eyes, but I am only met with the even gaze of his green globes. His features are relaxed, but stern. There is little emotion there, but I can see that he is alert; possibly awaiting a sign of threat. I can’t help but feel that I have found a wild animal.

 

 _Now if only I can capture it_.

 

I take the final step towards him. The tip of his blade is only centimeters from my flesh. Strangely, I swear I can feel the heat coming from his body, and I smell a sickly sweetness.

 

Like the air of a Titan as it dies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished chapter 13 this morning and thought, "I'll get a head start on the next one." Then, before I knew it chapter 14 was done!  
> I hope it isn't terrible. I proof-read it myself so there may still be mistakes due to my hastiness. Forgive me!
> 
> That is, if there is anyone out there to forgive me >.>  
> *echos*  
> Is there anyone there....!?
> 
> Also, I have two 1/2 chapters coming soon to World Citizens 1/2, so look forward to them!
> 
> *UPDATE* read what's going on in Michael's jumbled head [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/7961052)!


	15. Man Once Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin is clued in to events and Michael has a rude awakening.

**Man Once Again**

_Levi_

My chest heaves with each cautious breath. I can feel the tip of the blade brush against the cloth of my riding cloak, right over my heart. This causes my breath to stutter before my lungs are full each time; deflating to stay safe but inflating again for survival. It’s an endless cycle of contradictions. It starts to get annoying but I am reminded of the importance of patience when I look into Michael’s glazed-over eyes. He is staring, unseeing, straight ahead. His nose wrinkles every now and then as the wind blows, sniffing and testing the air.

 

The blood from his head is still coming down in slow, fresh lines; covering the old dried patches over and over again. His breathing is heavy and his movements look a bit sloppier than before. Regardless, I can see that his physical injuries are not swaying his resolve. All of my nerves stand on attention in the face of a deadly animal.

 

It’s been an intense couple of minutes. Michael doesn’t move unless I do, but any sound I make causes him to tense up. He is a coil ready to spring. I want to speak to him. I want to hear his voice again, because already it feels like so long ago that I last heard his voice; pleading with me in the darkness behind Headquarters.  _If only I had listened_.

 

I curse at my pride. The pride that kept me from speaking my feelings, and kept me from approaching him when he needed me.

_He needs me now._

 

I test him again by shifting a foot to the side, only enough to make a small sound. Instantly, he is looking angrily at the offending boot but makes no move toward me. Again, I shift. This time I move it backwards and Michael doesn’t react further; just watches intently. Courage allows me to shift my other foot as well, putting space between the blade and my heart at last. I breathe a deep lungful of dry air.

_So he doesn’t care if I retreat… is he telling me to go?_

 

I back up a few more steps and lower my hands to my sides. His sword begins to waver and hovers closer to the ground now, but it doesn’t last long.

 

I watch his jade-colored eyes swing to the distance behind me and his body hunches in a threatening stance again. His muscles are tight and tense beneath the belts around his thighs and I worry he will sprint away once more. Then, I hear the hooves.

 

A horse’s familiar trot comes to a halt behind me and I sigh. Can’t anyone follow orders anymore? “I ordered you to report back to the forest.” I say, not daring to turn or move from Michael’s harsh gaze. I can feel long-dead emotions resurrecting, brought about by Michael’s presence. I feel worry and guilt. I feel powerless, for the first time in many, many years. One wrong move and I am dead, slain by the man I’ve grown to care deeply for. I can either take that fatal hit, or inflict one of my own. A cruel twist of fate. And what would become of the survivor? Either of us would be overcome with the sin and the loss, assuming Michael ever snaps out of this. It isn’t something I’d wish even on myself. I sigh again as my mind races with the possibilities.

 

“I don’t recall you being the one to give me orders, Levi.” I hear the familiar, slightly amused voice of Erwin. “The operation was a success, no thanks to the two of you. I came to fetch you but it seems it won’t be that easy.”

 

“Tch. What kind of Commander leaves his troops to chase after a few runaways?” I reluctantly pull my eyes from Michael’s and glance to Erwin. He is smirking despite the feral glare he’s receiving and I am surprised to see that he’s been roughed up himself. His upturned lips have been bloodied, but his fierce gaze is unfazed and steady on the feral creature before us.

 

“The kind who trusts those he left in charge. I should ask the same of  _you,_  Corporal.” I cringe at his upturned eyebrow, but I get little chance to retort as a distinct stomping becomes audible in the direction that he’s just come from. “That reminds me!” He taps a fist into his other palm as if to illustrate that he’s been forgetting something important. “I brought a friend.”

 

My eyes widen as the Titan comes into view. It’s clearly an aberrant type; slow but unrelenting as it runs straight at Erwin with no signs of letting up. The Titan stands around fifteen meters tall, and is the largest encountered today. I look at Erwin with a very tired and annoyed stare, but he merely ignores me in favor of watching Michael, almost knowingly.  _I’m going to have some explaining to do, aren’t I?_  I hear Michael’s boots scrape the sand and Erwin says with amusement, “I’ve made him angry.”

_Oh. Right._

 

Michael is visibly shaking now, and where he was cautious of us, he is one-hundred-percent hostile when watching the nearing Titan. His tightly coiled muscles finally spring loose and he races directly at the approaching Titan’s hungry maw.

 

Erwin turns his horse to watch as the quick form bolts past us. As he gets closer I am reminded that his gear is gone, and this is one of the tallest Titans he could be fighting on foot. Even if he once lived out here and fought them regularly, it has been years. There’s a fear in my gut despite my usual confidence in the man. I tense and move forward to assist when Erwin’s large hand comes down in front of me. I look to him angrily, but comply. The blonde’s amused expression has waned and been replaced by a serious glare; the eyes of an analyst.

 

Michael’s blades struggle to slice at the large, thick heels. They’ve dulled in his many kills and the Titan is healing before it can be hindered. The man’s movements never waver, however, and he doesn’t slow as he dodges the kicking foot with a back-flip. He jumps high when a huge hand comes down in a swing. The jump isn't high enough and he lands right in the center of the palm, squirming tirelessly as the long fingers clasp around his shins and buckle his knees. The animalistic fury in his eyes only intensifies when his blade separates the fingers at the knuckles and he is blasted with hot steam. A loud and feral growl can be heard even from our distance.

  
My palms are sweating and yielding to my fingernails as they dig deeply into the flesh. I try to control my shaking, but make no other effort to hide my concern in front of Erwin. His calculating eyes have sweat droplets of their own overhead. My eyes flit back and forth from him to Michael, awaiting any sign that I may be allowed to intervene. Michael is visibly reaching the end of his rope, and I don’t miss his foot slipping ever so slightly on his way up the lanky arm of the Titan. My desperate stare bores into the side of Erwin’s face, high above me from atop his horse, but he continues to ignore me.

 

“ _Damn it_ , Erwin! Let me go to him!” I growl, gripping tightly to the hilts of my blades.

 

“Not yet, Corporal.”

 

“ _Now_ , Erwin!” I try my best to intimidate the man from my position below him; feeling small and harmless in his sight. “He isn’t going to last much longer.” I’ve not heard my voice crack this way since years ago when I lost my closest friends in this very expanse, and it further irritates me in my surprise.

 

“ _Not. Yet._ ”

 

I hear the distinct sound of metal snapping, and whip my head around to see half of Michael’s blade flying to the side, meters away. The other end still sits deeply wedged in the Titan’s neck. He abandons it and slashes the remaining blade in an arc above it, this time completing the top line of the slice effortlessly. Steam begins to pour out immediately from the wound, and I’m worried it will close before-

 

In only a moment and with only a swift pivot, Michael has brought the swing back around and through the neck just far enough down to sever the perfect portion of Titan flesh needed. The final blade flies from his grip with the sudden release of resistance. Unfazed, he lifts a strong leg and kicks the hunk of meat out of place before it can reattach, but the effort takes the last of his strength. His balance wanes and he falls. I am already moving to meet his rapid decent when Erwin calls, “Now!” behind me. He overestimates my patience.

 

No way I could catch a grown man from that height, but damned if I don’t try. I break his fall with my own body smacking painfully to the earth.  _Thank god he didn’t have his blades._  Before my wits can gather from the shock, I can feel the man above me stirring. Already, he is attempting to stand on shaky legs. I get to my feet faster in a panic only to see that he isn’t succeeding anyway. His eyes are half-closed and the air shakes his lungs violently every time it leaves him. Erwin stands aside, still atop his horse, and I see him motioning outside of my vision but ignore it in favor of studying Michael’s well-being. He is resting a hand atop a bent knee, but his body is sinking down with each new labored breath and I think I see his eyes flutter closed a few times.

 

“Oi!” I don’t see the beastly madness on his face anymore; it’s been replaced only by uncertain exhaustion. My hand grips tightly on his shoulder and I try shaking him for a response, but all it does is rattle his weak frame forward and he slips towards the ground once again. “ _Oi!_  Stay with us, Michael. Hey!” I catch his limp body in my arms and his head slumps atop my shoulder, lifelessly.

 

There is a long, quiet moment among us in which I hold my breath and listen. I inhale sharply when I finally hear Michael do the same in my ear.  _He is breathing_.  _He is alive_. It’s shallow, but steady before being interrupted by a small cough. It takes a moment to realize the cough was meant to be a word and I push his shoulders out so I can look him in the eyes. “ _What?_  What did you say, Michael?” My eyes are pleading but his are either closed or so low they seem that way. They open only slightly when he finally tries again.

 

“The…… _smell_ …” he whispers hoarsely, his voice sounding so weak and confused. A startling difference from the deranged man that stood and fought only minutes before. His body feels so small in my hands suddenly, but heavy with the weight of his tiredness, as he hunches forward again and his eyes close with finality. This time, he is unconscious.

 

“What smell?” Erwin says from behind me with genuine concern in his voice.

 

“As if I’d know.” I snap at him through grunts as I lift the dead weight atop the horse he’d called over. It’s a clumsy arrangement, but it will do.

 

Erwin is already firing a flare before I am situated on my own horse. I move slowly, adjusting my pace for the extra horse now tied behind me. The Commander slows and allows me to catch up, and I notice we are not moving towards the forest any longer. My eyes must betray my questions, because he answers even when I haven’t said anything.

 

“The operation was a success, as I’ve stated. The troops should have had ample time to pack up and head towards home since I left them for this little  _detour_. You’ve both caused quite the commotion. Now, explain.” His voice is light but I can hear the hints beneath it that say he is honestly annoyed, or perhaps growing tired. I am silent for a few minutes as I mull over the situation in my head.

 

_Where do I even begin? How I met Michael out here and hid it from everyone? How I personally taught him to blend in and lie to everyone before forging illegal documents and enlisting him in our military without honestly knowing anything about him? He could have been a spy! Still could be, even. Although I don’t believe that, certainly others would. He obviously knew how to fight before, and all I did was make him stronger. But there’s more than that. This strange madness didn’t just appear from nowhere. Michael must have already had madness within him. I hadn’t known anything. I really put us all in danger. But I know Michael. He doesn’t enjoy the suffering of others. Despite his lust for Titan flesh, he’s shown nothing but hesitance and upset when faced with hurting a human. I trust him._ A guilt fills me as I realize he must not have trusted me enough to say anything about this problem.  _His tears when telling me about his Uncle… his people… those were real. Michael is an honest man, put into a dishonest situation. How can I tell Erwin everything without damning us both?_ I recall the last night we spoke, after I stopped him from letting those thugs beat him. He seemed scattered and a little panicked.

 

He had said something… what was it? _‘_ _On top of all of that, there’s an expedition coming where I have to go back out there to fight those things! I’ll have to watch more people die just when I was getting better…’_ Getting better? So he _had_ tried to tell me… I was just too foolish to listen. I can feel self-hatred bubbling in the pit of my stomach instantly.

 

As usual, Erwin’s gaze assesses me easily, and he speaks to break my thought. “Start with Mr. Trillo. How do you know him?”

 

_Shit. It’s started._  I decide to be direct, while saving the details for when we reach safety. “We met coincidentally… he isn’t from around here.” My voice strains on  _here_ , hoping he’d get the point and let me move on. When he doesn’t ask anything of me, I continue. “He had sensitive information, but we weren’t sure what to do with it. We had other…  _things_  to attend to. I was just beginning to formulate an action plan, but now that  _this_  has happened….” I sigh. “I just don’t know.”

 

We adjust our direction slightly when we see a flare go up, and although we are miles away it is relieving to know that our troops are near. He is silent for a time as we outrun a few small Titans and maneuver around others. Finally, he asks for details.

 

“By ‘not from around here’, you mean….?”

 

“Not from our walls.” I pause and let him take in the information. “He claims he is from another colony, to the Northwest. It took him years to find us, supposedly sent to us as his people were destroyed by Titans. He is the last.”

 

“I suppose there’s more to it, but it can wait. What do you know about today’s episode?”

 

“Nothing. He always seemed a little depressed, but I just assumed that was the whole ‘my people were massacred in front of me and I had to live in constant fear of Titans’ thing. His squad couldn’t offer any explanation either, so I went after him.” I hope that is enough for him that we can move on but he asks the one thing I was hoping to avoid.

 

“Okay, Levi. Now, why didn’t you come to me immediately?”

 

I swallow a bit of pride as I am forced to admit it. “You weren’t exactly my _best buddy_ at the time. I was still pissed at you.” I watch his smirk form and I can see a response forming on his lips but cut him off intentionally. “ _Besides,_ Michael told me himself that _he_ would decide who knew and who didn’t. He seems to believe there is something big going on.”

 

Erwin only nods as he turns the information around in his mind. I fill him in on a few other events as we approach our soldiers, now visible on the horizon and locked in battle with multiple Titans.  _Big_ ones.

 

-

 

_Michael_

 

I wake to the smell of dry dirt caked in my nose. I can taste it, too. My tongue twitches in my mouth, trying to flee the source, but all it meets is the feel of damp sand. Sitting up to pull my face off of the ground, I spit the gooey mass out and it lands where my face had been: in a puddle of mud made from the blood of a nearby soldier. There’s a foggy sheen in the air that I take from the scene to be the mists of defeated Titans. My head hurts like I have nails driven into it, and I’m sure my brain rattles when I try to stand.

 

No good. My legs are shaking violently from exhaustion that I don’t remember earning. My knees hit the bloody ground again with a jolt. I curse the stains I’ll have to work out of my pants later.  _If I make it to later._  My eyes search the upset battlefield and I see soldiers running through the mists in frenzied strides, some on horses and some without; mere shadows and shapes among the white clouds of air. I hear Titans around me dancing in battles I can’t see. My eyes sting and blur and the hand that comes away from wiping them is red with my own fresh blood. I tenderly press on the large gash in my forehead. It doesn’t hurt terribly; an old wound that’s newly opened, it seems.

 

The memories come back in bits and pieces. I groan with the effort of recalling it all. The smell in the forest that stung my nose in a strange way, those first few kills before I slipped out of my mind, the blurry images of those after. The strange ghostly village and it’s basement eerily similar to one from my distant past. Levi calling to me. Calling my name; the name that only he can use. Levi at the tip of my sword, looking desperate.

 

I remember a hunger that couldn’t be satiated. A twist in my stomach that only grew with every kill; the confusion.

 

My throbbing headache doesn’t allow me to concentrate, and I am ripped from the thoughts violently as my body is thrown backwards a few yards. The force of Levi’s hard torso holds me down firmly as a large hand cuts down through the fog and slams into the spot I had just been laying. He is dirty and sweating, with dried blood covering various parts of his uniform. I can’t tell who’s blood it is, only pray it isn’t his own.

 

Our breathing is ragged and synchronized. I feel the hot air of his breath on my cheeks and welcome it, staring into his eyes and feeling his hair tickle my forehead as he hovers over me. Somewhere in the background I am vaguely aware of the offending Titan being slain. I hear soldiers yelling back and forth, counting the dead and wounded. A familiar voice calls, "That's the last of them!", and is met with celebratory cheers that die quickly in the harsh realization of loss.

 

Levi’s closeness clears my mind of any remaining uncertainties. His eyes are searching my face intently. It doesn’t seem like he finds what he’s looking for, which must be a good thing because I actually see his lips twitch into what could be a smile. I can’t stop my own lips from turning upwards despite my deep feelings of guilt over my outburst. I want to wrap my arms around his waist and pull his body close, but here on the battlefield, amidst our fallen allies, is not the place. I continue to stare quietly into his deep grey eyes until our breathing has calmed. He goes to speak but hesitates, killing the thought on his lips and averting his eyes uncertainly. There isn’t anyone immediately near us to overhear or see, so I lift a weak, filthy hand to his equally filthy cheek. He doesn’t seem to even mind.

 

“Levi.” My voice is a cracking whisper. I only state his name but there are so many questions peeking through my voice.

 

He speaks up immediately, surprising us both with the strength of his voice. “I-! I should have listened to you that night. You _told_ me you were afraid. I was too angry. I’m sorry.” His head lowers into the crook of my neck, and his grief is apparent only in the way his apology shakes out of his mouth. “I was jealous, and I haven’t been jealous of anyone since I was a child! I was confused.”

 

I can’t stop my shock at his confession. I knew he was upset but I never knew just how deep his emotions ran. I can only imagine how much pride he has pushed aside to admit this and I feel it’s true that we don’t really know each other, deep down. _I want to change that, so much._ My hands cup his cheeks once again and I urge him to face me. Our eyes meet unsteadily, but it lifts the mood. “You have nothing to apologize for, Levi.” I wipe away a smudge of dirt from his smooth skin and admire the color underneath. I encourage my voice to strengthen enough that he will hear my sincerity, and tap our foreheads together when I tell him, “I missed you.”

 

A long silence hangs between us. The steam is clearing but the other soldiers haven’t made their way to us yet, probably avoiding the large evaporating Titan corpses surrounding us. The air is thick and the dust hangs around us, but somehow it can’t ruin this reunion. Finally, he breaks the silence.

 

“You grew taller.” He sounds genuinely upset and I cough out a laugh. Despite my reservations about the battlefield, my arms finally find the strength and courage to wrap around his firm waist and I pull his body to mine in a sloppy embrace. His warm figure fits perfectly over mine, and I realize I really _did_ grow a bit. “Don’t _hug_ me, the entire reason I liked you was that you were short!” He puts up a very half-assed fight before pretending to give up and accept it, if only for a moment. I smile into the sunlight appearing over us.

 

“You _like_ me!?” I don’t hide the amusement in my voice and even dare input a mocking tone, just to annoy him further. _What can I say? He’s cute when he’s mad_.

 

He pushes himself off of me with his real strength and starts to dust off his clothing. “I _liked_ you. Past tense. Totally unrelated now.” He tries to turn and hide his smirk, but I’ve already seen it. I decide not to push it any further for the day when he stops to offer me a hand. It takes a long time to get to my feet, and even longer to mount my horse; somehow tied to the back of Levi’s. I watch his strong back as he leads us onwards. The swaying of my animal companion lulls me to a deep sleep before we make it back to the great gates of the Wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jump over to WC1/2 to read a snippet of Erwin's POV [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/8106123)!
> 
> Also... was that fluff!? Did I write something minutely fluffy!?!? I am honestly asking if that counts as fluff because I'm pretty sure I've never actually been capable of writing it. /sigh


	16. Normalcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael awakens back at HQ. He is relieved to find Levi acting warmly towards him. They have a nostalgic nighttime rendezvous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter is long. Happy 4k+ words!
> 
> Be sure to have read WC 1/2 chapter [Commander](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/8106123)!

**Normalcy**

_Michael_

I feel myself come into consciousness suddenly, like my face has just broken water after minutes of painful asphyxiation. I don’t open my eyes or move my body. In fact, I hardly think I have the strength to do so. There’s definitely a bed underneath me and my eyelids are struggling to keep out a bright light. I hear faint and distant voices from the other side of walls. My own space is quiet so I gingerly open my eyes and adjust slowly to the bright light of the sun coming in from a window nearby. With the same amount of care I pull myself to a sitting position and inspect the clinic room warily; ignoring the screaming pain in my sides and back.

 

My bed rests only a few feet from an old wooden door, presumably leading into a hall full of identical doors and rooms. To my right is the large, thick curtain that separates my bed from another. It’s been left open to reveal the empty bed and it’s messy sheets, indicating that I’m sharing this space with someone. The large window is on their side of the room, with it’s curtains also open wide. The small bedside tables next to us have no other decoration than a small bouquet of flowers, but their side’s flowers are much larger and have a note sticking out of the top. I catch sight of a few other cards and small gifts along the windowsill before gently leaning back into my pillows where I can still see the room without straining my sore muscles to keep me upright.

 

It smells like clean linens and dust in the sunlight. It’s beautiful outside, and I wonder how long until I can lie in the grass under the warm rays. I’m staring at the musty paintings of flowers and riverbanks on the wall when I hear a soft knock at the door. They don’t wait for a response before quietly entering and closing it quickly.

 

Levi’s uniform boots tap lightly over the floorboards, looking so clean I could use them as a mirror. He is as orderly as always, but when my eyes meet his pale face it is tired and bruised; a reminder of the Expedition. Despite his look and my own exhaustion, I smile at him warmly. He holds a clipboard in his hand and stands stiffly at my bedside, looking all business. I motion to an old chair in the corner by the door and he takes the hint, pulling it over and sitting a respectable distance away. There’s a small moment of silence where he looks over my body and pretends to be distracted by his clipboard.

 

His throat clears quietly and he finally meets my gaze as he says, “It’s good to see you’re awake, Mr. Trillo.” My name sounds awkward on his lips, and I get the feeling he is trying hard to be professional.

 

I stifle a grin. “Thank you, Corporal Levi. It’s good to _be_ awake.”

 

Another heavy silence sits between us for a minute before he shuffles his papers and gets to the point. “Well.” He settles on the paper he wants, swinging one leg over the other. “It’s been two days since we returned from our successful expedition. In that time, Commander Erwin has been made aware of the…” he pauses, attempting to keep up his professional demeanor, “-circumstances surrounding our excursion and has granted you clearance to information regarding our goals.” His eyes meet mine expectantly, but with little to say I only offer him a curt nod. “Our mission during the expedition was to capture low-grade Titans for study and experimentation. We successfully captured two Titans which will now be under the strict care of Hanji’s squad.”

 

I absorb the information as best as I can. My head still feels groggy from sleep and injury, and although I’m sure Levi is aware of that, I can also be sure he won’t allow it as an excuse not to listen. “Why would you want to capture them and risk bringing them home? What kind of experiments are worth that danger?” I keep my voice passive and objective as I await his reasoning.

 

He uncrosses his legs and brings the opposite leg up this time. “They are only three meter Titans, at best, and I trust Hanji and the squad to be capable of dispatching them if necessary.”

 

I nod, understanding. “Okay. Well, why do I need clearance for this? Doesn’t everyone present know you carted two Titans back with you?”

 

“They do. That’s not the sensitive information. We didn’t inform everyone beforehand to keep anyone from doing anything stupid.” He sighs tiredly as his hand retrieves something small from the inside pocket of his jacket. “ _This_ is what the ‘sensitive information’ is.” He drops the small brown notebook onto my blanketed stomach. “It was discovered while you were still away for training, during the forty-ninth expedition.” He offers no other explanation while I flip through the pages. It takes a lot of effort to decipher the hasty handwriting, even with all of my practice with the language. As I get to the end of the writing, I find myself reading the lines over and over again. _I can’t believe this. This can’t be real._ My pleading eyes search Levi’s for the truth, and are sorely shown the way. _This is happening…_

 

“Levi… does this mean…? I’ve been- no, _we’ve_ been killing these things all of this time without knowing…” I can’t stop the tears from coming to my eyes, but I hold them back from falling. My chest is heaving and sending burning pain through my ribs with each breath. “…Levi. They have intelligence. They aren’t just mindless beasts!” He raises a hand and motions for me to quiet my voice, and it is only then that I realize I had raised it. I give a silent apology to the other patients in nearby rooms and stare quietly at the small, fragile journal in my hands. Suddenly, I can’t stand the sight of it, and shove it back towards Levi with more force than intended.

 

He sighs for the thousandth time since entering my room and pockets it once again. My head falls roughly to my pillow in defeat and my hands lay like dead weights at my sides, my energy suddenly depleted. Levi allows me to pout in silence for a moment and I stare out the window, watching the greenery sway in a gentle breeze. I feel a cool hand over my own and look back to see Levi holding it tightly, his head hung low and resting on the edge of the bed. My fingers slip out from his hand and run lightly through his clean, perfect hair. He lets me tickle his scalp for a few moments before abruptly sitting up, and his face goes back to being all business.

 

“Michael…” He looks into my eyes and softens just a bit, then corrects himself. “Misha. I need to know what happened to you. If you remember anything at all, or know anything, tell me now.”

 

I swallow hard, suddenly aware of my intense need for water. It takes a few sentences before my voice comes out clear. “I’m not really sure why it happened… I don’t remember much. My head is still pretty hazy.”

 

“You said something to me out there… before you lost consciousness.” He leans in, resting his elbows on his knees while giving me an intense look. “You mentioned a smell. What did you mean?”

 

“That… I don’t even know if it’s significant. As we entered the forest it was like the air was different. It felt heavy, and I remember feeling like I wasn’t getting enough oxygen. The air smelled strange and eventually it was like I’d inhaled so much of it that my head went funny.” A memory strikes me as I say it, remembering a brief moment years ago. “Actually… I’ve smelt it before… the day we met.” His eyes widen with surprise but he says nothing. “I think we were too far away for it to affect me, or maybe we just left before it could. But I remember smelling it then, and I recognized it…” Another memory hits me now, and it’s almost too much to bear. It plays through my mind like a movie without sound, but it _hurts_. My eyes are shut tight but there’s still a searing white light piercing through my retinas. I thrash and try to wake from the nightmare, but the images won’t go away. I can faintly hear Levi calling my name. There’s warmth on my shoulders, holding me down tightly. Once the images end, my eyes open to see his grey orbs looking down at me. His calm mask is breaking; lines of worry over his brow and a small frown turns his lips. I breathe a few heavy moments and collect myself before reassuring him that I’m fine.

 

He looks me over and studies my expression closely, but he doesn’t move from his position resting on the edge of my bed. His hip brushes lightly at my side, and he keeps one of his hands on my shoulder. “Are you alright?”

 

“I think so.” I try to give him a reassuring smile but it comes out weak.

 

A pause. “Is there something you aren’t telling me, Misha?”

 

A longer pause. “There is. But I need time to think about it, and sort it out. I’ll tell you as soon as I can.”

 

He nods his head and lets out a long breath. In a sweet gesture that surprises me greatly, his head lowers to rest atop my chest. I try to remain calm, as if a little bird has landed on my finger and I’d hate to scare it away. “Levi? Are _you_ alright?” He nods against me and I have no doubt that he can feel the thumping of my heart against his forehead. “Now that you know about me… what will you do?” Tears sting my eyes once again. The mere thought of Levi abandoning me all because I’ve gone mental is heartbreaking.

 

“What do you mean? We’re going to figure this shit out.” He sits up then and looks into my eyes. “What that smell is… what your Uncle’s last words meant… and if we can help you… if _I_ can help you.” Although the tears remain, I can’t suppress a relieved smile.

 

Footsteps can be heard approaching in the hall, so he stands again and resumes his professional demeanor. As he begins to speak formally about my release and the schedule I will be expected to follow, the door opens and a nurse walks in. She’s walking side by side with someone I assume to be my roommate, blocking the person from view. As soon as they reach the other side of the room, the curtain is drawn closed before I can peek. I hear them mumbling a bit before she retreats out of the room, paying Levi and I no mind. He finishes up his summary and all I’ve retained from it is that I’ll be released in a few hours and expected to attend meals.

 

He departs with a whispered goodbye and closes the door just as quietly. My roommate seems to be sleeping, or otherwise silent, so I decide to follow suit. My eyes close as soon as my head hits the pillow and I let the fog of sleep take me.

 

-

 

A few hours later, the nurse from the morning comes in to wake me. I have a hard time pulling myself out of it, but she helps me to sit up and offers a much needed glass of water. After she leaves I find a spare change of clothing atop the chair in the corner and get dressed, my muscles burning the entire time. My roommate’s curtain remains closed and all is quiet on the other side of it, so I leave without a word. The hallway is larger than I imagined, with a dead end of doors and rooms at one end and a large receptionist desk at the other. I head towards the desk where they hand me a bag containing everything I had when I’d been brought in. With a sweet smile, they dismiss me.

 

The air outside is so clean and warm that it almost makes me choke. I love it. The warm sun is trying desperately to put me back to sleep even as I walk back around the compound to the main building. The medic building is near the back, and off to the west. Close enough to rush people over but not so close that patients would be disturbed by the soldiers as they perform drills and chores. When I make it to the mess hall, there’s a familiar smell in the air and the loud roar of jubilant men and women. It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve eaten, but despite the greedy state of my stomach I am careful to take it slow. Out of habit, I push my bread to the far side of my tray and forget about it. I can feel the stares of the surrounding tables on me, and keep my head low as I eat. Much of the loud chatter has turned into quiet mumbling, and some don’t even try to hide that they are whispering about me. Across the hall, Levi and his subordinates make an entry along with Erwin and a few of his posse. The more obvious gossipers tone it down while the nervous ones stop altogether.

 

I watch Levi from the corner of my vision as he fills a tray, making sure to glare angrily at Erwin as he does so. He makes a point of walking past me to his table, coming so close that he almost touches me, and causes the few soldiers still watching me to look away. I finish what I can of my meal and stand to clear it away. Just as I lift my tray, however, I spy a small piece of folded paper sticking out from the side. I pocket it casually and make my way back to my bunk to rest more.

 

The first thing I notice is that my sheets and blanket are missing. They aren’t in the storage trunk at the end of the bunk and in fact, there aren’t any extras anywhere in the room. The second thing I notice is the smell. I take a tentative whiff of my mattress and confirm, unhappily, that the large dark spot covering over half of it is definitely piss. The wooden frame has been covered with unimaginative slurs and nicknames in permanent ink. With a sigh, I turn and leave. There’s no point in getting upset with them; it will only fuel their games further.

 

I decide to take my note to the bathroom, where I find a bit of privacy in one of the old, disgusting stalls. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but the note consists of only two sentences, written in a familiar script that I’ve always adored.

 

_“Come to my new quarters tonight after dinner. No need for secrecy.”_

 

No need for secrecy? Does that mean Levi no longer cares if people know that we’re…. _what? We’re meeting? We’re kinda-sorta in a really weird and really complicated relationship? Is that what anyone would even consider it?_ Another heavy sigh escapes me and I only hope I get some answers to finally relieve the weight of all of these questions.

 

-

 

I knock lightly, one, two, three taps. My mind swirls with the last night I spent together with Levi; his hands grazing my skin, and our lips finally meeting. I feel my pulse quicken and start to sweat while awaiting entrance into his room. He takes longer than usual, but I hear a door close from within his room and his footsteps reach the door. I dab the moisture from my forehead just before the door opens and I am beckoned in.

 

The new room is much larger than the last, with a larger bed positioned in the middle of the far wall and space for two nightstands on either side. There’s a solid door on the right wall, presumably leading to a bathroom of his own, and a sturdy wardrobe on the left wall next to his familiar old desk and chair. The old desk is topped with various books lined in a neat row. The wall holding the door I’ve entered through is decorated with only a large table, this one holding various large maps and formation plans. All in all, the room has a much more ‘official’ feel, and I get the impression he has earned Erwin’s full trust in the time I have been away.

 

My eyes have swept the room thoroughly from my position at the doorway, but finally I bring them to Levi, who stands holding the door open, wearing nothing but his white uniform pants and a towel slung around his neck. Seeing the impatience on his face, I step further inside and allow him to close the door. Without a word, he walks back to his bathroom. He’s left the door open and I can hear running water, so I tentatively begin walking across the room.

 

“Remove your shoes.” His voice echoes from out of sight, but it is stern enough to halt me in my tracks. I turn without question and retreat to the door again, where I remove my boots and leave them next to his. _His are a size smaller than mine_ , I think with a smile.

 

Back at the bathroom door, I peek in to find Levi leaning over a wooden countertop, _on his tippy-toes!_ His jaw and neck are lathered with a shaving cream that smells spiced and clean, and he runs a razor over his jaw line expertly. I watch, entranced, until he completes the shave and washes off the remaining lather. When he turns to me, patting his face with the towel, my eyes fall over him hungrily, making no attempt to be discreet.

 

“Have you had enough rest today?”

 

I drag my eyes away from his stomach and meet his gaze steadily. “Enough. I couldn’t manage any rest in the barracks, but I had a nice nap in the sun after lunch.” He scowls as we retreat from the bathroom and take seats at his desk.

 

He picks up a piece of blank parchment and dips a quill in ink. “Why not?”

 

“It seems that I’m no longer welcome there.” He studies me for a moment before starting to write something quickly. I don’t bother looking. If he wants me to know, he’ll tell me. After a moment, he seems to read over his work and nods approvingly at it. His attention is back on me in seconds.

 

“You’ll just have to sleep here tonight, then.” His face shows nothing, but I am positive I hear something in his voice that sends my insides into a frenzy. My pulse is racing again instantly, but as if he senses it, he kills it again before I get any ideas. “Tell me what happened this morning.”

 

“I thought we agreed I’d tell you once I sorted it out?”

 

“Would you be here if you hadn’t sorted it?” He looks a little too smug, but I love the look on him and can’t bother to be irked. It makes me want to rattle him.

 

“I’ll always come if you ask, Levi.” A glare pierces through me, and I see right through him. He’s happier than he’d admit by my statement. It’s apparent, however, that he won’t let it go so easily.

 

“Tell me anyway. We can’t afford to wait any longer.”

 

I nod understandingly, and proceed to tell him about the basement, the strange men, and Uncle Ken locking me in with them. I spare no detail and even when Levi’s face goes cold, I continue. By the end, he is back to writing speedily over his paper. He rattles off questions faster than I can answer.

 

“Did any of them give you a name? Are you certain they were from your military? Has this happened any other times that you can remember? Were you also violent towards your uncle? Who was the soldier you left alive? What happened to him?”

 

Some questions I could answer, some I couldn’t. After what seemed like hours, Levi was finally satisfied with the information. He sits back in his chair and begins thinking out loud. “Your uncle took those men there under false pretenses, it seems. He left… and locked the door? _Why?_ If he knew you wouldn’t attack him, why lock himself out? And the soldier who survived… what was his purpose? I wonder if your uncle knew he’d live, or was he surprised? You said you smelled that scent back then, and when it went away, you awoke to the mess. Then, your uncle came in and you passed out… was your uncle somehow producing the scent?” His chair clicks down on all four feet and our eyes meet intensely. I feel as if I’m being studied, and it gives me the chills, but I let him think and stare all he wants. “To me, this sounds like what Hanji calls a ‘controlled environment’. I think… I think we need help on this one.”

 

I mull it over for a moment before agreeing. “It’s a lot of weird information. I don’t know if we can solve this kind of puzzle alone… I wish-“ My hands are shaking and I have to clench them tightly to calm them, “I just wish Uncle Ken was still here for me to _ask_. I’d just _ask_ him. I wouldn’t be mad, I’d understand if it was him…”

 

The silence hangs over us again in the dim candlelight. “I think we should tell Erwin. Tomorrow. I’m supposed to meet with him and Hanji about some things in the morning. Come with me.”

 

I don’t like the idea of telling anyone else all of these secrets, but I have to admit that we need help. Erwin is an influential and very intelligent man. I give my consent and he goes back to scribbling, now on his third sheet of parchment.

 

-

 

A few hours later, Levi and I prepare for bed. He’s made me shower in his personal shower stall despite the cold water, and fitted me with a pair of loose pants for sleeping. They are an inch or two shy of my ankles and I smile. Once I’ve dried my hair to his liking, he pats the left side of the bed beside him as a sign that I may finally join him. The calm atmosphere feels so out of place after so long. We’ve done nothing but act like emotional cripples and I’m relieved that we can exist normally, even for just one evening.

 

I slide under the thick blanket and thin sheet beneath it, lying on my side and facing the wall. All but one candle has been snuffed, and in the small light I now see a painting on the wall that was previously hidden from my view by the large wardrobe. I have to squint and stare a moment to confirm my suspicions. There in a beautiful intricate gold frame, is a portrait of Trill. She’s standing proudly in an open field of green grass and flowers, with the warm sun and wind around her. It’s perfect, and brings more tears to my eyes. I turn myself onto my other side to face Levi and see that he’s been facing my back this whole time. His gaze is intense in a sweet way, and I have to wipe a few wet spots from my cheeks before I dare inch closer to him.

 

“Levi… that’s Trill, isn’t it?” My voice is a hoarse whisper in the quiet room.

 

“Mhmm.” I bury my face into his neck and wrap an arm around him before I can hesitate. He returns the embrace, pressing our bare chests together. The warmth is too much, and my tears spill out over and over.

 

An ugly sob wracks me as I speak. “What happened to her?”

 

“She served well, for the first year. I gave her to a capable soldier I knew would take care of her and checked on her often. After a while, though, she just couldn’t keep up. I think she was just getting old. I had her retired to a nearby farm, which is where that portrait was painted.” His fingers massage my scalp as I calm down and eventually the tears subside. I do my best to wipe the moisture off of his collarbones but he swats the hand away and pulls me back into him. “She died peacefully. So don’t worry.”

 

I nod my head which causes my nose to brush along his neck and tickle his ear. My face has dried and all I can do to keep it that way is hold my breath for a few long moments. When I’m sure it’s passed, I pull my head back enough to look Levi in the eyes. “Thank you, Levi. It really means a lot to me. It may be silly, but… she was my best friend, all of those years. My only friend.” I smile, and he seems relieved. With a small nod, he says _Of course_ and the distance between us closes again as our lips meet.

 

It’s everything I’ve ever wanted or needed since that night years ago, and I accept his dominating tongue hungrily. Our bodies are on fire, pressed tightly together and intertwined perfectly. I can’t say how long we stay awake like that, kissing gently and kissing roughly, caressing each other’s muscles and tugging hair. I fall asleep with swollen lips curved into a permanent smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you guys they'd be alright!


	17. Time Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael joins Levi and Erwin for a long meeting regarding all of the information gathered. Plans are underway to find out just what Michael is- and what he means for the rest of humanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long, and mostly dialogue. I hope you all don't mind. My plans for this chapter ended up being way too much, and thus I had to split it in two. The next chapter will be a continuation of this day. There's just too much going on now! *sigh*

**Time Line**

_Michael_

The morning air comes in cool and gentle from the small window over Levi’s bed, waking me from sleep. The wind on my face is refreshing and the cold is a stark contrast to the sweaty skin still sticking to the sheets. I rise slightly and turn to look at the rest of the bed only to find that Levi isn’t in it. The space he had occupied is cold from his absence and makes the dark seem daunting. There’s a dull glow coming from beneath the door to the bathroom, so I quietly step to it and knock.

 

A few moments later I hear the sound of running water and the door opens shortly after; the man stands before me with damp skin and water droplets falling from the hair hanging over his forehead. “What is it?”

 

I relax visibly and give him a nervous smile. “I suddenly felt cold and woke up, and you were gone. You okay?” His cheeks look flushed and his eyes are half-lidded, causing small eyelash-shaped shadows to cascade over his cheeks in the candlelight.

 

He pats his face dry with a small hand towel before tossing it into his laundry bin in the corner of the bathroom, which I note is twice the size of the ones we use in the barracks. I watch as he runs a small comb through his hair, parting it multiple times until he has it where he wants it. “It was way too hot to sleep, so I opened the window. You’re like a damn oven, you know that?” He finishes in front of the mirror and walks past me to his wardrobe. “I needed a shower.” He has his pants on and a few loose belts grasped in his hands. I eye him heatedly and leave my perch on the doorframe to take the leather from his hands.

 

Lowered before him on one knee, I loop a strap under the arch of each foot slowly. He feels stiff and tense, so I move deliberately as I pull the ends up his legs, crossing and tightening where needed before attaching them to the thigh loops. He stands, still tense, and lets me wrap the belts around his thighs and tighten them in place; one leg and then the other. He sits again and seems to relax as he tosses a pair of socks to me. Taking the hint, I lower myself back to the floor and cradle one of his small feet in my hand. Looking up at him now, his bare chest breathing in rhythm and his grey eyes cast down to watch me intently, I can see that this is a deeply private moment for him. How many people has he allowed this privilege? _That’s right. It is a privilege._ So I treat it like one, and pay special attention to his rough heel where the belts have worn him down for years as I massage the skin with a gentle pressure. When I drag my fingers up each toe in turn, applying just enough pressure to pull them slightly, I am rewarded with a small hum of approval and see his head fall back just slightly. I slide the long black sock over the foot so that it holds the belts and pants in place, and move my attention to the other side, repeating the process.

 

When his feet are dressed I run my hands back up his legs and up to his thighs, applying the same gentle pressure the whole way before stopping them over his hard muscles and pulling my body up so that I can look at him properly. He meets my eyes again and I watch a small smirk play over his lips before he leans his head down and kisses me; a quick and chaste touch, but enough to light me up inside. He moves quickly, standing up to swing a shirt around his shoulders. The moment is over and the stirring in my pants is highly disappointed.

 

“Go brush your teeth, your breath smells like shit.” I give him a grade A smile and obey while he finishes buttoning the shirt and starts arranging his cravat. By the time I return from the sink, he’s gotten the top belts connected to the belt of his pants, and is sliding them up his arms like suspenders. With a wave of his hand, he beckons me over and I help him tighten a few belts around his back- the same ones I have issue with. One final snap of leather sounds the completion of the process when I secure the last strap over his pectorals. I watch with adoring amusement as he does a few stretches and takes a few steps, checking the tightness and positioning of each belt. I admire his readiness and experience, but am only reminded of my own inexperience. _Sure, I’ve been in the Military, and killed Titans, but I’ve never had the sense of responsibility or duty that Levi seems to exude with every action. I need to improve._ I mull over my self-depreciation for a moment and decide it isn’t worth thinking about, not now.

 

“What time is it? It’s still dark outside.” I ask Levi as I pull on my own pants from the day before and begin the belting process for myself. He ignores me for a moment as he compiles various paperwork and the notes from the night before.

 

“There’s still about two hours before sunrise and the morning bell. We’re meeting with Erwin shortly.” He holds a single folder under his elbow, stuffed full of the documents we’re taking to the Commander, and turns to me as we speak.

 

“Damn. Do you guys always meet so early? I mean, do all of the officers?” I go to grab my shirt and he throws out his free hand to stop me. My hands freeze in the air, holding the shirt, as he motions to the laundry bin in the bathroom. With questioning eyes I go to toss the shirt, and he greets my return by throwing a clean one of his own into my face. It smells like soap and tea spice, and I can’t hide the big whiff I take before pulling it over my head and tucking it into my pants. I hear an amused scoff as he walks to the door. “What? You smell nice.”

 

His hand pauses on the doorknob. “Whatever. Meet me in the conference room when you’re dressed.” He opens it a few inches before saying, “Make the bed before you leave.” His solid tone tells me that it had better be absolutely perfect when he returns later.

 

“Shouldn’t we go together?” The door shuts with finality and I stare after the form behind it, as if I can see through the wood and watch him walk away. I shrug to myself and finish dressing, performing the amusing stretches I can recall from Levi’s performance, and proceed to cleaning up.

 

-

 

Erwin looks perfectly arranged and untouched, as if he hasn’t even touched his bed, but his eyes look clear and well-rested despite it. I frown at my two superiors and their ability to function at this hour while taking a seat at the table. The last time I sat in this room, I was undergoing questioning. I can’t shake the feeling that something similar is meant to happen to me today. The commander’s sharp gaze is locked on to me from over his laced fingers, his elbows atop the paperwork spread out before him.

 

“Good morning, Mr. Trillo.” He gives me a nod and I return it.

 

“I thought you were calling him Michael, remember?” Levi has unexpectedly taken the seat directly beside me, despite the many chairs seated around the large table. The bold move surprises me but the commander doesn’t seem fazed. He has a lightly amused expression when he addresses Erwin directly across from us.

 

“Whatever’s fine. It’s way too early to care.” I wave a hand and stifle a yawn, aware of Erwin’s amused expression but still trying not to be too informal with my superiors.

 

“We’ll move on, then, Michael. Levi and I have discussed quite a few things while awaiting your arrival, and now we need your input.” His large hand slides a piece of paper to my side of the table, turning it in the process so that I can read it.

 

**“Officer Hanji’s Totally Formal Request To Study The Newbie!!!”**

Understandably, I look from Erwin to Levi with both confusion and horror as the implications float through my mind. I reluctantly read on aloud, though barely above a whisper.

 

“I, Hanji Zoe, Fourth Squad Captain of the Survey Corps, hereby formally request permission to routinely observe and interact with Michael Trillo of the 103rd Trainee Squad inductees. Permissions include the following….” My voice trails out as I read a startling list of odd experiments and exercises the captain wishes to inflict on me. By the sound of it, I won’t be treated very differently from a Titan, and I don’t anticipate that being good for my health. When I’ve looked up from the paper, Erwin and Levi both look concerned.

 

“Although Hanji’s request is… unusual… I am forced to consider it due to the circumstances. I was originally going to deny it, but Hanji rarely bothers to submit formal requests unless they are of great importance.” He takes the paper from my shaky fingers. “Corporal Levi, however, is expressing his objection at every turn.”

 

I turn to look at Levi who is training his deepest scowl onto Erwin and the form in his hands. His arms are crossed tightly over his chest and his legs are propped up on the table, ankles crossed. The angry pout is adorable, and I struggle to keep myself under control in the presence of the commander. He refuses to make eye contact with either of us as he speaks.

 

“It’s too risky. We don’t have enough information to guarantee _either_ of their safety, and Hanji’s experiments aren’t exactly human-friendly. We can’t afford for anything to happen to either of them.” He provides an excellent point from the position of a superior worried for his best soldiers, but I fear Erwin will see through him easily. The look on the commander’s face gives me the impression he really has.

 

“That is quite true, Levi, thank you. For that very reason, Hanji will be joining us this morning to discuss it in further detail, and Michael can decide for himself. I will not stop him from making the choice he likes.” Erwin looks me straight in the eyes, looking stern but not dominating. If I had to read the implication behind it, I’d label it ‘trust’.

 

I awkwardly shuffle my hands while they exchange looks, almost as if arguing telepathically. Seeing the two of them like this, I can’t help but feel that they’ve known each other their whole lives; two men who understand and respect one another, but aren’t afraid to piss the other off. It occurs to me that Commander Erwin probably knows Levi better than anyone, and a pang of jealousy strikes me, making me feel pitiful. Eventually their stare-battle ends and I am too new to this odd situation to guess the winner. The silence has gone on enough, and Erwin finally breaks it. Levi remains quiet, watching the wall behind Erwin passively.

 

“While we wait for Hanji to show up, let’s put that on the backburner.” He slides the form, smeared with hasty ink swipes and drops of what I hope was tea, to the side of the table. He refolds his hands together in front of himself and stares at the papers beneath them, unseeing. After a long moment of thought, he looks to both of us again. “Levi has filled me in on your history, and what happened as far as we know during the Expedition a few days ago. This paper here,” he motions to one of Levi’s handwritten letters, “recounts a memory you recalled yesterday. What do you make of it?”

 

“I’ve thought a lot about that, sir, and it’s really a big mess. My only memories of my uncle were always the usual things – growing up, playing games, eating meals, et cetera. When he died…” recalling my uncle’s final moments is still painful, and I take a moment to collect myself. “When he died, he left me with some confusing final words. I didn’t understand any of it at the time, but now I think that’s because my memories were altered somehow. Either that, or I have the most inconvenient bout of amnesia ever.”

 

Erwin looks questioningly at me and Levi has finally taken his feet down from the table to lean in and participate. We explain my uncle’s final requests and speculate until our heads hurt. After about an hour of such serious talk, the sun has come up outside and we can hear the soldiers start to stir on the floors below us. I zone out while the two converse, rubbing absently at my empty stomach when the smells from the kitchen reach us even up here on the top floor. I tune in as I hear them trying to finally piece the puzzle together. They’ve each written different key points down on small scraps of paper, and even some things that may be totally irrelevant, and arranged them in a line down the long table. A timeline?

 

“So, at some point when Michael was young, his uncle was presumably performing experiments of some sort on him. We got that.” Erwin moves that paper to the start of the timeline. “Michael went into a frenzy and killed select members of the Military, but as there were survivors, we have to assume it wasn’t a completely senseless slaughter.” Another paper slides around.

 

Levi picks up a few papers and begins shuffling them atop the table as well, leaning over me as I watch motionlessly, trying to keep up. “During the expedition, he did not show real hostility to any humans that I saw, only extreme caution. The only violence I witnessed was directed at Titans. So let’s assume these humans had some connection with Titans.” He begins writing small notes and drawing lines around some of them.

 

“According to Michael, he was maybe ten or eleven years old at that time. What time did you enlist in the Military, Michael?” Erwin’s eyes fall onto me for the first time in a while and I am pressed to answer his question, although my mind has begun to grow foggy again.

 

“Uh… I was about thirteen, sir. Although I don’t recall much about that time.”

 

Erwin nods and adds a note to the timeline that reads, ‘Michael joins @ 13’. This goes on for a while as they each ask me questions in turn and I answer as best as I can. “Now, we get to the day your people were… the day of the incident. Your uncle was a blacksmith, who just _happened_ to craft you some very special weapons that you would be familiar with and capable of using, that also just _happened_ to not break. Your uncle Ken was a man of many talents, Michael.”

 

I swallow hard, realizing how little I knew about my uncle, or how little I _remembered_. “Y-yeah… I guess so.”

 

“Where are the swords?”

 

“I have them.” Levi speaks matter-of-factly, and informs us both that he had them analyzed during my time away, discovering they are made with a material not found in this part of the world. _If we could get more of it, somehow… could everyone have swords that can kill a Titan and not break?_ Erwin writes himself some personal notes off to the side of our timeline and tells Levi to bring the swords to him later. We both nod in agreement with him.

 

We return to our timeline and add in a few more notes. Erwin sits back in his chair with a sigh, looking tired at last. “From this data, we can make a whole lot of assumptions. We can’t really prove anything yet, but I we have enough to formulate a plan.” He and Levi exchange understanding nods, and I am lost and feeling alone as I watch them.

 

“Your uncle was likely working for those men you killed. Maybe they are the reason he had to do those things to you to begin with. I think he intentionally had you murder them. The reason why is a mystery, but what we do know is that he did something to you to cause you to lose control, and that something is still going on inside of you, without him. Then he had you join the military, and ensured that you got out of town alive while everyone else was intentionally left for the slaughter. If that doesn’t mean something big is happening, I’ll kiss my horse.” I try not to laugh at the image and Levi cringes.

 

Our assessments are interrupted when Hanji arrives, looking energetic and unkempt. Levi’s cold eyes turn on the door as it closes. “Where the hell have you been!?”

 

Hanji’s large eyes look innocently to Erwin, totally ignoring Levi as they take a seat beside me. I still haven’t figured out if Hanji is a man or a woman, and no one else seems to know, either, so I  have avoided referring to Hanji in conversation to avoid anything awkward. That was about to get difficult, if we were going to be spending so much time together. Which, I have a feeling, is exactly why Hanji looks so excited. “So!? Are we approved!?!” A strong arm wraps around my shoulders and pulls me close, my face unnaturally close to the stranger’s. I pull away slightly but the grip holds firm, and I am left sitting stiff as a plank, rattling around the arm-hold, half out of my seat. To my surprise, Levi sees the struggle and actually rescues me, pulling Hanji’s arm loose from my neck with ease and tossing it to the owner. He is back in his chair now, a few inches closer than before and trying to look inconspicuous. Erwin looks amused as usual, with his all-seeing, all-knowing eyes.

 

Erwin leads the discussion, keeping Hanji’s energy in check and Levi’s anger at bay as we discuss just what Hanji’d like to do to me. In the end, I agree, much to his dismay and Hanji’s delight. He doesn’t try to stop me, which I appreciate despite my nervousness. I just pray that if anyone here can figure out what’s wrong with me, this strange person can. With that settled, the three of them turn back to the timeline, which has grown the size of the table and includes information I can’t possibly believe is helpful. I begin to think they are just asking me awkward questions for the sake of getting a reaction out of me, but in no time the questions are over and the timeline has been moved to the empty wall behind Erwin. It seems a plan is forming among them as I allow my mind to wander, remembering what I can and looking over the papers to see if all is accurate. When they all resume sitting, I look back and see that they seem satisfied with that task. In the silence, my stomach makes a terrible noise to indicate that it is way past breakfast, and we should wrap up.

 

Hanji has gotten up to leave, and Levi stands to head towards the door when Erwin stops us again. “Your barracks. Levi tells me you had an issue last night?”

 

I had almost forgotten about my ruined bunk in my elation of spending the night with Levi, and the reminder brings my mood down another notch. “Yes, sir.” Erwin is looking at one of the papers Levi had written up with me the night before, his eyes flicking to and fro over the lines while reading.

 

“I see. Well, it looks like I may be able to predict the future!” His small joke is totally lost on us, and we just stare while waiting for more. “Considering the circumstances, Michael, it doesn’t seem like you do very well in a group environment…” He looks a little sorry for his comment but I just shrug my shoulders as if to say ‘no kidding’. “I’d like to offer you Levi’s old room. A room, as I now understand it, you’re actually quite accustomed to…” He has a sly smirk and looks quite amused at my blushing, shocked face. I look to Levi in horror, who isn’t looking me in the eyes, but instead gives Erwin a tired glare.

 

“I told you, Michael, I had to make Erwin aware of the circumstances.”

 

I am stuck, staring at Levi’s annoyed face, searching for any sign that he cares at all if Erwin knows about us or what we’ve been hiding. He doesn’t seem too perturbed, and I relax from shock to just plain embarrassment. “O-okay… you want me to stay there? In my _own room_!?” The reality hits me as I realize I won’t have to ever lay awake among a sea of people I hate, and who hate me equally in turn, again. Erwin sees the excitement hit me and smiles kindly, as if he earnestly cares about my opinion on the matter.

 

“Yes. The other soldiers will see this as favoritism, or that we are coddling a victim. I want you to understand, Michael, that that is not the case. Levi has adamantly vouched for your character, and we both believe that you are a valuable asset to the Survey Corps. If you will accept it, I am offering you a promotion to Team Leader, where you will remain under Ness, but will have more responsibility and be expected to lead and direct soldiers assigned to you.”

 

The information takes a while to sink in, and the two men remain quiet and watch me intently while I absorb. A promotion for a brand-new inductee can’t be an easy thing to decide. If they are offering it, there must be a real need for it to happen, and I am sure it isn’t easy from their point of view. I know that it won’t help my relations with the other soldiers, but since it can’t exactly get any worse, I accept his offer with a quiet nod. He shakes my hand firmly and we sign a few important pieces of paper.

 

Levi gives me a serious look, as if telling me not to mess anything up, and I just avert my eyes nervously. With the heavy business cleared up, Levi and I head to the mess hall in the hopes of catching some breakfast before it’s all cleared away by the kitchen crew. It wasn’t even noon and already I knew today was going to exhaust me.


	18. Grown Ups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's stressful day is brightened by the arrival of a familiar face.

**Grown Ups**

_Michael_

After breakfast Levi informed me that I was still on stable duty, and would be for at least another week, despite my injuries and fatigue. I spent my time between morning drill and lunch getting down and dirty, and when it came time to eat I was glad for the break. I scrubbed up to my elbows and washed my face before daring to even enter the mess hall.

 

I fill my tray high and sit at my usual seat, close to the food line in the corner of the room where most people avoid. After a few minutes, Levi and a few of his squad mates enter and I hope for a small moment that he’ll sit beside me boldly like this morning. Sitting together in a room with only Erwin and sitting together in a room full of… everyone are very different things. He walks past me as usual, brushing closely to my elbow sticking out over the table side, and sits a few tables down. I notice with a small smile that he has, however, chosen to sit facing me in such a way that we have full view of one another. I look down and take a few bites of potatoes, but glance up intentionally when I know he’s looking and give him a shit-eating grin. _I’m onto you, Levi._ He quickly looks away and tries not to encourage my childish games, but I’m a boy-in-love, as they say, and continue being overly obvious in my staring until he’s forced to look at me. He gives me a death glare, clearly not wanting to draw any attention, and I laugh to myself and go back to my food.

 

The potatoes are always my favorite, so I’ve snuck an extra spoonful and opted out of the soup bowl at the end of the line. The soups are always made the night before and I never trust them much, anyway. The cooks didn’t seem to notice or care. I eat them all first without touching anything else, my mood rising significantly with my chores behind me and food in my belly. The pile of steamed veggies, mostly carrots and broccoli, goes next, followed by the slab of beef in dull gravy. I’ve always eaten my food one item at a time. I don’t mix flavors unless the dish was meant to be served that way, unlike most of the soldiers around me who pile it all into the center of their tray and eat it mashed together. The memories of home cooking and dinner with my friends at the usual bars linger over me, but I don’t dwell on them. I’ve started a new life here, and doing my best to live on.

 

My meal is interrupted near the end as half of a carrot flies into my eyebrow and lands atop my tray with a thud. The sensitive spot stings from the impact, but otherwise I am unfazed as I look around the room, expecting some snarky bully to be giggling with their friends over the weird guy in the corner. I spot a snarky bully alright; Levi, staring straight at me with a fork half in the air, frozen at the end of the fling. He has the smallest hint of a smirk and I can see his shoulders shake with a quiet laugh. My eyes go wide with understanding and I grin from ear to ear. _What happened to not being obvious!?_ The clever bastard had waited until I’d cleared my tray and wouldn’t have any ammunition. What he didn’t count on, however, was his own weapon being used against him.

 

I held my fork up very deliberately, and made a big, obvious scene of loading it with the carrot half and cocking the weapon back on my wrist. His face goes cold and serious instantly. I imagine it’s thinking something like, “ _Don’t you fucking da-_ “ The thought is cut short and I can hear the little tap the carrot makes as it hits him in the shoulder all the way from my own table. I have to really fight my body to stay still and relatively quiet as I laugh much harder than I’m used to. The few people at the tables between us don’t seem to notice what’s happening, but they _do_ notice my strange behavior and make no attempt to hide their odd looks.

 

Levi’s face is pale, and all of his amusement is gone. I think for a moment that I’ve overstepped a boundary of some sort, but remind myself that _he started it!_ He finds himself and straightens up in his chair, brushing his shoulder where the carrot hit him and loading the fork with a rather large piece of broccoli. I’m trying to formulate a plan that would keep me from getting pelted and not draw too much attention, when a loud uproar of chatter comes from the entrance on the other side of the hall. A few people clap and others whistle, as if a celebrity has entered suddenly. I can’t see anything from my corner spot, only a ton of arms and heads looking and waving. Levi pauses his attack, and when he seems to spot who it is he merely rolls his eyes and resumes the vegetable onslaught. I am hit in the sternum with the large broccoli cut but before I can even pick it up another carrot slaps me in the cheek. _Seriously, man!?_ I look at Levi, utter disbelief in my eyes. _You’re supposed to be the adult one here! Not me!_

 

His next attack is paused again as his face goes a little panicky, looking at something behind me. He quickly shoves the fork in his mouth, chewing up the ammunition. I hear loud footsteps approaching me quickly from behind. So quickly, in fact, I have no time to turn and look before there’s a loud bang, and a tray has rattled down in front of my own. The chair directly in front of me is kicked outwards and a man practically throws himself into it, looking elated and giving me a goofy grin, completely blocking my view of Levi.

 

I am all confusion, and even a bit of rage, as I turn a questioning glare to the man now claiming a seat at my solitary table. I stop breathing for a moment as I take in his features. He has a sharp jaw, with brown stubble spanning the entire bottom half of his oval face. His light blue eyes are sparkling and steady as he watches me look him over. The dark mop of messy hair atop his head stands up, long on top and short in the back and sides. _The boy has become a man_. I stumble over my thoughts for a moment before finally getting out the first words that come clearly to mind.

 

“Kip!? …Kippa the _Rippa!?_ ” My smile is huge and although he cringes at the old nickname, he smiles too. We stand and hug, patting backs like old war buddies, and I notice he’s also grown taller. _Much_ taller; at least three more inches, so that he remains taller than me despite my own growth. “You’ve changed so much. Look who’s all grown up, now!” I can’t hide my relief at having a familiar and friendly face in the midst of all of the chaos. Suddenly, I realize there may be a small problem with this situation.

 

As if responding to my worries, Levi appears beside us, looking quite superior as he addresses us formally. “It’s good to see you’ve recovered, Mr. Koch. Does this mean I’ll be seeing you at evening drill later?” Levi spares me the smallest of glances, his expression unreadable.

 

“Thank you, sir. I’ve been discharged, but have strict orders with regards to my exercise.”

 

“I understand. We’ll talk later, after your meal.” Levi returns to his table and clears his tray before leaving the mess hall without another word. I raise my eyebrows in surprise at the exchange, more than surprised at Levi’s civility towards Kip. The last thing I expected was niceties coming from the man who was once so jealous over a single kiss. Kip’s attention is back on me and he is clearly looking me over just as I had done to him. “I’m not the only one who’s all grown up. You got _buff_ , man. Look at all that muscle. You probably rival the Captain now, I’d bet.” He laughs and slaps me on the shoulder. “You also got a bit taller, but a lot of good that’s done ya.” He winks at me and I can still see the lively boy beneath the new manly beard.

 

“You and Levi close now, Kip?” I hope I don’t sound as nervous as I feel, and I notice the stares of many of the others on me and him, curious.

 

“Yeah, a little. After you… left… I approached him with some questions. He told me you were on an assignment, and wouldn’t say any more. I figured you were more important than they were letting on. You should’ve told me, man!” I give him a guilty look and he smiles, already forgiving me. “Since then, he’s helped me with some of my training and stuff. Nothing major, but it’s helped me a lot. Consequentially, people now treat me like a half-celebrity to try and closer to him.” I feel a little disgruntled but push it out of my mind. He looks truly a little bothered by it, and I decide not to worry it.

 

“That’s a pretty big deal, coming from him.” I smirk at him and laugh as he takes my bread without pretense. “It’s good to see you, Kip.” His eyes sparkle a bit and a flash of worry comes over me, recognizing the look of adoration in his eyes. I think he senses it, because he shakes his head subtly.

 

“Good to have you back, Michael.”

 

Although my tray is empty, I stay seated while Kip eats up his own meal. “Where have you been? I’ve been back for a while now, you know. I was starting to think you ate dirt while I was gone.”

 

“Almost. Medic ward. Last Expedition found me in pretty bad shape; caught the teeth of a Titan with my stomach.” He wipes gravy out of his beard with a napkin, and his expression is sad indifference.

 

“Ouch. Sorry. Glad you’re alright, though.” And I _am_ glad. I spent so much time while gone worrying about him and Levi, and now I finally knew that they were both here and well. I clear our now empty trays and join him at the table for another few minutes before we have to get back to work. “They have mirrors in the medical ward?” I motion to his hairy face and give a disapproving look, but laugh. He punches me in the arm a little harder than necessary as we exit the hall.

 

I finish mucking the stables quickly, feeling full of energy and gusto at my reunion with Kip. As I push the wheelbarrow over to the supply shed to store it an older soldier comes around the corner and stops me for a moment. “The Captain has asked me to relay this message, sir.” My eyebrows shoot up at the _sir_ , but then I recall my unannounced promotion, and I don’t say anything about it. I take a small folded letter from his hand and thank him as he jogs away, already on to his next assignment.

 

“ _Get your things from your bunk and head to your new room. It’s unlocked. Clean the shithole up in time for drills.”_ It’s from Levi, alright.

 

I sigh and head in, a little annoyed that I can’t stop to shower just yet. Luckily my belongings were untouched, and I take the few articles of clothing I have and my spare shoes up to the room on the second floor. Aside from that, my only things include one silver flask adorned with the Wings of Freedom, and a few hygiene tools such as a hairbrush and nail file. Pretty boring, I know.

 

The room is just how I remember it, with one small bed in the far corner and a nightstand beside it. The old desk is absent, of course, as Levi had relocated it to his new room. Everything is covered in a small layer of dust, so I crack open the window near the bed, and strip the mattress of the sheets and blanket. I put my belongings on top of it, being the cleanest surface, and take the bedding, pillows included, down to the laundry house. While downstairs, I locate the cleaning supply closet nearest me and fill up two mop buckets with water, all the way to the top. I swing the mop ends under each bucket handle and throw the whole bit over my shoulders, then grab a few dry washcloths and hang them over the handle as well.

 

I get a few odd stares as I walk through the hall and up the stairs, but nothing I’m not accustomed to. The spring in my step isn’t slowed in the slightest, despite the weight of the water on my sore muscles. A few folks have to dodge the swinging buckets when I round the corner, but don’t seem too bothered when I call an apology.

 

Back in the small room, I’ve scrubbed up the floors until one bucket looks like it’s full of mud, and I start on the second bucket. I go over the floors twice, and use a rag to scrape at the corners on my hands and knees. When the floor is acceptable, I wipe down the walls and every inch of the bed frame, nightstand, and windowsill. Both buckets are full of brown-grey water and all of the cloths are blackened, but the room looks new again so I lug it all back downstairs and empty the buckets. In the launderette again, I toss the old rags in the dirty pile with the bedding and grab a fresh stack of sheets from the cupboard of extras. By the time I have the bed freshly made and my clothing folded in the small nightstand drawer, the sun has gone low in the sky and I can hear everyone heading outside for evening drills.

 

The drills are my least favorite part of that day, and although I could avoid them years ago, I have little choice now that I’ve made my face known to so many. One of the few times that everyone can be found together, the extensive fields outside of the compound are covered with soldiers. We all file in with our respective Team Leaders and Captains by group. The ten large groups spread out through the fields and practice moving together on foot, keeping formations, and perform various exercises and stretches. The reason why I hate this and usually skip is that I exercise enough on my own not to need such an activity, and also that I am well accustomed to fighting on foot. The other soldiers, however, obviously aren’t quite the same. Various times I have to give someone a shove for not paying attention, or scold someone silently for stepping over my feet. The simple workout leaves many of them tired or breathless, and when we all return for dinner they walk slowly, dragging their feet. Pathetic.

 

Ness circles our group on his horse a few times and relays any concerns to our Team Leaders before heading back inside. The captains don’t usually stay for the whole thing, so no one is surprised. I perform my drills and jog ahead of the slow ones on my way back inside, hoping to make time to rinse off before going to eat. By the time I get to the hall, most of the dirty ones have finished and are leaving, much to my relief, and those of us with cleaner hands and faces make our way to the food lines. I spot Levi leaving half way through my own meal, and have no chance to speak to him. I haven’t had a moment with him since leaving his room this morning, unless you count our food battle. Everything else has been all business and I find myself feeling disheartened already. Since he’s left me no indication of seeing him tonight, I retire to my new room.

 

After lights out, I lay atop my blanket in the darkness. I hadn’t thought to grab any candles for light, and the small holders on the wall are empty. Even if I managed to find any, I have no matches to light them, and so I have only the moonlight coming in from the uncovered window. Being in my own room certainly has benefits. For instance, I can lay atop my bed, completely exposed, wearing nothing but my underwear. Residing on the second floor also helps, for when I get up to pace around during my fits of insomnia no one can see me from outside. With that thought, I crack open the window and lean out, letting the cool air hit my face and chest. After a long while of feeling both happy in my solitude, and unbearably lonely, I finally drift to sleep on thoughts of things to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I duneven know what to say anymore.


	19. Departure, again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has something in the works but won't tell Michael what's happening. With Erwin's permission, Levi is leaving on a top-secret mission.

**Departure, Again**

 

_Levi_

I sit in the comfortable silence of my room, using only the natural lighting of the window to see the papers spread before me on the mattress. Normally, I would never spread my work over my bed, and prefer of course to use my desks. They are, unfortunately, also covered in various books, pages, maps, and anything else I could find to help me piece together this puzzle. This uncharacteristic clutter surely isn’t helping my focus, but I’ve found in the past few weeks that anytime I put something away I always need it again not minutes later. The cycle has fatigued my mind even more so than the itch to clean, and so I sit here among my piles of parchments and groan at the thousands of words left for me to read.

 

A small, cautious knock calls my attention for a moment to the door, but I ignore it. It’s Michael again, I’m sure, wondering where I’ve been and seeking me out for the third time today; the hundredth time this week, and probably the thousandth time this month. I know he’s worried that I am neglecting him. No doubt thinking something self-depreciating and getting depressed. But I can’t afford to see him now, and distract myself from the task at hand.

 

I run my sweaty palms over the fabric of my briefs and shuffle the papers I’ve finished reading over on the bed sheets. The sun goes down outside as I skim through stacks of underground documents.

 

-

 

Eight weeks have passed since Michael’s revelation during the expedition. We spend some nights together, touching and kissing and talking about light topics. I never let him see my room when it’s in disarray. I don’t want him knowing my theories until they’re more certain; more solid and grounded and not just me spitting air. Honestly, I just don’t want him seeing me as such a mess. I’ve never thrown myself into such a frenzy over an assignment before, and even if this is a personal one, it’s new territory for me. Somehow I just need to know everything about Michael, and what’s happened to him in the past and what will become of him in the future. I need to know if we will even _have_ a future.

 

One night after lying in my bed for a few hours with him, just holding and touching one another with ease, Michael finally speaks his mind about my sudden strange behaviors.

 

“You know you can tell me, right? Anything, I mean. Whatever. You can talk to me.” He doesn’t meet my eyes, only inches from his own, and instead stares at my neck and collarbones where his fingers are tracing small circles. I take a deep breath and accept his words and his caresses, and give a small hum of acknowledgment while I think of how to respond. My hand is resting on his bare hip and I mimic his little circles over the sensitive bone there. I wonder when such contact became so natural to me, when I’ve never allowed myself to indulge in such things before.

 

“I’ve told you, Misha, I’ve just been working. I can’t spend every spare moment cuddling with you. There’s more important shit going on.” The last part takes on a harsher tone than I intend but I don’t feel sorry for it. It’s the truth, and he knows it.

 

“I know- I do. But whatever this work is, it’s getting to you. You’ve been skipping meals again, and on the nights I _do_ get to spend here you lay awake or pace around. I’m only worried. And you don’t honestly expect me to believe this ‘work’ has nothing to do with me and what’s happened to me, do you? Give me some credit.”

 

His eyes are sad, but his voice is even and neutral. He really does understand, and he really does mean it that I can talk to him about it, but I have resolved not to get his hopes up before the time is right. I try to soften my look as I give him a soft kiss, as much to calm my own mind as his. When we’ve had a moment to relax, I try again.

 

“I do give you credit. More than you know. But just as you trust me to wait until you’re ready to talk about things, I trust you to do the same.” He nods, and his arms slide around my neck and envelop me in his warmth that’s always above normal temperatures. Thankful that I’ve left the window cracked, I wrap my arms around his waist and pull our bodies together in our usual bedtime embrace.

 

“Levi?” His breath tickles the hair atop my head. My tiredness has caught up to me, so rather than waste energy on speaking, I merely hum for him to continue. “When are you going to let me kiss you… _elsewhere?_ ” His voice trembles with nervousness, but I can hear amusement in it. I don’t see the amusing part, however, and express it the only way I know how: a painful bite to his shoulder. “ _Ah! Owww, Levi!_ ” He rubs the bite vigorously. “I was only asking!”

 

He grumbles and feigns unhappiness, but the blush in his cheeks tells me maybe he actually _likes_ this form of refusal, and I blush a little myself when he isn’t looking.

 

-

 

The next morning, I am vaguely aware of Michael slipping from my arms with a gentle kiss to my temple. I hear the sounds of fabric and buckles as he dresses through my sleepy haze, and the sounds of the bathroom sink as he brushes his teeth with the toothbrush that now stays here permanently. What must be minutes later but only feels like seconds, the sound of the door closing wakes me again, but Michael is entering through it rather than exiting. I must have slept through his departure. My left eye cracks open just enough to see his muscled arms set a steaming tray atop my desk, and he walks back to the bed and sits on the edge.

 

A gentle hand strokes my hair. “Good morning, Levi.” Although my eyes are closed again, I can tell by his voice that he knows I’m faking. I groan and bury my face into my pillow. “Ah-ah-ah. Although sleepy Levi is my favorite Levi, it’s time to wake up.” He pries the pillow from my sleep-heavy grip with strength I always forget he possesses. When his lips meet mine they are warm and wanting, tasting of toothpaste and tea. The kiss is sensual and deliberate, clearly trying to stimulate me into wakefulness. It doesn’t quite work; my body clings to the first good night’s rest it’s gotten in weeks and doesn’t want to let go. He stops his kiss but I can feel the presence of his lips still lingering above my own, unmoving for a moment. “Leeeviiii….” The deep sound of his voice vibrates the skin of my neck as his lips again deliver a kiss, this time under my jaw line. _He’s pushing it…_ I think, disgruntled, but yet still too sleepy to object. A few light pecks trail down to my collarbone, his favorite spot, and he stops there again. “Are you really that tired? You’ve never let me kiss anywhere but your lips before…” He sounds genuinely surprised and worried, but when his tongue laps over my nipple, I feel no hesitation in its stride. The daring move finally sends the message to my brain – if you don’t wake up, he won’t stop. _Do I really_ want _him to stop?_ The stirrings of my morning erection aren’t helping the internal battle, but I manage to keep my mind where I need it to be. I groan reluctantly as his teeth gently pull over my other nipple, and his tongue lightly traces it before he sits up again and stares at me. His huge, smug smile will be ingrained in my mind forever. I sit up and smooth out my hair while giving him a very unhappy glare; though I can’t be sure if I’m unhappy that he did such a thing, or if I’m unhappy because he stopped. As if offering an apology, he motions to the tray on the desk. “I brought tea and breakfast.”

 

“Great.” I hope my voice sounds as intimidating and sarcastic as I want it to.

 

He’s already back at the door when I move to get off of the bed, and he smiles with his toothpaste-flavored lips and it reaches his ever-knowing eyes. I wonder when I really started to love that face. _Love?_ I have to look away to hide the shock I’ve placed on my own face. “I’m off to meet with Hanji now. We have another ‘experiment’ today, and if it’s anything like last week it will just involve trying to piss me off while spraying weird perfumes in my face.” He shudders and the door closes, hiding him from my sight.

 

_What on this Earth is happening to me?_

 

-

 

Another week goes by and I stay immersed in my research. The timeline we developed months ago now covers my floor; many papers of varying sizes all held together overtop one large scroll so that I can roll it up and store it out of sight easily. I’ve added a lot more to it since anyone last saw it, and today is the day that I will finally reveal my thoughts to Erwin and make a formal request to leave and investigate.

 

I compile all of my research materials together and return each organized pile back to where I found it: some to the storerooms where we keep our own documents, some to Erwin’s locked archive hidden here on the top floor, and some for a messenger to return to my old contact Redden. I roll the timeline up into its scroll form and tuck it into a carrying case reserved for important maps, protecting it from any prying eyes or danger.

 

Immediately after lunch, I meet with Erwin in hopes of finishing the briefing in time to leave tonight, after sundown. Sitting in the familiar meeting room would be too conspicuous when we are trying to be subtle, so we meet instead in his personal chamber. Although I’ve been here before, it is strange and somehow awkward to see each time. He wears a casual shirt with his uniform pants and belts, but his hair remains well-maintained, giving the impression of someone who commands your attention in a positive way. I kind of hate that about him.

 

I unroll the timeline and he looks impressed with my ingenuity, but gives no real reaction as I tack the whole thing up on his wall, covering a few tasteless paintings in the process. It gives me an idea that I store away for later. When I’ve finished, we both stand back a few paces and examine the work. Although the factual events take up only a few feet of the timeline on their small squares of paper, the hypothetical scenarios span entire lengths of paper and extend the whole bit to at least six feet. I’ve made the more prominent points that are backed by data bold, and underlined a lot of things I wanted to remember for this very moment. Erwin then steps forward with a few steady strides and begins to analyze the pages more closely. He nods at some parts and shakes his head at others. When he gets to something he wants to come back to, he circles it or draws a small star in red ink. I say nothing unless he addresses me and wait for him to reach the end, but when he does he simply doubles back for another look, making me wait longer with growing impatience.

 

As the sun starts to lower in the sky, we’re forced to come to a stand-still and attend the evening drills. We only stay as long as needed before returning to the now dark room to begin an actual discussion. With the brightest candles lit that we could find, we go about removing unneeded pages from the wall and manage to condense the timeline back down to around three feet. I roll it back up and store it away, this time giving it to Erwin who says he plans to lock it in his archive for the time being. I nod in agreement and we burn the unneeded pages over a candle.

 

His room also contains a large desk, which he keeps much messier than my own but manages a decent work space. We sit there in silence for a time as he mulls over the implications and what they mean for us.

 

“Levi.” His voice is quiet but strong, piercing the silence in the room easily but not reaching outside of the walls. “If this is true, then many of the things we’ve come to believe about our lives have been lies. We can’t go to anyone else with this; we don’t know who’s working against us yet. Are you sure you want to do this alone?”

 

His laced fingers tap against the backs of his hands, and he fixes me with his stern blue eyes. I give him my best smug smirk and stand. “I won’t be alone. I’m taking my squad. I’ll need them in the event we run into any… trouble. I assume that’s alright with you, _commander?_ ” He gives his agreement, and I turn to leave.

 

As my fingers close over the cold metal of the door handle, I recall my earlier idea. “Erwin, I’ll need the swords.”

 

His eyebrows raise but he doesn’t move from his seat. “Why?” The question annoys me, not because I think he is denying me, but because I know he’s only asking to be difficult.

 

“I’m returning them to Michael. Without my squad and I here, I think it’s best if he has them, in case anything happens…” I let the implications settle over him, and he quickly understands. When the heavy things clink down in my palms, I almost thank him. Then, I decide I haven’t gone _that_ soft yet, and leave.

 

-

 

Tonight isn’t one where I’ve arranged for Michael to visit, so instead I make my way to his room after dinner; having briefed my squad on the parts of the mission they are permitted to know. I rap my knuckles against the familiar wooden door three times, copying his signature knock in an attempt to tell him it’s me. After a moment, he opens the door just a crack and peeks out to check, opening it when he sees it really is me. The door swings wide along with his surprised eyes and I enter awkwardly. I haven’t been in this room since he began staying in it.

 

The layout of the furniture remains the same, although I note that he’s somehow acquired a new desk of his own as well as a small dresser for his clothing. The walls are empty, and the small window near the bed is cracked open, letting the cool breeze in to ruffle the new curtain hanging over it. I remove my shoes and am pleased to see that the place is very clean.

 

“What are you doing here, Levi?” He says now that the door is closed and we can’t be heard. His eyes flick to the items I’ve carried in with me, now laying atop his desk.

 

“Presents.” I say plainly. He doesn’t look amused. I watch him walk the few steps from the door to the desk, his feet hitting the floor firmly each time and his hips swaying just the right amount for my taste. His slender fingers touch over the swords the same way they often do over my skin; loving and sweet. They stutter a bit when he reaches for the small canvas beside them, but move easily into the familiar caress again. I’d never admit to him how those hands make me feel, or how warm my heart becomes when he turns to me with his sad smile.

 

“But Levi, it isn’t my birthday.”

 

His attempt at being cute works, but I try to ignore it. “I don’t even know when your birthday is. Just take them.”

 

He walks the swords over to his dresser and props them gingerly against it. “Maybe one day I’ll tell you.” He teases. “Thank you. I’ve missed them.” When he returns to pick up the painting of Trill, he gives me a hard stare. “But this… what’s the occasion? I rather like seeing this in your room.” He props it up on top of the dresser and begins to rummage for a nail or tack.

 

I don’t answer him for a while. Instead I stay leaning against the wall near the door, watching him move around his room like he’s always lived here. It’s comforting somehow, to know that he’s finally found a place to feel at home. After he has the painting secured to the wall above the dresser where he can see it from his spot in bed, he comes over to me. He walks slowly, being deliberate in every step and he keeps his eyes trained down toward mine. When he reaches me, my body is already buzzing with an electric charge that I hope he can’t sense. A hand reaches up to grasp the back of my neck, and the other arm snakes around my waist. I let him kiss me. I let him press his body tightly against mine, but I don’t embrace him back. When he pulls away, my lips feel hot while the rest of me grows cold.

 

“What’s the occasion, Levi?” He repeats. Those eyes that see right through me are working at maximum power, it seems. “Where are you going?” His voice is hardly above a whisper and tickles my lips. Even when pressing me for information, he seems to be seducing me. He kisses me again, and I allow myself to kiss him back with fervor. “It’s okay, you know. I already told you, you can tell me anything. You can trust me. Let me in, Levi.” I know I can’t let him in; not the way he wants, but I give in just a little and pull his body close again. We kiss again but mostly I just want to feel his body close, so when the kissing stops I don’t let go.

 

“I’m leaving; you’re right. I just thought you should have your swords before I go, and the painting is something I’ve been meaning to give to you all along.”

 

“Do you know when you’ll be back?” Normally a question like that is considered silly, or ignorant, considering most soldiers don’t come back these days. When Michael says it, however, it is perfect. He believes that I will come back from the deepest part of his being, and there is no doubt in his mind that we will see one another again. Just like the last time we parted, when he was the one running off in the cover of night.

 

“No. I don’t.”

 

That’s all there is to it. His trust and his love are unspoken but palpable. When it comes time to leave to meet my squad, he hugs me again and smiles his sad smile.

 

-

 

Outside, my squad awaits me with my horse and our supplies. As I mount, they give me strange looks and smirk at one another when they think I can’t see them. Eventually it gets old and I glare them into submission. We have a long ride ahead of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Half chapters up now! Here for [Michael](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/8912404), and here for [Levi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/9108427).


	20. Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's mission brought on some soul-searching as well, and the results are in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out way more fluffy than I thought it would.
> 
> Be sure to have read the half chapters from [Michael's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/8912404) and [Levi's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/9108427) perspectives!

**Results**

_Michael_

 

Levi returned from his mission weeks after leaving. It had been over a month, and I was beginning to get antsy and unsettled. Although content in my life for the first time in years, it was nothing without Levi in it. The morning of his return was dreary. The sky was dark and rainy, making the air feel wet and smell bad. My nose wrinkled up at the stench all through my morning chores, which had been switched from the stables to landscaping.

 

I was standing near the entrance to the main hall, large hedge trimmers in hand, trying to wipe the water from my eyes without getting mud all over my face and failing. Just as I gave up in a slew of curses the sound of hooves reached me over the tapping of the rain. I hurried to put away my tools, job unfinished but too excited to care, and rushed inside to rinse myself off and change clothes.

 

As I emerge from my shower now, I can hear the jovial shouts of soldiers echoing from the mess hall and peek in. Levi’s squad is there, laughing with some others and eating an early lunch, just as the food is being set out. I walk to Petra, whom I know to be kinder and understanding.

 

“Excuse me, miss. Can you tell me where Corporal Levi is? I have something to speak with him about.” She gives me a sly smile, making it clear she knows exactly why I want him, and points upwards towards Erwin’s room.

 

“He went straight to the Commander, I believe.” The others give me small nods of acknowledgement but otherwise say nothing, and I take my leave. When I get upstairs to the Commander’s room I pause, uncertain if I would be excused for interrupting. Instead, I pace anxiously outside his door until it opens, maybe ten minutes later.

 

When I look up I am met with the familiar blue-grey eyes that I have missed so much. His eyes meet mine and I hope that it’s happiness behind them for an instant, and then he looks away and back to Erwin who is saying something more.

 

“-everyone and see what we can do.” His voice carries from within the room where I can’t see him.

 

“Yeah, sure.” The door closes and we are left standing there in a strange silence. I don’t know why it is strange, or silent, and not loud and jubilant. Really, I’m not sure what I expected of our reunion at all. Finally, he speaks first. “Hey.”

 

_As eloquent as ever._  I smile and wave a small, pitiful hello before stepping forward nervously.

 

After another weird moment, he smiles and chuckles a little. The unusual expression surprises me, but warms me up instantly. “What is it with us and crappy reunions?” I laugh, because  _of course_  he was thinking the same thing.

 

“I dunno.” I close the distance between us with more certainty and pull him into me, my hands on his hips beneath his uniform jacket. “I really missed you, Levi. Welcome back.” Our lips meet tenderly at first, but quickly grow hungry and fierce. I nip at his bottom lip, dragging my teeth gently over it until he allows my tongue full entrance. His tongue meets with mine, displaying an eagerness that wasn’t there before his long absence. Just before I’m about to press him backwards into the door, it swings open roughly, stopping us in our tracks and making us jump apart. His cheeks are uncharacteristically pink, and it’s absolutely adorable.

 

“Ahem.” Erwin smiles at us both mischievously. “I’d appreciate it if you could both save the  _physical_  reunion for later. Preferably in a place less… here.” I laugh loudly while Levi scowls and storms away. I give Erwin a wave and follow my disgruntled boyfriend downstairs.

 

A few hours later, Levi has gathered myself and my Captain, Ness, as well as Hanji, Kip, and his own squad. I am surprised to see Kip there, but in a way it makes sense when I think about how far he has come. He seems to be quite capable and has gained a lot of respect, even from Levi. Erwin settles the excited murmurs of the crowd, all crammed into his meeting room upstairs, and begins the discussion. He starts by briefing everyone on the truth from the beginning, as he and Levi seem to have deemed it necessary. I shrink into the corner and stare at my feet when he tells them all about my origins, and by the time he’s gotten to my mystery meltdowns I am hugging my knees on the floor to hide my beet-red face. I hear footsteps and feel a hand on my shoulder, urging me to raise my head. Kip’s big blue eyes are looking into mine, and I see that he is not angry or upset, but worried about me. I give him a weak smile and take his offered hand, letting it pull me to my feet once again. When the basics are covered and the questions have died down, Hanji steps up to the center and takes the Commander’s place.

 

“I will now announce the results of my experiments with Michael, as well as our theories and thoughts regarding it.” Hanji flips through some papers on the table top and pulls one out. "Michael has displayed the following Titan-like abilities: the ability to function normally with little-to-no sustenance; an abnornally high body temperature both internally and externally-" I shiver at the memory of _that_  particular 'experiment', "-the ability to heal at an excellerated rate; the ability to sustain himself on little-to-no sleep; and an abnormally high level of endurance." Their eyes grow wide as they look at me, as if these strange things are written on my forehead. Levi steps beside me, instantly diverting their attention back to Hanji.

 

"In addition, the following things have been learned that cannot be linked to the Titans: a high sensitivity to touch that we believe to be the side effect of enhanced senses, which leads us to his incredible sense of smell and sharp eyesight. He has also displayed a high level of emotional sensitivity; quite the opposite of the emotionless Titans." The paper in Hanji's hand hits the table and the room remains quiet and stunned. I remain shrunken behind Levi and Kip. "That's it!" The Captain walks back to our side of the room and Erwin once again takes the stage.

 

"With that information, combined with Michael's memories, we have developed a theory. That theory is as follows:" He turns to the wall behind him and lowers the thin cloth hanging there, revealing a large display of papers illustrating his words as he continues. "We believe that Michael's uncle was more than just the blacksmith he claimed to be. He was obviously capable of much more and thus approached by his military for the sake of some grand plan. Michael's uncle began working with them before eventually changing his standing and secretly turning on them. He did this by turning his nephew into some sort of enhanced fighter. We believe he was made this way specifically to survive whatever the military was plotting, and perhaps stop it." Erwin's hands gesture to the crude, hand drawn maps recently added to the wall. "These maps here spawned from our belief that the leaders and royals of Michael's people were somehow connected to our own and thus escaped the very intentional slaughter, which we also believe they orchestrated."

 

Levi and his squad shift under our gazes when Erwin gestures to them. "Thanks to Levi's team we now have evidence to support this. They have spent the last few weeks in the depths of the underground, searching every nook and cranny for signs of connecting tunnels. As you can see here, they were successful." The maps show a number of tunnels spreading out from the capital like the reaching tendrils of a monster; all in the direction of my previous home. They intersect and divide at strange places, some seeming random and others simply looking abandoned. My gaze is torn away when Levi speaks up.

 

"The tunnels weren't hard to find, but they were obviously meant to seem meaningless to anyone who wanders in accidentally. It took us a few weeks to determine the main paths to take, before we had to turn around and return. We believe this main tunnel will take us all the way to Michael's home, in the northwest." The others nod along and soon a heated discussion is born. I listen as they each volunteer their own theories and offer different forms of support. Levi and I stand to the side, watching the chaos in our own bubble of silence. He wears a bored expression, contrasting my own very concerned one. _What does this all mean?_

 

After a time it is decided that a select few of us will form a temporary squad, made for the sole purpose of exploring this main tunnel to its end. If we really reach my home, then our mission will continue further. 

Levi will lead us, but his squad will remain behind to be present in the event of any emergencies. Ness gives his consent for me to leave while making a light-hearted comment about never really having any say in my life to begin with. I give him an apologetic smile and thank him anyway. It is then decided that Kip will come along, and I suspect that was their entire motive for inviting him to this meeting. He agrees enthusiastically and slaps me across the back. Lastly, Hanji is assigned to accompany us along with a few of the best research and medically trained soldiers we have. With that, our infiltration squad is formed, and we are to prepare ourselves to leave the following evening. The business is wearing us all down visibly and Erwin dismisses us.

 

As we file out of the meeting room, I glance at Levi, who is leaning against the wall next to the door while waiting for me. "We're going into town." I perk up at the prospect of fresh air, and happily comply; remembering our brief outing years ago. The memory brings a large smile to my face.

 

"A field trip, eh? Sign me up!" And thus, Kip invites himself along, much to Levi's dismay.

 

-

 

After the leisurely trot into town, we arrive just as the sun hits the low western sky. There are only a few hours left of daylight, and I wonder how Levi intends to spend them. Obviously not in any intimate way I would have fantasized, seeing as Kip has been allowed to come along. “Oh, man, I haven’t been out here in forever! Look, look!” He continually runs his mouth at every passing street bard and slaps me hard on the back whenever he sees something he believes I care to look at. I love his spirit, I do, but he isn’t giving me any room to get closer with Levi. When he insists we stop at the bench of an artist so he can get his own portrait drawn, I get a moment to speak with him at last.

 

“What are we doing here, exactly?” I try to put my enthusiasm into my voice but I am pretty sure all that comes out is uncertainty and annoyance at Kip’s constant interruptions.

 

His lips turn up into the smallest smile, meant only for me, and he just says quietly, “Anything you want.” I feel my tension relax to know that we aren’t here on some business; that maybe Levi just wanted to spend some time with me outside of Headquarters. I nod enthusiastically and jump down from my horse. While Kip is stuck standing still for his portrait, I take the opportunity to pull Levi down to me and lead him away after tying up the horses.

 

We backtrack to one of the buildings we passed down the street, ignoring the loud street musicians and well-dressed employees passing out samples and pamphlets. This side of town has always been livelier than the slums we visited last time, and I have no problem finding what I am looking for: a rowdy pub with a thin crowd that we can navigate easily. My fingers are hooked into his, pulling him inside before he can protest and not caring who sees us or who might recognize our uniforms. I pull Levi up to the bar and order two small drinks, nothing too strong but enough to give me an excuse for acting a bit differently. When the small glasses clink down, sweating with cold droplets and full of brown liquor, I take them and shove one at him. He looks at me hesitantly, a bit confused by my insistence. I know he doesn’t really drink, but I can’t help but want this moment to happen. “Take it. The last time we had a drink together was what? Three years ago before we really knew each other, and things were damn awkward?” He takes the glass in one hand and gives it a sniff. “To us, Levi. To whatever comes after all of this bullshit. To us, in a time when we can afford a simple trip into town more often.” My voice is loud and strong, trying hard to carry over the loud music of the shitty live band and the cheering patrons, but he hears it and gives me his small smile.

 

The glass in his thin fingers comes up and clinks into mine. “Alright, I’ll bite. To us.” We down the contents in one go, both shivering as it hits our insides and slapping the empty glasses down on the bar. I pay for our drinks with a few small bills, having little else to purchase with my monthly allowances, and take his hand again. It’s cold from holding the drink, but still sends warmth through my entire body. Or maybe that’s the alcohol. “You know, I’ve never done this before.” I raise a questioning eyebrow at him, and he gestures to the bar as a whole, and maybe the town as a whole. “Any of this. Just going out for no real reason, hanging around and having a drink. Having a relationship.” The last part comes out quietly and I have to strain to hear it, but I do and it almost sends me into tears. This is the first time Levi has acknowledged what we have as a commitment; a relationship! He’s basically just admitted that he sees me as his boyfriend, which is a very big step up from his evasiveness weeks ago.

 

“You’re a bit different now. Since you came back.” My lips are hovering over his ear where I can be sure he will hear me over the noise, and our bodies are pressed close. I love the way I have to bend my head down just slightly to do this, because his obvious disgruntled glare is adorable. Now, however, he doesn’t look bothered. Instead, he looks content, perhaps even happy despite the crowd around us. His face turns up to speak into my ear, tickling with his warm breath.

 

“Being back in the underground was hard. It brought back a lot of memories. Then we found the tunnels, and all I could see in them was evil. Whoever made them caused all of your pain and suffering. I guess I realized then how much I was missing you… and how much you’ve come to mean to me.” I can hear in his voice how hard it is for him to say this aloud; feel it in the stiffness of his body and fingers around mine. The omission makes me blush with joy and eagerness. I can’t be in this bar any longer.

 

“Let’s go.” I pull him out of the door, dodging patrons hanging about in groups in all the wrong places. The fresh air outside has taken on the scents of the night; the kind of atmosphere that makes people awake at the dark hours do reckless things. I want to be reckless, if just for tonight, but I stop just outside the bar with no idea where to go. As if reading my mind, Levi’s hand squeezes my own. He pulls me along now, in the controlling way I expect of him. Perhaps he is finally remembering himself.

 

We sneak back to the artist, now on his fifth portrait of Kip and looking quite exhausted from listening to his exaggerated stories and raving about all of the autographs he’ll be giving out. I chuckle at the scene as we pass unnoticed, and eventually we end up outside of the old tailor’s shop Levi once brought me to.

 

“What are we doing here?” My surprise is a pleasant one, but it isn’t exactly what I had in mind.

 

For the first time, Levi’s smile is mischievous and I really must wonder what has happened to him. “We can’t exactly blend into the crowd if we’re wearing our uniforms.” I look at him as if he is a complete stranger; surely a doppelganger. “Don’t give me that look, shit-head. I was the king of wreaking havoc back in the day.”

 

“Back in the day? What, like, _four_ years ago? You sound like an old man!” He rings the small bell located by the side entrance and waits for an answer.

 

“Older than you seem to think, apparently.” I laugh at him but don’t bother asking. His age doesn’t matter to me one bit, and I rather like this ‘king of havoc’ side I am glimpsing.

 

The old man hobbles to the door moments later, wearing an old set of pajamas and looking concerned. He doesn’t question Levi a bit when he sees us, and happily lets us within the shop. I thank him a million times while Levi simply moves about as if we aren’t completely intruding after closing hours.

 

We emerge minutes later, wearing casual slacks to cover our boots and loose button-ups. He tucks his into the waist of his pants, but I leave mine out, earning me a small scowl. We wrap our old clothes into one of the tailor’s brown bags and I carry it under my arm. I smile and wait for Levi to take the lead again, and he does; taking us further downtown and closer to the slums before ducking behind an old warehouse building. We quickly find a set of rusty steel stairs and ascend hastily, being annoyingly loud in our steps. I think the nighttime air has gotten us drunk, rather than the bit of alcohol. We reach the rooftop and I am immediately blasted with the cold air of early autumn. I toss the bundle of our wrapped clothes to the concrete and follow him to the edge, where he is looking out at the town.

 

The warehouse isn’t the tallest building around, so the view is obscured in some spots, but I can clearly see the light-up streets of uptown and hear the far-away hums of the drunken crowds. On the opposite side, I see the darkened streets of the slums, dotted occasionally by small bonfires and smoky pillars in the sky. It’s beautiful in the way that humanity is; imperfect and flawed and honest. After taking in the view, we look at each other.

 

“Tonight is the last time we can do this for a while. That doesn’t mean we’ll never do it again.” Levi’s words are honest. He knows we could very well be playing with fire. He has seen the casualties of war with Titans; now we will war with something greater. Yet still, he is confident we will have a future at all.

 

“How did you know about this spot?”

 

He shrugs casually. “I told you I was the king of wreaking havoc. You don’t just give something like that up because you join the military. You could say finding spots like this is a habit made only worse by a soldier’s tactical thinking.” He smirks again and it’s like the night air is in our veins.

 

“Not that I think we’ll die or anything, but I’m really glad we did this tonight, before leaving.” He just nods in agreement and lets me hold his hand tighter. I take deep breaths and try to memorize the smells and the view and Levi’s strange behavior. A minute passes before I feel him pull me closer, and his nimble fingers grasp the back of my neck. My head is angled down as he kisses me deeply, causing me to moan into his mouth and grind our hips together. I can feel his body reacting, moving with my own and accepting my advances. I really hope tonight will be the night, even if it’s here on this rooftop in the middle of town, but deep down I know that Levi would never allow such a thing. Still, I press onward in an attempt to test my boundaries; running a hand down his chest and fingering the waistband of his pants. His breath is heavy against my own, our kiss never breaking or relenting. I feel him press his hips roughly into my own, and I know he can feel my arousal straining hard against his. We both let out breathy sighs and moans at the friction, our hands wandering each other’s bodies greedily. I feel no reluctance from him at all, and my hand is encouraged to trail south to his erection. The unexplored territory is exciting on its own, but his enticing groan of approval when my fingers wrap the length through his slacks is almost enough to send me over the edge. I stroke him gently and trail my lips to his ear, and then down his neck to his collarbones; my hidden fetish. Just as I feel his fingers tighten on my shoulders, I hear a familiar voice calling from the streets below us.

 

“Leeevvviiiii!? Miiiichael!?” We both curse loudly, not bothering to feel embarrassed this time. I peek down over the edge and see Kip’s darkened figure riding his horse slowly through the streets, our own horses tied behind him and an armful of paper portraits.

 

“Well, I guess we have to call it a night…” I let the obvious disappointment hang in the air a moment before calling down to him. “We’re up here, shit-head!”

 

He stops and looks up with a mock expression of hurt. When I turn back to Levi, he’s pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, but the hint of an amused smile still rests on his face. “I would have gone with a much better insult.” He says playfully as we descend the stairs.

 

“The night isn’t over yet, Levi. We still have the entire ride back with him.” His frustrated sigh echoes through the streets as Kip begins to chatter the instant we reach the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man things are coming together :O


	21. The Basement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Levi make their way to Michael's home.

**The Basement**

_Michael_

It takes us almost two weeks to cross the tunnels. They are large, allowing for our horses and carts, but still we easily grow claustrophobic. The darkness is heavy and thick; our torches only allowing us to see a few feet in front of us at a time. Even with the horses, it is slow progress. The members assigned to me are nervous. We haven’t known one another long, and so there is little chatter among us. Kip is the only one keeping anyone talking. Levi hardly says a word the entire journey; opting instead to look about the tunnels of the Underground broodingly.

 

The squad smells of sweat and the clinging smoke from our small nighttime campfires; at least, we believe they are at night. With nowhere to escape, the smoke quickly becomes overwhelming and we often must smother the flames prematurely; giving us only enough time to warm the food. The horses grow uneasy somewhere around halfway, if I had to guess by the total time spent below the earth. Eventually, we have to dismount and pull them along behind us for a while until they are steady. Needless to say, emerging into the fresh air is relieving, even if it smells like old, abandoned dust.

 

The Capital of my old home is haunting. It lays barren beneath a blanket of debris and dust. When my eyes finally adjust to the light- but not before I’ve gotten a terrible headache, I see the true implications of what happened here.

 

“The gates were opened here as well?” I whisper more to myself than anyone else. Levi’s hand tightens on my shoulder, urging me onto our goal.

 

As we move through the Capital, I see once-ornate homes left open and empty. Businesses seemed to have been abandoned, their merchandise left untouched as the employees and patrons fled in a hurry. A few soldiers dismount and rummage for preserved foods and supplies. We pass through the large gates that will lead us into the middle ring of farmlands, and I see that the Capital had far less destruction than this place. Even the barren earth seemed to have been upturned in some struggle; a struggle I had ran from while these people died.

 

I try not to think about it anymore.

 

We take only supplies we will need to get to my home town and back. The carts, we leave parked near the large gates before heading into the setting sun of the western sky. Wandering Titans sometimes find and chase us, which we easily dispatch and outrun. We arrive in my town, just inside the final wall leading outside and to the Titans, as the sun hits the horizon. We have only an hour or two of daylight left.

 

I give Levi a worried look as I lead them to my old house. I have never looked back upon this place after leaving my uncle to his fate. The images of my imagination show me gore and disarray, but when we stall our horses in front of the small cottage it almost looks peaceful. Assuming you ignore the collapsed side of the house where the kitchen once stood.

 

We all dismount in silence; the heavy heartache of seeing the aftermath of the Titan’s power keeping everyone’s jaws clenched shut. Levi puts a hand to my chest, stopping me a few feet from my front door, left wide open like the rest.

 

“I’ll go have a look inside first.” He says it to everyone while staring straight into my eyes. I can feel that he is thinking of me, and give him a sad smile. The others only nod and wait.

 

I hear his footsteps in the house, careful and confident in their stride. The wind blows cool air on my face and I am reminded that we will have to go back into that damned tunnel. I hear a few others take grateful gasps of clean air and Levi appears in the doorway again, shadowed from inside. “We’re clear.” We don’t know what we are supposed to be clear _from_ , but we all follow him without remark. Everything is just as I left it, minus one screaming Uncle/Titan combo.

 

I leave a soldier outside to keep watch for stray Titans and everyone else splits up to search a different room of the house; myself quickly claiming my own bedroom. It shares a wall with my living room, and I sit atop my dusty bed, leaning on that wall, remembering how I used to yell at Uncle Ken through it when I wanted something but felt too lazy to get it myself. Uncle never minded, and always fetched me whatever I wanted. The memory of it hurts my chest.

 

The familiar sound of Levi’s careful footsteps come to a stop in the doorway, and we meet each other’s gaze for a moment. The bed dips down when he sits beside me, and we stare at the opposite wall together. “This was my room,” I say quietly. “I don’t actually think there’d be anything hidden here. I just wanted to see it again.”

 

He doesn’t say anything right away; only absorbing my sad voice. I feel his hand rest atop my own, and we lace fingers tentatively while no one is near. It is the first bit of personal touch we’ve had since leaving Headquarters.

 

I listen to the soothing sound of his breathing until he speaks, and then I listen to the soothing sound of his voice. It takes me a bit to focus on the words because my mind only wants to swim through the sound of him; wants to fall asleep here on my old bed listening to him speak.

 

“When I left my mom’s shitty apartment as a child, I never looked back.” The topic surprises me, and I don’t hide the look on my face. Levi has never mentioned his past to me; not really. I would get a small sentence here or there, like when he joined the corps or how he used to live in the underground of the capital as a gang leader. I am instantly focused on his words now, no longer drifting on his voice but instead ready to listen to anything he might say that would tell me more about him. “I imagine if I had, I would’ve been just as nervous.” His fingers squeeze mine tightly between us. “You’re afraid of the ghosts- the memories, the revelations. Someone you loved died in this house. All you can think about when you look around is ‘what if’ and ‘why me’. Maybe even afraid to learn that the person you thought they were in life wasn’t who they were in death, and you don’t want your memory of them to be spoiled.”

 

His words hit me deeply, and I understand now. Levi isn’t invincible. Even he has demons to fear. I stroke his thumb with my own and wait for more, but it takes a while to come. The sound of boots atop the wooden floorboards and murmured voices surrounds us in our silence. I hear Kip’s overly loud enthusiasm from outside; likely investigating my uncle’s old workshop where he did his blacksmithing. Eventually, he continues; perhaps because I didn’t interrupt him, as I suspect he was hoping.

 

“But the ghosts are ghosts. They’re dead, and they aren’t coming back. Whatever you have of your uncle up there-“ His hand pulls away from mine to flick me in the forehead, “that’s what he wanted to be _to you_. That’s who he was _for you_. So whatever we find out here, it can’t hurt you.”

 

I feel the tears stinging my eyes instantly, because _he knows_. He knows when I’m getting myself worked up and nervous. He knows what I am thinking before I even know myself. Which means he really does _see_ me, and he really does care. I wipe the corners of my eyes and smile at him. My lips move into his gently as a thank you, and he deepens it momentarily before we are pulled apart by the sound of frantic boots coming down the hall.

 

“Sir! We’ve found the entrance to the basement! A-and some notes, or something-“ We don’t listen to the rest of my soldier’s report, instead shoving past him and down the hall to where the voices are coming from. Kip stands with the rest of my squad, staring into what was supposed to be my linen closet.

 

Levi and I peek in, and see that they’ve removed all of the shelving and linens. Some nails still stick out from the wall and almost scratch my face. I give Kip a hard look.

 

“What? You want me to _be gentle_ when there’s a whole secret passage below your house?” His teasing tone bounces off of me with little effect, and he shuts up quick enough while tossing the torn-out shelf he holds into a pile with the rest.

 

“Where are the documents?” I ask him sternly. I am handed a few sheets of old parchment by one of my soldiers.

 

“It was shoved among the linens. Looked like whoever hid them there was in a hurry.”

 

I thank the group and turn to walk down the narrow stairs, now exposed at the bottom of the closet, but Levi has beaten me to it. Instead, I follow his back into the darkness, borrowing a torch from one of the soldiers behind me.

 

“Think you’ll want to see where you’re going, hot-stuff?” I try to make it sound like my heart isn’t jumping in my chest with the anticipation of what we will find. Levi just scoffs and moves forward.

 

The eight of us are crammed into a narrow hall, single-file and feeling claustrophobic again. The walls start off lined with wooden boards but eventually turn to just packed dirt and stone. Everyone but Levi and myself must crouch down to fit, and I smile for a moment at what Levi’s face would look like if anyone dared mention it. The path is shorter than we expected, ending only ten or fifteen feet in; widening a little to allow the large basement doors some room to open. The doors sit closed currently, with a large chain locked around their handles. I feel Kip’s chin just over my shoulder where he tries to gain a better view. When he speaks, his breath tickles my hair with hot moisture and I wince away.

 

“How are we gonna get in there? It’s too cramped in here for swords. Don’t imagine we should risk any explosives, either.” Levi and I scoff at him in unison, which makes me follow it with a laugh. Kip’s hands fumble with my torch when it’s shoved in his direction.

 

I squeeze in beside Corporal Boyfriend- as I like to call him when I want to get a rise out of him, and we each take a handle with our dominant hands as if we’ve done this a million times. I take the left, and he takes the right. We heave backwards with all of our strength simultaneously; no need for a countdown. The wood creaks under our strength, but the chain holds the doors tightly.

 

“You can’t _rip_ apart the chain, I don’t care how damn strong you think you are!” Kip is laughing at us, along with a few of the others who manage a peek at what’s going on. With our next heave, the hinges start bending and some screws come loose. I kick a leg up on the sloping doorframe, and shoot Kip an amused smile. Somewhere inside, I am still a wreck of nerves; but when Levi kicks his leg up and gives me his confident smirk, I know that I can count on him.

 

We brace for one more round and Kip’s hands come up to our backs for support. The third time is indeed the charm, as the hinges snap and the heavy doors pop from the frame like a loose spring. The doors slam into us, and we slam into Kip, and the chain tangles amongst our gear, but we all feel boosted and quickly recover.

 

The inside of the basement is just the way I remember it. Dusty, dark, damp, and depressing. I laugh, surprising the others. _This isn’t scary at all._ I finally feel a bit of relief as I hold up my torch and examine the space. I see the chains hanging from the wall directly across from us; limp and rusty from neglect. To the right is a plain table topped with only some blank papers, a dried out inkwell, and what appears to be a journal. My eyes flit from the table to the corner beside it, where I remember the cowering soldier who once bore witness to my massacre here. _What ever happened to him?_ I shake my head as soon as the thought is done; I do not want to know the answer.

 

The floor of the basement is just more packed dirt and stone, and I am happy to see that there are no stains or marks to remind me of the gruesome details. The other soldiers scatter into the basement without any knowledge of the things that have happened here. Our footsteps echo, but Levi’s voice sounds muted and simple when he holds up the journal on the table.

 

“Looks like this was your uncle’s. I can only make out a few words.” He tosses it to me, and I peek inside. The writing is also just as I remember, and the dull ache in my chest is back. _I miss you, uncle. I won’t let whatever is in this journal change that._ I try to promise myself that much, but it doesn’t feel sincere even to me.

 

“Well?” Levi says after I am silent for a while. My eyes are skimming the pages rapidly, as if it hasn’t been years since I read my people’s dialect.

 

“There’s a _lot_ here. Too much. I need some time.” Everyone nods; resigning either to patience or exhaustion. We decide to do one more sweep of the room before heading back upstairs to sleep.

 

I watch the soldiers as they scour every corner, already knowing there is nowhere to hide anything here. I feel tired in my bones and in my soul. The chains on the wall rattle as Kip inspects them, and I look away right as he tries to give me a look of pity. I don’t want it, and he moves on quickly. The only thing in the room of interest seems to be the journal, so we turn to leave. Levi takes the lead again, with myself behind him. A few of my squadmates file behind me, but stop when Kip’s voice calls out from somewhere still within the basement. A moment later, he is running to the basement entrance with an object in hand, looking quite excited.

 

We regroup in my old living room. It’s finally dark outside, so the soldier who was on watch joins us gratefully; looking like he missed out on all of the fun. I sit in my uncle’s old rocking chair, atop the threadbare cushion he wore thin over many years of favoritism. Next to me, Corporal Boyfriend leans against the wall by one of the few intact windows. Kip and the others spread out along the couch and old rug. I pat Ken’s journal thoughtfully while Levi holds up the object that Kip had found, apparently buried hastily in the dirt beneath the basement table.

 

“A syringe.” Is all he offers. The contents look milky white and misty, as if someone had sucked up some fresh morning fog. He idly dusts off the grime and inclines his head to the journal and papers in my lap. “Read.”

 

“Weren’t we going to wait until morning for this?” A tired soldier says from the floor.

 

Levi only sends him a cold glare and flips the syringe in hid hand in thought.

 

I skim over the pages again, and my brain picks out some key phrases. “The pages from the linen pile are formulas of some sort. I’m sure you could all see that much. This one here,” I hold up the first page from the three, “is called ‘shifter’.” I shuffle that page to the back and hold up the second one. “This one says ‘anti-shifter,” Now the third page is in view and I read it momentarily before holding it up. “And this page seems to detail the changes that were made to go from ‘shifter’ to ‘anti’.” Levi takes them from me and looks them over with a scowl.

 

“Anti? Like an antidote?” I take them back and place them under the journal.

 

“No idea. I’m not a scientist; I’m a soldier. Besides, my forte is in the reading part, not the understanding part. That’s what you’re here for, sweetheart.” I say the pet-name sarcastically, earning another scowl.

 

A few of our onlookers snicker at the exchange. It occurs to me that many of them have never interacted with Levi before, and are most likely shocked to see anyone speaking with him the way I do. I give them all a wary smirk as a way to relieve the tension, and I see a few of them relax.

 

“Moving on.” I open the journal and throw out some highlights. “It says here that my uncle was once a member of the military. He never told me that when I joined…” I flip a few pages ahead until I see something useful. “They apparently assigned him to this top-secret mission a few years after he enlisted. They called it, ‘The Shifter Initiative’.”

 

“Does it say what it is?” One of the men asks.

 

I begin reading directly from it now, “’The Royal family and the Military are working together under the belief that Titans are a higher being. I don’t know that I agree with something as far-fetched as that, but I have a boy at home to care for, don’t I? What choice do I have?’” I choke back the emotion that boils up at Ken’s words, and continue. “’They have revealed to me that there are humans with the ability to-…. To transform into Titans.’” I finish flatly, letting the words hit each person in turn and watching their faces contort as they look from me to each other in confusion and disbelief.

 

“’The military wanted me to help distribute the serum that would turn ‘the chosen and worthy’ into Titan-shifters. They said that anyone unable to become a shifter would be unworthy and become fodder for the rest of them. I tried to turn away, but they threatened my boy. Said if I didn’t cooperate, we’d both be Titan food by morning. So now, I am here-‘“

 

Levi snatches the journal from me and skims over what I’ve just read, getting frustrated when he realizes he still can’t read most of it. He tosses it back as if it’s my own fault. “Skip ahead. We need to know what else is going on here. You’re obviously not turning into a Titan.”

 

To anyone else, Levi would only seem like a Captain doing his job. To me, I see the man determined to help me, even for selfish reasons. I skim ahead again and it takes me a few minutes to find a good spot amongst the diary entries. I don’t understand the science jargon, and I try not to read over the personal parts regarding our home life for fear of the tears behind my eyes. Then, I catch the personal parts that we need.

 

“They sent me home when they found out I was smuggling people away instead of injecting them. Told me to ‘cool off’ and come back when I’d gotten wise. What they don’t know is that I’ve been working on a very _different_ serum. Problem is, now that I am confined to my home I am limited to test subjects. They’ve also stripped me of my military titles. I’ve made myself into a blacksmith using my knowledge from training, and that should keep the townsfolk from snooping. Now I only have to deal with Michael.’” The page actually says _Misha_ , but I can’t bring myself to say the name aloud in front of them all. “’I’ve started his injections, and his body isn’t taking it well. I think I need to find a catalyst-‘”

 

I skip ahead a few more entries when Levi gives an impatient grunt near my ear, where he now hovers over my shoulder trying to read what he can. The entries are fewer and farther between now, and just skipping three or four takes me years into the future. “Michael has been undergoing treatment for two years now. He doesn’t seem to recall what happens down in the basement. I’ve enrolled him in the military, and told them he’s begun the Shifter process. They seem enthusiastic to see results on someone as young as him.’” I skip another entry.

 

“’With the addition of the catalyst that I took from the original serum, Michael is perfect. He can somehow differentiate between the Titans and Shifters and normal humans. Just a few more treatments and he may even be able to control the change at will- without the King’s Scent.”

 

I stop there. Not because I want to, but because that is the end. The entry was a few months before my Uncle’s death, and whatever additional treatments he had been hoping for had never come. Not only was I an engineered weapon, I was an _incomplete_ one. I was a _murderer without control_ , who needed some catalyst to be useful.

 

I feel Levi’s hand on my shoulder, gripping me tightly. The only thing I register, however, is the weight of my own breath in my lungs and the tickle of the black spots in my eyes.

 

“I think we’ve heard enough. Let’s rest and continue in the morning.” The murmurs of ‘shifters!?’ and ‘King’s Scent?’ die with Levi’s commanding voice.

 

Happy to retire for the evening, the soldiers all disperse throughout the house. A few take my uncle’s large bed after looking to me for permission and a few more get the guest room. My room has the only small bed in the house, which I offer Kip. He declines, and I suspect he is trying to encourage me to share it with Levi, but I don’t move from the rocking chair and Levi doesn’t hesitate to lower himself against the wall to sleep sitting upright. Kip only hums in response and drops himself onto the couch with a heavy sigh. A female soldier tosses us all some spare sheets from the dismantled linen closet before finding her own space to sleep. I am grateful for the sheet as the night air comes in cold from the gaping hole that was once my kitchen, only feet away.

 

I awake in the early morning and rouse Levi quietly while the others are sleeping. He doesn’t question me or complain about losing sleep, which I appreciate. His fingers are cold around my own but I welcome them as I lead him outside and gather some supplies from our bags and toss the horses some hay. “Where are we going?” He finally says when I pull him down the street. “We shouldn’t go too far.”

 

“Well, Mister King-of-Havoc, I thought we could both use a hot bath away from all of… _that._ ” I motion back towards my old home like it is full of poisonous snakes. I round the corner just a block away and lead Levi into the old bathhouse.

 

“I know it’s not the cleanest around, but the place is hooked up directly to the well underground.” I begin foraging for some dry firewood to shove underneath the large ceramic tub; nearly the size of my bedroom back home and waist-high. I pump some water onto the ground beside the tub and it comes out clear, so I fill it quickly and begin stripping before it’s even warm.

 

“This is not really how I thought our morning would go.” His voice holds a bit of amusement as he loosens his cravat. I know this will be the first time that we see one another fully naked, but suddenly in the scheme of things that seems irrelevant. All that matters to me now is washing away the filth and the stress, with this man by my side. I don’t even flinch as I kick my clothes to the side and show Levi my full self. Now that he has learned all of my secrets- right alongside me, even- the revelation of flesh is no longer what I find embarrassing. “But-“ He begins, looking me over approvingly, “I think I can play along.”

 

I help him out of his belts and he does the rest, joining me in the steaming hot water soon after. I notice his tight muscles, and his scars, and the glisten of his pale skin; but mostly I notice how he actually looks hesitant. I don’t hide my own look of approval at his naked form. We say nothing for a long while, only enjoying the water and cleansing ourselves. I’d like to move closer to him and to touch him, but I know that this is already a big move for him. Instead, I let my toes find his under the water and touch them together as if we were simply cuddled in bed back at Headquarters. When he lets out a contented sigh, I find myself relaxing as well, as if I was on edge only because he was. And this is how we stay until the sun rises, and we are forced to dress in our dirty uniforms again and join the others. When we do, they all give us sly smiles that don’t touch us. Instead, it is his sly smile that holds me tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slight manga spoilers?*
> 
> I never intended for Michael to sort of 'overlap' with Eren.  
> The whole serum-injecty-thingy and the basement.  
> The basement, I knew, was similar, but I never intended for it to hold so much meaning. It just sort of happened, and I only just now realized that it's much like how important Eren's basement is supposed to be.  
> As for the whole injection thing, I had planned that all along before knowing the truth about Eren from the manga, but reading the newer manga chapters have helped me smooth out some edges and well, it just kind of happened.  
> I hope you guys don't mind how that happened.


	22. Imminent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The countdown to the imminent attack begins, and everyone's emotions are going haywire.

**Imminent**

 

 

 

The journey back through the tunnels takes us longer, despite our haste. The weather turns cold with the beginnings of Autumn before we emerge again into the dank alleys of the Underground. It's evening, as best I can tell from the miniscule rays of orange light breaking through the barriers of old buildings and rocky walls. Our food supplies have been miniscule for a while, and most of us have made due with only water, so we immediately head to a nearby tavern for some food. A messenger catches us just as we settle into a few tables near the back, as if waiting for us. He looks anxious and impatient.

 

"Mister Levi, Mister Trillo, sirs! So good to see you back safely. What news do you have for me?" He doesn't take a seat, or even order any refreshment. Instead, he's already tightening the straps of his boots and securing a pack to his back.  _Ready for war, it seems._

 

I let Levi handle the big business, as he is still my senior, and opt to order us some food while he relays the most urgent news to the messenger. The bar maid looks at me with a gleam in her eye that, at one time, I would have jumped all over. Instead, I give her a nod and a wink, tipping my head towards Levi affectionately. She giggles and sighs while handing me two large glasses of brew, sweating coolly against my palms. By the time I've dropped Levi's down in front of him, the messenger is already on his way out of the bar.

 

"Erwin is eager, I see." I take a few pleasing gulps from my mug while Levi just eyes his uncertainly. I have to smile at the crease in his brow that I've come to adore. "Don't worry, Corporal Grump, we'll be home to your spotlessly clean quarters in no time."

 

His creased brow now points at me, unamused. "I thought I was Corporal Boyfriend? Oh wait, no, just last week it was 'Corporal Constipated’, and I think Kip once called me 'Corporal N-F-G', whatever that meant."

 

"No Fucks Given, and you are all of those things, Levi. The important part is that you are  _MY_  Corporal Grumpy-Constipated-Gives-No-Fucks Boyfriend." I slap him between the shoulder blades, hoping to lighten the mood despite having little reason to be light. He only smirks momentarily before giving into the temptation of alcohol.

 

We've given up the pretense of secrecy since leaving my home town. When the troops awoke in my house to find we weren't in it, and found us emerging from the bathhouse, it didn't take long for them to jump to conclusions. Kip's loud catcalling didn't help, either. So, we gave up. Our horses rode side-by-side whenever possible and no one said a thing when we huddled together at night under a single blanket. I even managed a few chaste kisses from Levi with the others present, without getting knocked out. Through all of the looming darkness, these times with Levi were my light; the only thing keeping me going without having a breakdown.

 

The thought of what my uncle's journal entries meant had haunted me each night through the tunnels. I was prepared to be labeled a monster from the first day I'd recalled that basement and abandoned my team to go on a rampage. I was not prepared for Uncle Ken's part in it all. Not ready to see that he hadn't just injected me with some strange concoction; he'd made it himself. He was fully aware of what it would do to me. That it would make me a murderer. Even if they were Titans in disguise, or whatever, I didn't want to kill anyone. Now, thinking of the countless Titans I've killed over the years, I wonder how many of them were really people? Were all Titans people? I feel my heart begin to ache in my chest.

 

"I gave the messenger the journal, and the syringe. The sooner Erwin and Hanji have a look at it, the better." Levi's deep voice is low, inches away from my ear, pulling me from my brooding. Kip and the other soldiers sit at the table next to us, giving us our gloomy space while they laugh jovially and start up a game of cards. I admire Kip’s ability to keep up their morale. He’d be a much better leader than myself, who was only given the title for convenience.

 

I don't say anything until the barmaid sets our plates in front of us, heavy with food and steaming hot. Levi pays her and she leaves, still looking back and forth between us, amused. "Did you say something to her?" He asks, sounding bored.

 

"She was showing interest in this fine piece of ass. I merely let her know I was spoken for." My sly smile earns me a smirk from him in return, but he says nothing else. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous? As if you have a need to be!” I elbow his rib playfully.

 

“I didn’t think I did, until-“ He cuts himself off before bringing it up, and I already feel my smile slipping from the pain of guilt.

 

“You know that I regret that, right?” I say softly. “We weren’t even technically _dating_ then, and yet I still-“

 

“It’s fine. I’m sorry.”

 

The clipped response tells me enough is enough, and I relent. Neither of us needs to think about the past any longer. I decide a nice change of subject will help, but can’t think of a single casual topic to bring up. Instead, it’s back to business as we dig into our food. "What do you think they'll say? Hanji and Erwin."

 

“No idea. Erwin will likely have all hands on deck by the time we make it back tomorrow, and no doubt Hanji won’t have slept from the excitement of analyzing that weird syringe.” He takes a few generous swigs from his mug, and I watch him intently, looking for any sign it may actually affect him.

 

“I meant about me.” My voice cracks as I imagine everyone finding out the truth. Although Kip and present company have been rather accepting, I can easily attribute that to the camaraderie of journeying together. None of the other soldiers have any reason not to find me unacceptable. I squeeze my trembling hands over my thighs, rubbing away the nervous sweat on my palms.

 

I feel his hand rest over mine, smaller and cool to the touch. He squeezes lightly before weaving our fingers together. It is a bold move for him, even if our hands are hidden under the table. “I don’t give a shit what anyone says about you. I know who you are.” As I look into his eyes, stare as cold as ever, I still see nothing but warmth. Without sparing anyone else a glance, I lean in and lock our lips together. To my surprise, he kisses me back. It is lusty yet gentle, fulfilling and yet not nearly enough. Kip gives a loud _‘Whoop!’_ from somewhere miles away, and I break our contact with my laughter when Levi blindly throws him a forkful of mashed potato at him; missing and hitting the soldier across from him.

 

We spend the night at the inn attached to the tavern, in musty old beds that feel like clouds after our journey. Levi and I share a room, but spend most of the time staring at the moonlit walls, as neither of us have ever been good at sleep. Kip had spent the evening chatting up the barmaid, who seems to have caved and accompanied him to his room, if I’m to believe the embarrassing slew of sounds coming through our shared wall. Levi looks as if he doesn’t hear a thing, and I feel fire in my cheeks.

 

The next morning, Levi and I look less than rested, while Kip somehow looks as if he slept all night rather than spent the time doing something _quite_ tiring. I envy his youth, despite being only a year or two older. His cocky grin doesn’t fade for most of the journey, but we all find room for a gloomy expression as soon as Headquarters are in our sights. It is already late evening, with dark skies and night-time chills, yet the compound is obviously busy. Soldiers run back and forth between the few buildings frantically, carrying supplies and munitions around. I hear their loud voices on the wind from at least a mile away.

 

“Told you.” Levi says, spurring his horse onward while the rest of us stare slack-jawed at the frenzy.

 

We head up the stairs to the top floor immediately; never a moment’s rest to even glimpse the rooms we’ve missed so much. Our companions attempt to follow, but Levi sends them off to help the others. Kip looks a bit disappointed to be left out again, but gives me a wink and a salute as he turns away, back down the steps. Erwin is already with Hanji in the hall, talking heatedly and vibrating the walls with his deep voice. As soon as we are spotted, the door to the nearest room- his chamber, is thrown open and we are ushered inside.

 

“We don’t have a lot of warning. You almost didn’t make it in time.” His words come on fast, and he is uncharacteristically disheveled. “We got your report this morning. Preparations are underway.”

 

Hanji steps towards us then and holds the syringe between long, gentle fingers. I take it gingerly, examining it as if it has changed somehow. The only thing that’s changing is me.

 

“The chemical components found in the liquid inside match the chemicals we sampled from your blood in the days following our last expedition, Michael. Comparing notes from your uncle’s journal and the other documents found with our preexisting hypothesis, we are fairly certain that this liquid is the catalyst needed to initiate your Shifter-sensing abilities. When injected, we believe you will change, much like you did in the forest that day.” Hanji’s explanation makes sense to me up until that point, but I stop listening when the terms grow complicated and every other word requires a science-specific dictionary.

 

I stare at the syringe in my hand, and I can almost feel heat rising from it. Like it will burn into my hand and through my bones if I hold it for too long. Like it will boil my blood the moment it is in my veins. I fear this injection and the monster it will make me into. Before my hand gets too hot and sweaty and I drop it, I slip it into the inner pocket of my Scouting Legion jacket, where it begins to burn a hole into my heart instead. Levi doesn’t seem to be listening to Hanji either, and instead stares at Erwin. They appear to be having a telepathic conversation, as they often do, while Hanji rambles on excitedly and I let my brain sink into the floorboards under all of this pressure.

 

“We are entrusting the syringe to you, Michael. As the one who faces the consequence of injection, you should be the one to control when it is administered. We hope you will use your best judgment, and use it to help us with the hard battles to come.” Erwin’s voice is steady again, back to the confident commander I am used to. I wonder if it was something Levi telepathically said. I realize that I am jealous of their ability to do that.

 

“Yes, sir.”

 

We retreat from Erwin’s quarters, leaving Hanji and Erwin to continue the argument we had interrupted. Levi enters his room wordlessly, closing the door hard behind him without inviting me in. I stand there a while, watching the wood and wishing it would transform into a window. The kind that lets you see the person on the other side but you don’t have to interact with them and you can’t hear one another; like the windows in a city hospital. When I hear the faint hum of his shower running, I give up and leave to my own shower downstairs.

 

My new, upgraded room is back to being dusty from abandonment. It seems lonely. The syringe fits perfectly in my nightstand, where I know it will be close by in an emergency. _Let it burn a hole through the wood and through the stone floors of the basement, and then through the Earth until I never have to see it again._ I grab a change of clothing from my wardrobe- a dress shirt and slacks, despite it nearly being time for bed, and make my way to the showers. Kip is leaving as I enter, and we slap hands without saying anything. What is there to say? _‘The royals are about to slaughter everyone and we have to run off to stop it, but how about we sit around and joke like nothing’s wrong one last time?_ Because I know that’s what we would do. Hide our nerves under our similar senses of humor, and avoid any serious discussion like we always do. The shower is ice cold but I hardly feel it.

 

I return to my room to deposit my sullied clothing into the laundry bin there, and contemplate going back up to Levi. He wanted to be alone, otherwise he wouldn’t have slammed the door with such finality. _Dinner sounds nice_.

 

The food I manage to find is cold and unsatisfying, but does the trick to pass the time and settle my shaking just a bit. A few other soldiers are around, also eating late after a long day of extra work. When I look around the mess hall all I can see are sad and anxious faces; not ready to face this fight that will take place within the walls. It will be in their towns, in their homes, and it will hurt their loved ones and themselves. The enemies are already winning, by the looks of their morale, and it pisses me off and depresses me all at the same time.

 

_I am the monster, here. I am the murderer. I am the freak of nature. Yet I am here, ready to fight. How dare you all give up so easily?_

 

I take some stale bread rolls and a bowl of cold soup to go, and knock on Levi’s door with the toe of my boot. When it swings open, he is topless and his hair is still damp from his earlier shower. Levi always lets his hair air-dry so that it falls just the way he wants it. On any other night I’d tease him, and he’d chastise me for rubbing my scalp raw with my towel until my hair becomes a nest; me holding back the thought that I only do it so he will comb through it for me with those perfect fingertips.

 

“Come in.”

 

“I brought dinner.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“It’s cold.”

 

“That’s fine.”

 

I watch him dig in immediately while I struggle out of my boots, cursing that we are made to wear them any time we are not showering or sleeping. When the bowl is empty and the bread gone, he turns his icy gaze onto me, now sitting on his bed with one of his books in my lap. His expression is less guarded now in the privacy of his room, and I am glad that his door is not a window, and that I am the only one allowed to see this face. His eyes are hooded and his lips turn up at the corners _just_ slightly, softening enough to let me know that he is content and happy that I am here. He’s looking at me as if it’s the first time he’s ever seen me. _He’s looking at me as if it’s the last time he’ll ever see me._ I place the book carefully on the nightstand and return the look without moving from my spot. He stands abruptly, like he’s just remembered something important, but the something important is me and he takes quick strides across the room until he’s inches from the mattress.

 

“Are you alright, Levi?” I reach a hand to his waist tenderly, expecting him to pull away from the contact as he often does, but he leans into the touch instead and I feel the heat coming off of his bare skin like fire. A good fire, unlike the choking fire of the syringe in my nightstand drawer.

 

“I know that when we fight, Misha, we fight _together_.” He begins, and I know there will be more, so I wait while he collects the rest of the words I sense are scattered through his mind. “Even if we haven’t fought together often, I know that I never have to worry about you. I know that when I turn around, you’re going to be there. I think that’s why I let myself fall for you. You’re strong enough not to die on me. Right?” His words are strong and confident, nearly practiced, until he gets to ‘right’, which comes out as a weak and pleading whisper. My other hand comes up to settle on the opposite side of his waist, so that I am staring up at him and he cannot get away. His eyes aren’t looking at me now. He is replaying the sound of his voice as he said that one weak word, and regretting it. I don’t want him to regret it, or take it back, so I just wait and stay silent because surely I’d only make things worse. “My point is,” he comes back strongly, looking at me again, “I’m not doing this because I think either of us is going to die any time soon.”

 

The look of confusion is likely evident on my face, and I feel my brow creasing just like his often does; the inevitable acquiring of a loved one’s nuances. “Doing _what_ , Levi? Dating me?”

 

“No.” He says it like I’ve just said the least intelligent thing he’s ever heard, and I recoil like a stricken dog. “ _This.”_

 

I feel his hands grip my wrists, pulling them from his flesh and pinning them above my head somewhere. His lips meet mine and I hesitate only a moment before allowing him entrance. When I feel the weight of his body press down over my own, sinking me into the plush linens and wrapping me in his clean scent, realization hits me.

 

_Oh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-huh. You know what time it (finally) is.


	23. Love, Lust, and War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi surprises Michael with his confident display of love, and later, a battle approaches.

**Love, Lust, and War**

_Michael_

 

Levi’s body is warm and hard against mine. I feel each defined muscle shift and respond to every subtle movement we make as our kisses grow hurried and deep. His lips are smooth and skilled over mine, suffocating me. I never want to breathe again.

 

I manage to free my hands from his grip and trail them down his chest and stomach, still bare from his shower and perfectly formed just for me. His breathy response is right in my ear now, as he nibbles at my earlobe and down my neck.

 

“Levi…” I sigh out his name, hoping that he hears everything I want to say. ‘ _I’ve waited for this my entire life’_ is just too cheesy to admit aloud. “Are you sure this is alright?” I want so badly to abandon my senses and be at his mercy, but he has denied my advances for so long that I can’t really believe this is happening.

 

“What do you think?” He sounds irritated that I would even _ask_ , and I hear him loud and clear when his hips grind down over mine, pressing our erections together. I hiss appreciatively and grip my hands into his belt loops to hold him there. He fights me and naturally wins, pulling away so that he can finish trailing kisses down to my chest. I feel warmth flick over my nipple, where he begins teasing me much like I had done to him once before.

 

It feels like I really have waited forever for this moment. From the first day we met, I knew I would like Levi. There was some attraction between us that I could never put into words; I only knew that his presence alone was like a drug and his touches were paradise. Our first kiss was like the opening of a dam we were forced to close for far too long, only to come back to it parched and feral years later.

 

His tongue dances in my navel, causing my muscles to twitch and already my fingers grip the sheets. My mind is a haze of memories and time spent waiting. Waiting for the day that Levi would make love to me and we could forget everything around us for a while and finally concentrate on our often neglected relationship. Even if I could never say it aloud to him, I knew that my body could. The questions bubbling up threaten to spill out in my euphoria. “Why now?” I finally ask in a husky whisper, my hands trailing to his hair as his teeth pinch down on the flesh of my hip.

 

He grazes over the bite softly with his lips as he speaks, making me shiver. “I’m finally tired of waiting.” It is matter-of-fact and final. Levi will answer no more questions, and I will ask no more. I feel his fingers trail up my thighs gently, at first, but as they reach higher they press firmly into my over-worked muscles until he is tracing my erection teasingly. My eyes are focused somewhere on the ceiling, and then I see only the back of my eyelids when I feel the button of my pants pop open.

 

“Levi… ahh-” He has hardly even touched me, but I find myself moaning a little too enthusiastically.

 

“Look at me, Misha.” The tone is almost teasing and amused, but stern enough to let me know that I must obey or he will stop. I _really_ don’t want him to stop.

 

My eyes open and fall to him, perched over the obvious bulge where my cock presses against my zipper. His slender fingers are kneading into my hips and thighs and his breath is ghosting over my lower belly. His silvery eyes are locked on my own; the stormy sky above a lush forest. He looks hungry, and although I have imagined that expression countless times I have never once done it justice. “Oh, fuck.” I sigh out, defeated already, and my head falls back again.

 

I hear him chuckle. “For someone so quick to tease me all those times, you certainly can’t stand the heat yourself.” I feel his mouth press down onto my jeans as he begins teasing at my erection beneath. The sensations are making it hard to think, and the only thought I can seem to formulate is _‘Please take them off! Please take them off!’_ because these pants are suddenly suffocating me. Then, I feel the pressure release, like he has heard me, and my pants are sliding down my thighs along with my underwear; erection springing free and pointing towards my navel.

 

Instead of returning his mouth to it like I shamelessly hoped, he is crawling over my body again. His own clothed erection grinds down onto my exposed one as he grabs at my waist and brings our lips together. I am moaning with every breath now, but he swallows each sound hungrily while exploring my mouth. The beautiful, rhythmic friction is just not enough, so I trail my hands down him again and begin unbuttoning his pants as well. For a moment I expect him to stop me, like many times before, but he only angles his hips so that I can reach the zipper; spurring me on. When his pants are undone, I slide them down his hips, letting my hands trail over the shapely curve of his ass and tickling his thighs. He kicks them off nonchalantly, like this isn’t the first time we are naked together intimately. I can’t muster the same attitude, and instead choose to stare open-mouthed and red-faced at his nudity. I take in the familiar muscular torso that still makes my mouth water, and follow the light trail of hair leading me to his belly and downwards. My eyes fall onto his impressive length, just as hard as my own and pointing directly at me. Seeing him like this, finally, ready and wanting me just as much as I have always wanted him, it moves me. I am not just hungry now, but starving. I am a starving man who has been promised a feast, and I absolutely _must_ ensure that I have it.

 

He sees the look on my face and smirks, but says nothing. I feel the bed shift more than I actually see it; my eyes are completely unfocused from my visual high. Levi’s fingers grasp my wrist, pulling me to sit up and move to the edge of the bed with him. I manage to focus my eyes now, promising them a better view each time Levi does something new. He sits on the edge, his feet planted firmly on the floor. A floor I now notice has been very recently cleaned and nearly sparkles in the candlelight.

 

_Oh…_ I am elated at my own revelation, and amused at Levi’s reluctance to speak the request aloud. My knees hit the cold floor in seconds. I see his eyes widen in surprise, perhaps that I have responded so well. _How can you not know yet how badly I want you, Levi?_

His steady gaze is watching me still, and I almost see uncertainty there but I do not let it stop me. When my hands grip his thighs, he sighs, and when my nose and lips follow their trails over his skin, he whimpers. I tickle the underside of his cock teasingly with my breath, from base to head, before tonguing the tip and sucking him down hungrily. The sudden shift from slow to fast only excites him more, and I take the cue to continue.

 

My head bobs up and down the length at a steady, fast rhythm. I feel his fingers grip into my hair and let out a moan that he matches in intensity, if not volume. My own fingers dig bruises into his thighs when I take Levi’s length fully. I feel the head spread apart the depths of my throat; stinging in a way that I find pleasurable. His hands are wrapped tightly in my hair now, pulling harshly and holding me in place for many long seconds. When finally he releases me, I spring back with a moan and a string of spit still connects my lips to the head of his cock. I know the dirty sight arouses me more, but may disturb him, so I opt to lick it away while catching my breath.

 

“Fuck, Misha… ahh…yeah…” His heavy breathing matches the rhythm of his hands still massaging my hair. My hand pumps his saliva-slicked length until the burning in my lungs subsides, and then I feel him urging me down again.

 

I take him fully again and again, letting his hands move my head at the pace and intensity he likes. His hips jerk to meet my lips, and his voice is coming out louder and louder with each thrust. All I can think about is how I want to taste him; how I want him to come while I have him as deep in my throat as I can take him; but I know that tonight is about much more than that. My own painful erection, still bobbing between my legs and occasionally brushing against the bed, keeps reminding me of that.

 

“L-Levi… I… I want you…ahhh-“ I plead with him between thrusts, and I think for a moment that he won’t want to stop here, but when my words register with him it is like a switch has been flipped. He pulls my head away and massages my scalp, now tender from the hair-pulling abuse.  I look up at him through hooded eyes and his gaze on me is warm and wanting. Our lips meet for a hungry moment, all sloppy and wet, but he doesn’t even flinch.

 

“Get on the bed.” I comply, sitting in the center and watching him awkwardly as he digs through a nightstand drawer.

 

“Um… how do you… uhh…” I suddenly feel incredibly shy, despite having just let him fuck my face. “How do you want me to… lay?” My heart is pounding in my chest, but I can’t help but ask the terrible question. What if Levi has never actually been with a man? Would he not want to look at… _it?_ The thought is a bit mortifying, and I can tell that my cheeks are probably bright red, and not from my lack of oxygen. When he’s finished fishing through the drawer, he places a small bottle on the stand and turns to me. He looks deep in thought for a moment, before finally just shrugging his shoulders.

 

“Whatever makes you comfortable.” He looks completely unfazed by the topic, and only watches me expectantly, as if waiting to see how I will move. I feel sweat forming on my neck as I am suddenly realizing what is happening. The time has come. Levi and I will finally make love.

 

I opt to concentrate on his relaxed demeanor, and the way he seems utterly confident that this will go well. He watches with a hungry expression as I turn slowly onto my stomach, resting my head in my arms and presenting my ass in the air beneath the white sheet. From my limited field of vision, I see him grab the bottle of oil and feel the bed shift as he moves closer. His lips feel hot when they meet my shoulder blades, and his breath tickles a line all the way up to my ear. His hand caresses my ass cheek lightly as he speaks, causing the sheet to fall down around my bent knees and sending shivers down my body.

 

“You look so perfect like this, Misha.” The sultry sound of his voice so close to my ear causes me to whimper out his name, but it sounds more like a moan. My cock is painfully hard between my thighs, brushing the soft bed sheets and begging for more friction. “I’m about to lose my patience.” This time, the teasing tone is tinted with irritated lust, and I swear that voice could make me come all on its own.

 

My whimpers seem to be enough of a response for him, and I am thankful because I can’t seem to form any other words. His hands and lips continue to explore my exposed backside until I hear the bottle open and feel a cold finger at my entrance. He stops there to massage me without pressing in, alternating kisses and nibbles on my ass cheeks until he feels me relax. When finally I sigh in contentment, the finger slides in easily. He moves slowly at first, but I need little time to adjust. I’d touched myself countless times, imagining it was him, once I had a room to myself. Now that it finally _was_ Levi doing it, it’s like my body is opening up at the very sight of him. My hips begin rocking back onto his hand, and I’m already moaning at the sweet sensations, but he removes his finger unexpectedly; leaving me whining and twitching for more.

 

This time, two of his slicked fingers are pressing at my entrance, and he doesn’t wait before plunging them deep inside. I feel his knuckles pressing into me and gasp at the contrasting urgency compared to the first time. His hand moves roughly, pounding me in a euphoric rhythm. I’m positive I am speaking but I have no idea what I am saying between wanton moans as his fingertips brush my sweet spot and bring me so close to orgasm.

 

“Ah! Levi- Levi, I-… aaahhh I’m so close…” He fluidly adds a third finger, causing me to stretch past my usual limit. The burn takes the edge off of my impending orgasm, which may had been his intent, but quickly I adjust as his hand continues the pace.

 

“Do you want to come, Misha?” His voice is in my ear again; his chest pressed firmly to my back while his hand continues to loosen me for his thick cock.

 

Again, the very sound of his voice has me nearly there, but I restrain myself and speak around frustrated cries. “Y-yes, b-but… not… now… ahh…” He nips my earlobe before peeling himself away from me. I feel his fingers slip out, giving me a much-needed moment to gather my strength. The half-empty bottle comes back into my vision on the nightstand as Levi positions himself behind me. I feel a tender hand on the base of my spine, caressing me lovingly as the head of his hard cock begins pressing in. My muscles relax and welcome him easily, and thank him subconsciously for preparing me so well. I’m certain that bottle of oil was full when we started.

 

We both hiss and moan in unison as he slides in fully. He doesn’t stop until he is pressed tightly against me and I feel him in the deepest parts of me. My back is enveloped in warmth as he folds himself over, and our bodies are glued together. His lips suck at my neck and strong arms wrap around my waist.

 

“Levi…” I breathe out his name into my folded arms and his breath tickles my skin again, moving from my neck to my ear.

 

“Yes, Misha?”

 

My name on his lips- _my_ name, the name only those closest to me may use- has me moaning again, and my head turns on its own accord to give him better access to my sensitive neck and ear. “Levi, I… love you…” As I say the words, I feel his cock twitch inside me, causing my own muscles to clench around him. He groans into my hairline before whispering into my ear again.

 

“I love you too, Misha.”

 

He sits up again, leaving my back feeling cold and exposed, and starts moving slowly outwards. The sensation of his cock sliding out of me is just as amazing as when he hurriedly thrusts back in. My hands fist the sheets as his pace quickens, and he starts a steady rhythm of _in, out, in, out._ The head of his cock presses deep inside of me, sending flames over my skin. My entire body feels hyper-sensitive and I’m quite sure that I am high.

 

I listen to the sounds of his breathy groans and our skin slapping wetly between us; the mere reality of it bringing me ever closer to the edge. The sheets are wet and sticky beneath me where my own hard cock is leaking, and each time his hips meet mine it only worsens.

 

“Fuh-fuck, Levi! S-so good…” I feel his lips trailing over my spine. The rocking of our bodies slows momentarily as he seems to gather his strength; holding off from the edge of orgasm. His hips stutter a few more sporadic times and then he stops completely.

 

Suddenly his hands are on my hips and my body feels empty of him. Levi tenderly flips me over and repositions himself between my spread thighs, where we can lock eyes and lips and fingers. So we do. I feel his hard length slip back inside me as he kisses and sucks at my lower lip. The room already smells of sexed sweat and oil, and I’m sure my voice is audible from rooms away; but neither of us could care. In the morning, the harsh reality of military life will drape over us again. In the dim candlelight, Levi fills my vision; all pale and smooth skin, silver eyes, ebony hair, and lips swollen from kissing. In this moment, this is all that there is.

 

Levi quickly finds his rhythm again, and it is all the more enjoyable when I can see the beautiful expression on his face. His thin eyebrows knit together with effort, even though the eyes beneath them are soft and unguarded. We relish in the feeling of being connected at long last, but it doesn’t take long for us to become absorbed in the raw pleasure of one another. My desires have been held at bay for far too long, but it has been worth the wait. Our lust takes over us in the end, pushing away what little notions of romance we have. Levi has never been one for romance, as it is. As Levi moves deep into me, the sounds slipping past my lips become near-growls; hungry and feral and telling him _faster, harder_. He responds with a beastly melody of his own, and matches each growl with a hard thrust.

 

Levi’s hands pin my knees to my chest; displaying me in a vulgar way that I can tell he enjoys. The pleased gasps of my name from his lips go straight to my throbbing cock, and no matter how I pull at my own hair to keep from coming, I can’t. The heat washes over me in seconds, and he follows almost immediately. We moan each other’s names; our eyes glued to one another in astonished euphoria. His final thrusts leave me spilling cum over my chest while he fills me up inside, and even after we have finished we refuse to separate.

 

“Levi… I… wow…” I laugh at my utter lack of words and settle on carding my fingers through his hair and tracing lines over his muscular torso; still perched above me. I see him take in needed air, but the breaths are outlined by a smirk.

 

“Yeah, I… have that effect on people.” He says through a big breath with his usual deadpan tone.

 

I pull him into a kiss and we reluctantly separate. I feel suddenly empty and can’t help but to crave him again already. He must see the look in my eyes, because he shakes his head before I can even start. “No way. Shower. Now.” His eyes are grimacing at my dirtied chest, but I don’t miss how they linger over his own seed beginning to spill out from inside me.

 

-

 

We spend hours that night in each other’s arms. We find the energy for a round two and when I wake the next morning, Levi still manages to sport a sizeable morning erection. He doesn’t seem to mind at all when I wake him for round three.

 

When we finally return to the hectic life of war preparation, it all somehow seems less daunting. The glances Levi and I share are the kind that speak volumes. Now that I know how much he truly cares for me, I know that no matter what lies ahead… we need not fear for one another. Levi and I will be invincible together.

 

-

 

The awaited day arrives too soon for anyone’s liking. The Scouting Legion has taken responsibility into their own hands with Erwin at the reigns. The risk of information leak was too great, and so we all lie in wait, stationed in large numbers at each large gate separating us from the Titans.

 

Levi and I, as well as our troops, sit shadowed by old buildings, cloaks over our heads, watching the soldiers atop the walls scrambling like ants in the rain. The citizens of the Shiganshina District look on as well, understandably confused and concerned at the soldier’s loud shouts. Even from down here, we can tell that they are arguing.

 

“Looks like the order has come down, just like Ken predicted.” Levi’s rough whisper carries across the alley to me.

 

“They seem to be fighting it.” He nods in agreement as we see one angry man- seemingly in charge, nearly shove a messenger off of the wall. They are in obvious turmoil for a time, but eventually the messenger seems to have proved himself to be truthful.

 

The air among those of us on the ground is just as tense. There’s heavy electricity in the air as each member of the Corps prepares their gear for the fight ahead. We have no idea how long this will go on, but we must stick to the plan: allow the gates to open so that the Garrison is absolved of crime, and close them again against orders. During that time, the Scouting Legion will be both friend and enemy to the men up there on the wall, who are only following orders. We must fight off approaching Titans while simultaneously getting the Garrison to reconsider, and hold them at bay during the minutes it takes the enormous gates to reseal. The soldier beside me swallows the ball in his throat, and one across the way begins to hyperventilate.

 

“It’s moving!” Someone shouts, and I can’t tell if it’s a soldier or a civilian because instantly we are all running. The soldiers run towards the wall in prepared fashion, while the citizens begin to run for their homes and families. We make our way to the rooftops to avoid interference.

 

Levi and I lock eyes for a moment; it is just us, and we are going to survive this together. I see what I mean to him, and what his decision to make love to me meant. We are together; partners and mates and everything that is meant to exist only as a pair. His stony gaze tells me that he is determined, and I can see that he is practically _ordering_ me to keep my shit together. When we look forward again, the gates have opened enough that we can see the other side of the wall; and the many Titans waiting beyond. When we reach the top of the wall, landing amidst the confused faces of the Garrison soldiers, the view is both terrifying and incredible.

 

The endless expanse of land before us, reaching out to the early morning sunrise, is thickly stippled with approaching Titans. All sizes and speeds of monster are making their way for our small and pitiful home. Our only defense against them made into a moot point by the now open gate. For those long moments, all eyes are locked onto that orange horizon tainted by beasts, and time seems to stop as the truth hits us.

 

Today has only just begun. Will we have a tomorrow?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am quite terrible for taking so long to update. I know this. I should have left a note for my readers to say that I would be taking a while.
> 
> At first, I went on vacation. I didn't warn of this vacation because I was only going to be gone a week, and it wouldn't be interfering with my writing. While I was away, however, I received a call telling me that one of my pets had passed away.
> 
> I was quite devastated. My pets mean just as much to me as a human child! I hope you can all understand how it was difficult for me to write anything smutty while grieving. I am still grieving, and so I fear this chapter (and the half chapter accompanying it, [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1548149/chapters/11230804)) are not up to par. I apologize. I hope you can all forgive me in the face of the 5,000 words I now present you with!


	24. Captured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Scouting Legion fight for the sake of humanity, suffering great injury and loss in the process.

Chapter 24

 

**Captured**

_Michael_

_The view would be beautiful if it weren’t for the Titans._ The thought bubbles up from the back of my mind somewhere, before anything else can sink in.

 

“They’re coming.” I hear Levi say beside me. It sounds quiet despite the chaos of fleeing citizens and panicking soldiers around us.

 

“Yeah.” I sigh, drawing my swords.

 

The gates below us creak loudly as they open. Their mechanisms already in motion mean they won’t stop until they are wide open, and only then can they be reversed. They move so slowly that the entire situation feels like Hell has come to greet us, decorated by an ocean of approaching Titans.

 

“I’ve never seen so many move together before.” Petra gasps from Levi’s other side. Auruo next to her stands stern-faced and silent, mirroring Levi’s own calm expression.

 

Gunther steps beside me, taking place in the gawking line with his own dark look. “They knew the gates would be open.” Everyone nods in agreement. “This was planned, afterall…”

 

As soon as the first Titan, a four-meter class, gets close enough to the gate, we scatter. Many Titans of all sizes come flooding in behind it, and each of us immediately finds a target of our own. The skill of Levi’s squad is apparent as Titan after Titan goes down in a burst of steam.

 

I leap from the top of the wall with a target in my sights, hooking into the concrete and curving down above its head. It feels exhilarating after going so long without a real battle, and flying above their beastly heads gives the symbol of wings upon our backs a new strength. My blades show only minimal resistance as I slice through a meaty neck, and I thank my Uncle Ken for his priceless gift.

 

On the ground, we have troops weaving among Titan feet on horseback. I see many of them get thrown about but have little time to worry. Today, many people will lose their lives to save others. I wonder how Kip, Hanji, and the others are all doing at their own gates.

 

“Squad Leader, we’re losing gas too fast up here!” One of my soldiers yells to me from somewhere nearby, fighting to be heard over the wind and the sounds of cannons firing.

 

Looking at my own gage, I see that he is right. Swooping down from the wall only to return back up to safety is taking too much, and many of them are already sporting dull blades. “Return to the top and restock. When ready, get back down and stay down until absolutely necessary! We need to conserve supplies!” From the corner of my vision, I see Levi glance my way before turning towards an approaching Titan. The emotionless look would be lost on others, but I sense he is approving of my leadership abilities and smile.

 

When I get to the top, the first thing I notice is a lack of personnel on the canons. A few of the Garrison, most likely the ones who fought the order to open the gates, still operate cannons here or there; but for the most part, they are empty. I see a congregation of soldiers in the Garrison jackets standing on the inner side of the wall, yelling amongst themselves.

 

“What the actual hell are you all doing!? Can’t you see that we need to fight!?” I feel my rage color my face red.

 

A man steps forward, obviously in charge by the way the others shy away. “We have specific orders. Orders that no one in the damn _Scouting Legion_ have no place trying to overrule!” The malice in his voice when he refers to us is evident, and it occurs to me that he may just be in on the whole thing. Why wouldn’t he go along with it? He gets to stay here atop this wall where it is safe, until the rest of us have exhausted our resources and given in to the teeth of the Titans.

 

“You’ve obeyed well enough by opening the gates. Now _close them_ , so that humanity will have a _chance_ at survival!” I feel my fingernails dig into my palms, but the man doesn’t look like he will budge. His eyes are sharp and locked on mine; too unflinching to even notice one of his soldiers quietly backing away from the group and making his way to the large wheel and switch that will reverse the gates. It’s too soon, however. The gates are only halfway up after fifteen minutes of solid fighting. So far, no Titans have made their way through the opening.

 

The argument is futile at the moment, so I vow to return and force the gate closed myself when the time is right. I check my gas tank one last time before jumping from the wall once again.

 

The sights on the ground have quickly become gruesome. Puddles of bloody mud dirty our boots. The thick steam surrounding us from the many defeated Titans makes it hard for us to avoid stepping in it, and even harder for us to continue the fight. The more we kill, the harder it becomes to stay alive and kill more.

 

I feel my head grow fuzzy. Not the suffocating fuzz I feel when I lose my mind to my uncle’s strange experiments, but a painfully clear fuzz brought on by memory. Memories of my town being overrun just like this. I blink and I see civilians running among the large, stomping feet. I see kids crying and tripping in the blood-mud, screaming for their parents. I blink again and they are gone, just like the ghosts that they became.

 

“Pull yourself together!” I hear someone scream behind me. I don’t know who it is, but it’s likely another of my squad mates, and for the first time I am genuinely happy for my promotion.

 

I wonder where Levi is.

 

The Titans are growing larger now, as if they purposefully sent the smaller ones in to soften us up. I watch my feet carry me up the back of a ten-meter Titan, his ankles cut up by a fellow fighter, and feel my swords cut the flesh. I take a moment to breathe, to try and gather myself; to pull apart the two halves of me that exist in this moment. The past me that fled, and the current me that fights. I want the past me to get eaten and take these awful visions with it, so I never have to flinch away from something that isn’t there again, or climb into Levi’s arms in the middle of the night like a child; crying and snotty and restless.

 

I feel large fingers wrap around my body and squeeze. In a moment, the air is out of me and all I feel is pressure. A tight, painful pressure like diving too deep in the river and hurting your ears, but it’s all over my body and I can’t swim up for air. Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped for a breather in the middle of a field of enemies.

 

I feel something snap in my torso before the grasp releases me and I fall to the ground with a pained cry. Its large head lands next to me, eyes open and smile wide. Erd’s sweaty face appears over its fallen arm and I reach to him for a hand. My rib burns when he slings my arm over his shoulder. We escape the hot steam in time to meet another two Titans nearby. With the exchanging of apologetic looks we release one another. Erd takes the right one, and I take the left out of habitually fighting beside Levi. He always goes right, possibly because he knows I am left handed.

 

I wonder again where the hell Levi is.

 

By the time the gate reaches its highest point with a loud and creaky protest, I have taken down three more small Titans and one more ten-meter. My gas tank tells me I might not even make it back up the wall, but I try anyway. Each time the belt around my hips pulls me towards a hook, my broken rib jolts and burns. I plant my feet on the vertical wall and run up with a wince, certain that I’ve sprained an ankle as well. Each time I release a hook, I have to run a few steps upwards without any support to conserve gas. As soon as I feel my feet drift from the wall, I propel my hooks as high as they will go and start the climb again.

 

When I get to the top of the wall this time, it is chaos. Every cannon is now manned, be it by Scouts too afraid to go back to the ground, or Garrison happy to ignore the protests of their shitty leader. Every spare space of concrete floor is covered by a wounded soldier, or a crate of gas canisters stolen from the Garrison’s storehouses, or first-aid supplies. We don’t have much to offer the wounded, with the little preparation time we all received. Planting my feet somewhere solid for a minute has made me dizzy. The relief of a moment’s reprieve is intoxicating, and my legs turn to jelly beneath me for a moment. The wall’s concrete beneath me looks blurred and feels cold to the touch.

 

“Are you alright?” A petite man beside me asks, holding a makeshift first-aid kit.

 

“Broken rib, sprained ankle. Nothing to slow me down.” I swat away his hand as he moves to wrap up my ankle. “I’m not here for medical attention. I just needed to breathe a moment. Find someone else, I’ve got Titans to murder.” My attempt at humor is lost in the sea of despair around us, and he moves on to a man beside me with a bleeding head wound.

 

I rally my strength and stand, searching for the large gate switch again. With relief, I find that the soldier from earlier has kept his post beside it, and started its decent already. Petra’s glowing hair can be seen through the crowd, and I wave to her when I catch her eye. She runs over to me without a moment’s pause. “Michael! Are you alright? I just popped up for some gas.”

 

Her level-headed manner instantly helps me to relax, and I smile at her for reassurance. “I’m fine, for now. I’m here for the same. Mind tossing me a can?” She glances me over, noticing one of my hands gripping my side, and nods with understanding. I watch her small frame disappear around some scattering soldiers, and she is gone for only a few seconds before a canister is flying through the air, right for me.

 

I catch it with my free hand and nod to her; already leaping back down the wall and away from me before I can ask her about Levi.

 

_Today is going swell,_ I think sourly.

 

I pause at the very edge of the wall, looking again at the horizon and the hordes of Titans still spotting it. Below me, I hear the clashing of metal and hissing of 3D maneuver gear. I see mostly steam, and by the looks of it our battle has spread far outside of the gates. Many of our ranks are far off now, leading the Titans from the open gate and giving the soldiers close by a break. It’s dangerous for them, but we appreciate their bravery. As my eyes search the scene, I forget about the mess of memories and emotions inside of me. I breathe deep, and although it stinks of battle, it helps.

 

A stern hand on my shoulder pulls me from the moment, and I turn my head to see Levi there beside me. I want to smile at him, and ask him casually, “Where ya been?”, but the look in his eyes is too harsh. Following his gaze, I see exactly what has him concerned.

 

The next wave of Titans follows the pattern, in that they are larger still than the previous wave. It is easy to see that quite a few of them are abnormal, running straight towards the wall without a glance towards the people scattering around their feet. One of them stands at least sixteen meters tall – one of the tallest seen today, and runs straight at the wall, far off to the side and nowhere near the gate. Normally I would not bat an eye, thinking that Titan was simply about to meet a wall and fail in his goal. But this Titan looks smart, and Levi’s piercing gaze won’t relent as he watches it curve right at the wall, following it tightly, nearly touching it, all the way towards the gate.

 

With one final breath, Levi and I let ourselves fall from the wall as it approaches below us.

 

We fall together, forgetting for a moment that if we don’t catch ourselves soon, we eat dirt. He is beautiful and fierce and completely in his element. I can’t imagine Levi in a world without Titans, and that makes me terrified of what will happen when the Scouts accomplish their ultimate goal. I watch everything flashing through his eyes in that instant: resolve, anger, confidence; battle strategies, and surveillance of our surroundings. All in one moment, Levi is a warrior who works best here in this place.

 

With the clashing of our hooks in the wall, we swing down in unison, landing mere meters in front of the Titan’s long stride. Just as with the other, he doesn’t slow down or acknowledge us. It works best for us that way, though, as we make for his ankles.

 

Levi takes out one and I manage the other. I feel my side go numb from the strain, and one of my arms fights to put enough strength into the blow. With the Titan on his knees, we are poised for the strike. Levi leaps to his back in our usual fashion, but I can’t manage it this time. My own knees hit the dirt, far too close to the Titan’s still-reaching hands, and he swats me into the wall like a fallen leaf. I feel more bones pop and hear a grating sound when I breathe. Levi’s sharp eyes are on me, looking angry. _Angry? At me?_ My vision blurs with water, brought on by the thought that I have disappointed him and the pain now shooting up my spine. _Have I been nothing but a distraction, afterall?_ The Titan’s ankles have healed in these long seconds, and he stands. Levi is thrown back and off balance, but the blur in my eyes won’t recede so I only know he’s escaped harm by the sound of his hooks digging into the wall.

 

Vaguely, I feel my hand shaking as it reaches into my breast pocket. The cold glass of the syringe feels strange in my hot hands, but relieving.

 

_Maybe with this, I can…._

 

I pray to any being who will listen that this be the last time I transform into the monster. I don’t want to be a mindless killer. But then I remember that I am likely bleeding out on this wall and every second matters for my life, and Levi’s. My shaking hand won’t get the needle into my vein, which is a big flaw in this plan that neither Hanji nor Erwin thought to mention. It doesn’t matter anyway. My muscles quickly lose their strength and my arm drops to my side. I watch with watery vision as the syringe rolls from me, only to be stomped out by that cursed Titan. The pain takes me over and my eyes shut tight without my permission.

 

There is the sound of metal and hissing and groaning. I feel a rhythmic thumping throughout my body.

 

When my eyes open, I see the beautiful blur of Levi’s face perched above me. His hair is a mess and I know he’d hate it if we were anywhere but here. We both stink of sweat and blood and Titan.

 

“This, again?” He smirks at me, and the all-too-familiar situation of him shielding me with that strong back. I feel imprisoned beneath his limbs, and safe, and useless.

 

“Sorry.” I slur out through the haze of endorphins making my body feel heavy and drugged.

 

I don’t miss the eyes of all of our fellows on us. Even those heavily injured have sat up to watch the display. _The famous Captain Levi personally carried a man up the wall, and collapsed over him!?_ I start to laugh at the spectacle we’ve become, but it’s cut off by the feel of Levi’s rough lips over my own. He kisses me for long moments, and in the distance I hear the loud groan of the gates as they close, and feel its muted vibrations through the wall.

 

_It’s done, we’ve won this round. We did it._

 

Levi pulls away and stands, immediately sending orders out to the soldiers still able to move. A young woman from another squad kneels at my side to begin wrapping up my ribs. The whispers of surprise upon seeing Captain Levi publicly kiss another man subside, quickly replaced with celebratory cheers. The Garrison soldiers who cooperated with us all smile brightly, while their shittier counterparts all look rather worried.

 

It takes an hour to get the wounded down from the wall, and in that time a few messengers have made the rounds. Our informants have all gathered that each team succeeded in stopping the attack, but we have no way of knowing any specifics about casualties. At this point, our group has no idea if Commander Erwin is even still alive.

 

I am among the last group of soldiers to be lowered down the wall on one of the cargo lifts, and I arrive on the ground amidst a crowd of concerned citizens and fellow Legion members. Levi stands nearby, watching me from the corner of his vision as he tiredly listens to the aggravated Garrison leader, yelling about this and that. The entire crowd of loud voices hushes simultaneously when we hear hundreds of approaching horses.

 

The Military Police plow through the crowd, hardly slowing down until they meet with a Legion solider. One at a time, each one of them grabs one of us, while the leader of the group yells the same line on repeat over and over for everyone to hear.

 

“BY ORDER OF THE KING, ALL MEMBERS AND CONSPIRATORS OF THE SCOUTING LEGION ARE UNDER ARREST! SURRENDER YOURSELVES NOW. I REPEAT-“

 

Levi and I get cuffed at the same time, allowing ourselves to be thrown into a special carriage already half-full of Scouts from anther group. Levi's squad follows us soon after. From the back of the cramped cabin, Kip gives me his sly smile.

 

_Just like we planned._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I found it difficult to write but wanted to get it up ASAP after my long unintentional hiatus.
> 
> <3


	25. Guilty Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The captured soldiers have a back-up plan, even when facing such striking odds.

Chapter 25

 

**Guilty Faces**

_Levi_

My eyes open reluctantly to the distant sounds of hushed voices and footsteps. The dim candlelight lends little help in my search for the sources, and I sit up from the thin mattress to get a better look from my small cell here in the Capital’s dungeons. The shadows from each dark chamber around me move; the bars all filling with the shapes of my fellow Corps survivors, with their tired eyes glowing and searching along with me.

 

There’s no telling how long we’ve been here. I estimate three days, maybe four. The distant clanging of iron bars and chiming keys is the first indication of a visitor since we were all thrown roughly into the small cages. On the second day, I couldn’t stand the filthy layers of cloth over me and shed my jacket and shirt. The bare skin of my chest still itches with disgust, and my hair begs to be washed gently between Michael’s fingers soon; as if everything will be back to normal in a matter of hours. As if it were that easy.

 

The low voices are growing louder now; closer. A cell just a few rows down from me opens and slams shut quickly. I hear more shuffling and the sound of chains rattling.

 

“This one goes with the others. That one can stay.” A young voice finally reaches me, and the guard sounds no older than eighteen.

 

“Hey! I have a name!” Kip’s loud protests ring through the halls, holding his usual humor and sarcasm even after days of confinement. Many of my neighbors laugh quietly at the struggling sounds emitting from the darkness and Kip’s continued insistence that he is indeed important enough to be with ‘the others’, whoever they are. My best guess is that Michael is among them.

 

_Good kid,_ I think with a hint of pride, _just like that._

 

“Fine! Lock him up with the rest. He’ll only make things worse for them like this, anyway.” The second guard’s voice is much older, and clearly irritable.

 

I hear another cell click closed and then they begin moving closer again, with Kip talking loudly from the darkness to either alert the rest of us or simply to piss off the guards. Probably both.

 

“Man! Anywhere to get a bite to eat around here? No? What about some cards? I’m pretty good at poker. One time, I was at this bar down in Trost and-“

 

“Shut _UP_ already!” The young one yells. Kip grunts just as I hear the sound of impact and rattling metal.

 

As he speaks again, his voice is strained under the pain of whatever punishment he’s been dealt. “Not… a card person… eh?”

 

I glance to my left where I can just barely make out Erwin’s golden hair and stern frown through the bars and dim light. His eyes meet mine for a second before we are both diverted back in the direction of the guards, now emerging into our row with a handcuffed line of prisoners behind them, all connected by one long chain. In the front is Mike, followed by Ness, Michael, and then Kip; quiet now but holding a shit-eating grin as his eyes meet mine. I nod imperceptibly to him and look at Michael.

 

He is still very visibly in bad shape. Although I’m sure his internal injuries have stabilized thanks to his incredible healing, his frame still shakes with heavy breath and shines with the thin layer of sweat that comes with illness. His eyes look dull and his face is a hard mask, even when he spots me from my cell. The look he gives me is expressionless; much like my usual stare. It is unnerving coming from Michael.

 

“Next is…. Number one-oh-eight. Corporal Levi.” The young one says, glancing at the tops of our cells to search for the numbers. The older one doesn’t do the same. His eyes find me instantly the moment my name is said; recognizing Humanity’s Strongest Soldier and jumping at the opportunity to rough him up. I take a step back from the metal bars as he approaches, leaving my arms relaxed at my sides and waiting patiently for him to hurry up. The key clicks in the lock and the bars slide away. I allow myself to be roughly yanked into the hall, where I am cuffed to the row of chain behind Kip, who manages to keep his mouth shut throughout the entire endeavor. My arm is admittedly a bit sore from the guard’s grip, and I make a note not to let him get away with it.

 

Next, Erwin is added to our line, and another row over we pick up Hanji and a few other leaders I’ve never associated with much. We each exchange a knowing glance, however, as our line gets longer and we leave behind cells full of soldiers who weren’t chosen for the trip.

 

Eventually, the young guard declares the line finished, and the older one grunts as we change direction towards a set of stairs. The door at the top opens to a blindingly bright light, causing us all to cringe and squirm away from the pain of it. After our eyes adjust we are met with solid walls of stone and marble. It is still cold here, leading me to believe we are still very near the ground although there is light from high windows illuminating the large hall. We pass rows of desks and unmarked doors, followed constantly by the eyes of Military soldiers as we are ushered past and to yet another flight of stairs.

 

This set leads into another large, marble hall, this one containing ornate rugs and large, round pillars. The walls are adorned with portraits and framed documents, and I understand immediately that we are emerging into the castle’s famed courthouse.

 

Minutes later, we are lined unceremoniously before the judge’s perch. Our backs burn with the harsh stares of the nobles; rich enough to buy their way into the audience. MP’s line the walls, outnumbering us all four-to-one.

 

“All rise.” One of the soldiers says in a monotone voice, causing the large crowd behind us to stand in unison. A door to the side opens, and we all watch coldly as Darius Zackly makes his entrance. Large robes hang from his impressive height, dragging the floor when he walks to his seat. Without removing his eyes from Erwin’s, lost in the power battle they seem to be having, he nods. The crowd sits instantly and quiets, leaving an unsettling silence in the large hall.

 

“Commander Erwin Smith of the Scouting Legion, you and your fellows have been arrested under the orders of the King. You are charged with treason; endangering the people, and initiating an operation without authorization from your superiors. How do you plead?”

 

I don’t look at Erwin. My eyes stay steady and cold on Zackly, impassive and bored. We didn’t come here to prove any innocence, and have no notions of winning a rigged trial. I know exactly how Erwin will handle this, and how it will play out from here.

 

“Not guilty, Judge Zackly.”

 

He nods and begins looking over a document in front of him. “In honor of your esteemed position within the Military, as well as your years of service to humanity, we give you the opportunity to present your own defense and any evidence to support your claims. Would you like to do so now?” He looks up from the paper and is met with a row of ice-cold glares as each of us looks into him, seeing exactly how deep his corruption goes.

 

“With all due respect, sir, we’ve been given no opportunity for such a thing given our state of confinement for the past many days. You may need to rethink your procedures here.” Erwin’s voice is cold and sly, and the gasps from the crowd behind us only serve to accentuate the metaphoric stab at the Military Police. Their murmurs are quickly silenced with the shock of Zackly’s gavel.

 

He collects himself easily, choosing to ignore Erwin’s remark. “The court notes the Scouting Legion has chosen not to present any defense or evidence.” A large stamp is placed over a document and handed to a secretary who immediately places it within an envelope and seals it with wax. How final.

 

“By order of Judge Darius Zackly, as appointed by the King, all members of the Scouting Legion believed to be responsible for these grievous actions are hereby placed under arrest and sentenced to death.” The crowd behind us erupts at the declaration; some in support and others in outrage. The death sentence is rare, and Zackly’s very public decision to use it on _all_ of us is unheard of. The sound of the gavel comes over the crowd weakly, and it takes multiple whacks to get any semblance of peace. Beside me, the faces of my comrades remain calm and accepting. “The Scouting Legion will be hereby disbanded, and the soldiers deemed innocent dispersed into new branches of the Military. There will be no more time wasted on those pointless _expeditions._ ” The crowd continues to roar and argue, first with the judge and then with one another.

 

“This sentence is final! Return the traitors to their cells!” He yells over the crowd, who only begin to yell back. The upset is apparent, and I can’t imagine why these nobles would care enough to protest. They press forward towards Zackly, pressing us forward with them. We have no choice but to stumble together; still chained together like a barrier between them and him. Just as I am about to send an elbow back into an unfamiliar body, the side door opens and all attention is suddenly on the intruder. Instantly, the crowd shrinks back and we are relieved of the pressure and able to stand normally again. I inspect the approaching man until recognition clicks. From down the line, Michael seems to snap out of the haze that’s been over him. I sense him stand straighter through the movement in the chains and hear his heavy breathing in the dead silence of the chamber.

 

“Please, my dear citizens, let us have peace.” The loud, booming voice of the King Reiss is unnecessary as the crowd has already gone quiet with just his entrance. “These soldiers have committed a treasonous act against your King, and against yourselves. They have put all of us in danger! Your lives, and the lives of your children and grandchildren, were almost snuffed out by the careless sin of these people before you. We will have them repent with _their_ lives!” As his speech drags on, the crowd begins to murmur in agreement, rather than opposition. Beside me, Kip shakes and his face grows red as he listens to the King’s blatant lies. I commend his ability to bite his tongue, as he’s usually so terrible at it. Stealing a glance at Michael, it is apparent that he is hardly holding himself together under the induced rage gifted to him by his uncle. His reaction to the King makes things click in to place, but I have little time to dwell on it. All I register is a memory of his Uncle’s journal, and the mention of a ‘catalyst’. I see his eyes flick in and out of focus as he tries to hold on to his normal vision. Kip attempts to take his hand but he jerks away instantly; not understanding friend or foe. The King’s speech comes to an end with the approval of the audience and he makes his way out with Zackly by his side.

 

Once Reiss is gone, Michael calms his shaking but still seems to panic when too close to anyone. As the many onlookers are ushered out of the large doors, the soldiers begin to surround us in order to escort us back to the underground dungeons. Michael immediately begins resisting; shoving with his bound hands and crouching into a fight stance as soldiers try to restrain him and Kip tries to calm him. The struggling echoes down the line of us, all connected by our hands and fighting to stay upright in the commotion.

 

Eventually, much to my upset, Michael is knocked out with a punch to the gut. In any other situation, I would be furious and ready to rip out a throat or two, but currently it was necessary to get any of us out of this damn courtroom. We are shoved from the now empty place, Michael thrown over Kip’s shoulder, and eventually land back in our respective cells. I rub the raw skin of my wrists now that they are free, and lay back into my mattress again; waiting.

 

-

 

Hours later, I open my eyes after a light nap. It’s likely night time now, judging by the bit of daylight I could see on the way to the courtroom before. I confirm the time is near simply by peeking from my cell, where I notice that everyone has extinguished their candles; waiting idly at their doors and relying on our trained night vision.

 

Soft steps reach my ears from the right, and the sound of door after door unlocking comes right on time. Eventually, Kip’s bright eyes are inches from my face as he plays with the lock. With a wink that I roll my eyes at reflexively, my door slides open. Some of the others look at me, expecting answers, but get nothing in the silence. Once we are all gathered, Kip whispers off instructions and the crowd follows Erwin to the meeting place as I search for Michael.

 

“Come with me. He’s still back here.” Kip taps my shoulder and moves past, ignoring my questioning look.

 

I am lead back to the cell they shared, where I see him laying huddled over a thin mattress on the floor in the corner. “I thought you’d want to be the one to wake him, considering.” He gives me a smirk and waves before walking into the darkness to follow the others.

 

“Misha…” I whisper into his ear when I am sure we are alone. His brow twitches together and he gives a small grunt, but does not wake. My fingers trail over his soft cheek, stained with sweat, dirt, and tears; not caring one bit about the filth. Again, my mind travels to the moment we can relax together in a hot bath, helping one another scrub away the grime.

 

“It’s time to go save humanity.” This time I give his shoulder a real push, and hook his arm around my neck. As I heave his dead weight up, he seems to come around; putting some weight on his feet and tightening his grip on me.

 

“Lehvi?” He questions me without opening his eyes.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Iluh… you…” His speech sounds like his mouth is full of cotton, but I get the picture.

 

“Me, too.”

 

We walk through the darkness as quietly as possible to the meeting point that Kip has described. Guards can be heard in the distance, down old corridors. They don’t seem to be moving, opting instead to sit and chat without a care in the world.

 

“Lehvih?”

 

“What?”

 

“Kep?”

 

“Almost.”

 

He grunts, letting his head fall into my cheek, seeking rest even while he’s on his feet.

 

We arrive at the wooden door and give it a small kick in the code we’d agreed on. The small light from beneath it extinguishes as it is cracked open and we are ushered inside.

 

When the door closes behind us, a candle is relit and we are met with twenty or so of our comrades, re-dressed into their gear. Most of them carry canteens of water and some have mouths full of bread. I nod to Erwin and Hanji, tucked in a corner and hovering over a map. The young guard whom escorted us to the trial is there behind the armory desk, standing on the back of the unconscious older guard and extending a hand full of food. Michael shakes his head, seeing only through hooded eyes. When hazy from the changes within him, he doesn’t like to eat, or even seem to need to. I take a few bites of bread and wash it down with water before grabbing up Michael’s gear and helping him in to it. Even if he remains half-lucid, it would be plain idiotic to leave him without it. His keepsake swords hang on the wall like a decoration, no doubt the idea of a good joke to the shitty guard now on the floor. I rip them free and get them on Michael’s belt.

 

Once everyone is settled we immediately prepare to set out; not wanting to waste any more time in enemy territory. The young soldier gives quiet direction to an exit apparently not far from here, and I watch as Kip claps a hand over his back and whispers in his ear. The boy blushes, Kip laughs, and we part without further ado.

 

“Quit flirting with everything that moves, would you?” I nudge at Kip, now holding Michael up on the other side.

 

“Why? Are you jealous? You’re just not my type, Captain!” Someone behind us sends up a harsh shush, and Kip closes his mouth but continues to wiggle his eyebrows at me. The brat knows that even if we’re close now, I’ll never get over the sight of him kissing Michael all of those years ago.

 

“Be careful, Kip. One hair on little Michael’s head moves wrong, and he may just explode!” Hanji chirps from in front of us, a devious smile on their face. I glare tirelessly to no avail. “Don’t be like that, Levi. We have all seen the way you look at him~ and really, the way he looks at you, too!” I hear a few giggles around us, and Erwin clears his throat to silence them.

 

“Now is hardly the time!” We say in unison, causing even more laughter. Beside me, Michael nuzzles his nose into my neck and I feel a sleepy smile on his lips.

 

We come to a stop at the door, marked with a crudely carved ‘X’ above it. It is illuminated by one small torch beside it, just as the soldier had said. Again, I hear guards in the distance, still oblivious to our moves and distracted by some drunken game.

 

We emerge in to a back alley, a good distance from the castle and well hidden behind tall buildings the others are unused to seeing. There are no guards around here, either, and we quickly see the cause when a small head covered by a green hood pops out from behind a corner.

 

“This way!” A harsh whisper says, and we follow, sticking to the shadows and trying our best to look like Military Police on patrol without jackets. It doesn’t work well; we receive many strange looks but quickly make our way to the old warehouse that will serve as our rendezvous. Even from outside, the air is buzzing with electric air, and we can sense battle coming.

 

Inside, at least a hundred soldiers sit in organized silence. I am amazed at their ability to gather without detection, and Erwin’s smug look reminds me that this was all pre-planned, and we are on a timer.

 

The arrival of the Commander and his party, meant to be on their way to the gallows, sparks hope in the large group. Immediately, people are moving out of our way and preparing their gear. We will have no carts of supplies this time; no large trees to hide in. When the moment comes, we won’t know who the humans are and who the shifters are. Some of us will become murderers. I see the same look of sad resolve on each face we pass, but each soldier straightens into their best salute. Kip runs off to some acquaintances, but I hardly notice his absence until Michael’s arm releases my neck and I worry for a moment that I’ve dropped him.

 

As I look over to him, he seems awake and alert now in the sea of comrades before him. His bright eyes skim over their faces just I had, and I see his fists tense at his sides.

 

“What’s wrong?” I ask quietly, still worried about onlookers and the state of his health.

 

“There’s one here.”

 

“One what?”

 

“A shifter,” he whispers through the shaking in his frame, “I can _smell_ it.” His eyes are daggers in the instant they are on him; an older looking soldier also lacking any defining marker to which side he belongs. Before I can react, Michael is already bursting forth through the crowd. They part instantly, whether by the look in his eyes or the sheer force of his movement.

 

In seconds, he is staring the man- the shifter in the eyes. Michael’s chest puffs with a large intake of air as he smells him like a beast, and the man just stares blankly in shock. I watch his eyes go from wide surprise to wider panic, his cheeks going red and purple from lack of oxygen; Michael’s hand already clamping around his throat tightly. Those beside the spectacle are quickly backing away, gasping and confused. Before anyone can manage a safe distance, Michael’s long blade has already separated the body from the head; covering the surrounding area in blood. A few people scream, and a few try to run.

 

My feet refuse to move; unsure of what to do, where to go. Who is the enemy? Are there more? The man’s body is rapidly turning to steam, along with the head that Michael tosses to the ground; already lunging through the crowd after a new target.

 

Eventually, the smart soldiers stop moving. We simply wait for the carnage to end as our ‘Anti’ goes to work. He is feral but not lost; terrifying and beautiful; quick and delicate as he separates Shifter head after Shifter head. Those that attempt to fight back are too slow, or too cramped to transform in the small and crowded space. When finally he comes to a stop, the warehouse stinks of blood and Titan steam, and it’s disgustingly hot inside. The final tally marks around twenty spies total, bringing our first estimate of numbers down. This fight will be hard, but at least now we know we cannot be tricked by these creatures. Many of the soldiers are fighting to hold in their freshly-eaten bread, and a few have lost their footing from the shock.

 

Michael stumbles back over to me, collapsing at my feet, staring down at his bloodied self in disgust. I am glad that he doesn’t seem to be completely lost, because I never want his blades directed at me again. He looks into my eyes with a disgruntled smirk and merely sighs.

 

“Is it morning, yet?”

 

Beside us, Erwin clears his throat in preparation for one of the strangest speeches he’s likely ever had to give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters to go O~O


	26. The King's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things boil down into the final battle.

Chapter 26

**The King’s End**

_Levi_

The smell of Titan steam, sweat, and blood. The painfully bright morning sun obscured by the thick fog of death. The sounds of screaming, crunching, and whiz of cables as soldiers scatter about the castle in the center of the Capital.

 

These are the only things registering with me as we fight our way through the large courtyard, guarded by Shifters who change into large Titans each time we corner them in human form. In the distance, I hear scattered citizens in panic; not understanding how there are Titans here in the center of the walls, and why they aren’t being evacuated.

 

“We will rule humanity! You haven’t stopped us, yet!” A Shifter screams just before biting into his wrist and growing ten meters tall. I watch with disinterest as Michael sprints by me to relieve him of his fingers.

 

“Looks like we have our very own Bloodhound.” Hanji smiles from beside me, and I scoff.

 

“Michael is probably hating himself right now, and you’re likening him to a dog?”

 

“You _do_ care!” They tease.

 

“When this is all over, _I’m_ the one who’ll deal the mess he’ll be in.” We step out of the way of a falling limb and watch as Michael swipes his swords through its neck.

 

With one last, sly smile, Hanji simply shrugs. “ _Because you_ do _care!_ ” I grunt in response, not able to deny it, as they trot off after a group of struggling soldiers.

 

Beside me, the Titan falls and Michael pants through the heat of the steam. “You alright?”

 

“Yeah…” He gasps a bit. “Just… killin’ people… you know…” His face tells me just what I knew; even if they are choosing to become Titans, and trying to hurt people, they are still people to him. Michael would never want to take the life of a human after the things he has witnessed, yet his Uncle’s serum compels him forward to each Shifter. I try to search for something to say, but comfort is still new to me, and I fail. He shrugs in understanding and we push our way forward silently.

 

There is no room for comfort now. Hanji is likely the only one smiling on this ludicrous battlefield. I can see them in the distance now, still smiling and staring at a transformed Shifter with stars for eyes; already plotting some scheme to capture one, no doubt. Without our horses, the push forward is slow and sloppy. I see our small numbers growing ever smaller. We have always fought the enemy on their own terms; and now, that enemy is inside our cities, among our loved ones. The need to fight is palpable, and the amount of piss-stained pants is laughable.

 

Erwin, Mike, Ness, Michael, and I have regrouped at the large fountain in the courtyard’s center. Mike tries to call out to Hanji, who is calling out to a Shifter, but gives up quickly.

 

“We’ve almost made it to the castle doors. It isn’t our usual style to charge in through the front, but we have little choice given our escape last night. The King knows we are coming for him. I need you all to gather the forces you can and advance in formation together. We will breech the door together. The enemy will have less of an advantage indoors, where they will be unable to transform. We just have to hope that the King is home when we knock.”

 

We each give Erwin a stern nod when he meets our eyes one at a time. “What if he tries to escape through the tunnels, like they did in Michael’s capital?” Ness brings up a valid point. We don’t have nearly enough troops to guard all of the exits.

 

“We’ll follow.” That is all he needs to say. The tension in our bones is painful. Trying to speak over the harsh sounds of battle is impossible, and we can’t ignore the many final moments happening around us. We each split ways again to do as instructed.

 

I find Petra, Auruo, Erd, and Gunther not far away; working in perfect unison even without their Captain. After giving them the gist of things, we refill our tanks and press onward towards the doors. Michael’s team is a bit behind us, judging by the loud sounds of Kip's complaining. Even as Michael’s mind teeters between coherent and mindless fighter, he manages to quiet Kip and get his team together with the rest of us.

 

The bulk of our remaining troops now surround the large, ornate doors at the front of the castle; a few teams remain scattered through the courtyard to keep watch and hold back any remaining enemies. Erwin’s hand comes up, commanding us to halt just as he approaches the door himself. I watch as his hand comes up to the handle, taking our destinies within his own hand and never leaving it to anyone else: the things that I admire about Erwin when I’m not busy smart-mouthing him.

 

There’s a click behind the wood, and it takes a moment before Erwin’s face twists. I see his hand leave the door in slow motion. His body turns slightly as he locks eyes with me, a plea in them I don’t understand until it’s too late.

 

Wood splinters forth from the force of the explosion. Erwin is blown back several meters, the rest of us not far behind him. The loud explosion has left a ringing in my ears. I see soldiers screaming, but do not hear. Hanji seems panicked over Erwin’s limp frame. Michael’s lips are drawn back in an animalistic sneer, but I cannot hear the feral growl I know he is putting forth. I struggle to stand, feeling pain throughout my back and head. Eventually the ringing dims and I can hear, but it’s as if I am hearing everything from the bottom of the river. A hand helps me to my feet. Petra.

 

“…n’t good, Captain! The Commander is down… Gunth-….nd Auruo… ave to retreat to the medics!” My hearing fades in and out with my vision. The dust settling around us tastes terrible. Petra is shaking me but all I manage to do is stare at her blankly while trying to organize the bits that I managed to hear. Her head turns sharply, eyes widening fearfully, and I don’t have to hear her; the shape her lips take as she screams his name is so ingrained within me that I know exactly what is happening.

 

“ _MICHAEL!”_

_XXX_

_Michael_

I’m starting to get pissed at myself for not holding it together. What good is all of my strength if it’s only my physical self? I’m half-aware of what I’m doing when in the presence of a Shifter; that alluring scent drawing me in and turning me into a monster. I don’t want to be this way. Why can’t I just say no?

 

Years. That’s how long I spent wandering the wasteland. Seeing things that weren’t there and wallowing in my own despair. I was such a dark little thing then. Have I gotten any better?

 

I wish Trill was here. She always knew how to comfort me.

 

I remember a time when I got sick to my stomach just thinking about a human corpse. I’d seen so many. Joining the military probably wasn’t the best decision, in hindsight. That thought rests in the back of my fogged mind as I separate a Shifter’s arm from the socket.

 

It doesn’t matter, right? These men are evil. Almost every single one I encounter spouts off some Titan-worshipping bullshit. I remind myself that these people, and their leaders, are responsible for everything wrong with my life. They turned my kind uncle into an accomplice; threatened him. They are the reason he was forced to turn me into this murderer. Then, they left all of the people I once knew to die. Slaughtered; eaten, it’s all the same. At least here, in Levi’s home, we have a fighting chance.

 

I try hard to convince myself of that while my body continues to hunt down the enemy without my true consent.

 

Eventually, most of them are gone, and I am able to concentrate on the words people are saying and I start regaining control. My underlings have all scattered from me; afraid. It takes some convincing to get most of them to follow me back to Erwin and the others. My body feels heavy and sick. I know that my muscles are on fire from all of the fighting but it doesn’t matter. As soon as the door explodes outward I am losing it again.

 

Levi is on the ground, obviously a bit paralyzed from landing on his back. Erwin is obscured by a few other bodies, but I see a large puddle of blood pooling beneath him and know that he’s in bad shape. My own soldiers are scattered in varying degrees of shock and injury. I see no sign of Kip in the chaos. An itch spreads through my nose and into my throat. I feel the snarl on my lips before I even register what’s really happening.

 

King Reiss steps out from the charred remains of a doorway, a large smile on his face and a belly-laugh echoing into the silenced courtyard. “YOU WILL NOT STOP US!” His loud bellow reaches every set of ears, even the deafened ones. His eyes move strangely in their sockets; crazed with the idea of battle. “YOU WILL BE _NOTHING_ BUT FOOD FOR OUR GODS.”

 

My feet propel me forward just as his teeth clamp into flesh. I hear someone scream my name. The King explodes into a mass of steam and fatty skin, forcing me to twist and fall to the ground before reaching him as he grows taller and taller. His Titan-length arms reach out and swat away the marble pillars on either side of him, causing the small roof over the door to collapse and cover the way. Around me, those able to move are doing so hastily. The wounded are dragged back, and those able to fight begin to amass behind me. A monstrous bellow comes from within his empty chest, and in my lost state of mind I bellow back.

 

I feel thought leave me first. The itchy feeling in my nose overtaking me as the King’s steam hits us all together. All that I can see is a haze of color telling me where to go and what to kill. Suddenly, my body feels as light as air. I don’t hear anyone scream after me this time as I run forward, sliding beneath the King’s hairy Titan legs and drawing my swords.

 

_XXX_

_Levi_

“He’s insane.” Petra sighs beside me in exasperation. Her delicate fingers tighten over the triggers of her gear, but she does not move; large eyes glued to the giant mass of hair and teeth before us.

 

“Petra, who’s fighting?” I try to resurrect my commanding tone and dignity after being thrown about so easily. My hearing has settled now, and I need to reaffirm who is on my team.

 

“You’ve got me and Erd, sir.” She finally meets my gaze and looks apologetic. “Also, Commander Erwin is down. He was right at the door when it-…”

 

“Erd!” I call over the roaring of the King Titan and frightened soldiers. “Form up!”

 

We decide silently on a three-point formation. My mind runs back to the days spent fighting alongside Isobel and Farlan as they take the legs and I circle to his back.

 

It isn’t that easy, however.

 

Michael is already there, flitting around like a fly as he dodges the King’s swatting hand. His legs stumble in his attempts to throw Michael off, and make it nearly impossible for us to find a rhythm with which to fight. A few other soldiers have summoned the nerve to join us, and now the King is suffering small cuts up and down his legs and sides.

 

I land myself on a small windowsill high on the castle wall and watch him, analyzing anything that could work to our advantage. The best that I can see in a moment is his clumsiness. It is clear that he has had little practice in this form in his days of hiding out in the cushy royal chambers. Simply becoming a Titan won’t be enough to beat us; you have to know how to fight, as well.

 

The King’s movements are sloppy. Not slow, but poorly aimed and terribly timed as he adjusts to the sudden change in size. I decide we need to strike fast, before he acclimates, and work out a plan. From my high vantage point, I see billows of smoke coming from the towns around the castle. Panicking citizens and clumsy Shifters have already leveled a good portion of the buildings. We can’t let anymore of that happen.

 

I retreat to the ground again, back towards the fountain and away from the giant beast and its screaming match with my insane boyfriend. The remaining soldiers get the picture and join me.

 

“I need capable volunteers to go into the city. Evacuate anyone you can out of here; we have no idea how long this will drag on or what else the King will do. Don’t let anyone try to bring their whole house with them, either; these nobles need a lesson in appreciation.” A few heads nod at me and immediately retreat, likely happy to get out of this fight. I turn to those left; Petra and Erd, some of Michael’s team, a few unknown faces, and those of Hanji’s squad not in the makeshift medical team currently tending to the wounded at the far end of the yard. “The rest of us will take this fucker down.”

 

-

 

Despite Michael’s increased agility and strength, the only thing he seems to accomplish is distracting the giant. His blades dance along ankles and knees in his usual style, but the beast heals remarkably fast and never even sways towards the ground. Petra and a few others join him, buzzing around his feet like wasps and trying to deal enough damage to even get a flinch. Michael doesn’t react to their presence, but seems to automatically synch into their rhythm as they battle together. Eventually, they succeed in getting both ankles and knees sliced at once, and the King stumbles. He is only halfway to the ground when the wounds begin healing again, but it is enough to cause his hands to reach to the ground; distracting them so that I can surge up over his back and towards the nape.

 

My blades come down over the furry flesh with a loud metallic clang as they crack and dull without leaving a mark. The fur covering his body is moving, as if alive, shielding the spots we aim for as it hardens. With a grimace, I drop my blades and pull out a replacement while still in the air, flying back towards the castle wall to get a good look at the Titan King.

 

The fur has gone from brown and matted to silver and sleek, like metal armor encasing the fragile creases of his knees and elbows, surrounding his face in a mask and protecting the nape. I watch the others as they slowly figure it out as well, blades breaking over the fur one after the other until they get the picture.

 

One of the buzzing wasps doesn’t slow down, however. Michael is still there, flitting about the King as if he really has wings upon his back. The soldiers watch in awe as those treasured heirloom blades slice through the steely fur at the backs of his knees effortlessly.

 

_Thank the skies for Uncle Ken!_ I feel a fire light under my ass even as the fur immediately grows back and repairs the cracked armor.

 

The King is beginning to adjust to his new size. His movements are growing steadier, with less signs of fumbling. We are running out of time. If he manages to acclimate too quickly for us to defeat him, he will likely succeed in killing us all. I shoot myself over to the others, still stopped on the ground and watching Michael in wonder.

 

“Push him back.” The order comes out a bit weak as I try to catch my breath, and their expressions upon my arrival are dumbfounded.

 

“Back? But, sir, there’s-“

 

“The castle. I know.”

 

Their eyes look over the giant King and the castle behind him, nearly twice his height still at its tallest peak. One after another, each set of eyes meets my own and I receive their nods of understanding. It only takes seconds to go over the plan.

_XXX_

 

_Michael_

The GIANT smells so sour it burns my nose and eyes and throat; I want to stop it. Want to _kill_ it until the burn stops. Stop. It.

 

I hurt it again and again and again but it does not move or fall or scream or die.

 

The sweet-smelling things come around me and hurt it, too. Together, we slice and slice. It is nice. Still, the GIANT will not _fall_.

 

He is burning orange sunlight and smells like the wet, sour garbage in the streets of my long-abandoned home. My senses can’t stand his very existence.

 

I hurt and hurt but he just doesn’t feel it.

 

_XXX_

 

_Levi_

Erd, Petra and I do our best to hold formation without Gunther and Auruo. We haven’t been working together as much lately and it shows in our sloppy teamwork. It doesn’t take long, however, for us to adjust to one another. _Exactly why I chose them…_

 

The soldiers on the ground are hard at work, twisting cables around the King’s legs and working them where they need them while struggling against the giant’s protests. They seem to be doing well as the rest of us, the air squad, get into position. I can only hope that Michael, being the rogue factor in my equation, will cooperate in the way we need him to.

 

The idiot king knows that something is up. Fighting these shifters is dangerous in completely new ways, as they are aware and intelligent where our usual Titan foes are not. His legs fight the cable web we spin around the ground, stomping and killing a few men. He reaches down to pluck the threads with his hands. Michael is there, slicing at wrists and fingers before he can accomplish his goals; the man looking small in his attempts to slice up the beast, but faring well enough. Petra smiles cockily at me from her perch a few feet away where we rest atop the tall castle spires. The Titan King even looks small from up here.

 

When everything is in place I fire a flare. The black smoke goes higher into the sky than any flare before, surely visible to all of humanity now. I watch the small forms of soldiers scatter like ants, running into the castle through any crevice; not just the windows, but the holes created by battle. Some even make their own entrance in their haste to carry out the plan that will end this for good. The cables I can see all go taught, urging the king towards the building with no real force. No, they won’t be able to pull this humongous man anywhere. It’s Michael who will do what we need; instinctually and habitually.

 

As the King actively resists the pull he lets out something akin to laughter, only to be interrupted by Michael at his nape. Reiss flinches away, swatting at Michael and protecting his nape, but automatically stepping towards the castle to keep his balance among the web of cables. We watch, amused and braced, from high in the castle towers as this happens again and again until the beast is practically pressed into the rough brick; hoping to protect his back from the relentless man coming at him. I hear Erd call out from behind me where he is watching the back side of the castle.

 

“They’ve come out the other side. Looks like everyone’s headed to the back gardens!”

 

_Good_ , I think. _The castle is clear._

 

Michael is losing speed now, clearly tiring from a day of fighting in his strange state. I make a split-second decision then, knowing that he won’t be able to do what we need if he isn’t moving normally. My feet leave the surface of the castle before I remember to tell Petra anything.

 

“I want it all down. Leave nothing standing.” I am already falling, the concrete roof coming up in a line to block her from my vision. Before her head disappears from me, I see her nod with shining eyes and hear Erd yell excitedly; already feeling triumphant.

 

With the help of my gear, I land easily on the King’s head and leap off into his vision, just to instigate his wrath. Michael is already next to me, as if knowing even in his state that we can work together. The King’s hands come at us, desperate to stop us from flitting around, twisting his body awkwardly as he struggles; the castle at his back and the cables around his feet. The next time we wrap around his front I make it a point to follow close behind Michael so that we are an easy target together. Reiss falls right into the trap. I fire two new flares into his eyes just as he twists to grab at us, smiling like a maniac the entire time.

 

The King’s fall is so sloppy and idiotic that I am laughing even as he falls face-first into the castle, crumbling the concrete and brick down around him. His arms flail out to catch him, only succeeding in knocking more pillars away and tearing down his shitty home. I hold Michael back from the collapse by the collar of his shirt. He twists and growls, still trying to get at his target even as it’s covered by a mountain of rubble. High atop the falling castle, Petra’s bright hair glints in the afternoon sunlight and Erd’s dark figure stands out in the sky. They set their swords to work on walls instead of flesh; bringing down whatever towers that haven’t already started crumbling before making their own retreat down the still-disintegrating walls. On our side, the King’s feet twitch uselessly.

 

I release Michael, half expecting him to lunge at the large toes in front of us. Instead, he leaps over mountains of rubble and makes his way to where he knows the head to be on the other side. I follow as quickly as possible, cursing myself for the corpses of soldiers that didn’t make it out in time. _Weak! How could you not get through a few guards?_

 

Emerging on the other side with Michael, we meet up with the remaining fighters and see that Reiss’ head is just barely peeking out from the rubble, struggling uselessly under the weight of an entire castle’s worth of brick, metal, and wood. His head turns uselessly, snapping at air and howling like a caged animal. Immediately, Erd and Petra are kicking rocks from his nape and I hurry to help; Michael snarling at the mass of rocks like they’ve offended him but not lifting a finger to help. I suddenly miss my boyfriend and can’t get this over with fast enough.

 

We heave one large boulder off and watch it smack into the ground, all while struggling to maintain footing atop the flailing King. I take one deep breath and sigh it out, letting all of the weight within me press upon this man- this beast, who has taken so many lives. I realize that Michael is the one who has been the most effected; looking down at his shaking form as he continues to growl and whine like an animal at his enemy. His body wracks with the force of his breath even more so than the rest of us. His eyes are hazy from the strange transformations brought on by this Titan’s steam. His head lulls noticeably with the effort of movement that tells me that he is on his last straw. Still, Reiss jerks and screams from under his prison, showing no signs of getting free; forced to watch as we contemplate our regicide. Petra and Erd give me space and knowing looks. I hop down to Michael and pull him close, holding his weight and dragging us both back up to the nape.

 

I don’t move to make the cut, opting instead to watch the way his eyes widen and shrink as he struggles to understand in his daze. The fingers gripping at his blades are sweaty and shaking, but tighten as soon as he realizes that this is happening. This moment is real. His arms come up, twisting his torso as he prepares to strike through the rough armor that only he can breach. In that moment, with the sun high in the sky glinting from his blades and lighting up his form, I see clarity in his eyes for the first time all day. _This victory is ours, Michael… but the vengeance is yours._

 

He looks beautiful and complete, without a trace of the broken thing I know him to be in the loneliness of night; wrapped in nightmares and sweat and haunting memories of his friends covered in blood.

 

The flesh of our King comes so easily loose from its home that it is almost unbelievable. This frail thing was in charge of humanity? The skin loosens into a steamy, melting mess almost immediately. Pitiful.

 

I pull Michael into me again and escape to the group of spectating soldiers. The atmosphere is light even in the heavy moments after a battle. Erwin is hurt badly, we’ve lost countless soldiers, our entire system of government has just been uprooted and destroyed. All of these concerns flit through my mind and are gone in an instant, when Michael goes limp against me.

 

“The King is dead. Sleep, now.” I say to him quietly, ignoring the looks we get as I pet his hair and sit him in the shade of a garden fountain.

 

Tomorrow will come, afterall.


	27. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tying up loose ends.

Chapter 27

 

**Epilogue**

_Michael_

I walk through the winding pathways that lead around Headquarters, shivering from the cold and huffing hot breath into my cupped hands. The snow should start falling any day, and I’ll begin to feel claustrophobic in minutes.

 

I round the corner to see Levi, sitting on a bench with his hands in his pockets, legs outstretched in front of him and crossed at the ankles. There’s a dusting of pink over his nose and cheeks, but he otherwise seems unaffected by the cold.

 

“Hey.” My voice sounds loud out here in the quiet of nature, even in the afternoon when the soldiers are out running or riding horses.

 

“Hey,” he says back without looking away from the skyline, “ready for the snow?” His eyes are clear and sharp, looking lost in the view while he thinks.

 

“Not even a little bit.” I take the spot beside him, sitting close and wrapping an arm around his waist, pressing our heat together.

 

“I heard they may have found the girl.” He says, bringing up the hottest news around town for lack of anything better to talk about. “Seems like she’s actually a trainee, if you can fucking believe it.”

 

I hum in response, thinking it over. Everyone’s been high-strung and panicky ever since the fall of King Reiss months ago. The first thing humanity needed to do was establish a leader, and we’d buried most of the King’s documents in the castle. _Or I guess I should say_ Levi _did,_ I think tiredly. Erwin still won’t let him live that ‘terribly thought-out plan’ down; taking every spare moment to spout what _he_ would have done if he hadn’t been laid up. It took a few days of digging and a lot of footwork to find out that he had a living child, apparently the spawn of a one-night stand he’d denied paternity for.

 

“What do you think will happen to her?” I think about the description we’d all been sent as the remaining MP’s and Garrison soldiers set out on the biggest manhunt in history. Blonde hair, big blue eyes. It was all we had to go on, since she had apparently changed her name since the last time her long-lost dad had seen her. There were no Historia Reiss’ to be found anywhere.

 

“She’ll probably be interrogated, so they can prove her innocence. She didn’t grow up with any of the Reiss’ so I doubt she was even aware of anything going on. He obviously didn’t care about her, and probably wanted her to get eaten with the rest of us.”

 

“True. I hope she’s tough enough to handle it.”

 

“Seems she was planning to join us, so she must be.” His cold lips twitch into a smirk, and I match it. We sit in comfortable silence until the sun starts to turn the sky orange and disappear, and then we split ways as I head towards the barracks to meet Kip. He is the same loud boy I met years ago, with a magnetic personality and too many lovers. We kick at each other under the table while playing cards and avoiding the negativity around us.

 

After dinner, I knock on Erwin’s door and hear his low vibrato welcome me inside. He sits at his desk, as usual, writing over some papers with his right hand. The paperweight atop the document is a small hawk statuette, taking a fish into its maw as it leaps from the water. It is a fitting gift, so similar to our leader in its strong presence and fierce gaze. Levi got it for him after we got back to HQ and first saw Erwin struggle to keep his papers still; the missing left hand a mere memory and the crease over his brow deepening. It was a nice thought, and Erwin seems pleased with it.

 

I make small talk with Erwin for a while as he works, stopping occasionally to help work out a problem or give an opinion. I’ve made it a habit to visit the man often since his injury; not because I pity him but because I respect him. Erwin lost that hand while reaching towards our shared goal: protect humanity. I wanted badly to thank him, but the words never came. Instead, I just sat down and started rambling about my day. He accepted it for what it was, and we’ve been like this ever since. Sometimes, Levi will join me only to scoff and argue every now and then, but it amuses Erwin so I don’t complain too much.

 

Looking over Erwin’s shoulder, I give comment after comment about the maps in front of him. Months later and we still have troops in the Capital, cleaning up the mess left behind by the battles and rebuilding what they can.

 

Deep in the military dungeons where we were once held, the Shifters still remaining are confined with razor wires and tranquilizers. It would be harsh for anyone else, but these people are evil things. Hanji brings a new one to us every few weeks, sometimes days, as the experiments tick on.

 

With Erwin’s tentative approval, Hanji has begun attempts to create new serums that could help the soldiers become stronger, faster, or heal quicker. With the help of my uncle’s notes, we are closer than ever, but I remain vehemently against it. No one should have to feel what I have felt, even voluntarily. Regardless, in terms of Military Strategy it makes sense, and so I bite my tongue.

 

“The Capital is cleaning up nicely. Just in time for our Queen to arrive. When Hanji’s experiments are complete, we’ll be heading outside these walls again.”

 

Erwin’s smile is real when he looks at me, no traces of a broken soldier there. Just a Commander getting ready to lead his soldiers as they are getting ready to fight.

 

That night, I lay awake in Levi’s arms. I feel his warmth radiating all around me, my head on his chest, his hands in my hair, my legs tangled in his. We share his room openly now; the others being more than aware of our relationship. My portrait of Trill hangs again on his wall where it once did. The few things of Uncle’s I managed to bring back with me from our journey home adorn a bookshelf in the corner. The clothing Levi bought me, now a bit small, stuffs his small dresser full. It’s all so intimate in a new way. I’ve never shared a room with anyone like this before, and I’m certain he hasn’t either.

 

When I first moved my things out of the old room- now left for the soldier who would take my place after I was demoted, Levi helped with a scowl. He didn’t like that I was stripped of my position, despite the fact that it was for the best. I can’t exactly lead anyone if there’s a chance I could lose myself again at any time; and no one will be messing with me any longer, after witnessing our defeat of the King. All of the reasons for me to be a leader have gone, and I am honestly relieved. After settling into Levi’s quarters, he pulled me tightly to his chest, just as I am now, and told me in a soft whisper that I’d simply be in _his_ squad instead. With that, it was settled. Now, Levi seems happier with the arrangements; eager, even, when we retreat together after dinner to this space that is just for us.

 

Even on the nights that I’d wake covered in sweat and tears, trembling with the remains of visions, Levi was there to ease me into a warm bath. I didn’t have to be alone any longer. If anxiety catches up to me just as someone throws me an insult, Levi ensures I don’t knock any teeth out by threatening them instead. When my vision sways with ghosts of the past, he pulls me back to reality and tucks me into him safely. Even if its something as simple as having a bad day, Levi would find a way to make me smile despite the scowl he almost always has. It was amazing.

 

Remembering his silly behavior has me smiling into his bare chest, and I give it a soft kiss, lingering with my lips over his bare flesh. He responds instantly, tilting my chin so that our gazes meet, and kissing me deeply. I feel the heat roll off of him in the harsh winter cold, and shutter; or at least, I assume that is the reason. We spend the night exchanging hot touches and lusty moans; trying to tell each other how glad we are to be _safe,_ and _alive,_ and _here_ without talking.

 

In the Spring, the next group of trainees will graduate and join us. It’s almost been a year since I graduated from the 103rd Trainee Squad. Most of them are dead already. I make a vow not to let the same happen to the 104th; mowed down by Titans on our first expedition.

 

With Hanji’s experiments, and humanity’s newly acquired sense of camaraderie in the face of extinction, we may finally have what it takes to end the threat of the Titans. One day, the final one will fall, and humans will be free. Who knows, maybe we will find more settlements in the land; fighting just like we are and yearning to escape their walls. Our numbers will grow and so will our strength.

 

Right now, however, I just want to lay here with Levi and be normal for a while.

 


	28. Afterword

_World Citizens_

_Afterword_

I originally named this story after a song.

[World Citizens by Ryuichi Sakamoto](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sttmaCMvMYo). I heard it years ago and just loved it, so check it out if you like.

 

It has been such a joy to write this story. I know it isn’t very good, and has a lot of flaws. It has been my first story of this length, and the first thing I’ve ever put out there for anyone to read. I can’t believe it’s complete. Wow!

 

A lot changed on the way as I was writing. I took a lot of breaks and had a lot of set-backs.

 

Really, my reason for writing this afterword is simply to say, after all of this time, thank you for seeing the end of it with me. If you’ve read my story and enjoyed it, it means the world to me.

 

I really hope to write better in the future, and will work hard to keep bringing better stories to you all.

 

I’ll always be a slow updater, probably. I’ve never really excelled at anything in my life, and so I take my time with at least this one thing. Forgive me.

 

Michael started out really dark, and I originally wanted to ‘fix’ him. But at some point I realized that is too unrealistic for me. You don’t just fix something like mental illness, or depression, or anything related. His issues will always be there, but thankfully he is learning to handle himself and has Levi there to help him.

 

I introduced Kip in the beginning only for the purpose of making Levi jealous, and in the end I couldn’t get rid of him. He was meant to simply fade into the background as the canon characters came forth, but then I realized Michael needed him in some way and I was terrible at writing those canon characters anyway. Hah. Despite it all, I hope you all enjoyed him; my second, unintentional, OC.

 

I had many wishes and intents for this story; a lot of them did not come true. Still, I am satisfied with the end, even if only a little. My skill has improved, and so perhaps the next story I write will have all of its wishes happen.

 

Here’s to the future! Thanks again.

 

With love,

Your Sleazy Author-san


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